Chapter 189: ~Chapter 65~ Part 3

"And presto," I whispered under my breath as I appeared inside the secret underground base, completely out of sight. It wasn't for secrecy, but part of a small experiment; it appeared that along with my Phantom Limbs growing both in numbers and, more importantly, range, the radius of the area around my marks where I could Phase to also increased. It wasn't anything dramatic, only about five meters at most, but it was still an improvement.

"Woooo! We really are back!" a certain diminutive girl exclaimed from the top of her lungs as she darted away from me and spun around to take in the familiar environment. "Ue-sama is amaaaaazing!"

"Can I open my eyes now?" next came a small voice from around the vicinity of my left shoulder, and I squeezed the princess's hand to reassure her.

"Yeah, we already arrived."

My girlfriend cautiously opened one of her eyes and soon let out a relieved breath.

"Good. I always get goosebumps when we do this." I might have looked unintentionally curious about her remark, as she quickly explained, "It feels like I get compressed into a ball for a second and then out again; it's nothing like using a normal teleportation circle."

I didn't know how closing her eyes would help with that, but I didn't argue, and instead we both headed towards the workshop area, with Elly still holding onto my arm. I was feeling quite pleased at the moment, and not just because I had a lovely girl attached to me.

Long story short, having two Phantom Limbs gave me an idea back home. If one extra hand allowed me to take one person along for the ride when Phasing, then wouldn't two allow me to increase that number accordingly? I decided to put the hypothesis to the test right away, but I needed Snowy to stay back home as my anchor, so by process of elimination, I ended up taking the princess and the tiny miko with me. The results were quite satisfactory.

The additional load from transporting two people at once was borderline negligible, and by my estimate, it would both cut down on the time required to move the group back and forth between my house and the secret base, as well as on the associated headaches. In other words, for the first time in quite a while, something that happened that would potentially reduce my headaches for a change. That's neat.

While I was considering these things, Ichiko returned with a familiar face in tow.

"Look, ue-sama! I found Evil Minion Number Two!"

I wanted to note that it wasn't all that hard, considering he was a huge, muscly ram-person walking towards us, but seeing how awkward Karukk seemed already, I refrained from doing so and simply greeted him.

"[I give you my greetings. I hope the light of dawn found you in good health.]"

He looked a little baffled for a moment, but then he glanced down at the bandages on his forearms and he flashed a toothy grin in our direction.

"[Don't worry boss, it looks worse than it really is. Give me a few days, and I'll be as good as new.]"

"[If the words leaving your mouth contain truth, then they certainly fill the contents of my chest with heat.]" After the pleasantries were done, I moved on to the actual reason for our visit. "[May I inquire how the guests of involuntary persuasion residing in our domicile fare?]"

"[They are very well-behaved,]" Karukk reported with a small shrug. "[The two in custody are silent as a pair of mice, and as for the swordswoman, the general is keeping an eye on her. They are getting along too.]"

"[Such phenomenon did not elude my attention,]" I responded a little half-heartedly, but before we could get any further, my un-occupied sleeve was suddenly grabbed by a certain little girl.

"Ue-sama, ue-sama! Where is Rinne-san? Can I see her?"

I considered it for a moment, and since both her and mountain girl were well behaved, I didn't see any reason to say no. I curtly nodded and glanced up at Karukk, a generally meaningless act that Ichiko must have read too deeply into, as she quickly turned on her heels and skipped over to his side.

"Come, Evil Minion Number Two! Lead the way!"

The big guy measured the little girl up and down, probably debating whether she was serious or not, but at last he gave up and gestured for her to follow after him while grumbling something along the lines of "[Why 'number two'?]" under his breath as if that was the most objectionable thing about what she said. But then again, wasn't this a comedy thing? It was 'Ugly Dog Theory', I think? Either way, it's a trope, so maybe the narrative forced him to do it! Or maybe he is becoming self-aware and invoked it on purpose! Maybe everyone is becoming self-aware and the Simulacrum or what have you won't be able to handle all the fourth wall breaks and will collapse! Or maybe I'm reading way too much into this!

