Chapter 2: 2nd Log – Doubt or Certainty

Joyful at being rescued, Zoe was also trying to make sense of what she was hearing. I guess among the important things I forgot is this Cyberdeck she thought. Judging by Brad and Dan's excitement, it seemed like something critical that could not be found in the Abyss. It must be something really important considering they said they'd been waiting for a long time she repeated to herself. Anxious thoughts began to replace the relief of being rescued. What if they have to kill me to get this from me? What if they just take this Cyberdeck thing and leave? Honestly, after they save me, I can give them the cyberdeck if they want it. It's not more important than my life after all! But will they be able to trust me with this?

Zoe tried to calm herself and trust Dan and Brad, but she couldn't help but think about the question that was swirling in her head. Why did you push me, Cain? Since I kept thinking about it, I guess I didn't think I deserved to be pushed. Since I asked this, it might mean I trusted Cain too, maybe they were my friend, maybe even closer. Since I wiped all of my memories and spent all my energy on just one question, I couldn't believe how they did this to me!?

At that point, she realized she had no choice but to trust Brad and Dan. It didn't even matter whether she trusted them or not. Brad and Dan had no way of understanding how Zoe was feeling when she was in this state, and they would never have even realized what was going through her head. Now I have to close my eyes and leave myself to luck, maybe the Cyberdecks cannot be dismantled. Maybe they need me alive.

While Zoe was dealing with all these confusing emotions, Brad and Dan had already started to apply first aid to her. The two, who were obviously very happy with their discovery, were discussing among themselves and talking about how to get her to Araf in the most efficient way. Zoe's worries seemed unfounded for now, but the only remnant of her past she had left for herself was to remember that she shouldn't trust anyone. You can't be too careful she thought, but she couldn't help but feel immense relief with the help of Brad and Dan's first aid.

Dan had suggested that Zoe, whom he referred to as Fallen One, be sedated to avoid stress on the trip. As they both previously went through the same traumatic process, they thought that this journey could affect Fallen One. The area they were in was far from Araf, the only city in the Abyss. For the Fallen One to receive proper treatment, it was necessary to go to Araf as soon as possible. Although the first aid and sedatives administered had stabilized Zoe's condition, they could not relieve the pain she felt in her chest. The pain was increasing, albeit slowly. Unfortunately, Zoe was not in a position to talk about this pain. And it's not so important now she thought.

The two Abysscrawlers set out for Araf with Zoe after making all the interventions they could. They were carrying the body of Fallen One, which they fixed to a stretcher-like structure with metal parts, and they were traveling in the fastest and most direct way, without stopping unless necessary. When they stopped, they were checking Zoe's condition, taking action if needed, injecting her sedatives, and walking towards the city without losing pace. Brad and Dan never spoke about the Cyberdeck again as if they agreed not to, perhaps for the sake of not bringing bad luck. It could not even be said that they had a remarkable conversation on the way back.

During the trek in which she fell asleep and woke up numerous times, Zoe found herself in the arms of a Brad or a Dan, wondering if there was anything around her that she could see or make sense of. It was a blessing to be able to see the surroundings illuminated by the light emanating from Dan or Brad's eyes, probably because she was staring into the darkness from where she had been laying for so long. But in this cave-like abyss, everywhere seemed the same. She feared they'd get lost where everything seemed so similar, but she was quickly reassured by Dan and Brad's confident and determined steps. This feeling of assurance made her think, When I wake up, I will owe these two more than they could ever imagine. This sense of indebtedness felt more like a responsibility that made her happy than a burden. It felt good to her, perhaps out of gratitude and a hunger for human communication. I am alive and now I have a debt to pay!

Zoe had the chance to thoroughly examine the duo she was indebted. First of all, they both had six legs. Brad had a bald head, tired-looking eyes, and a long beard. He was wearing a long overcoat that covered his body except for the upper part of his chest. Dan, on the other hand, had a youthful appearance despite being wiser. He had thick black hair and lively green eyes. Unlike Brad, he also wore a black T-shirt with his overcoat and had a backpack.

With the comfort of having six legs each, it was as if the duo could rest while walking at the same time. Brad wanted to ask Dan an interesting question that came to his mind, probably because of this comfort and not talking and thinking for a long time. “Hey Dan, can I ask you something?”

