Chapter 182: Chapter 181 ~ Unresolved

I settle into a state of meditation, flowing the mana about in a slow careful cycle. Controlling the mana inside is a strange experience, it’s less like moving a muscle, and more like juggling bags of milk underwater without touching them. There’s something inside of me that pulls at the mana and keeps it moving in a cycling motion, allowing me to condense it.

There are more layers of understanding to this that still feels rather strange to me, the fact that I can move and direct ‘active mana’ while the ‘static mana’ remains in place inside my body until it forms into a spell, whereupon it’s expelled into the magic. Yet the active and static mana is not simply tied together but genuinely the same thing in two places at once.

The scientific details like that don’t really concern me at the moment. What’s more concerning is functionality.

 My mana density is currently around the 5,000 mark, which is a huge step back from where I was at just a little while ago, but it’s not as if I can’t just consume more mana whenever I need to and get back to that point.

In theory, it shouldn’t be a problem at all.

My issue comes from keeping it all under control. To get past the 12000 units soft limit from my shattered liquid core, I need to fully liquidise my mana form. When I set my mind to try to do this, my focus slips away from me.

I see Eshya and Vii disappearing in a violent explosion, and half my attention, already expanded via my multi-mind Skill, turns towards my lovers, confirming that nothing is wrong. Making sure that they’re safe, and alive, and healthy.

When I try to press on with my liquid development, I start panicking and new visions float through my mind.

The threads of annihilation running through my mind as I see my body falling apart. My own flesh divided, broken, scarred, changed. I can’t shake the image away, the flow of my mana speeds up as my heart trembles with the desire to summon annihilation magic.

Without a target, I refuse, but the mana instead just swirls out of my power and leaks out of my flesh.

I reign in my breathing, only just now realizing that I’ve lost control. My head feels light from hyperventilation, but after a little meditation, I return to myself.

Letting out a sigh, I set my focus onto the adaptions that I’ve developed instead. My mind, heart, and my… ah… waste disposal.

I have no complaints for any of them.

My newly forged ass has served its purpose well. I’ve not been constipated since the day I adapted annihilation magic into the process, and I’ll never have to worry about it ever again.

My heart, meanwhile, has had a rather more impressive adaption and has proven its value above all others. It’s been useful in further pressing the development of my talent. It was boosting my magic when I blasted apart Loekan and his flaming undead army of vine infested corpses, and the results are nothing to whine about.

My mind, which should be the most useful of adapted parts, hasn’t been very useful so far. I can slow my perception of time with a great expenditure of mana, but the truth is, my recent tactic of acting like an artillery truck really has made it useless.

Putting my everything into every attack really is powerful, but it has its issues. I should try to round out my development now that I have the chance, but I also need to get myself back to the point where I can field my maximum power again before trouble finds me.

There are countless other potential adaptions that I can take, but many of them demand serious mana to make real. Something I can’t manage right this moment.

As I break from my meditation, the teacher approaches me, floating over to my side with a worried expression.

“How are you? Have you encountered more trouble with your mana development?” She asks, settling down on the chair beside me.

“I… managed to reach a true liquid stage.” I say, settling back onto the soft chair. “It’s… I was a little overwhelmed by just how difficult it can be to move that much mana around.”

“How much mana are you talking about?” The misted teacher asks.

Persephone. Her name is Persephone.

I’ve neglected so many people, forgetting their names as I focus on that next goal that I need to reach right this moment.

I need to pay more attention to the details, and I need to develop more than just raw power. Social skills, for example would be rather nice. Not something magical or over the top like my Skills, just the ability to sit down and make friends without being an asshole.

“I was on the edge of crystallisation.” I say, tighting my hands into fists as the scars reappear over my arms. The itching gets worse, as other thoughts flood my mind. The goat girl. The ships crash. Losing Eshya and Vii.

“Calm down. You’re okay now.” The teachers soft touch on the back of my hand brings me back. Everyone is safe, I can see the world around them, and there’s no threats. My city is secured, the worst thing happening at the moment is that a few gremlins are receiving a lecture from Fodder for vandalising the streets.

