Chapter 83: The Depths of the Ocean (8) – 81

The following few days after the departure of Rua were hard for me, but they were manageable, and I quickly got used to life without her presence.

But, this type of life just felt, bland, as every day that I lived seemed to be a chore in it of itself.

Yet, I kept pushing forward, with the hope of seeing Rua again being the driving force behind each and every single one of my actions.

Acting happier, learning more about "normal" human life, trying my best to stifle my nightmares and my memories of what I had been before, I did everything to try and get out of the mental institution.

And, against Aunt Mae's wishes, I started copying "normal" people, instead of actually "learning" and "becoming" a normal person.

I just had to, to see her again.

Sure, I could have just called her from the hospital, but she had never told me her phone number, so I couldn't do anything anyways.

I was just stuck with the faint hope of using my skills to find her again after I left this place.

I would use them for this purpose only, and once I found her, I would forget that I ever had those skills.

That was the vow I made to myself, so that I could follow Aunt Mae's instructions whilst also doing what my heart told me to do.

And, everything was going pretty well to the plan, until one night, I suddenly had a dream that was different from normal.

Even before the dream, something had been off, as I had trouble falling asleep even when using my instant sleeping skills that I had from the need to cop sleep at any time back when I was a super soldier.

Then, when I suddenly did fall asleep, I suddenly saw a bright light.

It was just a random bright light, with no precursor nor afterimage explaining it, and so I had just waited, staring at that bright light.

And then, in that bright light, I saw an image of Rua's face, as she smiled brighter than she had ever before.

She was so happy... so happy that it brought tears to my eyes, as I saw, that, for some reason, she had gained true happiness.

In the end, everything was just really bright.

I woke up a little later, with my eyes filled with tears.

I spent the rest of the night bawling my eyes out due to this inexplicable feeling, only stopping once morning came.

An explanation for this event only came a few days afterwards.

...

Three Days Later:

"Michael Sax?"

Looking up at the man dressed in a suit as he walked into my room, I couldn't help but feel surprised.

To be honest, I had flared up a little, and had been prepared to book it lest this guy was from a government agency.

And, it had been just after I was thinking about Rua too... what a sad occurrence. At this rate, I would never see her again if this man really was a government agent.

But, what he said next shocked me to the core.

"Rua Nakamura died three days ago due to extensive blood loss after slitting her wrists. Her last wish, which was written in her suicide note, was to tell you that she would be waiting for you on the other side."

I could only understand the man's words up to the word "died" at the time, as my mind just completely blanked.

"Rua... was dead?"

I refused to accept it. I just couldn't or I would have gone crazy myself.

So, I just confined myself to my room after about thirty minutes of just sitting there blankly, as if I was in a coma, after hearing the news.

I was devastated to say the least, "at a loss for words" was a little better.

I just hadn't realized it at the time.

I had fallen in love with her.

And now, with her being gone from this earth, my other half had been lost forever, as I laid there, a broken piece with no hope of repairing the wound.

A broken heart, a half a soul, and a human body.

Even the strength of tens of thousands of souls was not enough for me to stand the pain.

Breaking down on the floor of my room, I cried for what seemed like hours, the pain stabbing into my heart, sharper than any knife that I had found piercing through me before.

It was then and there that I suddenly came to an epiphany.

I wasn't a broken piece with no hope for repair.

No, it was deeper than that.

I was a broken piece that would never find what it had lost, a broken piece that had no use anymore.

In the eyes of the world, I was now nothing, trash.

In this world, where there was nobody that truly cared for me anymore, nobody that I cared for anymore.

I was now...

...an invisible man.

Embodying this fact in my very soul, I started tearing apart my bedsheets, tying them together into a noose.

Quickly working, before the nurses could catch on from watching the cameras, I nimbly made everything before quickly hanging myself.

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"I'll see you on the other side, Rua."

And then, I slipped the chair out from under me.

The last thing I remembered was that bright light, but this time, the face of Rua inside the light wasn't smiling, but was covering her eyes, crying.

Once again, did I do something wrong?

...

A Few Months Later:

The doctors had deemed my attempt a one time thing due to not being able to cope with my grief, and, after a few months of just "normal" behavior, I was finally released from the prison they called an asylum.

Breathing in the crisp, cold air of freedom, I watched my breath fly away as it condensed in the air.

It was a cold day, that was for sure, as I buried my neck in my scarf.

Thinking back on everything that had happened so far... well, it sure had been a journey.

And today would be the end of that journey.

Deciding that it was best to walk, I followed the crooked, cracked pathway leading out of the mental asylum.

Walking for a few hours, I eventually arrived at my destination.

A graveyard.

Over the past few months, I had slowly gotten better and better at accepting the loss of someone that now, I had realized that I loved.

Yet, I felt that... No, I knew that all those emotions that I felt on the first day would come rushing back soon.

"Creeeeeaaaaakkkk!"

Opening the metal gate, I quickly stepped through, letting it close by itself, as the wind whipped my scarf behind me, seemingly making it float in the wind.

"Tak! Tak! Tak!"

With my sharp steps clacking on the worn out pathways, I found myself wandering between various tombstones, some old, cracked, and moldy, whilst others newer, fresh, and still white, as I searched around for her name.

And then, I saw it, in a far corner of the graveyard, there it was, all white and shiny, made of simple stone, her name.

"Rua Nakamura."

Saying her name out loud didn't make what happened next any better, as seeing her name there, physically on the tombstone, was an experience in it of itself.

To know that she was just beneath me, lying there, six feet under was painful.

Only literal dirt separated me from her, yet, the dirt was a barrier I could never penetrate.

The only barrier in existence that I couldn't penetrate, out of respect for her, I just couldn't.

So, I just stood there, in front of her tombstone, as my knees suddenly turned wobbly.

With tears streaming down my cheeks out of an actual, physical pain digging in my chest, I was forced to kneel.

"I'm sorry..."

My heart felt like it was bursting into a million pieces.

"I'm so, so sorry Rua. If only I had known my true emotions back then... *sob* If only I had been truthful to you..."

"Why did it have to be you?!"

"God, no, please! You should have taken me instead! My sins, my being, everything was hers!"

"So... god, why couldn't you take me instead..."

My head lowered, as my uncontrollable sobs subsided for a bit.

"Rua... please, my love, wait for me. I'll life a "normal" life, I'll be happy, so that one day, I can take this happiness to you."

I just missed her so fucking much.

Then, too exhausted to do anything else, I collapsed.

In the end, I hadn't even noticed that it had started to snow...

First Side-Story, The Depths of the Ocean, Finale: End

...

Credit to U03 for helping with the middle part, when I was stuck with nothing to write.

A/N: I hope you guys liked that fucking masterpiece of emotional damage.

Best arc I've ever written in my opinion.

Although, man... it hurt me, writing such a stupid, dense MC, but like, it was kinda needed.

Ugh... well, it's back to cold, logical, badass MC next chapter.

Thank god...

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