Chapter 22: Misdirection

Agent Johanson was in a bit of a bind. Of all the idiotic ‘experiments’ she’d been forced to participate in, this was by far the worst. Being told to find a particular rock hidden somewhere in a public park was just as impossible as it sounded. There were several acres of ground to cover, not to mention she had been given absolutely no clues as to its whereabouts. Her objective might have been buried in the dirt, or perhaps tucked away on some tall tree branch. It was also possible that it was hidden in a public restroom or something.

At the very least the woman had thought to ask Maggie exactly what this rock looked like, but that didn’t help much. It was a grey, flat stone with an oval shape that was roughly the size of her hand. She’d found several lookalikes already, though none of them had that infuriating girl’s name on them. She still carried them around, just in case it turned out the writing was incredibly tiny, mostly transparent, or otherwise made difficult to spot. It was surely within that Class-3’s deviousness to pull something like that, and she didn’t think to inquire about the lettering until she had already climbed down all those stairs. She considered going back up all the way to get more clarifications, but then remembered the rules of this engagement. She was not to return until she had found her quarry.

And so, AJ had spent most of her morning painstakingly sifting through dirt in a strict search pattern. Thankfully it couldn’t have been buried too deep since the layer of soil was only about fifty centimeters down before it gave way to concrete. The entire park was essentially a glorified sandbox with synthetic plants, but nobody really cared since they looked, felt, and smelled like the real deal. AJ personally wasn’t a fan of it for the same reason that she didn’t like virtual reality too much. It was an illusion the common folk willingly bought into just so their lives seemed a little less dull and pointless.

That aside, the park was most assuredly public property, so the sight of a peeved woman in a military uniform digging the place up did not go unnoticed.

“Excuse me, madam?”

The soldier, who was knee deep in freshly upturned dirt, winced before turning towards the familiar voice.

“Good morning, Officer Maloney,” she spoke in a tired voice.

“Agent Johanson?” the policeman lifted his hat in surprise. “What are you doing out here?”

Her uniform was so filthy from all that digging that he hadn’t recognized it in the slightest.

“Oh, just some, uh, military business. Super secret stuff. Nothing to concern yourself with.”

The man crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

“Did you seriously think I’d buy that?”

“It was… worth a shot?” she grimaced awkwardly.

“Look, I may not know why you’re digging up the place, but I will have to ask you to stop. This is practically vandalism.”

He gestured towards the small field of grass that AJ had already sifted through with her shovel. What was once orderly park greenery had turned into a desolate wasteland one would expect to find on some war-torn planet.

“It’s fine, my bosses will handle it,” she brushed him off.

According to the agreement between the Supernatural Eviction Agency and Magh'rathlak the Observer, the former would be responsible for cleaning up after any messes made in the latter’s wake. This ‘experiment’ probably counted towards that.

“That may be so, but you’re upsetting the civilians. We got five calls about, and I quote, ‘some weirdo with a shovel cocking up the park,’ end quote.”

“Oh. Yikes.”

AJ had been so lost in her own head that she didn’t even consider how weird she must have looked to the public.

“Yeah, ‘yikes.’ You’re lucky it was me and not one of my colleagues that decided to investigate, otherwise they’d try to haul you in. I can’t imagine that’d end well.”

“No. No it would not.”

“I still have half a mind to try, so why don’t you tell me what in the Queen’s name are you doing.”

“Ugh. It’s an experiment,” she groaned. “Or at least that’s what that witch calls it.”

She then briefly and unflatteringly described her predicament, starting with her involuntary relocation to Maggie’s new apartment. Maloney hadn’t heard all the details surrounding the soldier’s presence there, so her explanation answered quite a few questions he never bothered to ask. Most importantly, he understood why the psionic was so irritable, and accepted that she had every right to be. That was why he let her vent as much as she wanted.

“And then she has the gall to call it an experiment!” her tirade reached its peak, as did her voice. “I swear, the only thing that witch is testing is my patience!”

“Maybe that’s the point?” he offered.

“Don’t you start with that, too!”

“Easy now, Agent Johanson. There’s no need for the finger-pointing and the yelling.”

“No, there’s definitely a need for it! I’ve had it with people deciding that all this abuse is somehow good for me, and acting like it’s part of some master plan. She just likes tormenting me and won’t admit it!”