“The crystallisation process is a little different to the last stages. You’ll need to adapt your flesh to be better capable of accepting crystallised mana, it’s expensive, and it is not easy.” She wears a worried look. “Should I be concerned about the origin of the mana that you gathered?”

“It’s come from nowhere.” I say, pointing at the ground beneath our feet. “The place which doesn’t exist according to the welfare officers.”

“Please don’t say anything more.” Persephone begs, shaking her head and taking a moment to think.

What if she tells on us?

The thought races through my mind. Can we still get in trouble with the welfare officers with Adler on our side? Unless they find her out first…

Kill her before she can say anything. Annihilate her before she can turn on us.

I force the violent thought down, feeling the terror swirling behind it. I’m not going to kill her out of paranoia.

“It’s my duty as a teacher to assist you how I can.” She says. “I won’t bother to ask for any details more than the general difficulties you’re experiencing. It’s not my place to know.

“So getting to the point, I want you to be careful with the adaption process. Unlike most people, you’ll have a frightfully easy time passing through that boundary, so long as you can source the mana.”

“How is that?” I ask, straightening up.

“You can survive losing most of your mana, where others can’t.” She says. “I’m sure that you’ve explored the physical adaptions that you can take? Many of them are incredibly expensive. For ordinary people like me to be able to afford that, we’d need tools to expand on our mana pool.”

“Like potions?”

“No, even potions can’t add to a full bucket. To expand your mana pool beyond yourself, you need to find some way to store your mana into a special artifact that won’t allow your mana to denature. It must remain your mana for this to work.

“This is an important process for liquid stage beings like myself, and we will slowly invest mana into developing such artifacts. Then we will slowly ready our bodies for the evolution into the crystal stage.”

“Okay? I don’t need to worry about that then.” Even if I was normal, my throne can contain a frankly ridiculous sum of mana when I get down to it, and my armour serves the same purpose. I’m more worried about helping my ‘harem’ of lovers take that next step, perhaps Red and a few select others too.

“No, it is something you needn’t worry about.” There’s a hint of jealousy to her voice but she covers it well.

“What’s more important to you is the adaptions themselves. Not all adaptions will tune your flesh to handle crystalised mana, so pay close attention when developing yourself.”

“Okay, but what does it mean for my flesh to be ready to take on mana crystallisation?” I ask.

“Crystallised mana takes up more space in your physical flesh compared to liquid or gaseous states.” She says. “It weaves into your muscles, bones, and organs. You should be able to adapt for that change on it’s own, you’ll recognise the right adaptions on instinct, I hope.”

“You hope?”

“Much of this process relies on your own intuition to guide you. You’ve changed your flesh already, you should understand what it’s like.”

Good thing that we’ve further updated Chip to give me a more categorical measure of my adaptions. Being guided by my feelings is a good way to end up a black hole of annihilation when I’m in a particularly bad mood.

 Nodding at her explanation, I lean back in my seat.

Unfortunately, this isn’t my actual problem.

My mana is still stuck in the shattered liquid core stage that I somewhat invented. It’s not a good invention, and I certainly wouldn’t patent it, it would only bring shame to my fine name and I don’t need historians like Vii writing down how I had a shitty development into my liquid stage that I got stuck with because I rushed things.

My name will only be well regarded because I’ll be the one overseeing the histories… or maybe Vii, but I’m sure she’ll only write good things.

I’ll buy her something pretty when class is over.

“That wasn’t your problem, was it?” Persephone asks, leaning back into the chair, though her misted form barely shifts the cushions beneath her at all.

“You don’t want to know.” I reply, trying to set my mana form straight. I need a pure liquid mana state, not this broken core.

I can force a full liquid state by returning to gaseous and redeveloping again, but holding onto it is difficult as the liquid mana keeps condensing back into shards when I’m not paying enough attention.

