The Tale of Some Random Shinobi (Naruto)

Chapter 64: Chapter 62: There’s a very thin line between fake p*triotism and extr*mism


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As Homura entered the office he was met by 2 staff members of the academy.

What ensued was a series of diverse questions, ranging from very simple things related to his life, and everyday occurrences, to more personal topics such as his aspirations, dreams, or goals for the future.

However, Homura being a reincarnator, who deeply distrusted anything related to Tobirama, was very methodical in all his answers and tried to give answers more or less typical for children his own age.

Most of the answers he gave were answers that he heard from Naruto or his friends from the orphanage.

However, since barely paid any attention to any of them he had trouble answering and had to rely on his supercomputing skill to more or less answer all the questions he was asked about.

-So Homura-kun, do you have anything special you like about the village? (Proctor 1)

Hearing this specific question uttered by one of the proctors assigned to this step of the exam, almost made Homura's eyes comedically sparkle.

-(There it is! the real purpose of this test!)

To Homura, this entire test was about finding children more susceptible to traitorous actions or at the very least children with a low morality compass trying to enter the academy.

Either that or finding children that could be cultivated for more nefarious means.

Since not everyone could handle certain tasks that the village need to perform in order to remain ahead, no matter how nefarious it might be.

Such as joining the Anbu -or more likely root- or being trained for a very specific purpose that would play into the village's long-term strategies.

If any of that were true could be easily debated, politics within the village are avid to change and every administration is willing to bend the rules or go through with certain extremes to maintain the peace of the village.

However, Homura cared very little about the intricacies of the ever-changing politics and policies within the village.

Has someone who watched the show, and thus had access to a lot of the more nefarious side of the village, he had little faith in the overall leaders of the village and their decisions.

Thus labeling them all as corrupt and willing to go to any means to assure their survival, was his overall opinion on the matter and contributed to his lack of trust within the systems in place.

-(Come on, Homura! You got this! We've believed something like this would be included in the exam, and finally, it has happened! so, Fake Patriotism activated!)

Homura believed with his past knowledge, he would be able to come up with any sort of response if he were asked about his opinions regarding the village.

Of course, he would not give his real opinion regarding the matter, otherwise, the likelihood of him failing or worse arrested was a likely possibility.

Especially if he divulged state secrets or worse provided knowledge that he could not, in no small amount of reason, possibly justify having the knowledge of if he were not omniscient or could see into the future and past.

Regardless, it was an option that not could be easily explained or accepted.

So, faking his love for the village was something he had thought of doing.

He saw no harm in doing as much since these tests were meant for children, and he was far above that... or so he thought.

However, that was proving to be more challenging than expected.

Though Homura may live in Konoha, he hardly considered himself a resident of the village, for that matter, he hardly considered himself a resident of this world.

To him, many things were similar but ultimately foreign.

Especially since he barely associated with anyone within the village or any sort of institution in the village.

Thus, having nothing he truly loved or cared about in the village, he panicked.

In times of duress, most tend to freeze or panic, and Homura was currently experiencing the same symptoms associated with those cases.

- ... huh (come on, say something!!!...)

As much as Homura which to say something that would be credible enough for the 2 people in front of him, his brain, however, could not come up with any real answer for the question asked.

He did not rehearse his answer so as to not catch the attention of the people in charge of the examination, since shinobi are trained in the art of discerning truths from falsehoods; however not having any concrete alternative was now proving to be more of a challenge that he had originally expected.

-I think that... hm(This is harder than I thought...I really should have come up with something after all...)

Homura's thoughts were a jumbled mess of incoherent sentences with no clear goal or thesis on which to base his answer on.

Thus, he started to panic and say the most generic popular opinions that his brain could come up with at this time.

- K-konoha is a good v-village... that we all live in and stuff...?( How is that question so difficult? What is there good about this damned village?! Damn it! I thought I could just wing it but this is clearly not the case.)

As Homura searched through his brain for an alternative that could dig him out of the mess he currently created, a bright, shining, hopeful reminder occurred and his mood immediately was uplifted.

-(C! T-That's right I have C! C!!!)

- (Yes, host.)

As if always being on cue, Homura's currently favorite ability that he inherited when crossing into this reality responded, to its user's summoning.

