Chapter 212: 211

Kai was on his way to speak to his mother, his thoughts for the first time lightweight, a slight hum on his lips as he remembered a song that he had listened to before he had come to BloodBound. Not many vampires were around, everyone was busy with the last details of the event, running around, cleaning up the dusty guest houses, decorating the throne room and the ballroom. His mother would definitely have a bunch of events designed, she always liked to show off and especially when it had werewolves involved. That was good for Kai, she would be too busy to actually bother with him and with his father's promise he would finally be able to talk to Philip. 

He couldn't help but smile at that though, the truth that had been kept deep inside his chest for years, locked away would finally be released. Everything he ever wanted, this moment when he would end up being free, this moment when everything would make sense and he would be allowed to be himself to love the one he adored. 

On his way to the throne room though he was stopped. John was walking in the corridor, his head dropped, shoulders slouched and a depressed expression on his face. The young werewolf had his hands in his pockets, walking slowly and the prince frowned, observing him for a while before he figured out he should ask him what had happened. Kai called him but John didn't hear him, buried deep in his thoughts he kept walking and only turned around when the vampire patted his shoulder, a dull expression on his face as he met with his blue eyes. 

"Hey, are you alright?" Kai asked.

"I…" John mumbled and looked at Kai. His smile was caring, his expression showing worry and the werewolf felt his heart break. It would have been so much easier if you were evil, he thought. Then  I would be able to hate you, project my anger somewhere else but you saved me. He took a deep breath, trying to forget that Soran had rejected him for Kai. he tried to smile, a distorted expression on his face, looking rather scary. "I am fine, how are you?" he asked like a robot and Kai's frown deepened.

"John, I can see that you're not well. What happened?" he asked again. 

He didn't want to tell him. He didn't want Kai to feel even more pity for him, to see him as a broken child. He hated it, that expression, like a concerned parent. If it wasn't for you maybe Soran would love me. No, if it wasn't for you I would probably be dead in some alley. He reminded himself. John felt ungrateful, he felt stupid and even spoiled, having such thoughts. He bit his lip, trying to ignore the pain in his chest, trying to keep inside everything. 

"I am here, you know that, you can tell me everything." he said, his tone so smooth, so low as if he was singing a lullaby and John couldn't hold it in any longer. The disappointment, the fear, the hate. He felt so messed up, like he would never smile again. 

"Why is this happening to me, Boss?" he cried, his eyes immediately overflowing with tears. Kai's eyes widened at the sudden explosion and he grabbed John, hugging him and letting him cry in his chest. "Why do I have to be so unlucky? Why? What did I ever do?" he asked, not waiting for an answer but he kept asking himself that. What had he done so wrong to have this fate, why was he being punished?

"John, what happened?" Kai asked, caressing his short hair as the werewolf took a step back so he could look at him.

"I messed it up, I couldn't keep it in and I ruined everything. He says he wants to be away from me. He says he will never like me. How am I supposed to live, life after life all alone? What should I do?" he asked, his eyes glazed with sadness, the tears making them sparkle and Kai's expression changed, looking as if he was in pain with him. 

"Did Soran find out? That you're his mate?" he asked and John nodded, whipping the tears of his face aggressively. 

"I don't know what to do. It hurts, I never thought I could hurt this much, no matter what I do…I tried to die, I tried to…"

"Wait, what? What did you just say John?" Kai asked him, grabbing him by his arms and looking at him with a stern expression. "Don't ever say that. Die? No, you survived so many horrible things, you have been so strong all your life. You can't give up now. You and Soran are mates, that does not affect only you, it affects him too. I know because I have lived it. He is just in denial, he is scared and he is not used to this. I am sure that he will come around."

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"You don't have to try and comfort me." 

"I am not doing that to comfort you!" Kai told him. "I am telling you this because that's what I believe, I would never lie to you about something so important or try to give you false hope." 

"I don't think I can keep trying. I am tired, I…I just can't be around him." John said, his eyes landing on his shoes, time, maybe that's what he needed.

"Then don't, take your time, you have literally all the time in the world, four hundred, five hundred years even more. I know you want Soran but first you must love yourself. If you don't see how amazing you are John, then how are others going to see it?" Kai said while he wore a soft smile. He patted John in the head, the werewolf now seeming a bit calmer. "If we love ourselves others will see us too. I know it sounds weird and I am still struggling with it too but it's true."

"Why would you struggle with that? You're beautiful." 

"And you're not?" 

"I am just…normal."

"Normal? What do you mean? Your dark eyes are beautiful, you smile brings everyone joy, all of us, even Lun have a soft spot for you, haven't you noticed it? And not only because you're beautiful on the outside but on the inside too and Soran would be blind not to see it sooner or later. Give it time, give him time and work on yourself. Then you will see, Soran will come to you." Kai said, a grin on his face. "Believe me I have my share of relationship experience." 

"Alright. Boss…"

"Tell me."

"Thank you, for everything you've done for me. For saving me and not leaving me behind." John told him and hugged him, feeling Kai hug him back. The vampire prince squeezed him, playfully raising a bit off the ground and John chuckled. 

"Don't thank me. You were my first human friend and now, my first werewolf friend. You're special John, more than you know." 

...

All of us need friends like my boys.

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