Chapter 26: ~Chapter 9~ Part 1

"How about that one?" Josh pointed at a device sitting in its own little transparent plastic case on one of the myriad shelves in the phone shop. It was relatively big, flat, and looked incredibly fragile. In other words, it was just like any other modern smartphone.

"I don't know... I want one that can take some punishment."

My friend looked at me curiously as he turned away from the display case.

"Why exactly? Do you want to clobber people with it?"

"No," I answered calmly, in no way petulant or irritated. "I am just going to store some important information on it and I want it to be secure."

"Important information, huh?" Josh looked like there was a question on the tip of his tongue, but in the end he didn't ask and just shrugged his shoulder instead. "Fine then, why don't we ask the clerk for recommendations?"

"Yeah, maybe we should've done that in the first—" It was about this time that I became aware of someone insistently tugging at my sleeve. I turned around and found my assistant pointing at a different display case. After the quick nap in the infirmary, and eating the ridiculously overpriced sandwich she made me buy for her, she was in much better shape. In fact, she's been surprisingly eager ever since I picked her up after the end of classes.

Anyways, I followed her finger and found a particularly large smartphone. Seriously, it was pretty much just a small tablet at that point. It was covered in a garish pink casing and had a big yellow sticker declaring it ‘The Best Selling Model of 20XX!'.

"Buy that," she told me with a subdued passion and accompanied it by another series of tugs on my coat.

"Why that one?" I inquired with just a hint of suspicion.

"It's pink."

"... Yes, I can see that." This time, it was no longer just a hint. "What does that have to do with anything?"

She paused, visibly contemplating for a while, and then her eyes practically lit up.

"Real men wear pink."

"Pardon?" I asked, doubting my ears for a moment.

"Real men wear pink," she obediently repeated for a second time. "Pink is considered feminine. Most men feel uncomfortable about wearing it because they fear others would think they are effeminate, but by taking it for yourself and using it proudly, you tell the world that you are so manly you are above such concerns."

By this point my suspicion already morphed into skepticism, and after a long beat I directly asked her, "What does that have to do with how sturdy it is?"

She pondered for a few silent seconds, but at last she answered with a not exactly confident, "It makes people think you are really manly and so they won't try to break it?"

"That... Ugh..." I rubbed my face to stifle a groan. "Admit it, you just like the color."

My assistant blinked in what felt like shock and conspicuously averted her eyes.

"What gave you that idea?"

"Your notebook?"

She clicked her tongue, which sounded really weird when it was done with a poker face.

"I was foiled."

I decided to ignore her for the moment, and I was about to turn back to the display case when I noticed Josh wasn't at my side anymore. He seemingly took the opportunity and slipped away to talk with the clerk while I was with Judy, so I walked up to them, and my friend immediately beamed at me the moment I arrived at his side.

"Guess what Leo? I found the perfect phone for you!"

"Did you?" I asked while trying to ignore the chill of apprehension running down my spine.

"Indeed, my good sir!" the young salesman grinned at me with unbridled enthusiasm, which immediately raised some alarms. "Dear customer, I am honored to introduce you to the Megatel 20xx, the latest in high-quality telecommunications technology!" The clerk continued beaming as he put a large box onto the counter.

"Am I the only one who's hearing infomercial music?" I muttered to myself, and so nobody actually answered me.

"The Megatel 20xx is the latest and greatest on the market, an integrated telecommunication and entertainment nexus for the whole family, in your pocket!"

"I can hear it too," Judy suddenly declared, making me whip my head around to look at her so hard I was afraid I might have strained a muscle.

"Wait, you mean the infomercial tune? I thought I was joking!"

My assistant gave me an odd look, and then immediately stated, "In that case, I'm joking too."

I locked eyes with her for a couple of seconds, and at last I raised a hand to my forehead while simultaneously telling her, "Judy, your sense of humor is weird."

"Thank you, I learned it from the best," she responded without missing a beat.

"That wasn't a compliment and... You know what? Never mind."

"What are you talking about?" Josh looked at us like we were talking nonsense. In all fairness, we kind of were.

Meanwhile, the clerk continued to bombard us with his pitch, completely unfazed by our lack of attention.

"Sixty-four gigabytes of ram! Thirty-two processor cores! The latest mobile operating system with free apps! A solid synth-diamond screen! No more scratches! Solid 18-carat gold casing! Diamond-encrusted buttons and..."

"Whoa, hold on a minute!" I raised my hand and finally got the salesman to stop before I turned back to Joshua. "Is trying to get me to waste my money that much fun?"