-(Quick! Look up a militaristic speech in my mind that is not too specific but could be interpreted in any way, but not too formal but quite eloquent inside, my memories that even a child could use.)

-(Understood!)

- (Good.)

For the first time since the interview started, Homura's mind seemed to have calmed down.

He had almost an unshakable trust in his supercomputing skill inside his head, it was the power that he was the most proud of; it was at this time period of his life the best ability to have since knowledge is after all power.

And what is more knowledgeable than a computer, a machine with almost all the answers that could be asked and could perform calculations beyond his wildest dreams?

-(With C on my side I am invincible.)

Suddenly words started to pop up inside Homura's head, and with little regard for the contents being fed to him, Homura uttered these words as soon and as fast as he could.

-... My friends, I like war. Uh!? (What!?)

-what?! (proctor 1)

-huh?! (proctor 2)

Immediately after delivering those said words, the monochrome-haired boy's heart rate shot through the roof!

He could not believe what had just come out of his mouth.

-(C! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!? Are you trying to make me look like a psychopath in the making!?)

-( The speech chosen was fitting to the host's desired specifications. It was among the speeches that are the most militaristic and easy to use from your current memory data.)

- (What!? R-really?...W-who is it from?)

-(The character is known as "The major"  from a broadcasted animated series called Hellsing; which was originally a picturized work of fiction published in a magazine. Although, the host lacks the memories of the date, the author, and the publication house.)

-(hm? That does ring a bell. Quick! Show me images...)

Suddenly images were running through Homura's mind in less than 5 seconds, and what he was barely able to understand shocked him to no end.

-(W-what the!? You gave me a speech from a goddamn ****! Don't give me anything related to a goddamn ****  ever again! At least, unless you inform me, first. Understood?)

(Affirmative. Is another script necessary?)

(Forget, we don't have time for this...I  just try your best to cut the bullsh*t as much as you can... after what I just said I doubt that it can get any worse. )

Homura's little tirade inside his head did not go unnoticed.

Both proctors were quite confused by everything that had happened in the last couple dozens of seconds.

- It's alright Honno-I mean Homura-kun. you can take your time.

Homura took a break that lasted a few seconds, in order to pretend to be gathering his thoughts, and soon enough, tried to resume his doomed interview.

At this point, he had to own what he had said, otherwise it would... well according to the individual himself it couldn't get any worse.

Homura's passive nature can sometimes be his most detrimental quality.

-*Cough* *Cough* R-right, as I was saying... My friends...I like war. (... *Sigh*)

The two proctors only silently resumed listening to Homura's little speech.

What was supposed to be the easiest question, had turned out to be the most head-scratching of them all due to Homura's beyond bizarre of proclamations that they had heard all day long.

Nonetheless, as trained shinobis, and trained for this specific task, they had to faithfully listen to Homura's response and record it for analysis purposes.

-... My friends, I love... war. (... jeez... It really isn't getting any better... Is there a mute button on me?! Someone help me!...C! Change the speech as much as you can! I beg you!)

Homura's mental fortitude seem to be breaking apart with each word that was coming out of his mouth, but he had to continue he was at a complete loss at what to say and they were already well past the point of trying to pass it all as a joke.

Worse, this could terminate his entire application.

Rather play the role of a war zealot than fail the entire examination especially since he had already bragged beyond belief that he would pass the exam and become a shinobi.

If he failed while the others pass, he would never live it through, and his chances in the academy might be even worse if he tried to apply next year.

At this point, he had to own his madness or appear to be too patriotic for his own good; regardless of his current options, he had to try something.

-I love Konoha. (Good we're going somewhere finally.)

With the next words that escaped his mouth, Homura's almost chattered confidence and self-esteem were now again at an all-time high, perhaps, no, definitely too high.

If it did not, the next words that were about to come out of his mouth; would give him time to ponder the absurdities he was going to utter.

-No! I love the land of fire. I have a dream! That 1 day the will of fire will burn across all the lands in the world! (Too much! I need to dial it back down. C! I am going to end you if don't dial it down!) My friends, I like war... because it is the best way to show that I love Konoha and would die defending it; till the last remaining spark of life is extinguished. (Who would have thought that a supercomputer was this bad at writing speeches and improvising... So humans aren't completely worthless after all.)

Although Homura protested inside his mind, he faithfully retold every line of text that came to his mind by his now no-so-well beloved skill.

