“Why are you here?”
Kano keeps plucking an incoherent melody on his little guitar, the one I stole for him, humming to a song which must only exist in his mind. I don’t think he heard me.
“Kano,” I say. He keeps twiddling. He still doesn’t hear me.
“Kano,” I repeat, a little louder. He hums a shrill, misplaced note, convulsing in some imaginary crescendo…
“KANO!”
He jumps, nearly dropping the instrument.
“Sorry,” he mumbles. “Did you say something?”
He straightens up, scoots into the headboard, and stares towards the mouse hole in the corner. I sigh and shut my eyes.
“Why are you here?” I ask, making no attempt to be gentle.
“What do you mean?”
“Shouldn’t you be in class?”
I trundle to the window, focusing on a browning leaf shuddering in the breeze. Kano scoffs, and in the glass, his reflection crosses its arms, the guitar still draped across his lap.
“Shouldn’t you?” he says.
“They’re not going to come looking for me,” I say. “You, however…”
“If you want me to leave, I’ll leave.”
He scoots to the edge of his bed, as if he means to stand, but he doesn’t. We’ve barely spoken for weeks, not since that night. I still haven’t apologized.
“That’s not what I meant,” I say, scratching my neck. “I just want to know why you’re here.”
A strong gust shakes the brown-edged leaf. It grips its branch for dear life, even as its siblings break and fall away. Neither of us speaks. Neither of us moves. Kano hums, hesitating. I chew on my cheek, waiting…
“People are scared of you, you know,” he finally says, sliding the guitar to the floor.
“Obviously. I don’t see what that’s got to do with anything.”
I pace back to my bed and sit down next to Cabbage, who stirs from his twitchy slumber. Kano chuckles humorlessly, collapsing over himself.
“They’re not scared of me,” he says to his feet, raking his fingers through his hair. I catch a glimpse of his neck. His hair falls, covering the purple and black bruise, but it’s too late. I’ve seen it. My blood goes cold. I breathe deeply, clench my fist, and look away.
“Did they gang up on you?” I ask, keeping my voice steady.
“Just two,” he mutters.
“They’re cowards,” I growl. “If they weren’t afraid of you, they wouldn’t fight two against one.”
“It’s not the same. Nobody ever tries to hurt you.”
“If I could go back to getting stuffed into trash bins and pelted with rocks, I would,” I snap. He goes quiet. “Believe me, it’s a lot easier just being hated than it is being hated and feared. I almost k-killed someone…”
I sniff, furrowing my brow. Silence lingers like a storm cloud between us. I fix my eyes on my bare feet, focusing on my right big toe, its shape and mossy gray color… Anything but that memory. My toe twitches every time I hear those footsteps behind me, every time I see my knees hit the dirt. It twitches, reminding me of where I am. It keeps me from flashing back…
But a different memory surfaces: the same stone bench, a little bit later. The same sun, the same patterns in the dirt… a different set of feet.
Hey.
I glance at the half-human, wilting on his bed.
That scar is pretty badass.
I blink. My right eyelid drags, just a little. It always does…
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Can I sit here?
It hits me. I stifle my breath. My shoulders tremble. Kano tilts his head.
“What…?”
I laugh. I can’t help it. His eyebrows pinch together.
“I can’t believe I didn’t realize it until now.”
What are you, anyway? Half orc or something?
“Realize what?”
Cabbage’s eyes part to slivers, ears twitching. My chest feels as though someone has taken a stirring rod to it.
“Why you’re here.”
He looks like he’s been caught in a lie, hanging his head like that.
“You thought they’d stop bullying you if you started hanging out with me.”
I watch for his reaction. He sits motionless, hugging his stomach.
“Look,” I say, “I get it—”
“Sh-shut up,” he whispers.
I stop and fold my hands. Cabbage yawns and stretches, poking me with his feet. Kano clutches his head, elbows digging into his knees. I hold my breath. I don’t know why. It feels wrong to disturb the air right now.
“It worked for a while,” he finally says. “But a lot of people think you’ve left for good since you never come to class anymore.”
“Mr. Greenhead is a dick,” I spit, bristling.
“Yeah… My class is almost done with the Duén section, though, and I think we started it around the same time.”
I dig at the dirt beneath my fingernails. Cabbage rolls over and blankets himself with his wings.
“I don’t believe a word of it,” he says.
“You’d have to be an idiot to believe that bull,” I grumble.
“This place is loaded with idiots,” Kano says, finally getting up from the bed to take his cigarettes from his pocket. “We really should just get out of here.”
I start a little, taken off guard. We? After I said those terrible things…? Why would he want to go with me?
He lights up a smoke and passes it to me before lighting one for himself. I steal a glance at his bruise. For as dark and as wide as it is… I shiver, shaking away the thought, and take a deep, warm drag, exhaling the smoke through my nose, steadying my trembling fist.
“You know the city better than I do,” I say. “Lead the way.”
He nods. My body unconsciously drifts towards him, like wind pulled into a window…
“Just…”
I stop. Our eyes connect for a second. I take another drag. Cabbage gives me a knowing look.
“Don’t leave without me.”
He hovers in my peripheral. So close…
I focus on the browning leaf. Focus on its tenuous grasp. Focus on keeping my tears hidden away.
“I won’t…”
Then, the leaf falls from the tree, joining the rest in the grass.
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