EVEN AFTER DESCENDING INTO A HEN’S NEST, A PHOENIX WILL STILL BE A PHOENIX

I never thought that such an overused cliché (1) would happen to me.

 

Even if I were to replace the real product, I’ll still be a counterfeit. (2)

 

Just like a character without development cannot become the protagonist, unchanging choruses cannot form a golden melody on their own. But if God believes that he can bring about my defeat in this fashion, then he…… is underestimating me.

 

“These are…… all the money from the past few months.” Yan Shanhua cautiously placed a leather envelope with obvious wrinkles onto the coffee table and took two steps backward. She rubbed her roughen palms against the hem of her trouser at a loss, as if she didn't even know how to strike up a proper standing position with her hands being empty.

 

After dealing with a hangover earlier this morning, my starvation and unfavorable encounter made my mood even worse.

I swept a glance at the envelope on the table and frowned with disgust.

 

“You can leave now.”

 

She hesitatingly looked at me in a constant struggle to speak, but the sight of concern and reluctance which had filled her eyes made my stomach turn, as she remained motionless.

 

“How have you been…… lately?”

 

Such hypocrisy and deliberation of ignorance.

Ever since I became aware that she is my biological mother, how could my life get any better? She inquired about my wellbeing, but in fact, she’d cared less about how I was doing. Her objective was merely to tighten our bond so that it would be easier for her to make a request if she is in need of me.

 

“Chenfeng’s internship has already begun…… He said that he is able to return all the money back to you in less than two years.”

 

Sitting on the sofa, I crossed my arms around my chest as I gazed at her with a slightly raised chin. After hearing the mention of Ji Chenfeng’s name, the corner of my eyes involuntary twitched.

 

“Are you currently playing the role of a loving mother?” I couldn't hold it back any longer and blurted out.

 

Yan Shanhua’s words came to a pause as her complexion turned pale.

 

“I……” She stammered with her cracky lips which lacked moisture, but could not retort at all.

 

That poor, haggard and cowardly appearance of hers is enough to cause anyone’s blood to boil. But it just so happens that someone like her has given birth to me and is a provider of half the genes in my body.

 

Someone like her…… a female who cannot even graduate from junior high, completely changed that of mine, and Ji Chenfeng’s life. Allowing me, the son of a caregiver, to live a life of luxury, henceforth reducing Ji Chenfeng, a young master who was born with a golden spoon in his mouth, into poverty.

 

In fact, I ought to be grateful towards her since I cannot be where I am today without her existence. But why can’t she just allow this secret to rot in her stomach for the rest of her life? Perhaps then, I’ll be even more grateful.

 

It’s obvious that she was the one who personally replaced me with Ji Chenfeng back then, so why is she feigning the persona of a caring mother now? She may have fooled Ji Chenfeng, but as someone who is aware of the naked truth, I entirely believe that she is just a pretentious hypocrite.

 

Anyhow, it won’t do me any good to provoke her overly much. Even though she repeatedly promised that she wouldn’t reveal this secret to anyone else, there’s still no guarantee that she will not go against me one day and madly confess everything to Sang Zhengbai in the hopes of seeking forgiveness.

 

In accordance with Sang Zhengbai’s personality, even though I was supposed to be his biological son, he has always been indifferent toward me and I rarely received any of his affection. I fear that once he becomes aware that I am not blood-related to him at all but merely counterfeit replacing his actual son, he will send me towards my doom and forbid me to dwell in the city of Hong Kong any longer.

 

Thinking up to this point, I restrained my temper and eased my tone: “As I’ve mentioned before, there’s no need to return the thirty thousand back to me, that amount of money is nothing in my eyes.”

 

Embarrassment is still lingering on Yan Shanhua’s expression after getting exposed by me, as she lowered her head and no longer spoke up.

 

She hasn't reached her fifties, yet her hair is fully gray, long wrinkles stretched by the corners of her eyes, and her skin is both tan and dehydrated. Compared to the person in the portrait who I once thought of as my alluring “mother”, she is both haggard and unsightly, there’s no way that I will be able to exhibit the intention of getting closer to her whatsoever.

