Chapter 195: 194

He wanted to avoid him but considering the fact that he lived at his house, or better phrased, palace, it was obvious he wouldn't be succeeding. 

Also there was this thing too where Lun just couldn't simply let anything Xan says go. It was as if the man had been rooted in him like a very mischievous parasite that he couldn't let go.

He was describing him in his mind the most horrible way, trying to picture him with horns and a funny nose but as he left the library and watched the white haired vampire lazily lay back on the wall he just couldn't think of him as a caricature anymore.

The resemblance to Kai was obvious, it was clear they were family but at the same time the crown prince had a whole different aura around him. His characteristics were stronger, with a sharp nose and fox like eyes, a vibrant blue that when he was angry could freeze you. He stood always proudly, his judgemental look his most usual expression while his hair, white like snow was pushed back strictly.

"What do you want?" Xan asked him. "I thought you wanted to get away from me. You have been avoiding me all this time."

"Does it bother you? That I've been avoiding you?" Lun asked, a faint grin on his handsome face. 

It was a game, everything operated like a game in this little exchange of theirs and Lun had accepted it by now. He couldn't handle the long night that he stood alone, thinking if he would ever be loved. The pain of rejection was unbearable especially when you had the one who did it shoved in your face every day. One night, as he kept thinking and thinking about Xan he realized it. This whole situation was a game, a badly planned one but all he had to do was embrace it to make Xan annoyed and crazy, make him turn out like him. 

"I am bothered by that horrible attitude of yours." Xan said, standing up and staring at him.

"I've been avoiding you as you said so tell me what kind of attitude you're talking about? I am really curious."

"That last time, in your room." Xan whispered as if he was afraid that someone would hear him. Lun scoffed, his expression showing how offended he was.

"The last time in my room what? Elaborate a bit further please. I don't remember" he joked and the crown prince sighed, his fingertips landing at the bridge of his nose. 

"You know what I am talking about. The kiss. The kiss" he whispered hysterically and for a brief moment his face and ears turned a very cute shade of pink. Lun noticed it, it wasn't something someone like him would overlook and smiled. There were some rare moments between them, moments like this one when Xan didnt seem.so dar away from him, when he was simply flustered and embarrassed. "So why are you avoiding me?" He asked him again, seeming to be a bit concerned and Lun couldn't stop himself. He started laughing. "Why are you laughing, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"You're really a mystery you know." Lun stated after he stopped. "You don't want me near you but complain when I leave you alone, you curse at me and say you want me dead but for some reason you always run to protect me. You tell me you don't want me but you will gladly kiss me. So Xan tell me, have you gone mad?" Lun asked, one of his eyebrows raised as he stared at the crown prince.

A sigh escaped the white haired vampire's lips and it came out almost like a small whistle. He shook his head, confused with his own thoughts and raised his face so he could look at Lun. The brunette waited patiently, his dark eyes gently landing on him and Xan felt a pierce in his chest, as if someone had just pinched him with the smallest needle. He couldn't see it but he could clearly feel it.

"You and I will never work out." Xan stafed and Lun tried to hide how hurt he felt by that. "I obviously know that but sometimes I can't help but think of you. Mother would go insane at the thought of it and everyone I know will think I am insane. I can't afford to be a laughingstock when I am the crown prince, I don't have the luxury of making new enemies just because they don't agree with my choice of partner. There are so many things that you don't get and I do…"

"I do feel like there is a but in all this." Lun mumbled, noticing how perplexed Xan looked. The prince rubbed the back of his neck, another sigh, this time deeper and longer as the pieces in his mind begged to take the form of words and travel to Lun.

"There is a but. A but I never wished existed but no matter what I do I can't stop it."

"Tell me then."

"What difference will it make? You and I... we're doomed." 

"It will. It will change everything so tell me." Lun said.

Xan looked around them, wanting to know if anyone was there, eavesdropping. He knew his mother had given strict instructions for most of his conversations to be documented and this far things were pretty clear but still, he wanted only Lun to hear this. He tended his hand, a pale.palm open waiting as he looked at him with a shy stare.