“But she can’t lie, right? If she really is just bullying you, she would’ve said so.”

“Pft. As if. She’s probably convinced herself that making me do all these laborious assignments somehow counts as legitimate experimentation, when in fact her main goal is to just watch me squirm. You know how these Class-3 arseholes are!”

“No, I don’t. I only know Miss Oh, and I know for a fact she is not cruel. Heartless, maybe, but not cruel. Otherwise she would’ve done a lot worse to the guy that shot her.”

AJ could do little but groan in response. That was another argument that both her teammates and bosses brought up constantly, and she hated it. Mostly because she didn’t have a good rebuttal to it.

“My point is, if she’s putting you through all this, then there has to be some underlying cause or reason behind it. Something more substantial than ‘it’s fun to bully the human.’ Surely even you can see that.”

“Not from where I’m standing, no,” she remained adamant.

“Well, you’re free to think whatever you want, it’s not my place to change your mind,” he readjusted his hat. “But I will have to ask you to stop randomly digging the park up.”

“Do you have a better suggestion?” she asked sarcastically.

“Don’t you?” he turned it around. “Seriously, you’re a psionic. How is shoveling the entire park by hand your first resort? Can’t you scan for this rock?”

“I can’t use electronic equipment, remember?”

If she could, all she would need to do was look up security footage of Maggie’s movements to discern where she’d hidden that rock. That was probably why that limitation was included, along with the ‘no help from teammates’ one. AJ could circumvent those stipulations by simply asking Maloney to check that footage for her, but it didn’t feel right to include him like that. Not to mention that cheating so blatantly would be admitting defeat, which didn’t sit right with the stubborn woman.

“No, not with a mineral scanner,” the policeman clarified. “I meant like, with your brain.”

“Inanimate objects don’t have thoughts, so I can’t sense them with my abilities,” she bluntly stated.

“But this isn’t any old rock, right? Miss Oh put her name on it. Her name. I gather that’s a fairly big deal. Surely it would’ve left some kind of, I don’t know, psychic fingerprint or something?”

Maloney’s knowledge on the subject of psionics was barely skin deep. Such matters were the concern of scientists, the military, and military scientists. Even if police officers were to encounter a rogue psionic, standard procedure was to escalate the matter and call in the armed forces. Or, if there wasn’t time for that, to evacuate the area and subdue the suspect with waves of mindless drones armed with stun guns. He therefore had no idea whether this ‘psychic fingerprint’ thing he came up with on the spot was even possible. It seemed plausible, at least, given how Mags had a way of ‘imprinting’ on others, himself included.

AJ, on the other hand, was as well versed on the subject of psionics as one might imagine. She recognized what Maloney described as psychometry, which was the ability to sense the thoughts and feelings an individual might leave upon keepsakes and curios. A skill like that would absolutely make her task much easier, but there was one major flaw with it. Psychometry was a load of bollocks invented by charlatans and perpetuated by works of fiction. The concept had no basis in reality. Or at least, not in her reality. Class-3 cosmic entities were known to display an array of abilities that, while presumably psionic in nature, were impossible for mere humans like her to imitate. Those things defied logic through their mere existence, so AJ figured that perhaps there was something to Maloney’s suggestion, ignorant as it was.

“… Alright. I’ll give it a go.”

She put away her shovel and sat on the edge of the hole she had dug up. She reached into an inner pocket and retrieved a semi-collapsible face mask, complete with dark goggles and a rebreather. She put it on, wrapping it around her eyes, nose, mouth, and ears in such a way that it completely cut off all senses except touch. Now free of most external distractions, AJ cleared her thoughts and reached out with her mind. After a few minutes, she was able to accurately pinpoint any and all living, thinking creatures within about a kilometer through a sort of psychic sonar. It was the same technique Maggie used all the time, though the difference in proficiency between her and AJ was like comparing an orbital shuttle to a gerbil strapped to a firecracker.

