The Tears of a Prince
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It was odd. The feeling of knowing yourself, the things you would do and wouldn't, all those small details like your preferences. You know yourself, just like the back of your palm but somehow you end up being surprised by your own actions. If what I am looking at in the mirror is the person I know best, hundreds of years of knowledge gathered up, why do I find myself doing the most surprising things? You should be one with your body, be a part of your soul and heart but why is your mind detached? Why can't you simply coexist?
Xan was disciplined, he was strong and level headed. He was smart and handsome, came from a good and powerful family, followed the rules exactly how they were written and didn't ask questions. Many described him as perfect, the one and only who could be so fitting to become a king. He would smile, take their compliments like love letters but when he was alone he would crumble the nice words. He didn't believe them.
And why would he? He wasn't perfect and he would never be. No matter how many mirrors he changed, no matter how many glasses he punched, shuttering the beautiful images they showed he could never find perfection in his reflection like everyone else did. That was because he knew. Xan, the crown prince of the Avger family was separated from his heart. His mind and his soul could not coexist and because of that he was incomplete.
The snow haired man always knew what he was supposed to do, he had heard it many times ever since he had been a child. Bear with it, wear your clothes properly, don't forget your manners, check your food for poison first. His life was like a script and he had read it all, all the way till the end. Nothing was surprising, nothing was exciting, all that until…
Until he met him. Kiula was his name, a young nobleman with a stunning smile. He used to dance and laugh so loudly. He was everything Xan couldn't be and above all he didn't see him as perfect. Kiula could see through the fake smile, he felt offended by it and that made Xan believe that maybe the world wasn't so bad, not everyone wore a mask after all. For just a short time he had believed that Xan, him as a person and not as the crown prince had existed to be with him. Just for a mere second he got a taste of happiness until…
Until he died. He left him all alone in the most depressing and self hating way. His love, the one with the beautiful smile, the one who danced and smelled like flowers had withered away like a rose in a forgotten vase in the corner of the room. He slowly stopped smiling and his eyes had lost all emotion. He became agitated and sensitive, he became distant until in the end he simply became a corpse and Xan could do nothing about it because no matter what he did was not enough.
He had been the last person, the last name, and the last being that had seen Xan as Xan. After that his soul died, leaving him the incomplete being he got so used to seeing in the mirror. He was just a mind, a little actor following the script someone else wrote for him. The crown prince wasn't perfect. He was simply dead. Void of any emotion.
But in moments like these. In those few seconds that he stood in the corridor, seeing Lun with a girl in his embrace, ready to enter his room, something would stir in him. It wasn't his mind, he knew that very well, it was something else and he hated it. He hated himself, his rotting soul and the fact that he couldn't hate him completely. Xan stared at him, the young vampire still unaware of his presence.
Was it possible for someone to hate Lun? The man who seemed to exist in this world just to be a vampire? The one who accepted and embraced his nature better than anyone else? How could you not hate Lun? He had asked himself again and again, wanting to pull his hair out. He killed him, his family did it. He ruined everything and you don't hate him? That's why Xan wasn't perfect. Because his soul and his mind would never align. He would have to put one to sleep to hear the other. He had killed his soul the day his love died but Lun, he was affecting him in ways he didn't like.
After a while the vampire noticed him, half drunk he was fumbling with the key of his room, the girl giggling next to him. He dropped it, falling on the floor and he crouched to catch it. As he raised his head he met Xan's eyes, a lazy smile on his face.
"Well, hello." he had greeted him and the prince looked at him disgusted. "What's with that face?' Lun asked.
"Are you drunk?" Xan asked, or more like, he stated and the vampire laughed. He opened the door, pushing the girl gently in.
"Wait for me for a second, I will be right there." he told her in a sweet tone and closed the door, making sure he wouldn't make much noise.
The truth was that Lun wasn't really drunk. He was simply pretending to be because Xan was there, he had noticed him from the very first second he had entered the hallway. His eyes would always look towards him after all. Sometimes though, it was easier to deal with things if you lied and tonight, it wasn't a good night.
"Don't make your little girl wait" Xan said, crossing his arms over his chest"
"Jealous?" Lun asked him playfully. He walked towards him, his footsteps light as he hummed a song. He stood before the prince, his eyes glazed with the happiness of alcohol as he heard the white haired man scoff.
"No, definitely no but I am curious." he said and Lun raised his eyebrow, sharing his curiosity but for different reasons.
"About what?"
"I don't like you Xan." He said, making a small stop. "I love you." he told him and the prince's eyes widened. He clenched his fists, agitated with his answer.
"You shouldn't be saying things like that so easily. It's disrespectful." Xan said and the brown haired vampire laughed.
"Really? Disrespectful? Is that how you'll describe how I feel?"
"You take things way too lightly, telling someone you love them when you have a woman in…"
"Why does it matter to you?" Lun interrupted him. "You know, I can take the insults. I am fine with them really, to some extent I even share your opinions…."