While carrying Zoe, Dan studied his surroundings to make sure he was on the right track. Thinking Let's see what's on his mind now, he said "Sure, go ahead.".

Brad sprawled on his feet, leaping onto a mound, and turned to Dan. “I know it will sound a little ridiculous, you might say where did this come from, I know, but we could make a tool to measure time from all the scraps we found. Why don't we do this? You couldn't have not thought of that."

Dan smiled at what he heard. He acted as if it wasn't the first time he'd heard it. In a quick-witted manner, “It's not doubt, it's the certainty that drives you crazy.” he said grinning.

Brad snorted, clearly dissatisfied with this answer. “No, doubt drives me crazy. I don't even know if I've been here for 40 years or 5 months. How can you think that this is better than a clear answer.”

“You doubt it because you're in your right mind,” said Dan, as if he had already won the argument. "You are sane and you question, but you cannot question certainty. You either accept or reject it. Think about it, you'll see my point," he closed the topic. Although Brad was about to say something, he felt that Dan wouldn't budge from his opinion no matter what he said. Zoe had listened to this discussion too. Although she felt close to Brad's idea at first, she began to think about doubt and certainty. As she looked back into her past for the answer, all she remembered was she couldn't believe that Cain had pushed her. Each time she thought about why Cain had pushed her, other doubts popped up in her mind. Maybe I did something to make them push me, maybe they were just a bad person, maybe they were someone I didn't know very well. She had thought over these many times as she layed at the bottom of the Abyss. She ultimately agreed with Dan, thinking that if she knew the exact reason maybe she would have gone crazy by now.

After a long brisk walk, with few breaks and no one talking for a long time, Brad decided that he had thought enough and brought the subject up again. This time he got straight to the point “What I don't understand is how can a certainty drive a person crazy!? Look at me, I'm going crazy right now because I don't even know how long we've been walking! If we had a watch, this much trouble would never have arisen!”

Thinking at first that just one quote would be enough to end the discussion, Dan finally decided to spill out. “Brad, this discussion had taken place before you came, and a clock had been made by the decision of the crowd who had the same arguments as you. A clock that used to stand in the center of Araf. Of course, things did not go as the majority planned.”

Brad, who was quite surprised by this unexpected story and even stopped for a moment, said in a very curious voice, “So what could have happened at most, it's just a clock?”

"CHAOS! Some sat and just watched the clock for hours, some complained about how the time passed so slowly, some were scared of how fast time passed, some went literally crazy and some tried to commit suicide. Hours are taboo in the Abyss to this day.” said Dan, talking about the event that he didn't know how long ago it was.

Surprised by an unfamiliar event in this timeless and placeless pit, and obviously amused by it, Brad said, “Well, let's say I understand. I don't fully understand, of course, but I'm going to ask you one more thing. What opinion were you defending when the decision was made? Be honest!"

Dan, who smiled at this question and dived into the past for a moment, “I thought like you do now. I never understood Lucy's quote about doubt and certainty!"

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They both stopped and started chuckling. Their chuckle turned into laughter as if that was the funniest thing they had heard in a long time… Maybe this was how the joy they felt at finding someone with Cyberdeck expressed itself. Perhaps the fact that they had traveled the same road made them understand each other better. Although Zoe could understand their glee, from the conversation she had discovered a chilling side of the Abyss. Them talking about experiences that had passed here for an eternity and them talking as if there was no other place, caused a tremor in every cell she could feel. "Isn't there a way out of this damn place?"

Even though Zoe didn't remember the past and knew nothing but the darkness she'd woken up in, she thought that since she was pushed, there must have been a place above this pit. She had hoped she would be back where she had been pushed from on her journey with Brad and Dan. But they were moving horizontally, not upwards. They had to climb some hills from time to time, and it was then that she clearly saw the benefit of having six legs. Looking at what was left of her own body, she realized that she only had two numb legs. Maybe you have to have six legs to live in this pit, she thought.

“There must be a different place up here, I can feel it even if I don't remember it,” she thought to herself. “When I'm in a position to speak, I'll find out how to get there. If Brad and Dan don't know, I'll ask Lucy. Even these two talk about them as if they are a wise person, if anyone knows, it must be them. If they don't know either, I'll climb back with my bare hands, with my nails. No matter how much I fall, I will get up and try again. I'll go back there, whatever place it is, and I will find Cain, wherever they hide. I will find out why they pushed me. I'll find out, even if it drives me crazy."