…

Yeah, probably the last one.

"Take care, and don't inconvenience the Faun," Elly called after the departing duo, and they both waved at her in return.

I figured we should also get going, so I gently pulled on Elly, and she quickly followed after me. We headed towards the large metal doors near the armory, or rather the stairwell behind them which led to the sub-basement where Brang decided to set up our temporary holding cells. On the way, we ran into Pip and Hrul, both dressed in smocks and carrying carpenter's tools, but we only shared a simple greeting before we let them be on their way. I didn't really notice at this time, but there might have been a peculiar expression on my face, as Elly soon prodded me in the side with her elbow to get my attention.

"Hey, Leo? Is everything all right?"

"Erm... Sure. Why?"

"I don't know, you were the one looking at me funny."

"Oh, that? Don't mind me, I just find it a little refreshing that you are not even a little wary of these guys."

"Who, the Faun?" My nod made her look at me like I was the weird one. "Why would I be afraid of them?"

"Don't ask me, Judy's the one who doesn't like them."

"But... why? They are so nice and goofy! And their language is so interesting."

"I suppose."

My lukewarm agreement only threw more fuel onto my girlfriend's fire.

"It is! They can exchange such complex thoughts with simple grunts. And when you do it, it sometimes sounds kind of similar to Mongolian throat singing."

I awarded her comment with a raised brow of the precise incredulous/intrigued ratio it deserved, and finally said, "Okay, I bite. What the heck is Mongolian throat singing?"

"You don't know?" she asked back, with even her steps faltering for a moment as if she just received a great shock. When I shook my head, she narrowed her eyes and stated, point black, "You said you listen to Dragon Prodigy."

"Yeah, I do occasionally, when I'm organizing my notes. Why?"

"Their third studio album, the fourth song," she told me flatly, and when I didn't respond, she finally clarified, "Dusk of the Golden Horde."

"Ah, wait, you are talking about the song about Genghis Khan?"

She seemed quite pleased by my eventual realization, and after a short nod she explained, "The long bridge before the last refrain is in Mongolian throat singing."

"Wait, that's what we are talking about? I thought it was some kind of obscure instrument."

"No, it was a singer," Elly emphasized with a huff. "It was my idea too! I told dad about it during pre-production, and he brought in a professional Mongolian singer for that part."

"Ah, so that's why you are so invested in this," I noted in belated recognition. "That said, do I really sound like that when I talk to the Faun?"

"Not always, but from time to time." She paused for a moment with a sparkling look in her eyes, which told me she just had a sudden, if not necessarily good, idea. "Hey, Leo? Next time you are over, do you want to record your voice? It's a little heavy for Dragon Prodigy, but Jörmungandr's first album had a lot of death metal influences, so they might be able to use you for backup vocals!"

"I'm not much of a singer," I responded in an effort to gently turn her down, but she wouldn't have it, as she stuck even closer to me. The latter might have been because we reached the stairs though.

"You don't need to sing, just talk in Faunish! You don't even need to rhyme!"

Well, of course I wouldn't. It's not like anyone aside from the Faun and the Abyssals would even understand the words, or grunts, or throat singing, or whatever. But then again, when I imagined Crowey's face when someone told him there was a metal album that was trash-talking him from beginning to end in Faunish… Nah, too risky for a cheap laugh.

"If that's all you need, why don't you do it?"

"Leo, I can't speak their language," the princess objected as we reached the bottom of the stairwell.

"You don't need to, so long as you imitate me," I proposed, though I obviously wasn't entirely serious. "Try saying after me: [My feelings of affection with respect to your being are extraordinarily substantial.]"

She appeared unsure whether I was pulling her leg or not for a moment, but after glancing around and making sure there was nobody else in the long concrete hallway aside from us, she pointedly cleared her throat and, after what I presumed to be preparing herself, she let out a long series of drawn-out, growling noises. They sounded like they came from her chest, and they played havoc with my ears for a moment.