Fortunately for Agent Johanson, she didn’t need that ridiculous level of perception since she knew exactly what she was ‘looking’ for. A Class-3’s psychic presence had a singularly unique feeling to it that was unlike any other creature’s. After living with Maggie for so long, hers was practically engraved on the inside of the psionic’s skull. If asked to put that sensation into words, AJ would describe it as sailing a rowboat into a raging thunderstorm while catching glimpses of a mountainous shadow between flashes of lightning. It evoked a mix of helplessness, confusion, and dread, yet also possessed a terrible allure that drew her in even though it promised to drag her under should she venture too close.

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Or at least that was how it seemed when the psi-ops first encountered Magh'rathlak the Observer. Since then she had adapted and learned to cope with its presence to the point where the feeling it gave off was more akin to walking into a room and then forgetting why she went in there. It still had the same basic elements, just a hundred times less intense. It also helped that the Class-3 was keeping its unfathomable psyche in its metaphysical pants. It made living with Mags a lot more bearable than it would have been otherwise, questionable experiments notwithstanding.

Yet AJ found herself wishing that the Class-3’s psychic presence was still as head-splittingly pronounced as it used to be. The psionic would have located that stone instantly if something that intense had been imprinted on it. Assuming such things were possible at all, of course. As things stood, however, Johanson’s psychic sonar detected nothing that stood out amongst the crowd of normal people within the park. She wasn’t giving up just yet. If there was something to be found, it would be faint and miniscule. Her brow furrowed with effort as she narrowed the scope of her search while also tuning out the civilians. After several minutes of intense concentration, her efforts and Maloney’s idea bore fruit as she felt a strange, tiny ‘blip.’

Surprised and emboldened by her success, AJ hurriedly took off her sensory deprivation mask.

“Any luck?” the policeman asked.

“I think so.”

She stood and jogged off towards the ‘blip’ without saying another word. Maloney followed, more out of curiosity than duty. The ginger-haired agent led him to the monument in the middle of the park. It was a towering stone pillar atop which sat the life-sized statue of a valiant medieval knight in full armor raising his sword triumphantly overhead. As the plaque at the base of the monument proclaimed, this sculpture bore the likeness of Ser Digby of Smeg. He was famous for bringing peace and unity to his homeworld after a freak solar flare devastated the planet’s magnetic field and sent its civilization back to the dark ages. The colony might never have recovered if not for this one man’s bravery, wisdom, and dedication.

These events had occurred centuries ago, back when humanity had only just started colonizing the stars. Records from that time and place were sparse and unreliable, so there was little known about Ser Digby of Smeg. The man nevertheless stood as a modern symbol of enlightenment and perseverance. All in all, his monument was a strangely fitting place for Maggie to hide her ‘prize.’ She had stuck it in the gap between the statue’s collar and helmet. AJ dislodged it with a flick of her wrist and a telekinetic nudge, making the stone tumble down into her open palm.

“Yes! Suck it, cunt!”

She couldn’t help but shout triumphantly when she saw the word ‘Maggie’ was cleanly etched into the stone.

“Mind your language, Agent. You are very much still in public.”

It was only after Maloney’s stern admonishment that the soldier noticed she’d attracted a lot of attention. As one might imagine, the monument was a fairly popular meeting spot, so there were dozens of people in the area. Their eyes were already drawn to the strange woman in the sullied army uniform and the police officer that seemed to be with her. The way she screamed profanities at the top of her lungs had caused their curiosity to evolve into full-blown interest. Having put herself in the spotlight like that made AJ go red in the face with embarrassment. Seeing her freeze up like that, Maloney figured he might as well help her out a bit.

“Move along, folks!” he turned to the onlookers. “Just a training exercise! Nothing to see here! And you there, sir! I’d like to ask that you do not record this! Show some respect for Her Immortal Majesty’s armed forces!”

With the crowd’s attention on the policeman, the flustered soldier took her chance and beat a hasty retreat back to her discarded shovel. Maloney joined her once he finished dispersing the onlookers a few minutes later.

“So, got what you needed?” he asked.

“Yeah. I can stop digging up the park now, thanks to you.”

“Good to hear. Want me to give you a lift back to your place?”

“No, that’s alright.”

“You sure? That’s a lot of steps if you wanna do it the hard way.”

“I’ll be fine, really. I need to follow my instructions to the last, even if I don’t agree with them.”