 

“Is there anything else?” I once again impolitely requested her to leave.

Shrinking her neck back, she shook her head and walked step by step towards the exit after turning around.

 

I didn't have the intention of getting up so I simply sat on the sofa and watched as she departed.

Before arriving at the exit, she suddenly turned back and softly murmured: “Your complexion doesn’t appear to be very well, make sure you take a rest.”

 

Ha, if it wasn’t for you people, how could I live such an exhausting life?

 

My face was devoid of expression as I kept coldly staring at her until she couldn’t bear it anymore and diverted her gaze away before disappearing in front of me after resentfully closing the door behind her.

 

Silence has once again returned to the room, I exhaled a deep breath from the bottom of my lungs and sat on the sofa for a while before heading towards the bathroom after standing up. On the way, I removed my heavy nightgown and stepped naked into the shower.

 

The air inside the bathroom isn’t the least suffocating. When the icy water descends onto my skin, there’s a sharp rising pain that is difficult to ignore, but very soon, everything will start to lose all sensation once the human body has adapted to this temperature.

 

It’d be nice if I could harbour such dullness towards Yan Shanhua’s affairs as well.

 

My nails dug into my shoulder, as it left trails of blood stains in its wake. Even after leaning my forehead against cold concrete tiles, I still cannot extinguish the resentment in my heart.

The fact that such foul blood of a lowly peasant flows through my body is disgusting.

 

There’s no way that I can be the son of somebody like her, this must be some kind of mistake……

 

That is what I wanted to believe, but deep inside I am well aware that this is not the case. I indeed am the offspring of that woman.

 

When she discovered me three years ago, I secretly took the DNA test with a strand of her hair, and it’s an indisputable fact that I shared a mother-son relationship with her. I held weak expectations as I also did the same with Sang Zhengbai, but a few minutes after opening that report, I tore it to pieces as I rushed down into the sewers.

 

My body gradually became paler due to the cold after I finished showering. As I stood before the sizable mirror with water dripping off from my forehead, I stared sullenly at my unsightly reflection. No matter from which angle, it seems as if there is truly a slight resemblance between our brows.

 

“Clatter!”

 

I irritably overturned all the bottles and cans on the washstand before smashing my hair dryer into the mirror which reflected it all. The fractured glass scattered all over the floor, and a piece of it flew out by chance and slashed my ankle. I was gasping for breath and didn't have time to take care of it.

 

The sound of an electric padlock opening came from the entrance. There’s no need to guess who had shown up at a time like this.

 

I kicked away the pile of mess before heading out and saw Tang Bi’an carrying different sizes of food delivery bags while using his foot to hold the door with difficulty.

 

“Ah!” He was startled to the extent of almost dropping all the stuff in his hands after looking up and saw that I am standing naked in front of him.

 

“I’ll wipe you dry right away.” He placed the food deliveries on the table and rushed into the bathroom.

 

Tang Bi’an is two years younger than me, and is the son of my father…… Sang Zhengbai’s personal secretary. Because of his slow-wittedness, he didn’t do well in his study nor was he well-versed in dealing with people, so he could only be sent here to be my lackey.

That elderly woman serves Sang Zhengbai, while her son serves me.

 

Perhaps he was astonished at the hurricane-like spectacle in the bathroom, it took him quite a while to return with a huge bath towel in hand, before wrapping it around my head.

 

“I’m bleeding.”

I grabbed the bath towel and stood motionlessly in place without moving a single step.

 

He was stunned for a while and inspected me from head to toe before discovering a tiny cut on my ankle.

 

Fresh blood flowed along the undried water stains, forming a thin trail of red that sipped into my snow-white cotton slippers. He carried the medical box over and knelt down to treat my wound with a cotton swab.

 

Dropping my eyelids, I stared at the swirl of hair atop his head while feeling more or less pleased by Tang Bi’an’s gesture of loyalty.