“Set aside the… unpleasant details, and I’ll help you however I can.” She offers.

I’ve trusted my teachers before and they haven’t screwed me over just yet. So long as I’m vague about the details, it won’t even sound like I was out flouting the rules to the point that the welfare officers need to get involved.

“I nearly got two people, who I love dearly, killed.” I say frankly. “They were saved, but not by me. I just… I was too slow, I couldn’t control that much mana properly. Then, when I did cast my magic to try and… It backfired badly. I lost my arms, my face… I was healed right away, but I still feel wrong.

“And now, I can’t even develop my mana form properly. Every time I try, the images float through my mind and I just lose control, and the mana goes everywhere…” My fingers slowly trace out the lines of swirling annihilation, carved into my skin, but now healed.

“The scars, I still see them sometimes. Not just my own, but Vii’s too, and… We’re eating people. Every fucking lettuce leaf on the table here, or down below, or anywhere in the universe… it could be anyone… It could be Alo. She was taken by the welfare officers you know?

“If she doesn’t act right, then she’s on the menu.” I say, staring down at my own hands clutching one another.

I’m not like this. I shouldn’t be whining. I should be strong, and powerful.

Rather than complaining about Alo’s mistreatment, I need to be out there rescuing her, but my lips keep moving. My fingernails trace out the swirling lines on my arms, drawing them on my skin again.

“My ship crashed on the way here, you know? I was the only human survivor, and only because I was stupid enough to think jumping out of the ship would save me. It did, but I had no real way of knowing that it would. The air resistance was stronger because of the mana difference and…

“I should’ve died, then and there.”

“It sounds like there’s much that you’re carrying around with you.” Persephone says. “Do you have people you can talk to?”

“I do.” I say, “I speak with my lovers about it, but… just talking doesn’t make everything better again. They’re broken too, y’know, and the best we can figure to do is distract each other. There’s no fixing these things…”

“You’re moving too quickly.” Persephone says, resting a hand on my head. “You’re not broken. Everyone has experiences that have stuck with them, and everyone reacts differently. You need time to get used to these thoughts and experiences, until eventually you’ll find a way to live with them.

“Ignoring them does no good for you. You need to address these things. I won’t tell you how, that’s for you to figure out for yourself. It does sound like you won’t be able to fully recover your mana form until you’re feeling better however.”

“I have to get my power back.” I say, meeting her eyes. “If I’m too weak, then I’ll lose people. I can’t, I won’t accept that.”

“Then focus on dealing with these traumas.” Persephone says. “You have time.”

Do I have time?

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I have kids on the way. A city to run and to protect. A killer to deal with. Greedy merchants trying to mess about. Leon, an idealist that’s threatened to kill me if I’m not a kind enough dictator.

“It’s common for issues like this to slow your development. Growing your mana form takes focus. Just take your time and work through this.” Persephone says, offering a pleasant smile as she stands up. “Come see me if you need to talk. I’m willing to listen.”

I can only nod lamely. I’m an Empress of a tiny empire, not just some kid pretending. I can’t let myself be this pathetic.

“Are you alright?” Vii asks, hopping onto the chair at my side. Her wings are tucked in tight as she stares down at the ground before her. She’s still not back to her bright self and I don’t know what to do about it.

“How do you do it?” She asks, not moving. “You keep getting more powerful. You grow so much, and… I heard about what happened with your magic. It hurt you, it nearly killed you. If that happened, everything I’ve done would be…”

She shakes her head firmly, pulling herself tighter into a ball.

“How do you use your magic, knowing there might be terrible consequences.” Her voice is barely a whisper. “Something that you can’t anticipate. That you can’t take back.”

“Are you talking about yourself?” I ask. Her time magic is certainly dangerous, even if it’s as limited as she was said it was. If she’s held back more than that…

“I… I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. I just wanted to be here and now and record everything. Then… things started changing. Or is this how it’s meant to be? How much has actually changed?”

“Vii?” I ask, but she seems out of it, so I nudge her soft cheek.