"What do you mean you share my opinions?" Xan asked, a deep wrinkle forming in between his eyebrows. He was confused and Lun, he seemed to be angry, he was raising his tone. His hand resting as a fist on the wall.
"I know, I know very well who I am and what my family does. I know oh so well everyone in that shiny palace of yours thinks that I am scum, they couldn't wait to get me out here to search for Kai, all that so I wouldn't be in the palace. I know. I fucking know alright? And I have you reminding me every day how lowly my life is. Fuck it, I do not care. Life is a bitch, we don't choose where we're raised but what I won't take you fucking iceberg of a being is you trying to tell me if my feelings are true or not. Don't you remember or did you erase it from your memory completely? I was with you when you found Kiula. I held you as you fell to the ground, screaming and I cried too not because I cared he was dead. Because I cared about you and I felt like my heart was being ripped off seeing you like this. I cried because I fucking knew, I knew you would hate me and push me away, even after everyhting I did to get close to you. I always know and always will. And that's the most horrible thing." Lun exploded, leaving Xan speechless.
"Do you want me to pity you?" The prince asked him, choosing the most horrible words to answer but once he had said them, he realized it was already too late. Lun snorted, a bitter smile on his face and this time he punched the wall, forcing a hole through it.
"I don't want your ridiculous pity. All I ever wanted was you but all I ever did get was your hate. Fuck you Xan, you don't know anything about me or my feelings. And yes, there is a girl in my room, that's because I have to feed. So never look me in the eyes with that snobbish expression of yours and tell me that my feelings are disrespectful because I will never even look at you again." he warned him.
"You're not really drunk are you?" Xan asked him.
"Once you find the right words, come find you. Asshole." he swore at him and turned around.
Xan extended his hand, meaning to reach him but once more his heart and mind did not agree. His hand fell lifeless as if he had never moved it and he watched Lun leave, open the door of his room and disappear.
He was right. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know what Lun was thinking, he didn't know what was happening to him. Xan bit his bottom lip, messing up his well styled hair as looked at the closed door.
Lun and him, they were broken. They were never going to get fixed.
...
You may not know but this...this is my favorite couple.
Which one is yours? Also let me know, what kind of pairings you would be interested in seeing?
You can read the novel fast updates at novel35.com or SweetNovel.Net
Chapter 107: 106
It was odd. The feeling of knowing yourself, the things you would do and wouldn't, all those small details like your preferences. You know yourself, just like the back of your palm but somehow you end up being surprised by your own actions. If what I am looking at in the mirror is the person I know best, hundreds of years of knowledge gathered up, why do I find myself doing the most surprising things? You should be one with your body, be a part of your soul and heart but why is your mind detached? Why can't you simply coexist?
Xan was disciplined, he was strong and level headed. He was smart and handsome, came from a good and powerful family, followed the rules exactly how they were written and didn't ask questions. Many described him as perfect, the one and only who could be so fitting to become a king. He would smile, take their compliments like love letters but when he was alone he would crumble the nice words. He didn't believe them.
And why would he? He wasn't perfect and he would never be. No matter how many mirrors he changed, no matter how many glasses he punched, shuttering the beautiful images they showed he could never find perfection in his reflection like everyone else did. That was because he knew. Xan, the crown prince of the Avger family was separated from his heart. His mind and his soul could not coexist and because of that he was incomplete.
The snow haired man always knew what he was supposed to do, he had heard it many times ever since he had been a child. Bear with it, wear your clothes properly, don't forget your manners, check your food for poison first. His life was like a script and he had read it all, all the way till the end. Nothing was surprising, nothing was exciting, all that until…
Until he met him. Kiula was his name, a young nobleman with a stunning smile. He used to dance and laugh so loudly. He was everything Xan couldn't be and above all he didn't see him as perfect. Kiula could see through the fake smile, he felt offended by it and that made Xan believe that maybe the world wasn't so bad, not everyone wore a mask after all. For just a short time he had believed that Xan, him as a person and not as the crown prince had existed to be with him. Just for a mere second he got a taste of happiness until…
Until he died. He left him all alone in the most depressing and self hating way. His love, the one with the beautiful smile, the one who danced and smelled like flowers had withered away like a rose in a forgotten vase in the corner of the room. He slowly stopped smiling and his eyes had lost all emotion. He became agitated and sensitive, he became distant until in the end he simply became a corpse and Xan could do nothing about it because no matter what he did was not enough.
He had been the last person, the last name, and the last being that had seen Xan as Xan. After that his soul died, leaving him the incomplete being he got so used to seeing in the mirror. He was just a mind, a little actor following the script someone else wrote for him. The crown prince wasn't perfect. He was simply dead. Void of any emotion.