"Why?" he smiled with the innocence of a newborn badger. "You have enough to spare, and you might as well spend it on something awesome."

"Sorry, but ‘diamond-encrusted buttons' don't really fit my definition of ‘awesome'. It's more along the lines of ‘gaudy' and ‘wasteful'."

"Do you have it in pink?" Judy suddenly asked on my left, and I instantly rolled my eyes and cut the clerk off before he could even begin.

"Don't you have something more... traditional? Something tough and practical, preferably with long battery life?"

The young man looked at me with the disconcerting vacancy of a placeholder before he smiled again and got another box from under the counter.

"We just received this new model yesterday and it should be right up your alley!" He took a relatively normal-looking phone out of the box and showed it off to me with a flourish. "Water and shock-resistant casing, elephant-glass screen, and automatic cloud-backup so that you will never lose your data!"

"Elephant glass?" Josh's asked off-the-cuff as he leaned over to take a closer look.

"It's like gorilla-glass, but better."

"What's gorilla-glass then?" I inquired in turn, and the man's smile somehow grew even wider.

"It's like elephant-glass, but weaker."

"That was... the least helpful thing I have ever heard."

The man continued to beam at me, completely disregarding my complaints, and began packing out a series of accessories to the illusory tune of an infomercial.

"But wait! If you buy now you not only get this state-of-the-art, nigh-indestructible pocket-computer, you will also receive a two-year warranty, a spare battery, a set of spare cases, a mobile keyboard with a stylus, unlimited mobile data for three months, an XXL pack of screen-cleaners, and a chance to win a brand new sports car, all for the low, low price of 899 Jen, tax included! It's a steal, I tell you!"

Josh let out a jaunty whistle by my side and gave me a thumb up, probably to encourage me into buying it. Truth to be told, I could probably buy their entire stock of this phone without even denting my account, but I was still somewhat apprehensive about the price. My hesitation didn't last long, as Josh soon rolled his eyes and elbowed me in the side.

"Come on! If you want quality, you have to pay the price."

To my surprise, I found Judy also nodding at my side.

"Et tu, assistant?"

"He is right. You cannot be stingy with electronics. They get outdated fast."

I held her eyes for a second, then shrugged my shoulders in defeat.

"Fine, fine. I'll take one."

"Marvelous!" The clerk exclaimed with so much enthusiasm I was honestly getting a little unnerves. "We have several loan plans you can choose from, and in case of certain carriers, you can—"

I cut him short by dropping nine hundred-Jen bills in front of him.

"Keep the change."

He blinked at me, then stared at the bills in confusion for a good five seconds before he smiled again and took them.

"It is a pleasure doing business with you, sir! Can I interest you in one of our phone plans as well?"

That made me pause for a moment. I had no idea what kind of plan I had at the moment. In fact, I knew nothing about how these things worked. Thankfully Joshua came to my rescue with a big, colorful brochure in hand.

"Check this out! If you take this plan then you can designate three numbers from the same carrier that you can call for free for a year, and then you can renew the contract a year later and get the same benefit!"

"Is that normal?"

"Yeah, most service companies do this kind of thing. It apparently increases loyalty."

"So you say this is a good one?"

"Yup!" Josh grinned at me. "And I use the same carrier, so you can add me right off the bat!"

"Just one question: Why would I want to do that?"

"So that you can talk to me for free?"

"Why would I want to do that? I am already talking to you for free at school; I am happy I can finally get rid of you after that!"

Josh gave me a flat look and then punched me in the shoulder.

"Ow-ow! Just kidding, I'm kidding!" I exaggeratedly rubbed my shoulders and shook my head. "So violent!"

"Shut up and buy it already," Josh fumed, though from the twinkle in his eyes I could tell he wasn't really mad.

"Fine, fine..." I was just about to turn to the clerk again, but instead I froze mid-motion as I remembered something and faced Judy instead. "Say, what carrier do you use?"

Instead of answering the question, my assistant only blinked at me as if I just asked which soda brand was her favorite mode of transportation.

"Carrier?"

"Yes, that. Which company does your phone use?"

Instead of answering Judy fell suspiciously silent. I waited for her to respond for a while, but she didn't seem to be about to do so, and thus I cleared my throat.

"Judy, you do have a phone, right?"

She still didn't answer, but for some reason her perma-deadpan seemed to give way to some embarrassment. In a way, that was answer enough.

