Chapter 124: Recreation: Dumb Cop, Bad Cop

The camera pans over Sandtrap, where Sarge and Caboose are by C.T.'s jeep. Grif is by the wrecked jeeps and other junk, trying to radio Simmons at Valhalla. Ash is off to the side, seemingly talking to himself.

Grif: Simmons, come on, Simmons, are you there or what? (No answer, only static) Okay I give up. Something's wrong with the radio now, too. I'll go check their jeep.

Sarge: What the hell is wrong with this jeep anyway? It doesn't have a turret.

Caboose: Maybe it's just a car?

Sarge: What does that mean?

Caboose: You know, like a car. A regular car.

Sarge: What kind of car doesn't have a massive cannon on it?

Caboose: All kinds of cars. Most kinds of cars.

Sarge: That's ridiculous. That would be like saying there's some kind of thing you can wear on your head that's not armor plated, and doesn't offer a 5X optical zoom.

Caboose: I think you've been in the military a really long time.

Sarge: Yep. It's been a good run.

Grif: Damnit, no radio here either? Someone's yanked it out. Why would they deliberately pull the radio out of their own jeep?

Caboose: Let me take a look at it, Grif.

Grif: Why? You want to confirm that there's no radio?

Caboose: Maybe I can fix it.

Grif: How are you going to fix something that isn't even the- You know what, no, fuck it, go for it, whatever. (walks over to Sarge) Sarge, this place gives me the creeps. Something's really wrong here. I mean, why would they deliberately pull the radio out of their own jeep, and why can't I get a signal on long range?

Sarge: Something does seem out of place, but maybe we're overreacting. Maybe they're just using the parts from this radio to fix the others.

Grif: And we just happen to only find all the ones that are broken? That seems unlikely.

Sarge: Hmm, maybe they have one enormous radio somewhere that requires a ton of parts, like one the size of a house.

Grif: ... Once again, unlikely. Wait a second... (camera and Grif turn to the Elephant) What about that thing? The big freighter? It looks like a mobile base. Maybe it has a radio.

The camera jumps to Caboose by the jeep.

Caboose: Sheila, is that you? Are you there? Um... Delta? Tex?

Sarge: Hey, what are you up to over there?

Caboose: Nothing. (drops the Epsilon unit) I'm up to nothing.

Sarge: What is that? What are you doing?

C.T. is shown walking towards Sarge, Grif and Caboose.

Grif: Uh-oh, here comes-

Sarge: Caboose, stop messing with their jeep.

Caboose: I'm not doing anything! Just ignore me!

Sarge: If you're not doing anything, then what would we be ignoring?

Caboose: Ignore what I'm not doing.

Scene jumps to Red Base at Valhalla, with Lopez and Simmons by two motorcycles.

Lopez: OK Simmons. Tus motocicletas están listas. [OK Simmons. Your motorcycles are ready.]

Simmons: Wow Lopez. That's great. You made motorcycles? Thanks!

Lopez: Ahora puedes ir a buscar a Sarge, y contarle sobre a unidad I.A. [Now you can catch up to Sarge, tell him about that A.I. unit.]

Simmons: Now I can catch up to Sarge, and tell him all about that A.I. unit he has.

Lopez: ¿Estás imitándome? [Are you mocking me?]

Simmons: All right. I'll be back as soon as I can. Come on, Donut! (No response) Hey Lopez? Did you see where Donut went?

Lopez: No.

Simmons: I bet he's over at Blue Base again. I'll go get him. Man, why do I have to do everything around here?

Lopez: ¿Usted? Yo soy el que acaba de construir dos motocicletas. [You? I'm the one who just built two motorcycles.]

Simmons: Yeah, I know Lopez. I guess I'm just naturally responsible, and people take advantage of that. It's a curse really. (gets on one of the motorcycle) I'll go grab Donut and bring him back for his motorcycle.

Lopez: No. Eso no es para Donut. [No. That's not for Donut.]

Simmons: No, that's not for Donut? Then why'd you build a second one?

Lopez: Es un repuesto. Si hay algo que he aprendido sobre trabajar con ustedes idiotas, es siempre construir dos vehículos. [That's a spare. If there's anything I've learned about working with you idiots, it's always build two vehicles.]

Simmons: Uh-huh? I don't even understand- okay whatever Lopez, see you soon! (As soon as Simmons drives off-screen, an explosion is heard with the wrecked motorcycle coming back into view. Simmons then goes to Lopez.) Hey, um, I'm just gonna take this other motorcycle.

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Lopez: Las llaves están en el contacto. [The keys are in the ignition.]

Screen jumps to Sarge and Grif at Sandtrap

Sarge: Okay, let's see what we can find out. You guys follow my lead.

C.T., Sarge, and Grif approach each other.

C.T.: Hey, what's going on down here?

Caboose: I said nothing.

Sarge: (coughs) We're just down here scavenging for parts like you said.

C.T.: Okay, well hurry it up.

Grif: You realize we're not gonna fix this in like the next ten minutes right?

C.T.: Yeah, just the sooner the better.

Sarge: Why? What's going on around here?

C.T.: I can't tell you that.

Sarge: You can't tell us, or you don't want to tell us?

C.T.: I can't tell you which is convenient because I don't want to tell you.

Grif: Why don't you want to tell us?

C.T.: Because it's secret!

Sarge: Regular secret, or top secret?

C.T.: Top secret!

Sarge: Damnit, the worst kind!

Grif: Well, why is it so secretive?

C.T.: I can't tell you that because that information is classified.

Sarge: Classified as what?

C.T.: Classified as something I can't tell you, now stop fishing for information!

Grif: ...What information do you think we're fishing for?

C.T.: Okay, that wasn't even a good attempt.

Grif: Yeah, I gotta agree with that.

C.T.: Look, I'm sure you're curious. We're curious about you as well. All you need to know is what you can plainly see: We're trying to uncover that structure to... recover something. That's already more than you need to know!

Grif: Do you have a name?

C.T.: You can call me C.T.

Sarge: Got a rank there, C.T.?

C.T.: Not one you would recognize. Now let's- Hey! (C.T. looks around, with no sign of Caboose) Where's your other guy?

Sarge: Uh, what guy?

C.T.: The other guy.

Sarge: He's right there.

C.T.: The other, other guy!

Grif: He's right... there?

C.T.: THAT'S IT!! You're either here to investigate us, or you're complete idiots! Either way, I've had it.

Grif: Investigate?

C.T.: Grrrrr... Tell me where the blue guy went, or I'll shoot the orange one.

Sarge: ...

C.T.: ...Well!?

Grif: Dude, I can save you some time. You just picked the wrong guy to threaten. It'll make more sense when you get to know us.

Alarms go off. Soldiers and aliens are seen rushing to the Elephant.

C.T.: That's him, isn't it!?

Grif: Probably.

C.T.: Move! Up the hill!

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