Lun frowned, his eyebrow cocked because he couldn't understand but still his palm landed on Xan's, cold skin on cold skin and the next second they disappeared.

He was hit by a strong wind, it was one of those days in BloodBound where the wind would make all the dust from the dry soil rise and get into your eyes. Lun coughed, rubbing his eyes and looking around noticing that somehow Xan had taken him on the rooftop of the tallest tower. Both of them were standing on a small piece made of tile.

"Shit" Lun mumbled taking a careless step and almost falling. Xan grabbed him, wrapping his arm around his waist and bringing him closer, the tips of their noses touching. 

"I didn't bring you here so you could fall off." He told him and the brunette scoffed. 

Lun had barely managed to take a look at the scenery but he was positive they were in the west side of the palace, far back and away from the main building. Everywhere around him he could see barren land, dry soil and the red sky while he stood on top of a dark tower, shielded by Xan's embrace. It was not a very fairy tale like scenery, that was the truth but somehow this moment felt like it was too good to be true.

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"Maybe you want to get rid of me so you won't have any more second thoughts" 

"Maybe." Xan said with a small smirk.

"Tell me about your but." 

"That sounded pretty wrong."

"You know what I mean, don't avoid the situation."

"If I wanted to avoid the situation I would have dropped you already." Xan reminded him and playfully pretended to let go of him. Lun huffed, for a second, surprised as he gripped his shirt tightly.

"You little bitch." Lun swore and made Xan laugh.

"This is my but. My but is literally you, the way you talk, the way you're not scared of me or fake worship me. Everything you do is a reminder that I can't just let go of you and it's torturing but at the same time. Right here and now, I get to feel happy and that doesn't happen often. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep I have things to do, a way I'm supposed to be but when I am with you, it's different. I can curse and frown, scoff and fight. I don't have to be a prince and that's scary because that's all I know how to be." He confessed and Lun looked at him with wide dark eyes. His eyelashes fluttered, showing his confusion. 

"How...what...where did all this come from."

"I can't stand it when you're avoiding me. It scares me that you're trying to let go and believe me I do know there are lots of candidates waiting for you out there. So yeah. I...just stop avoiding me okay?" 

"And then what?" Lun asked him, his expression turning serious. "What will happen? Will you talk to me? Will we be friends maybe fuck buddies? You want it all Xan. You want to be the prince. You want to have me but not fully commit not give me what I want. Yes, you can't imagine how happy I am to hear you say all these things but what will happen next? Because you will definitely not take my hand and present me to your mommy as your boyfriend so what? You can't imagine how much I want to kiss you right now and how hard it is going against my whole body to not do so." 

"Then kiss me." Xan said and Lun shook his head. 

"I will not kiss you. I will never kiss you again, touch you again, talk to you until you have figured things out. I am not your toy and as you said, there are others who would kill to be with me."

"I don't want to lose you Lun." Xan said, a sad expression on his face. "But I am scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"That we will end up like my brother. And then I will lose you in a way I can never have you back. Like...like last time."

"Look at me Xan." He said, cupping his face with his palms. "It will not happen. Something like that would never happen. I swear. But if you don't make a decision, then you will lose me." He warned him and Xan nodded. He knew he didn't have more time, he knew that now he has said everything there was no turning back.

"Be with me Lun." He said, his voice shaking.

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes, I am sick of this back and forth. I want to be myself and I want to be with you." He said and Lun smiled.

"Now I will kiss you." Lun stated and grabbed the prince by his shirt, bringing him closer and uniting their lips. Another kiss, their third but it felt like the first. Lun's heart was racing, his breath was short and Xan's taste was sweeter than any candy. He was perfect, everything for these mere seconds was perfect.

"There is something though…" Xan said, making Lun frown after their kiss ended. 

"What?"

"We will have to keep our relationship a secret." 

"You have to be fucking kidding me!" Lun exclaimed, annoyed.

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