"Well, that just won't do." On a sudden whim, I turned back to the clerk, who was in the middle of packing my new phone into a thick nylon bag. I knocked on the counter to get his attention and then pointed behind me, to the display case not so far from the counter. "I would like that one too, please."

The young man leaned to the side to look behind me and his smile faltered for a second. "The pink one, sir?"

I gave a huge nod and his smile immediately solidified.

"Most certainly, sir! It is a great choice, sir! It was last year's best-selling model, and while it doesn't have the latest operating system upgrade yet, I can assure you it is..."

The salesman continued his pitch even as he began packing up the second phone, but my attention was elsewhere, namely the girl harshly tugging my sleeve.

"You really don't have to."

"Actually, I kinda do," I interjected before she could gather steam. "We need a way to communicate, plus it should be a good alternative for taking notes. Really, you cannot get around in today's world without a phone."

"But it costs a lot."

Now that she mentioned it, I didn't even ask for the price. Unsurprisingly the clerk was just getting to the end of his spiel as I turned back.

"... and the chance to win a brand new sports car for the low, low price of 599 Jen, tax included!"

Josh whistled again and I rolled my eyes as I placed another set of bills on the counter.

"I'd like it to have the same carrier plan as mine."

"Most certainly!" The clerk answered with unbridled enthusiasm as he began searching for something in a nearby stack of papers. Meanwhile, I took the two wrapped boxes and handed the pink one over to my assistant.

"Here."

"I cannot take this." Her protests were surprisingly feeble. I just smirked at the display of this unusually timid side of hers and pushed her new phone into her hands anyway.

"Sure you can. Consider this an early birthday present." She finally took the package and I was about to smile at her reassuringly when a new thought elbowed its way into my frontal lobe. "Speaking of which, I don't even know when your birthday is."

Judy shuddered and then pointedly averted her eyes. Puzzled, I tried to lean in to take a better look at her face and, to my minor shock, I found her blushing. Well, okay, very slightly flushed, but it was Judy, so it practically meant the same. After a couple more seconds of intense silence, she finally glanced at me and then immediately averted her gaze again and uttered a single word.

"Yesterday."

It took me an embarrassingly long time to register that single word, but then an involuntary "Wait, what?" escaped my lips, followed by a slightly less surprised, "Seriously?"

She nodded, leaving me lost for words, though not for long.

"Happy belated birthday?"

She finally looked up at me and was about to mouth a ‘Thank you' when Josh pointedly cleared his throat.

"Am I a third wheel here?"

I blinked at him in confusion. "Third wheel? No? Why?"

My friend rolled his eyes with a secretive smile and waved his hand dismissingly, but then stopped halfway through the motion and snapped his finger instead.

"Hey, I just realized! She just had her birthday, right?"

"Yes, that's what she just said..."

"You know what that means!" He opened his arms and gave us an expectant look, but when neither of us gave him a response he dropped his shoulders in disappointment. "Come on guys! Birthday cake! I know an awesome, high-class bakery nearby!"

I sent my friend a critical look and sighed.

"Is that your next plan for emptying my wallet?"

"Hey, don't be paranoid," Josh grinned and patted me on the shoulder, then he turned to Judy. "By the way, I don't have our friend's funds, but please accept this." With that, he handed her a long, pink phone strap matching the color of her new phone. "Happy birthday."

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"Thank you," Judy accepted the gift with weirdly mechanical motions and looked at me like she was asking for help. She probably wasn't used to these kinds of situations, so I smiled at her reassuringly.

It was about this time when the clerk finished gathering his papers and presented two identical stacks to us. After some deliberation, we handed our new acquisitions over to Josh, and after filling out the paperwork (during which I learned for certain that Judy's birthday was indeed yesterday) we received a pair of new SIM-cards and our own copies of the contracts. Normally we would've needed an adult, as we were all minors and thus not allowed to sign these contracts, but I greased the wheel of bureaucracy with a couple of twenty Jen bills and the clerk obligingly turned a blind eye.

Once we made sure everything was in order, and partly due to Joshua's insistence, we left the shop and headed towards a nearby bakery he was familiar with due to Angie dragging him over there the day before. Speaking of Angie, I glanced over my shoulder and, speak of the devil, I saw a small group conspicuously peeking around a corner on the opposite side of the street. I sighed and Judy, by this point back in her usual non-flushed deadpan, gave me a questioning look. I leaned closer to her and whispered right into her ear.

"They are still following us." She was about to glance back, but I stopped her. "Don't."

"Why?"