After these fiery thoughts, Zoe was fatigued and decided to entrust herself to the hands of these two and rest for a while. She fell asleep, thinking I hope we get to the place they call Araf soon. No matter how much the stretcher she was fixed on changed hands and no matter how much the damn pain she felt hurt, she didn't wake up for a long time.

Clearly having issues with staying silent for long periods, Brad scratched his beard, thinking it might make the rest of the journey more enjoyable for both him and Dan by raising a controversial topic. “Hey, look Dan,” he called to his companion.

Dan had considered the fact that Brad had been quiet for so long as a success for him. “You know, I actually wish we had a clock, just to gauge how long you can stay silent,” he taunted his friend.

Finding his friend's teasing unwarranted, Brad showed some resentment and said, "Stop being an asshole, I know you're bored too. You know this road is a long one, how will it end if we don't talk?"

“What is there to talk about? Besides, we don't have a long way to go, you might have noticed." snorted Dan. Despite his younger and more energetic appearance, he was the grumpier one of these two. Maybe it was because he spent longer in the Abyss than Brad. Maybe it was simply his temperament.

“I wonder what your life was like before here. No matter how hard I try, I can't get words out of your mouth." said Brad, expressing his discontent. He thought it was his natural right to get to know his friend a little better.

“What does the past matter? Almost all of us have the same story anyway, why do you want to pierce the past and scratch the wounds? You know it doesn't do anyone any good to talk about the past here." Dan had made it clear that he didn't want to get into this topic in any way.

“I know, Dan, do you think I wouldn't know? I've spent an eternity here too. I'm getting tired of you belittling me just because I fell after you. But I'm afraid of forgetting the past. And I feel like I'm starting to forget. This must happen to you too, I'm talking about wondering whether there was something before here. You can tell me about something ordinary, that will do too. You don't have to tell me what you did and how you ended up here. What did you like to eat or where did you hang out? Little things like that will do too!” Brad's longing for human warmth was evident in his voice. It was obvious that he was hiding someone emotional behind his sharp features.

Dan didn't answer for a while. He seemed to be weighing the situation in his head. He couldn't be considered a frosty person either, but talking about the past seemed to really hurt him. He truly thought it was not good for anyone to talk about these, but his friend had opened up to him, and it was not going to kill him if he compromised on his principle. “Noodles,” he whispered. “I loved to eat noodles.”

Brad's eyes lit up, delighted to be able to get an answer from his friend. “Do you just like noodles or all of the Asian dishes?” he said as he pushed his luck a little more. He hoped he'd get a decent conversation out of this guy with a little digging.

“Just Noodles! I could never warm up to sushi. But I could have had bowls of noodles, believe me.” Dan said wistfully. How much he loved noodles was evident from the longing in his eyes.

“Then you didn't eat sushi at the right place, but I promise you, when we go up again, I will make you love sushi. You won't even be looking at noodles anymore." exclaimed Brad. When we go up again, he thought. It had been so long since he stopped even thinking that this was possible.

"When we go up again, huh?" said Dan. He understood why Brad was so enthusiastic. If this person is truly a SorCyber, we really have a chance now, he thought, as he glanced at Zoe. "Now it's clear why you're so excited," he teased his friend.

“I don't want to jinx it, so I won't talk about it… But still… No, I won't talk about it until we show it to Lucy. But you can imagine how hard it is.“ It was apparent from every movement of his body that he was genuinely struggling. Brad had stopped thinking about the past a long time ago, too, but today he was going to allow his mind to wander a little. He longed to hope and dream a little.

The duo did not speak for the rest of the way. Although they never spoke, it was clear that they both thought that the thing in Fallen One's spinal cord was a cyberdeck. Both could tell without a word that his friend was imagining what would happen if Fallen One was indeed a SorCyber.

It was Dan's call that woke Brad from his daydream. “Look ahead!” Without thinking, Brad did as Dan said. The city of Araf was ahead. It was the only place in the Abyss with lights.

Brad never thought he would return here with zeal and good news. “Home, sweet home.” he said involuntarily. And they continued with their journey to Araf.

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