Once she was done, she looked up at me and asked, "So? Did I get it right?"

"… You just told me that seven naked old men with helmets made of butter stole your theremin. I need a second to recover from that image."

"What? That's just gross! Why did you make me repeat that after you?" the princess expressed her displeasure with the combination of a pout and almost stepping on my foot.

"I didn't. I told you that I love you a bunch."

Hearing that, my girlfriend immediately ceased her efforts of flattening my poor foot and let out a deflated sigh.

"Now I suddenly feel nostalgic," she commented in a voice that didn't sound so at all, so I figured she was just using it to prompt me. I obliged without further ado.

"Oh? And why's that?"

"This is just like how we were when I transferred to the school. You would do something to make me angry, then at the last second you would casually do or say something sweet that would make me like you even more." Sayings so, she stopped me on my tracks, so that she could rise to her tiptoes and plant a quick peck on my cheek, and a small giggle later she also added, "I love you a bunch too."

"I'm glad to hear that." I smiled at her for a while, but then I decided it was time to tease her a little, so I returned her favor by kissing the top of her head and then whispering, "You left out the part where you would let out those cute noises and run away."

"Aaaah! Don't remind me of my old shame!" she exclaimed and simultaneously planted a sharp elbow into my side. It was still worth it though.

In the meantime we finally reached our destination, so we stopped playing and adopted a very serious demeanor (by our standards) before knocking on the door in front of us. It took a few seconds for it to open, and we were met with Vurrok's surprised eyes through the gap.

"[Oh, it's you, milord.]" He noted, only to then belatedly notice the girl by my side, so he hastily added. "Lady too. Welcome. Come in."

Saying so, he opened the door wide and stepped back, partially to let us in, but I suspected it was mostly just so that he would have the space to salute and give us a half-bow. Pip and Hrul were like that as well, and it really annoyed me that the only Faun I managed to stop treating me like nobility was Karukk, but it wasn't something I could do anything about at the moment, so I simply ignored him.

Once we entered, the two 'guests' in the room turned a pair of prickly stares at us. Labcoat Guy was currently sitting by the only table in the room with an open MRE package in his hands, which he tried to hide the moment he saw me. I had no idea why, as it was me who bought it. In fact, I bought an entire crate of the stuff using one of the contacts on the Celestial Hub when I was desperate to quickly sort out the food requirements of half a dozen Fauns. I never tried one, but Brang swore by the mac and cheese packs.

Anyhow, all of that was beside the point. I glanced at the man, and then the still tied up android. She was still bound, but even so, she looked much more sensible than she used to in her evil henchwoman outfit. She was also quite attractive, but that came with the territory of being an important person of the female variety around these parts, so I was mostly immune to such things already. She looked calm, but her eyes told me that if she had her hands free, she would have already tried to shoot me with her arm cannons.

In the end, I decided to ease the tension by a little with an upbeat greeting and a light wave using my injured hand. It was at least good for that much.

"Hey there, I haven't seen you in a while. How are you doing?"

Labcoat Guy kept silently glaring at me, but to my surprise, Galatea responded right away.

"Thank you for asking. We are being held prisoners against our will and kept under constant surveillance by terrifying creatures of the Abyss. What about you?"

"Oh, sassy," I responded with a chuckle. "I guess that means you are fine."

"I am most definitely not fine," the fembot retorted with a scowl. "Release us at once. Or failing that, at least remove these shackles from me."

"I'm afraid I can't do that," I responded as the oddly silent princess and I walked up to the table.

"Please state your reason," Galatea demanded, so I did just that.

"I don't want to get shot with that Plasma Disintegrator of yours."

She paused for a moment, and then slightly tilted her head to the side.

"That is an acceptable argument. I acknowledge your reasoning."

"How gracious of you," I jested.