"I don't want to interrupt them. This kind of thing is fairly normal."

"It is?"

"Yeah, it's date-stalking. Girls do that all the time in harem-comedies. Angie is there to keep an eye on Josh, the princess probably wants to catch Mystery Girl X, while the class rep is just trying to keep those two on a short leash."

"I see." Judy nodded like I just said something profound. "Does that mean we are on a date?"

I let her question sail past me, and instead I focused my attention on the three girls I could see skulking from one alley to the next. They stuck out from the crowd like a sore thumb, yet Josh and Judy didn't seem to notice them until just before we entered the phone shop. In fact, Josh was still blissfully unaware of them. Actually, I could go even further; he was showing an absolutely appalling lack of apprehension, and I can say that without holding back because the proto-harem weren't the only people he didn't notice.

I carefully glanced in the other direction, making sure I seemed as natural as possible, and I quickly managed to catch a peek of a comet of silvery-white hair dashing from one alley to the next on our side of the street. Both her and Angie's group seemed so focused on us that they didn't even note the existence of the other, even though all they had to do was to look over to the other side of the road for a moment.

In the meantime, we reached the bakery, and to my surprise, it looked like a fairly normal family restaurant, its only unusual feature being the large neon sign saying ‘La Sweets Shoppe'. It took me a moment to decide whether that was supposed to be horrible French or horrible Ye Olde English, but in the end, I decided to take the third option and completely disregard the whole thing. Regrettably, there was another issue that was not so easy to ignore.

I glanced back and caught another glimpse of the white-haired girl dashing for cover. What was her angle? Why was she stalking Josh? And more importantly, just what kind of crazy shenanigans would she cause today? Actually, that last question was the true reason behind my current conundrum. We were just about to have an impromptu birthday party for my brand new assistant, and I wasn't keen on Mystery Girl X potentially crashing it. But then again, what could I do about it? Or rather, what should I?

The plan came together surprisingly fast, and I had a general idea of what I would do and say by the time Josh was about to open his mouth as he turned to us in front of the bakery. I swiftly cut him short by raising a hand and giving them a regretful frown.

"Crap! I forgot my ID at the phone shop!"

Josh looked at me sideways.

"Seriously?!"

"Yeah, I should go back and get it ASAP. Why don't you guys go inside and pick a cake while I'm away?"

"... You are not trying to bail on us, do you?"

I directed a hurt look at Josh and shook my head.

"Hey, who do you think I am?" Saying so, I turned to my assistant next and handed her my wallet. "Pick whatever you want. My treat."

She looked dubious, but I winked at her and she seemingly understood my intention. Or maybe she just reacted very well to winks in general. Either way, I proceeded to shoo the two into the bakery with exaggerated motions. I barely waited long enough for them to close the door behind themselves before I took off down the street. My target was standing behind a signpost by a bus stop and she looked at me like a deer in the headlights as I strode towards her.

She was pretty, though I already expected that much, being a main heroine and all. She was about as tall as Angie, so a little on the short side, and she was wearing a form-hugging black knit sweater, a tiny jacket, a jean miniskirt with black stockings, and a pair of fur-trimmed leather boots. Her only accessory was a thin, silvery choker around her neck that seemed to sparkle almost unnaturally in the daylight, to the point I wondered if it had tiny gems encrusted in it.

Her most striking characteristic was, of course, her white hair; glossy and seemingly glowing with a shade of aquamarine. She wore it in a pair of thick twin-tails held together by ribbons with small red beads attached to them, which only further accentuated her pale white skin and piercing red eyes. An albino? In retrospect, it should have been obvious from Josh's description, but seeing the white-haired girl up close was surprisingly eerie nevertheless.

At last, I reached her and flashed a toothy smile to take her off-guard. It worked so well that for a moment it looked like she was about to run away. It only lasted for a second though, as after the first shock her expression suddenly turned rigid and then melted back into an alluring smile.

"Well, what do we have here?" she purred, her voice deep and confident.

I paused for a moment before answering. That was a disturbingly sudden change in attitude. Maybe she was also trying to take me off-guard in return? Either way, I let out a pointed cough before I renewed my smile.

"So, you are the mysterious girl who has been following Josh around, huh?" I looked her up and down, though it didn't seem to unnerve her any further. "Nice to meet you. I'm Leonard Dunning."

"I know," she purred again, her eyes practically licking me all over. In her case the unnerving part actually worked, so we were even, I supposed.

"That makes things easier for both of us. You see, I have a request."

