Chapter 128: Recreation: Watch the Flank

The screen fades to inside Red Base at Valhalla. Lopez is speaking Spanish while Simmons is barricading the entrances with crates.

Lopez: Consigue más cajas y ponlas ahí.

Simmons: Keep watching your motion tracker. This guy can turn invisible.

Lopez: ¿Es así como se fué?[Is that where he went?]

Screen jumps to the Meta outside Red Base, with his cloaking ability malfunctioning. He then snarls, then the camera returns to inside Red Base.

Simmons: Whoa! Did you hear that?

Lopez: Tengo algo en mi rastreador de movimiento.[I have something on my motion tracker.]

Simmons: (frightened) Yeah, it was loud.

Lopez: ¡No, idiota! ¡Por allá! [No, you idiot! Over there!]

Lopez and Simmons ready their weapons for the Meta on the entrance in front of them, looking at each other and reloading at the same time. Instead, Donut comes around the corner.

Donut: Hey guys. 'Sup?

Simmons: Donut?

Lopez: ¿No que dijiste que este individuo podía cambiar de color?[Didn't you say this guy could change color?]

Donut: I just finished cleaning up Blue Base. What's going on over here?

Lopez: Deberíamos dispararle para estar seguros.[I think we should shoot him just to be safe.]

Simmons: Donut, that guy attacked me! I ran out of the base screaming. Why didn't you help me?

Donut: You guys seemed like you knew each other. I thought you were just catching up.

Simmons: He was firing grenades at me!

Donut: Yeah, so, I thought that was an inside joke between the two of you.

Simmons: What!? What kind of joke would that be?

Donut: Well, how do I know? I've been gone a long time, Simmons.

Simmons: What!?

Donut: In fact, it was clear that I didn't know the guy, so shame on you for not introducing us. And quite frankly, I found the whole thing a bit rude!

Simmons: ... WHAAAAAAAT!?

Donut: Rude.

Lopez: En serio, podríamos enterrarlo afuera por atrás. Ni siquiera tendríamos que decirle a nadie.[Seriously, we could just bury him out back. We wouldn't even have to tell anybody.]

Screen shifts to Sandtrap inside the temple, where Tucker, Ash, Grif and Sarge are looking at Epsilon-Church (inside the monitor body) beside Caboose.

"Church?" Tucker asks. "You're telling me that thing is Church."

"Well, not exactly," Caboose starts. "see, um, technically, uh, this thing, is uh, just a memory of Church! Um, his name is Epsilon."

Ash then looks off to the side and whispers in his helmet. "Emily, shutdown."

"Epsi-whatsawhat?" Tucker is confused.

"Me, dipshit!" Epsilon says.

"Uh, yeah, see, he's a resident memory of the guy that Church was based on, so, he's kind of like, remembering himself. Yeah, Simmons can explain, y'know, much better than I can. Probably."

"I would have to agree with him on that." Ash says. "I don't know much about A.I.'s."

"Sounds like I have another reason to be glad Simmons isn't here." Grif says.

"Wait." Epsilon looks to Sarge. "I thought he was Simmons."

Caboose turns to Epsilon. "He's Sarge. Sa-a-arrrge-e."

"I'm confused, not deaf, you idiot." He turns to Grif. "And who's the yellow one?"

"I'm not yellow, I'm orange!" Grif yells.

"Yeah?" Epsilon asks. "Then how'd you know who I was talking about?"

"This is weird." Ash says.

"How come he remembers us, but not who we are?" Tucker asks Caboose.

"Why does everyone think I'm yellow?! Seriously! Didn't anybody have a box of crayons when they were a kid?!"

"I-" Ash stats, but Grif interrupts him. 

"No one cares, Ash!" 

Ash just looks down to the floor.

Caboose turns to Tucker. "Oh, it will come back to him. See, I've been telling him stories... about all of us... Well, most of us..."

"Is that what you've been tryin' to do all this time?" Sarge asks. "Rebuild your buddy?"

Caboose turns to Sarge. "Yes.....No....Maybe....Which would make you less mad?"

"So the only stuff he knows about us is what you told him?" Tucker asks. "That's scary on a lot of levels, dude. Like Ash levels of scary."

"Hey!" Ash yells.

"Why?" Epsilon asks.

"Hohoh, why?" Tucker says. "Okay, quick quiz. Who am I?"