"You are welcome," she didn't. "In that case, I request that you prepare separate rooms for us. Master's snoring is interfering with my charging cycle."

"Hey!" Labcoat Guy finally spoke up, only to immediately fall silent again when I looked at him.

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After a long beat, I let out an exaggerated sigh and wiggled my fingers out of Elly's grasp, only to then place my hand onto the table and declare, "I'm afraid there is a slight misunderstanding. I'm the one who is making the calls here, and you are definitely not in a situation where you can make demands like that."

"… What do you want from us?" Labcoat Guy finally asked the pivotal question, and it didn't even need much stealthy guidance from me.

"Thank you for asking. First, let's make sure we are on the same page." After saying so, I took out a bundle of folded-up papers from my breast pocket and made a theatrical show of unfolding them, just to make them sweat a little. "So, just so that we are clear on your crimes, you conspired with the Arch-mage to threaten us, repeatedly attacked us, you made terrible footsoldier robots, and you dressed in stupidly impractical outfits."

"What do the Sprockets have to do with anything?"/"I completely agree on the last point."

The two of them spoke up at the same time, and I ignored them both.

"Now, I understand that you were technically hired help, so the majority of the blame falls on the shoulders of a certain Lord Grandpa, but you have still caused me an undue amount of headache, so I want you to take responsibility."

"I request clarification," Galatea said with a stern expression. "Are you referring to your rumored statements about forcing us to labor for your cause?"

"It's not rumored; he said it right in front of me!" Labcoat Guy argued, only to be summarily disregarded once again.

"I'm not really forcing you to do anything, but you are mostly correct. I can't exactly let you go, lest you would cause more sentai shenanigans, but just locking you up like this would be terribly inefficient. Then I figured that if I could put you to work, we could hit two birds with one stone."

"You still haven't told us what you want from us," the man of the duo sulked, probably because we ignored him too much, so I turned my attention to him for the time being.

"Listen, Labcoat— I mean Friedrich… By the way, would you mind if I shortened your name to just 'Fred'?"

"Yes, I absolutely would!"

"I understand. So, Fred, as I was saying, I want to employ you as a researcher."

"I once again request clarifications," the android spoke up, this time tilting her head in the other direction. "What type of research is the subject of this discussion?"

"Outlining the nature and boundaries of magic, unraveling the concept of consciousness, looking for traces of artificial design in the world, and searching for a vast supernatural construct that influences everyone and warps reality to stick to what may or may not be a pre-determined script."

"You want us to research… fate?" Labcoat Guy asked a tad incredulously, and since I had no better way to explain things to him at the moment, I simply nodded.

"In a matter of speaking."

"Ambitious," the fembot stated, and by the looks of it her creator had a different word in mind, but I cut in before he could speak up again.

"I am going to provide you with space for a workshop, equipment, a generous budget footed by the Arch-mage, five meals a day, healthcare coverage, and a dental plan." I counted off, finishing with a reassuring smile and, "I think it's a pretty good deal if I do say so myself."

"What's the catch?" came the suspicious, and entirely predictable, question from Labcoat Guy.

"There's obviously a few," I told him nonchalantly as I put a handful of pages onto the table. "First off, no more useless mooks or monsters that grow. You are not allowed to work on anything related to silly costumes, transformations, or giant robots either. And finally," I momentarily stopped here to point at the android, "The arm-cannons have to go."

"I object," she responded in a flat yet at the same time vehement voice. "Doing so would infringe on my bodily autonomy."

"I don't really care. You are not going to walk around with something that can melt through concrete walls."

"She can do that too," Galatea objected while using her chin to vaguely gesture towards Elly.

"Yes, but she is my girlfriend. I trust that she won't try to melt me. The same cannot be said about you."

We locked eyes for a few seconds, and at long last she relented with an annoyed throaty sound.

"I request a compromise."

"And pray tell, just what do you mean by that?"

"I agree to your terms, but in return, I demand an aquarium," she explained herself with comical simplicity.