But in moments like these. In those few seconds that he stood in the corridor, seeing Lun with a girl in his embrace, ready to enter his room, something would stir in him. It wasn't his mind, he knew that very well, it was something else and he hated it. He hated himself, his rotting soul and the fact that he couldn't hate him completely. Xan stared at him, the young vampire still unaware of his presence.
Was it possible for someone to hate Lun? The man who seemed to exist in this world just to be a vampire? The one who accepted and embraced his nature better than anyone else? How could you not hate Lun? He had asked himself again and again, wanting to pull his hair out. He killed him, his family did it. He ruined everything and you don't hate him? That's why Xan wasn't perfect. Because his soul and his mind would never align. He would have to put one to sleep to hear the other. He had killed his soul the day his love died but Lun, he was affecting him in ways he didn't like.
After a while the vampire noticed him, half drunk he was fumbling with the key of his room, the girl giggling next to him. He dropped it, falling on the floor and he crouched to catch it. As he raised his head he met Xan's eyes, a lazy smile on his face.
"Well, hello." he had greeted him and the prince looked at him disgusted. "What's with that face?' Lun asked.
"Are you drunk?" Xan asked, or more like, he stated and the vampire laughed. He opened the door, pushing the girl gently in.
"Wait for me for a second, I will be right there." he told her in a sweet tone and closed the door, making sure he wouldn't make much noise.
The truth was that Lun wasn't really drunk. He was simply pretending to be because Xan was there, he had noticed him from the very first second he had entered the hallway. His eyes would always look towards him after all. Sometimes though, it was easier to deal with things if you lied and tonight, it wasn't a good night.
"Don't make your little girl wait" Xan said, crossing his arms over his chest"
"Jealous?" Lun asked him playfully. He walked towards him, his footsteps light as he hummed a song. He stood before the prince, his eyes glazed with the happiness of alcohol as he heard the white haired man scoff.
"No, definitely no but I am curious." he said and Lun raised his eyebrow, sharing his curiosity but for different reasons.
"About what?"
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"Weren't you the one who said they liked me? But the second I turn away you bring a girl to your room." Xan commented and for a split moment Xan seemed to be taken aback. He looked at the prince, trying to understand if he was actually jealous or just curious. He deeply wished it was the first, nonetheless he didn't show it. He smiled, looking at the prince right in his cold eyes."You shouldn't be saying things like that so easily. It's disrespectful." Xan said and the brown haired vampire laughed.
"Really? Disrespectful? Is that how you'll describe how I feel?"
"You take things way too lightly, telling someone you love them when you have a woman in…"
"Why does it matter to you?" Lun interrupted him. "You know, I can take the insults. I am fine with them really, to some extent I even share your opinions…."
"What do you mean you share my opinions?" Xan asked, a deep wrinkle forming in between his eyebrows. He was confused and Lun, he seemed to be angry, he was raising his tone. His hand resting as a fist on the wall.
"I know, I know very well who I am and what my family does. I know oh so well everyone in that shiny palace of yours thinks that I am scum, they couldn't wait to get me out here to search for Kai, all that so I wouldn't be in the palace. I know. I fucking know alright? And I have you reminding me every day how lowly my life is. Fuck it, I do not care. Life is a bitch, we don't choose where we're raised but what I won't take you fucking iceberg of a being is you trying to tell me if my feelings are true or not. Don't you remember or did you erase it from your memory completely? I was with you when you found Kiula. I held you as you fell to the ground, screaming and I cried too not because I cared he was dead. Because I cared about you and I felt like my heart was being ripped off seeing you like this. I cried because I fucking knew, I knew you would hate me and push me away, even after everyhting I did to get close to you. I always know and always will. And that's the most horrible thing." Lun exploded, leaving Xan speechless.
"Do you want me to pity you?" The prince asked him, choosing the most horrible words to answer but once he had said them, he realized it was already too late. Lun snorted, a bitter smile on his face and this time he punched the wall, forcing a hole through it.
"I don't want your ridiculous pity. All I ever wanted was you but all I ever did get was your hate. Fuck you Xan, you don't know anything about me or my feelings. And yes, there is a girl in my room, that's because I have to feed. So never look me in the eyes with that snobbish expression of yours and tell me that my feelings are disrespectful because I will never even look at you again." he warned him.
"You're not really drunk are you?" Xan asked him.
"Once you find the right words, come find you. Asshole." he swore at him and turned around.
Xan extended his hand, meaning to reach him but once more his heart and mind did not agree. His hand fell lifeless as if he had never moved it and he watched Lun leave, open the door of his room and disappear.
He was right. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know what Lun was thinking, he didn't know what was happening to him. Xan bit his bottom lip, messing up his well styled hair as looked at the closed door.
Lun and him, they were broken. They were never going to get fixed.
...
You may not know but this...this is my favorite couple.
Which one is yours? Also let me know, what kind of pairings you would be interested in seeing?
You can read the novel fast updates at novel35.com or SweetNovel.Net
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