However, even though the supercomputing skill could write trillion speeches, in a second Homura, could hardly process any of that.

And Homura's requests were taken too literally by it.

It tried to salvage as much of it could from the original speech he used and cross-reference with the profile it had of Homura's personality.

But it did not take into account that Homura, although he talked big, he wasn't particularly fond of himself and his personality was based on insecurities that he had developed in the course of 2 lifetimes.

This was due to Homura, not having the most important parts of his memories upon his reincarnation that would properly define his character.

It could be said that the current version of himself was simply imitating his former self without a proper grasp of what it all meant.

Thus, the speech that Homura was giving was barely coherent.

Since it was based on a series of interpretations and imitations, while all involved parties tried their best to fill the gaps in logic.

-Konoha is not just the land that my forefathers fought to defend to their last breath, it is not just the land my parent found love, it is not just the land that each Hokage have fought and died for...

-.... (proctor 1)

-..... (proctor 2)

- ...Konoha is a legacy. A legacy that is passed down from father to son, from mother to daughter, or from teachers to their pupils. It is a story of pain and pride that is passed down through the sacrifices, that we the people of Konoha; endure in order to ensure that the future of the next generation is a bright one.

-... (proctor 1)

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-... (proctor 2)

The two proctors could not help but hang on to Homura's every word.

They were all crazier than the last.

It was similar to morbid curiosity at this point, they were absolutely enamored by the sheer insanity they had to listen to, and they were curious as to what the boy in front of them would be saying next.

Thus, they paid extra focus to the matter at hand, forgetting all about the outside world, and for the next few seconds, their undivided attention would remain fixed in place.

-... My friends, when you ask me what I like about Konoha... the real question is... is there anything to dislike about Konoha?...

-...*gulp* (proctor 1)

- ...*gulp* (proctor 2)

The tension had reached its peak.

The next words would reveal everything.

However, Homura's confidence once again dropped.

Dropped, dropped beneath its normal levels.

The speech he had given, was the worse thing that he had heard in his entire life.

It turned out that supercomputers are not the best at writing speeches.

They could probably do a good job but they had to be properly calibrated, not that it mattered to Homura anymore.

After everything that has transpired this would be the final time, he used the supercomputing skill to help him in any type or form of social interaction.

But as the performers so often say "The show must go on" and that is any less true for Homura who was simply begging to be freed of his disaster of an interview.

-...the answer is *sniff* nothing. There was never *sniff* to dislike about our great village...

(I think I went a bit overboard...well it is done)

Adding fake tears to his performance was a small detail he came on the fly, but he was filled with feelings of regret that it may have made him appear even more unhinged in the eyes of the proctors.

But at this point, there was nothing left to do.

His new identity was now of an overly patriotic/war maniac with emotional issues. Nonetheless, if he was able to enter the academy it would still be worth the effort.

-....Ah! Thank you so much Homura-kun, you truly love our village. Doesn't he Yanagi-san?(proctor 1)

-...Eh? R-right! I mean you are right Benkei-dono... thank you so much for your answer Homura-kun. You may go now(proctor 2)

The man by the name of Yanagi, took some time to reorganize his thoughts at the sight of a child that young trying to casually answer the question he was asked with clearly improvised war and patriotic rhetoric. 

Certainly, children as young as the boy in front of him have participated in wars in the past, however seeing a boy that was not even an academy student trying to incite feelings of patriotism onto himself was something he did not think he would experience, today of all days.

- hn.

Homura nodded toward the proctors in charge of this part of the exam and left the room with a serious look on his face.

However, his heart had now turned into a giant mess from all the nonsense he had to spout in the heat of the moment, however, he had to put on a brave front so as to not let his true feelings surface.

As well as the fact that one simple question may have put his chances in jeopardy.

Nonetheless, Homura was a proud individual and would never truly admit to himself his failures.

To think that it could have all been avoided by simply making something on the spot or rehearsing his answer prior to the exams, instead he chose to cheap his way through since he was so used to it but he could never have guessed that it could backfire.

This could be a very important lesson in overestimating his abilities if Homura was someone who cared about such things.

Which clearly does not care for the slightest, unless they have fatal consequences.

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Benkei POV

After Yanagi allowed the boy to exit the room, I watched the boy leave.

Parts of my psyche are still recovering from what I just heard.