"What?" The princess blinked in surprise by my side, but while I wasn't expecting something like that, I wasn't exactly taken aback either.

"You want the one that used to be in the lounge of your old base?" I ventured an educated guess.

"Yes," she replied right away, only to freeze up for a second and hastily add. "I retract the previous answer. I request a fish-tank twice the size of the old one, with a water purifier, plants, a small castle decoration, and the following fishes: zebra danios, neon tetra, angelfish, betta—"

"Stop. Just put them in the requisition form, all right? I'll see what I can do about it."

"Acknowledged," Galatea said with a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, completely oblivious to the way Labcoat Guy was looking at her.

"I can't believe you exchanged your state of the art weaponry for a fish-tank…"

"Master, sometimes we must make compromises for our future," she answered, before suddenly looking back at me and adding, "Also, can I write fish-feed off as company expenses?"

"I'm not a company, but we can work that out in the contract. Speaking of which…" At this point, I stopped and tapped on the papers on the table. "Let me make one thing clear before you start having funny ideas: I have repurposed your contract with Endymonion. Even if you tried to escape, I can find you wherever you are."

Needless to say, the document in front of me was the very same contract I was just talking about. I was curious why Labcoat Guy went to such lengths to retrieve it from Lord Grandpa, but once I got my hands on the original and properly examined it, I have quickly discovered that the paper itself had a complex enchantment. It not only made it very resilient, but it actually gave the contracts written on it various nifty features, such as imposing curses on the side breaking a clause, or allowing the signees to locate each other in case one of them tried to run away from their responsibilities. Of course, I didn't actually need it to know where these guys were at any moment, but they didn't need to know that.

"What do you mean you 'repurposed the contract'? You can't do that," Labcoat Guy stated matter-of-factly, as if it was common sense. Which, in retrospect, it kind of was, but maybe not for me.

"I just tweaked the enchantment a little, so that it believes that I'm the Arch-mage. It's wasn't even particularly difficult to do." He was naturally still skeptical, but I didn't want to get bogged down explaining the intricacies of how it was done. "More importantly, if you are willing to follow my instructions and work with me, we are going to make a new contract, with all the details quantified and ironed out before signing."

"If we are willing? Do we even have a choice in the matter?"

"Well, you can always just stay here indefinitely, in our custody, if that's what you want," I told him straight.

"Question: Do I still get my aquarium for removing my plasma disintegrators if master refuses the offer?"

The fembot's sudden question threw me on a loop for a second, and in the meantime Elly entered the conversation and answered in my stead.

"Naturally, you will not. Being rewarded for cooperation is only applicable if you cooperate; anything less would be preferential treatment without reason, and we will not undermine our authority in such a way."

I was momentarily shocked and just a tiny bit dazzled by how confidently she stated that, but thinking over it, there was nothing strange about that. I mean, I was already used to her being my clutzy, adorable girlfriend, but she was a literal dragon royalty, so being able to project authority was nothing to be surprised about.

"In that case, master? In my unbiased opinion, it is in our best interest to hear out their offer in detail."

"Unbiased my ass!" the guy exclaimed, only to then bury his head in his hand and, after a long groan, tell us, "Fine. Anything is better than being locked up in here and listening to Galatea complaining about how everything that happened was my fault."

"I am only stating the truth. I was never programmed to lie."

"You were never programmed for anything!"

"That can't be true, because I just said it, and I can't lie. Because I was never programmed to. Beep."

Labcoat Guy let out another groan and gestured towards her with both of his hands.

"Do you see what I have to put up with all the time!?"

"It's tough, buddy," I responded with a one hundred thousand percent sincere and not at all wooden voice. "So, should we start working on that contract?"

"Affirmative. The sooner, the better," Galatea declared with a voice of finality, and her alleged 'master' left at that with an exhausted sigh.