With haunted eyes she turns towards me.

“My magic can destroy everything I know, kill everyone I’ve ever known. It might already be too late…” She says. “I don’t know how this works… but I’m scared Kyra. How do you do it? How do you use a magic knowing that it could destroy everything that you love?”

Wrapping an arm over her shoulder, I try to think of an answer.

“Doing nothing, will end badly.” I say. Resting my chin on her shoulder. “Even if I fuck up, it won’t end as badly as if I do nothing. You’re worried that you’ve messed with the timeline? That… that the future you know is gone?” She shudders in my arms.

“So what?” I say, pulling her tightly into my arms. “We’ll make an even better future instead. The only way we can do that is by embracing what power we have, otherwise we’re leaving the future to others. People who don’t give a shit what happens to us.”

Vii stays quiet. Humming a thoughtful tune that I’m sure she stole from Ria.

After class ends, I follow it up with a class in reinforcement magic. It’s not something that I want to deal with right now, but I suppose mastering a few more Skills and magics can always help me in the long run.

The teacher starts her lecture quickly, pushing past her momentary fit of shyness to get to the topic. Her strange shadowy form still not quite something that makes sense to my eyes even with my Skill giving me a three dimensional perception of the room, she doesn’t quite fit in it.

“Why is it called reinforcement magic, and not refinement magic?” Another student asks. A question that’s floated around a few times, but the teacher will sometimes answer differently depending on the topic and her mood.

“What does this magic achieve?” The teacher asks, shivering a little as she realizes that she’s just turned the class into a discussion.

“We move little things accurately.” The student replies.

“Very good. Now what use is there for this magic? Refining things as you’ve suggested. Changing the mana state of something to make it more pure, reinforcing it’s magical qualities. What else can we achieve by moving little things accurately?”

“We smooth out faults in something others have made?” The same student suggests.

“And where is that most useful? Joints and joining.” She says, taking up two of the practice metals by her desk and pressing them together. The resulting mess stays stuck together even as she hits it against the table.

“By shifting the matter between the two, they can be joined. This is useful for repairs, as we can re-joining a split material, close cracks, or adding material to something that’s been worn down by time.

“While refining the shape of something is possible and a good exercise for this magic, it’s mostly used in the Unified States as a means of prolonging the life of tools and preventing waste.”

Some of the students seem rather disappointed by the description, but one elf that’s joined us at some point, snorts derisively at their reaction.

The teacher returns to her lecture, describing the qualities of certain metals, and the properties of the atoms constructing them. She even touches on a few subatomic level topics that make a little less sense to me than the rest.

I… have let this magic slip by without properly practicing it. My obsession for immediate power, while a worthy cause, is a destructive one.

This magic provides a subtle touch, and countless possibilities that I never bothered to fully consider.

I can’t repair things with annihilation, and massive wasteful spells are only useful for mass destruction.

I have time. Time to become more than just a magic cannon to annihilate my enemies.

Many of the problems that I’ve piled up in the back of my mind, like the issues that my lovers are experiencing, can’t be solved with that power. I can’t just step in and blast away the problems.

I need to pay attention. I need to understand the problems we’re facing, and I need to carefully try to repair what’s broken. I need to reinforce my relationships.

I’ve used all my power to blast out a place for my empire to thrive, now I need to build it up, reinforce my city and my people.

I need to be better than I am.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Skills & Stats

 

~Mana Form:

Current mana density: 3793 units

~Mana distribution:

Defence: 20/100%

Offense: 20/100%

Mana sense: 20/100%

Recovery: 20/100%

Gluttony: 10/100%

Misc.: 10/100%

Efficiency: 100/100%

 

~Favourited Skills:

-Tag and Film

-Trapping

-Mana surge movement

-Annihilation defence

-Annihilation flame burst

-Annihilation net

-Eyes of an Empire

 

Adaptions:

-Quick perception mind

-Annihilation Heart

-Clean bowels

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

//Author Note

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