The Weapons Guy

Chapter 12: Human Peer Bonding/Roomier Than it Looks.


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Grif, Simmons and Ash are guarding the female intruder. Simmons is aiming his rifle at Tex.

"So." Grif starts. "You're a girl, huh?"

Tex just stares at Grif.

"Just ignore him." Simmons says. "That's what I do."

"Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapon, are ya?"

"Hey, punk. I don't need a weapon to kill you." Tex says to Grif.

"Yeah, right. What're you gonna do, punch me?" Tex takes a step to Grif and he takes a couple steps back in fear. "Ahh! Not the face!"

Ash laughs at Grif. "Dude, you're scared of a girl."

"Shut up!" Grif yells at Simmons.

Tex stares at Ash and he notices and turns to her. "What?"

"Minne?" Tex asks.

"What? I'm not Mini! There's nothing Mini about me! I'm only an inch shorter than Grif!" Ash exclaims. "The only thing Mini here is the mini nuke I'm building to take out Blue base!" He laughs like a maniac. 

Simmons turns to Ash. "But that would take out the blues and us."

Ash stops laughing and goes silent. "I didn't think about that."

"Dumbass." Grif says.

"Up yours!" Ash says to Grif.

A little later.

Ash is standing off to the side, talking to himself about building a new whole Grif and Simmons are arguing. 

"There's no L in it, it's pronounced both." Simmons tells Grif.

Ash walks further into the base.

"That's what I'm saying." Grif says to Simmons. "Bolth.

"Both."

"You sound like such an ass the way you say it."

Sarge looks down at them from the hole on the roof. "Grif. Quit your yammering and get your keister up here. Need some help. Got more of them Special Ops fellas headed toward the base."

Grif moves and looks up at Sarge. "As in more than one? Uh, maybe we should bolth go, sir."

"BOTH." Simmons says.

"Seriously, man, like an ass." Grif says to Simmons.

"Well, well. Another brilliant idea from the think tank." Sarge says. "Why don't you both come up? Leave the prisoner alone. We could just put her on the honor system, have her guard herself. "

"Good point, sir." Grif says to Sarge.

"YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT IT IS! Now get your ass up here! We got just enough time for me to spray-paint the bull's-eye on your back." It's silent for a few seconds. "Ah, by the bull's-eye, I of course mean camouflage. Now move it, cupcake."

"Yeah." Grif sighs. "I'll be right up."

A little later.

Ash is talking to Simmons.

"But, if I could blow up Blue base, we win!" Ash states.

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"But I would rather not get blown up with it." Simmons says to him.

Sarge walks into the base. "Hey, men." He sounds different. "What's up, yo?"

Ash and Simmons look to Sarge? 

"Uh...hey." Simmons says.

"What's the situation, sir?" Ash asks.

"What's uh... why, nothin'." Sarge? says to them. "Why would you ask if somethin's wrong?"

"I think that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war." Simmons states.

"Yeah, well, I don't know. You're starting to act kinda suspicious there...other red guy. So... keep my eye on you."

"Sarge, I'm starting to think that-" Simmons turns around and Sarge? hits him in the back of the head and he falls to the ground. "Ow, geez, the back of my head!"

Ash looks down to Simmons. "He did say you were suspicious." Ash looks up to Sarge. "Now what-?" Sarge? hits Ash in the face.  "Ah, my face!" Ash falls to the ground.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Tex yells at Sarge?

"Tex! It's me, Church!" The Sarge possessed by Church says. "I've come to rescue you."

"You're kind of short to be Church."

"What? Oh yeah, right. The armor."

Church leaves Sarge. "HRRK."

Ghost Church stands next to Sarge.

"What in Sam hell?" Sarge is confused. "Where the- Who spit on my visor?

"Tex, there's not much time to explain, so I'm just going to give you the summary here, okay?" Ghost Church says to Tex. "I'm a spirit now, and I'm trapped in the physical world. I possessed this Red guy so that I could sneak into the base and rescue you, while the rest of our guys run around out in the middle of the canyon, dressed in black armor that they got from going through the teleporter."

"Okay." Tex just says. 

"What? That's it? 'Okay?' You're not surprised by any of this?"

"No. It pretty much all makes sense."

"Not even the whole 'Church is a ghost' thing? That didn't do anything for you?"

"I can see right through you. It's pretty obvious."

"Okay, well, let me hop back in this guy and we;ll get outta here." Church possesses Sarge again. 

"HRRK."

Church and Tex leave the base and stand outside.

"Alright, I'll make one more distraction, then you run up to the teleporter and escape." Church tells Tex. "Ready? One... Two...Thre-"

A sniper round hits Sarge in the head and his body falls to the ground, leaving Church standing there.

"What the?"Church is confused. "Where did my body go!?" He looks down. "Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me!"

"Tucker did it!" Caboose yells.

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06-27-2022

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