"You have made the right choice. Now, I believe this is the point where I am supposed to take over," Elly suddenly proclaimed as she stepped up to the table and took the modified contract.

"Is it?" I asked back by reflex, and for a moment she looked a little uncertain.

"Isn't this the reason why you asked me to come here with you? I thought you wanted me to help to make a new contract because I already have experience with business negotiations…"

"Aaaaah yes, you are right," I agreed hastily. "That's definitely the reason why I asked you to come. Definitely."

"Oh, that's good. I was almost worried I misunderstood you for a moment," my girlfriend told me with a relieved voice and a modest smile, and I quickly nodded along, only just realizing that I barely dodged a bullet. Also, I should have totally thought about asking her for help on my own, but once again, hindsight is always 20/20.

"I'll take care of things from here," she told me, suddenly fired up. "I have learned the basics from my tutors, and I even watched dad negotiate a few times. Trust me."

"Of course I trust you, just… don't overdo it, okay?"

She giggled, as if I just said something cute, but I was entirely serious. Anyhow, I was starting to get a little worried about the situation upstairs, so after making sure things were under control, I left the situation in the (hopefully) capable hands of my dear girlfriend and unceremoniously Phased back to the main hall.

"[Oh, it is you, Blackcloak,]" Brang greeted me the moment I arrived, even though I specifically showed up behind him. The old man Faun was sharp as ever. Also, friendly, even though his toothy grin was ever so slightly terrifying to the uninitiated. "[I was made aware of thy presence in our domain by the words of the diminutive one, and I eagerly awaited thine arrival.]"

"[My pleasure upon our meeting is also palpable,]" I responded in kind, only to pause when I realized that Rinne was staring at us with an uncomprehending look plastered onto her face.

She was not only completely unbound, but she was even wearing another set of my backup tracksuits stashed away in the secret base, with the sleeves rolled up so that they more or less fit her frame. Even more bafflingly, she had a wooden training sword in her hands, and judging by the sweat glistening on her forehead, she was swinging it just a moment ago. I also noted that Brang had a training spear in his hands instead of his usual weapon and sign of office, so it didn't take a genius to put two and two together.

"Were you sparring just now?" I asked in our common tongue, for the benefit of the onlookers.

"Aye," the ex-general followed suit, his voice low and guttural as usual, even when he wasn't speaking Faunish. "She is fine. Good sparring partner."

In the meantime the subject of our conversation put her wooden sword aside and walked over to me with a determined expression, but before she could get a word in, she was cut off by a small girl in a green dress wedging herself between the two of us.

"Welcome back, Ue-sama! Where is Elly-ue? Did she go home?"

"No, she is just busy at the moment," I told her, after which I turned back to the swordswoman obviously waiting for an opportunity to address me, but then we were interrupted again by Karukk showing up.

"Apologies, boss. Tried to stop her. She is slippery."

"Don't worry about it," I dismissed him, and then faced Rinne again. Then I got interrupted. Again. This time by my phone. This was getting a little suspicious, but for the time being I gestured for Mountain Girl to wait for a moment, and after checking the caller ID, I picked up the phone. "Hi, Snowy. Is there a problem?"

I listened to her, and once she told me the details of the situation, I immediately cut the line and pointed to Rinne again.

"You, whatever you need to say, don't forget about it. Write it down, if you have to."

My order might have confused her, but I had to make it. Being interrupted three times in a row like that was exactly the kind of thing where Judy would make finger-guns at me and proudly declare 'Narrative influence!' in her lovely deadpan voice. Anyhow, once she nodded in the affirmative, my finger moved on to its next target, namely the little girl clinging to my sleeve.

"You, you are coming with me. You might be needed to explain things."

I didn't even wait for her to respond, and instead I moved on to the friendly Faun standing nearby.

"You, go and get Onikiri."

"[O-Okay, boss, but… right now?]" Karukk inquired a little awkwardly, so I gave him a firm nod.

"Yes. We have a guest back home, and I have a feeling I'm going to need it…"

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