Riding on a flying car would surely count as getting technological assistance, thereby violating Maggie’s orders. Going against her in any way could very well lead to the entire agreement with the Agency getting voided. AJ wasn’t sure whether things would escalate that far, but she’d be neck deep in trouble either way if she dared to compromise that contract.

“I see. Must be tough, being a soldier and all,” the policeman nodded empathically.

“Sometimes, but it’s worth it in the long run. Also, you’re not one to talk, Officer Maloney.”

“Hah. Everyone down at the station’s too lazy to give out orders,” he chuckled.

“If you say so.”

“Come on, the least I can do is walk you to the hyper-scraper.”

“… Why would you do that?” her eyes narrowed. “Getting me to stop digging up the park is one thing, but this has nothing to do with you.”

Maloney was baffled by her sudden and, in his opinion, unwarranted suspicious attitude. It was as if she was accusing him of having ulterior motives. The policeman decided to come clean, seeing as this was indeed the case.

“Look, I just feel like we got off on the wrong foot last time. What with you slamming me against the wall and then me pinning you down. You got some moves, by the way. Y’know, for a psionic.”

She softened her glare and raised an eyebrow.

“You’re not too bad yourself. Y’know, for a constable.”

“Hey, I’ll take it,” he smirked. “But yeah, I had a feeling I’d be seeing a lot of you, seeing as how I like to drop by Miss Oh’s place now and then, and I wanted to make sure there wasn’t any hostility between us.”

“You really don’t have to go through all that effort,” she sighed. “I mean, I hit you first because I wasn’t using my brain, and yet you still helped me out in a big way. If anything, I should be the one trying to make amends to you.”

“Well, if that’s how you feel, then how about you let me take you out to dinner tonight?”

“… You’re serious?”

“Absolutely.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”

“Give me a chance, that’s all I ask. I can even get us the best table at Leonardo da Pinchi,” Maloney offered. “I hear their nebula lobster special is phenomenal.”

AJ crossed her arms as she contemplated the invitation. It wasn’t as if she had anything against Maloney in particular. He was handsome enough and seemed like a decent sort, not to mention she could tell he wasn’t interested in her just because she was a psionic. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a little curious about him. The issue was that the lifestyle of an intergalactic psychically-powered commando didn’t leave a lot of time or opportunity for romance. Dating within the team was strictly forbidden, and AJ moved around too much for a long-term relationship with a colonist to be feasible. Then again, her current assignment was more or less permanent for the foreseeable future. A casual date would be a good opportunity to blow off some steam, if nothing else.

Last but not least, she really wanted to try that nebula lobster for herself after seeing Maggie munch on it with such a satisfied face awhile back.

“You know what? That actually sounds pretty good. Let’s do it,” she decided.

“Great! Pick you up at eight?”

“That works. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get going.”

She had to climb a hundred floors and then take all the showers. Afterwards she’d need to go buy a dress or something since she didn’t own anything even remotely suitable for a fancy place like Leonardo da Pinchi. She wasn’t going to make a big deal out of the date, but she wasn’t going to take it lightly, either. If Maloney was willing to look past their initial clash, then the least she could do was put in a bit of effort.

As she walked back to the apartment, AJ couldn’t help but feel a certain amount of excitement and elation. She had some reservations at first, but found herself looking forward to the evening quite a bit. That thought did bring a certain concern to the forefront of her mind, however. Namely, that Maggie might dream up some new inane experiment to keep her busy and make her miss her date. That girl was a total bully in AJ’s mind, so it seemed like a likely development if her plans for the evening were discovered. Even more so if she returned this early from her current task.

Therefore, she decided to kill some time and wander around the neighborhood for a few hours. She intended to wait until late afternoon before she reported her success. That would give her enough time to freshen up and prepare for her date, but would be too late in the day for that witch to give her more inane work. She might still try, but AJ felt confident she could lean on Joe to have him reign in his eldritch girlfriend. Normally the agent wouldn’t resort to underhanded manipulation like that, but she felt like it was warranted on this occasion.

Unfortunately for Agent Johanson, it wasn’t until she eventually climbed all the way up those stairs that she realized she had made two slight miscalculations.

Namely, that the Class-3 hadn’t specified whether it had hidden more than one stone in that park, and that ‘Maggie’ wasn’t its true name.

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