 

After he applied the band-aid, I stepped barefoot on the floor before instructing him to take care of the slipper which I just cast off and the mess in the bathroom.

 

The table full of take-out boxes are all my favorites. Even though Tang Bi’an cannot be considered clever, he is a good lackey who can make an effort.

 

I finish my meal at a slow pace, only taking a bite after fiddling with my cell phone for a while. In the meantime, Tang Bi’an had already begun feeding my turtle after he finished tidying the bathroom and washing my slippers.

 

In the living room, there’s a 3m x 1m x 2m sized vivarium (3) occupying half of the wall space which contains artificial rockeries, flowing rivers, and green mosses all in one place. The water vapor which will occasionally spray out from the top was constructed after I paid a generous amount of money five years ago. Such landscaping is not created for aesthetics but it’s rather for raising my pet tortoise.

 

Strictly speaking, this tortoise isn't my pet since it was left behind by a former girlfriend of mine.

She is a foreign model from my aunt’s company who left the tortoise with me when she was about to depart for her home country after wrapping up her job. Along with that, a letter containing vicious words was also left behind.

 

But needless to say, I have taken good care of it over the past few years, or maybe Tang Bi’an is the one who did so on my behalf, and it has now grown to be double of its original size.

 

“Young master, it seems as if the little tortoise hasn't eaten for several days.” Tang Bi’an opened the vivarium and said with a bit of concern after probing his head in to observe.

 

“Is it finally about to meet its demise?” While swiping my phone, I spoke without much regard after raising my eyes and shot a glance towards that direction.

 

“Why don’t we bring it to a vet?” Tang Bi’an walked over to the couch and began organizing the misplaced pillows. “But they may not be able to treat turtles since their patients are either cats or dogs. How about I ask the owner of the shop where I usually purchase seafood from for medical advice?”

 

How about you ask them to stew it instead.

 

After putting down my chopsticks, I pulled out a tissue to wipe my mouth before getting up and walked towards the bathroom without giving him an answer. My footsteps halted slightly while passing by the coffee table as I bent over and grasped the leather envelope in one fell swoop.

 

When I exited the bedroom after changing my clothes, Tang Bi’an had already finished cleaning the left-overs on the table and drove me to Dr.Chen’s private clinic. Due to the fact that I booked an appointment earlier this morning, the receptionist directly led me to a quiet consulting room.

 

In the process of waiting, I took out a black electronic vape from my suit pocket and idly fiddled with it.

 

Two minutes before the appointed time, a psychologist in a white coat entered and sat behind her desk, the place where she is supposed to be.

 

With a little preparation, she started to get into character as soon as the time approached.

 

“Have you tried the treatment prescription we mentioned last time after heading back?

 

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I stared at a tiny stain on the carpet and imagined the reason for its formation while flipping the electronic vape with my fingers.

 

"Try to read some biographies or novels, it will help to restrain your emotions and improve your cognitive ability. Did you properly take notes on the score sheet that we mentioned before?”

 

“I’ve noticed that you replaced your electronic vape, but according to the course of treatment, you aren’t allowed to use it anymore ever since last week.”

 

My hand movements came to a halt as I raised my gaze and shot a glance at the other party.

 

The bespectacled middle-aged woman glanced at me with tenderness while placing her clasped hand on top of the table in a natural way.

 

After experiencing countless failed psychotherapy sessions, Dr. Chen is merely another "authoritative" psychologist who Sang Zhengbai introduced to me.

 

And quitting smoking was the first step that this expert took to demonstrate me her competence.

 

I slowly spoke up while staring at her: “My therapy sessions have always been about remedying and overcoming myself, but I am curious as to why we couldn't make this less complicated instead?”

 

“Less complicated?”

 

As of recently, I have been pondering about how to change my present situation.