"Oh? And just what could little old me do for such a large, imposing guy like you?" She flashed me a sultry smile, and I involuntarily groaned, much to her apparent surprise.

"Okay, I actually have two. Could you please drop the whole vamp-thing?"

"V-Vamp?" She sputtered as she took a step back, her voice all of a sudden sounding much more natural. "I'm not!"

"Well, you kind of are. I mean, who else talks like that?"

"I wouldn't know because I am not one!" she protested, her voice getting more and more high-pitched to the point where she actually started sounding her age; an insulted teenage girl.

"Fine, whatever you say. So, can we get back to my actual request?"

"Of cou—" She abruptly caught the fact that her voice was slipping and immediately lowered it to a purr. "I mean, of course."

I rolled my eyes and decided to ignore her tone for the time being.

"So, you see, I noticed you developed a habit of messing around with my friend, which of course is none of my business. However, we are about to hold a birthday party for my assistant, so could I ask you not to cause any ruckus while we celebrate?"

"Is that all?" She smirked at me after a brief pause and leaned forward, a move that would've probably revealed some of her fairly modest cleavage if she wasn't wearing a turtleneck. She seemed to notice the problem as well and she awkwardly switched the posture into her running her hands over her hips. "I am sure a guy like you has better requests than that."

She theatrically fluttered her long eyelashes at me and I could only roll my eyes in return.

"Seriously, just stop this whole charade," I told her flatly, freezing her mid-motion. "This whole femme-fatale vamp act is getting really distracting."

"But I'm not—!" she protested again, her real voice breaking through the façade once more in the process.

"Okay, then putting that aside, could you please go home for today? I'm sure being out in the sun is not good for you anyhow."

As far as my research told me albinos in harem comedies often filled a niche called ‘The Sick Girl', a character archetype that was considered ‘moe', another term that was so ill-defined I only had the barest grasp of it even after several hours of research. It had something to do with being attractive and/or cute based on a set of seemingly contradicting criteria, which being ill apparently fell under, somehow. Either way, whether she was actually sickly or not, being an albino meant that she didn't produce melanin, the body's built-in sunscreen, and thus staying outside in the sun was actually risky for her.

Her face suddenly tensed up in an awkward smile.

"W-W-What do you mean by that?"

"Oh please," I swept my hand in front of her to indicate all of her. "It's easy to tell even by first glance. The red eyes, in particular, are very telling." I waited for her to respond, but since she only shuffled her feet, I cut the chase and told her, "So, would you let up your hunt for Joshua for the day if I asked nicely?"

"I am not hunting!"

"Stalking?"

"That's the same thing."

"Then what would you call your behavior?"

She paused for a second and was about to answer when she once again realized how relaxed her posture and voice had become, so she took up another highly suggestive stance and fluttered her eyelashes in my general direction.

I groaned and cut her off just as she was about to take a breath.

"Seriously, stop that! I just want you to leave this birthday party alone, but how is one supposed to have a conversation when you—?"

I got roughly that far when I noticed that her eyes were widening in shock. I hastily glanced behind me just in time to jump out of the way of the flying tackle that I presumed was supposed to take down both of us. Because of my swift dodge, however, it hit Mystery Girl X with full force and both she and her assailant tumbled to the ground in an undignified sprawl. I didn't even need to look to know who the latter was.

"Princess!" I yelled angrily at the golden-haired girl lying on the ground. She twitched at the word and looked at me with a mixture of thinly-veiled indignation and apprehension before she jumped to her feet... only to fall back onto her knees with a hiss. I reflexively reached out to her and caught her before she would topple over. "Let me guess: You hurt your ankle again, didn't you?"

"None of your business!" She glared at me, the look in her eyes more petulant than anything else, before she realized what was going on and her head quickly turned left and right. "Where is she?!"

"Where is who?" I looked around with her, and to my surprise, I realized that Mystery Girl X was nowhere to be found.

"Argh! She got away again!" The princess fumed, so infuriated that she didn't even notice that she was clinging to me while I helped her onto her feet.

By this point my disapproval was immeasurable, and since she didn't seem to get the clue, I proceeded to lightly bonk her over the top of her head.

"Ow!" She looked at me wide-eyed, but I didn't let her talk.

"What did I tell you about tackles?" She was about to protest, so I glared at her and asked again, this time with an extra emphasis on each word. "What. did. I. tell. you. about. tackles?"

She only met my eyes for a moment before she sheepishly looked away. "That I shouldn't do it because I'd hurt myself."

"Precisely."

"Sorry?"