"You're, captain Flowers, right?" Epsilon asks. "You're dead." He turns to Caboose. "I've been meaning to ask you about that part. Is he like a zombie?"

"Uh-huh. And who is he?" Tucker motions to Grif.

"He's Griff. Which is spelled with two f's."

"God dammit!" Grif is angry. "Okay, now that's another thing!

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"Caboose was very specific about that second f." Epsilon tells Grif.

"Sure. And who's he?" Tucker motions to Ash.

"He's the crazy guy who likes to build things that explodes and is a secret agent for the government with amnesia. He's also really smart." Epsilon says.

"What the hell?" Ash mumbles.

"Yeah. And what about the red guy?" Tucker asks.

"Well, If he's not Simmons, then I guess he's Sarge...." Epsilon starts. "That would make him the gruff and regimented leader of the red team."

Sarge speaks up. "That actually seems pretty-"

Tucker interrupts. "Just, give him one more second."

Epsilon continues. "Which would make him also the captain of their pirate ship."

"There it is."

"I am a good story teller." Caboose says.

"How are you gonna tell stories?" Tucker asks. "You can't even read stories."

"I can read!"

"Caboose is the only guy I know of who had an illustrated field manual." Tucker informs. "He's a moron."

"Well it helps when the stories have pictures!" Caboose defends himself. "Duh!"

"For the first two months I worked with him, he thought you held grenades over your head, while they shot arrows at the enemy."

"And I thought Grif was stupid." Ash says.

"That diagram could've been a lot more specific." Caboose says.

"Heh, you're lucky!" Sarge says. "As a recruit, Grif didn't even know what a grenade was! I called them a pineapple, and he tried to swallow it."

"I remember that!" Ash says.

"Yeah, well, it still tasted better than those MREs you serve us!" Grif yells at Sarge.

"Grif!" Sarge looks at him. "Show some respect! Do you know how many men died to develop those meals?"

"I can tell you exactly how many! Everybody whoever tasted one!"

"At least he doesn't kill everyone who suits up for your team!" Tucker says.

"Oh... yeah, I don't think I really did that." Caboose says.

"Then who did?' Tucker asks.

"Okay, stick with me on this, right? What if Church...travel back in time...Using Wyoming's special ability power-"

"God, shut up, that's fucking retarded- "

"Ugh, you guys are idiots-" Grif says.

"What!" Caboose turns to Grif. "What about you guys!"

"Everyone's an idiot compared to me." Ash says.

"Who's the real idiot?" Sarge asks. "The idiot? or the idiot who fights it?"

"What, dude," Tucker is confused. "In either scenario, you're still an idiot."

"Heh, I would expect you to say something like that."

Grif looks at Sarge. "Wait, I think he's right-"

"Shut up Grif! I always thought your armor was yellow too. Matches your personality."

Ash laughs and Grif hits him with his gun.

"OW!" Ash yells as he falls to the ground. "My only good shoulder!"

"Hey!" Caboose yells. "You shouldn't be mean to people who work for you, and just want to be your friend!"

"No one tries to do that but you!" Tucker says.

Ash gets up.

Sarge: I think you're all a bunch of idiots and I'm gonna fight every one of ya!

Sarge, Ash, Grif and Tucker start arguing and swearing at each other (Including this exchange:

Grif: You had sex with a rock!

Tucker: Your sister's name is A Rock?

"I'm gonna replace everyone's mashed potatoes with C4!"

Then Epsilon-Church talks.

Epsilon-Church: Everybody stop!

Caboose: I AM YELLING ABOUT THINGS, okay I guess we're done now.

Epsilon-Church: All right, listen guys. I might not remember everything right now, but it will come back to me, okay? I can feel it. But I do know this: if we don't work together, and destroy this weapon, those guys outside are gonna kill a lot of people, and we can't let that happen. So just for a moment, lets set aside our differences and get to work solving this problem, together.

At this point, Epsilon-Church is floating away, unaware of it, while the others watch

Epsilon-Church: Being in charge is a tough task, but I'm a born leader. So if you follow me, I know I can get us through this. Are you with me?

Grif: Where are you going?

Epsilon-Church: Uh, yeah', I don't seem to have full control over my body yet. But that doesn't invalidate anything I said! I'm still the leader! Fuck! (Epsilon-Church floats out of sight) Okay, I'll be right back! No one else takes the leader position while I'm gone!

Caboose: Okay, bye!

Sarge: Yeah, see ya later, Winston Churchill!

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07-14-2022

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