 

Three years ago, Yan Shahua approached me, requesting a loan of three hundred thousand in order to cure Ji Chenfeng. Even after I mentioned that there was no need for her to compensate me, she nevertheless insisted on paying me back every two to three months with a sum ranging from several thousand yuan each time.

 

I sealed away every last one of these envelopes inside the vault of my bedroom as if sealing away the secret between us that can never see the light of day. But ultimately, it is nothing more than a vault, mishaps will inevitably occur so there's no way that I can be certain as to whether or not anybody else is going to open it one day.

 

I won’t allow this to continue any longer nor would I allow Ji Chengfeng and Yan Shenhua to implicate me for the rest of my life.

 

Will Yan Shahua go no further after borrowing three hundred thousand?

Will Ji Chengfeng forever be remained in the dark as he is right now?

 

It’s better to play it safe than sorry.

 

I must come up with a plan to stop the consistency.

 

“Wouldn’t it be better to directly purge and eradicate everything that I held a grudge against?”

 

Dr.Chen was slightly stunned before following the topic of my conversation and asked: “It’s true that you can destroy inanimate objects, but what if they are a living existence that has human consciousness?”

 

Slumping into the rigid couch, I bite down on my electronic vape and sniff out a single mouthful of white mist with a strong mint flavour that covers up the space between us, whilst making our expressions less distinguishable.

 

What if they are a living existence?

 

I smiled with my lips curled up and did not answer her stupid question.

 

After finishing the therapy session that was filled with formality, I exited the clinic before asking Tang Bi’an, who had been waiting outside for his car keys, and left him to fetch a taxi on his own.

 

“I don’t like her, get her fired,” I said to Tang Bi’an.

Why do I have to overcome a certain obstacle when I can merely get rid of the person who caused it in the first place?

It would be the simplest and most effective method.

 

Half an hour later, I pulled up in front of a three-story tall pet clinic.

The blue entrance of the pet clinic is rather conspicuous, and perhaps it’s related to the fact that today is Saturday, quite a lot of people are rushing back and forth.

 

There were cigarettes in Tang Bi’an’s car, actual ones at that.

I lit them up with a lighter, and ultimately did not take a drag after coming to a halt at the entrance.

 

I despise the process of overcoming a problem which requires me to put in effort, but if I’ve already wasted a large portion of my energy in dealing with this so-called ‘problem’, then I’d hate to give up halfway.

 

My left hand is stretched out of the car window and a long cigarette which had been ignited dangled between my fingers. I gaze at the bustling vet clinic not far away as my line of sight travels back and forth along with a tall figure behind the glass door.

 

Aside from everything else, Ji Chengfeng’s eyes were indeed attractive.

The width of his double-edged eyelids are fairly proportioned, and the corners of his eyes are neither too blunt nor sharp. His long arching brows are connected to a nose bridge of equal length which made his eye sockets rather abstruse.

Such handsomeness cannot be mistaken by anybody although he had a mask on his face.

 

A phoenix will still be a phoenix even after descending into a hen’s nest.

Despite growing up in poverty, the young master will always be a youth of noble birth who has fallen from disgrace.

 

It’s just a pity that Yan Shanhua rendered him invalidated under her care.

 

My line of sight fell onto the other party’s left ear. Ji Chenfeng has very short hair which an ordinary individual would have a difficult time achieving. Likewise, I am not sure if he trimmed such a haircut for the sake of keeping the equipment secure on his ears or had the intention of deliberately revealing it instead. The black cochlear implant which had wires attached to the scalp on his left ear can be seen at a glance. Along with his white lab coat, it exhibits a cool sense of advanced technology for some unknown reason.

 

Without it, wouldn’t he be unable to hear anything at all?

 

 

After Yan Shanhua approached me back then, she disclosed the entire truth and requested a loan of three hundred thousand from me at the same time. In my opinion, three hundred thousand is merely a small sum that’s worth a few cigarette boxes, but to her, it’s considered a sky-rocketing amount. The reason why she is so desperate for this sum of money was precisely for the sake of giving Ji Chenfeng a cochlear implant.

