Chapter 14: A Slightly Crueler Cruller

At Red Base Donut, in his new pink armor, is standing in front of Ash, Grif and Simmons.

"Dude, this is sweet!" Donut exclaims. "Command was so happy that I got the Blue flag, they gave me my own color armor!"

Simmons, Grif and Ash look to each other, then back at Donut.

"Uh..." Grif starts. "Hey, Donut?"

"What?"

"Um..." Simmons starts. "About your armor..."

"What about it?"

"Wow, I didn't think they had that color." Ash says.

"How do I put this..." Simmons begins. "Your armor is, um... It's a little, um..." He looks at Grif. "Grif, uh, you wanna help me out here?"

"It's pink." Grif states. "Your armor is frickin' pink!"

"Yeah, that's it." Simmons looks at Donut. "Pink."

"Pink? My armor's not pink!" Donut tells them.

"It's defiantly pink." Ash says.

"Yup. definitely pink." Simmons says.

"You guys are color blind." Donut tells the three. "Why would they give me pink armor?"

"Hey, don't ask, don't tell." Grif says.

Simmons laughs. "That's not funny."

Grif laughs. "It's a little funny."

Ash is silent for a few seconds then he starts laughing. "Ha, I get it!"

"Look at it." Donut says. "It's not pink. it's like, uh... a lightish red."

"Guess what?" Grif asks Donut. "They already have a color for lightish red. You know what it's called. Pink."

"I hate you guys."

Sarge walks up the ramp with Lopez following him. "Well hello, dirt bags." He notices Donut's pink armor. "And a fine hello to you, madam."

"It's light red." Donut says in annoyance. 

"Don't get your panties in a wad there, Barbie. Do you have a package for me?"

"Yes, sir."

"Excellent."

Donut pulls out a weird looking device. "They said this speech unit should work with Lopez."

"Speech Unit?" Grif asks.

Donut hands Sarge the device. "Here you go."

Sarge goes behind Lopez. "Affirmative. Command was  fresh out of speech modules when I started building Lopez. But once I get this baby installed, I'll finally have someone intelligent to talk to." He looks to Simmons. "No offense, Simmons."

"Oh, don't worry. I know who you meant, sir."

Grif and Ash look at each other. "He meant you." They say to each other.

"Wait a second." Grif says as he looks to Simmons. "Lopez is a robot?"

Simmons looks to Grif. "Of course he is. You didn't notice that he never talks?"

"I just thought he was a really quiet guy."

Sarge speaks up. "And the fact that he sleeps standing up and drinks motor oil didn't get your attention?"

"Well, I- I did think the motor oil thing was a bit odd. Uh, I just thought he was trying to impress me."

"You are such an idiot." Ash says to Grif.

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Grif turns to Ash. "Hey, you've never successfully built anything. They all just explode."

Ash stares at Grif for a few seconds then turns away. "Shut up."

"Hey, sir." Simmons says to Sarge. "You really should ground yourself before handling that card."

"How come?" Sarge asks.

"Because static could damage the card."

"Come one. That's an urban legend they use to sell those stupid bracelets."

Ash, Grif and Simmons look to each other. 

Sarge aims the device at Lopez. "And I suppose Pop rocks and soda're gonna make my stomach blow up!" The device statics as Sarge inserts the card into Lopez. "YOW!"

"Sir, I won't say I told you so, sir."

"Good." He motions to Donut. "I'd hate to make Strawberry Shortcake here my new favorite private."

"It's not pink, it's lightish red!" Donut exclaims.

A little later

Donut is talking to Grif, Simmons and Ash. "So, what happened to me, anyway? I recall something about a spider on my head?"

"Right." Grif says.

"It was a grenade." Ash finishes.

"And the last thing I remember..." Donut thinks. "Is a loud bang, and then Simmons fainting."

Grif turns to Simmons. "Ha! Told you so!"

Simmons turns to Grif. "I did not faint."

"Done and done." Sarge says, as he's working on Lopez. "Lopez! Activate speech unit!"

Lopez's speech unit turns on and he speaks in Spanish. "Good morning. And thanks for activating my speech function. I am model number 01011348823."

"Am I the only one not understanding any of this?" Donut asks.

"My name is Lopez"

"Lopez, he just said Lopez!" Grif exclaims. "I understood that. I can speak Spanish!"

Ash shakes his head.

"Lopez!" Sarge starts. "Speak...English!"

Lopez turns to Sarge. "My English processor has malfunctioned. I only speak Spanish."

"Huh, I think you shorted out his speech unit with that static, sir." Simmons informs Sarge.

Sarge turns to Donut. "Maybe Princess Peach here picked up the wrong model."

Donut turns to Sarge. "Seriously, dude. For the last time, not pink."

Sarge turns to Lopez. "Lopez! I order you to speak a language we understand."

"Negative." Lopez responds. 

"Well, this is just dandy. Lopez! How.Do.We.Fix.Your.Speech.Unit?"

"Why are you talking so slow?" Grif asks Sarge. "He understands us just fine. Maybe you should try listening slower."

"Lopez. Would you like to shoot Grif?"

Lopez aims his gun at Grif. "Yes sir, thank you."

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06-27-2022

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