Chapter 42: 51. Disappear

Pak

(The City)

 

I twist my wrist and step away. My hand slides harmlessly through theirs. A hot pulse ripples through the crowd. Weapons unsheathe. They erupt with noise, shouting and cursing and…

Something cracks in the uproar, snapping, spitting, sizzling. I know this sound all too well. Hot, dry air swallows my wide-open eyes. The flame’s wind scrapes against my skin, my scar, and I see Lilia’s burning palm close around my eyes, Grandmother’s fire-licked fingers hovering over my face. I don’t have time to process the feeling. I don’t even know if it’s real. My legs snap like an overwound guitar string, flinging me through the gate.

Heavy footsteps break the earth behind me. They are wolves pursuing a deer. The world blurs as the floodgates break, and the ground bounces ahead. I am not a runner. Running makes me feel sick.

Someone grabs the back of my hood. My feet fly, and I land on my back. Pain overwhelms me, like needles pushed into each vertebrae, all the way up to my neck. Someone kicks my side. I roll over, curling up like a spider. They yell and scream and spray me with spit, demanding my punishment, my death. I cover my head. They kick me, stomp me, crush me to pulp. I want to float away, the way I always do, but my body won’t release its grasp on my mind. I feel every blow from start to finish.

It hurts so much. I try to go invisible. Every cell that forms me seems to rip itself apart. I scream. Can they hear me? Sand and gravel fills my throat. My teeth crunch against the rock. I crave the numbness, the sky. Just let me go. Please. I just want to float away.

FWHUMP. FWHUMP. FWHUMP. FWHUMP. FWHUMP.

This must be what it feels like to die. I thought I was ready.

I just want to…

 

Pip.

 

Someone howls with laughter. My tongue tastes iron and dirt. My fingers tingle, the same way they do right before the weapon’s handle meets my sweaty palm. The heartbeat throbs in my ears.

 

BA-DUM BA-DUM BA-DUM BA-DUM BA-DUM

 

They keep laughing. What is so funny…?

Wait…

…Is that me?

What… What was I saying…?

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I just want to…

 

D I S A P P E A R

 

Pip.

 

Everything stops. The kicking, the yelling… Am I dead? I must be…

My eyes flutter open. Red colors the whole world around me, as if my pupils are stained with blood. I see the dirt stuck under toenails staring back at me, inches from my face. Sandals and shoes scrape up the earth, shuffling, stumbling back. Do they know they’ve killed me? I wince through a sharp pain in my chest. The dead shouldn’t feel any pain.

I groan and crane my neck, somehow able to move, just a little. A dozen red faces look down on me, eyes wide and searching, panicked. Their mouths move, but all I hear is ringing, a bell’s chime drawn out forever. A guard cuts through the small crowd and bends over my body, eyes shining behind the slits in his visor. He draws his sword, letting it hover over my face, its point barely quivering, then lowers it as if to poke me, but he doesn’t quite poke me.

Another guard pushes her way in, an elf. The one with the sword shoots upright and gestures wildly towards the city. The elf freezes, gapes, and runs, skin glimmering and red, glinting the late sun into my eyes. The people disperse, twisting their heads and legs around in some sort of mad dance. What are they looking for…?

The human guard paces, looking at me and away, at me and away, over and over. He takes off his helmet and slicks back his sweaty black hair. His neck veins bulge. He grinds his teeth. Obscenities splatter from his mouth. He thrashes, kicks the dirt, screams and throws his helmet right at my legs, but I don’t feel it hit me. I don’t feel a thing. It doesn’t make any sense…

I fight to lift my head and look down at my body. The helmet is submerged in my flesh, like a boulder in the sand. My heart races… but the dead shouldn’t have racing hearts. None of this makes sense. I grunt through the agony of sitting upright and stretch out my trembling hand. I graze the helmet’s surface, fingertips on heated metal, but my fingers pass through it, like breaking through water. On the other side, I sense the humidity lingering from the guard’s sweaty head, but that’s all. I lay back down, unable to bear the strain on my muscles.

 

BA-DUM. BA-DUM. BA-DUM.

 

The weapon pulses in the earth, thrumming through my body. It shattered the ground beside my head. The guard kneels beside me, running his hand across the cracks in the rocky terrain, but his hand passes through the weapon, still stuck in the center of the web of broken earth.

I laugh. My lungs crackle and my stomach burns, but I still laugh. I can’t help it. I always wanted to go invisible. I always tried so hard. It finally worked… But I’m not just invisible.

I am incorporeal.

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