I sighed and shook my head.

"Seriously, if you don't want me to worry about you, stop doing things that hurt you. Seriously."

"Sorry..." she repeated in a barely audible voice. I sighed and patted her on the head where I bonked her.

"There, there. So long as you keep it in mind."

"Elly!"

I looked up and found Angie running towards us with the class rep trailing further behind her. The moment the princess noticed her she began flailing and tried to stand on her own, which only resulted in me having to catch her again.

"That was dangerous,"t class rep scolded her as she arrived. "You shouldn't cross the street when the light is still red."

"Sorry," the princess apologized again, this time much more readily than with me. It was also about this time that the two newcomers noticed me and they both smiled awkwardly.

"Oh, look! It's Leo! Fancy meeting you here!" Angie promptly elbowed the class rep in the side, at which point she awkwardly nodded. "What a koinkidink!"

"Sure, let's go with that..." I murmured as I searched for a better grasp on the princess. "Can you stand now?"

"I'll try," she told me, but the moment she put any weight on her ankle she let out a pained hiss.

"Elly, you hurt your leg again!" Angie gasped and fell to her knee to take a closer look. "Aw, it's swollen. Pain, pain, go away. Pain, pain, go away."

She kept chanting as she massaged her ankle and I could only frown in reaction.

"We are not kids anymore," I grumbled, but she didn't seem to care.

"Try now," she beamed at the princess and after some hesitation she tried to stand on it again. To everyone's surprise, she didn't cry out this time.

"It's... better?"

The princess was flabbergasted, and she wasn't alone.

"Well, I'll be damned..." I whispered by her side and I had a feeling my expression wasn't far from hers either.

She took a few tentative steps and looked at Angie with gratitude. She, on the other hand, had her fists on her hips akimbo and grinning like a well-fed cat before she turned to me.

"So, Leo. Whatcha doing?"

I wanted to shout ‘You know exactly what I was doing!', but I held it down and instead smiled back.

"We were just about to have Judy's birthday party."

"Who?"

"My assistant."

"... Sorry, I'm drawing a blank here."

"Whatshername."

"Oh, her!" She flashed a toothy smile that felt almost too wide on her face. "Why didn't you say that in the first place!"

I had a feeling she was teasing me, so I didn't answer. Instead, I just turned around and was about to leave them behind when I noticed something on the walkway. I crouched down, picked it up, and then put it into my pocket in just one motion.

"What was that?" The class rep asked over my shoulders, once again closing in on me out of the blue and betraying her secret ninja training.

"Just something that fell out of my pocket while I helped the princess up," I told her smoothly and brushed her off with a smile. "Now then, I better get going."

"Wait a moment!" Angie stopped me in my tracks by entwining her arm with mine. "You were talking about a birthday party just now, weren't you?"

"... Yes?"

"Soooooooo?" She squeezed my arm, which didn't really hurt but was obviously supposed to represent her coercing me.

"You want to be invited?" I guessed, and she immediately let go of me with an ear-to-ear grin.

"Oh Leo, you didn't have to, but I don't want to be rude, so I guess I have no choice!"

"Wait, I didn't invite you yet."

To my tremendous surprise, I suddenly found my other arm seized as well, and by none other than a beet-red princess. She also squeezed my arm, which in her case actually hurt. I was waiting for her to say her piece, but instead she just looked at me, tried to open her mouth, then froze up, turned one shade redder, and squeezed my arm even harder. After she did the cycle the third time I was ready to cry uncle.

"Fine, fine! I get it, I invite you! Sheesh!"

"Oh Leo, you are so nice!" Angie grinned at me and let me go. The princess, on the other hand, began squeezing me even harder, so I had to manually peel her off me. With that done we headed for the bakery, arriving just as Josh peeked through the door. He blinked uncomprehendingly at the sight.

"Where did you guys come from?"

"Long story," I told him with a weary breath, and he shrugged in return.

"It's cool, we were just wondering how the three of us were going to eat all that cake."

I could feel the corner of my mouth unconsciously twitch.

"Wait, how much cake are we actually talking about?"

"Well..." My friend faltered. "Have you seen one of those life-size car cakes? You know, the kind that celebrities order for their parties?"

I very slowly set my mouth in a thin line, turned to the three girls behind me, and quietly told them over the sound of my popping knuckles. "Girls, could you step back a few paces?"

"Um... Why?" Angie sounded apprehensive but took a step back nevertheless.

"I don't want your clothes to get splattered with Josh's blood..."

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