All I can say is that I did not expect this would happen when I called the boy to come in.

*slam*

As the boy closes the door, I am somehow brought back to from my stupor.

-...I think I need a break... after all that...

-True. in all my years doing this job... I never met someone like him... did his parents tell him to say that? If that's true, then that's quite insane... (Yanagi)

- Unlikely. According to his file, he is an orphan since birth.

- Really? Do you think someone else told him to say that? No. No one in their right mind would do that, not a spy but better write a report to the Hokage and write down that speech of his. (Yanagi)

-Isn't that a bit much?

After all, that speech of his seemed improvised to say the least, but perhaps he was just misremembering it.

- Maybe, but better safe than sorry. I have no idea what to do about all that... do you? (Yanagi)

Yanagi, looked at me with a quite confused expression.

-...No. I have a hard time believing that all that truly happened. Everything was going so well till the final question.( I wonder if he panicked and said the first thing that came to his mind, and those thoughts became an incoherent jumbled mess as he tried to process everything. )

- Then it is decided. (Yanagi)

Yanagi started writing a small something on a piece of paper.

-(I winder if this the right decision... I hope we're not taking the hokage sama's time.)

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- Later that day at the Hokage' s office-

*Hiruzen POV*

-...So those are all the new applications for the academy.*smoke*

I looked at the pile of new file that were dropped on my desk today, while I exhale some smoke from smoking my old wooden pipe.

- It seems that the exams were quite lively, I wonder how Naruto did in the exams.

I was passing through the dossier of each youngling.

There was nothing that was unordinary so far.

The only remarkable file from all of those I've read is Uchiha Sasuke.

- Itachi's younger brother, and Uchiha Fugaku's son *exhale* it seems that the apple truly does not fall far from the tree. He is another promising youth from the Uchiha clan.

Thinking about the Uchiha brings up complicated feelings deep inside.

Most of them did perform admirably.

Naruto seems to have also done quite good for himself.

?!

Why does this one has a note attached to it.

Let's see...oh! It was Homura-kun! Haven't seen him for a longtime.

But the reports that I often get from him and naruto are quite entertaining.

I started to read the report and...

- hahaha... that kid, just what is he doing?

That child is always causing trouble and behaving in weird manners, I've gotten several reports about him already. Although none of the things he has done were illegal so I simply let him be.

He reminds me a little bit of Jiraiya, who also caused many problems in his youth; not only that but he is a pervert as well.

-*sigh*

Time may change, but the village and its people remain the same since lord Hashirama and Lord Tobirama founded it.

I sincerely hope that the peace they fought so hard for, can be upheld.

However, those thoughts are now just the ramblings of an old man; far past his prime.

- ...And they think that he may be in contact with spies?... If I heard that speech in person, I'd also be incredibly confused... if I hadn't met him earlier, I may have assumed the worst as well.

I continued reading the report, until the section were the they had written down Homura's improvised speech.

It is clear as day, that he tried to make it up as he went along.

Not only that, but he seems to have thought that this entire section of the exam, was meant to somehow access each children intentions, loyalty or perhaps even to determine spies.

He is certainly wrong; and rather naïve of him.

Although, there have been cases of children as young as them being forced to perform spy work or to infiltrate the village prior.

Even I, have been subjected to be their target a few times in the past.

Sadly, there are people who would use children as young as them as pawn to achieve their goals.

However, it is quite astounding that he came to that conclusion on his own but nonetheless it is also quite the bizarre idea for a child to come up to such a conclusion.

That child is truly far more mature than I gave him credit.

- That kid takes the will of fire lightly... although a speech like would raise red flags, however, some of those lines are quite interesting... I just doubt that I would ever see the day that I could use any of them. Well, no matter... oops!

I had put down Homura's file and was about to open the next one on the pile, but almost forgot to give a verdict on the boy's file.

- Hm... I'd better write that everything is fine and Homura is just a bit too mature for his age and an overall troublemaker.

Truly... this boy will give the academy teachers a lot of headaches.

Chapter end

*Sorry if this chap may trigger anyone, not my finest work. I wrote the outline for this chapter when used to be edgier and on the day I wrote it, I also had a fever... I wanted to take any problematic components but the entire thing crumbled and was too lazy to do it; so I just tried to remediate the problematic contents. *

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