 

I still remember the day she stood before me in her overly washed clothes which had faded in color, and tremblingly called out my name with an expression of apprehensiveness.

“Sang Nian……”

 

I was slightly tipsy after drinking at the nightclub so I thought that she was one of the janitors in the apartment buildings at first glance.

 

“Hmm?” While changing my clothes, I stopped to hear what she had to say.

 

“Hi, hello…… My surname is Yan, call me Yan Shanhua — Shan as in kindness, and Hua as in elegance. (4) Perhaps you don’t remember me anymore, I am…… I am the caretaker who had looked after you in the past and you even drank my breast milk not long after being born. Additionally, you have a birthmark on your buttcheek and refuse to sleep unless you are held since you are especially fond of being embraced by others……”

 

Her accented and unfocused way of speaking soon got onto my nerves, I couldn’t help but to interrupt her and ask what exactly does she want from me.

 

She inspected her surroundings with caution, appearing like one of these delinquents who sold prohibited substances in an alley for the fear that a plainclothes policeman would appear out of nowhere and arrest her.

 

She requested to have a chat with me in detail after finding somewhere quiet, claiming that there’s an important matter that she wished to let me know.

 

No longer wanting to hear her nonsense, I ignored her before using my fingerprints to directly open the door of the apartment downstairs.

I’ve encountered plenty of people like her. Claiming that it is an “important matter” when they just wanted me to invest in their impractical nonsense or get me involved in something that’s not even close.

 

So what if it’s true that I’ve drank her breast milk before?

 

The mere thought of it is enough to make anyone vomit out of disgust.

 

“Hold on, I genuinely have an urgent matter at hand!” She grabbed me by the arm and tried to stop me from entering the door.

 

I stumbled a few steps backwards after being pulled. Perhaps I had been drinking, my feet slipped a little and I almost lost my balance.

 

“Let go!” I stood up firmly before turning around and berating her word by word in a tone of warning.

 

She continued apologizing to me, yet she still hasn't loosened the grip on her hands.

 

“Sang Nian, Xiao-Nian……” She addressed me using an intimate term which she shouldn’t have done while firmly gripping onto my arm, and blurting out absurd statements: “I know it’s difficult for you to believe, but you are my son and it’s me who has given birth to you, I am your mother……”

 

A light breeze swept pass, blowing the long-accumulated cigarette ashes with residual warmth onto the back of my hand. The heat caused me to furrow my eyebrows and I was instantly pulled back into reality.

 

After hearing the familiar sound of a motorcycle coming from the rear, I cursed in my heart. A few seconds later, the traffic police stopped their motorcycle in front of my vehicle and disembarked from it before walking toward me.

 

“You are not allowed to park here.”

 

I turned back and pulled out my driver’s license from the armrest and deliver it to the other party with ease.

 

“I am aware.”

 

The traffic police inspected me and accepted the permit from me.

 

After charging a fine for me to sign, he handed back my driver’s license and warned me in a rude tone: “Leave at once, or else I am calling a towing truck.”

 

The corners of my lip curved upwards, and I casually tossed my permit into a box before taking a final glance at the pet clinic.

 

Ji Chenfeng was oblivious to my furtive glance in the distance. He received a notepad handed to him by a nurse and brought his face closer to the other party after leaning forward a little as if he was unable to catch their words.

 

The little nurse blushed before something occurred to her as she rushed over to the other side of where his cochlear implant was.

 

After retracting my hand from outside of the window and extinguishing the cigarette butt. I deliberately created an uproar by stepping on the gas before making my departure under the watch of the traffic police.

 

Translator's Notes:

Stalks (梗) are considered to have the meanings of "storyline", "bridge" and "snippets", which are typical, so the derived words include "old stems" (plots that have been used by others)

A popular idiom for 'a metaphor for falsehood', aka a fraud passing off as the real deal.

A Tank that is specifically used for storing pets such as goldfishes

善良 (Shangliang) - 华贵 (Huagui)

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