Chapter 145: Revelations: Battle of the Exes

Fade in to the Meta, Doc and Wash in no particular order standing over the Epsilon unit

Meta: (growl)

Washington: Don't get excited, it's empty.

Doc: What is it?

Washington: This is the Epsilon unit.

Doc: This is what you've been looking for?

Washington: Yes.

Doc: Not what I was expecting. I mean I like the colour, but other than that, nihh...

Washington: Clearly they transferred Epsilon into that floating thing we saw.

Doc: You saw a floating thing?

Washington: Yes, like a metal eye. It shot a laser at us.

Doc: Yeah, okay. Hey Wash, this sun is really hot, maybe we should find you some shade.

Washington: I'm not hallucinating, Meta saw it too.

Meta: (growl)

Washington: Oh yes you did! Don't even try that.

Doc: Wash, do you see the floating eyeball now? Is he here with us?

Washington: Don't psychoanalyze me.

Doc: I'd like to talk to the laser eye for a minute Wash.

Washington: Shut up. Meta, let's convert this to a recovery unit. But be careful, this thing looks like it's in bad shape.

Meta: (growl)

The Meta walks over to the Epsilon unit and starts doing stuff to it

Doc: What's he doing?

Washington: This is a storage unit, but we're trained to modify them. We can change a storage unit into a capture unit. That way, the next time we see Epsilon, he won't get away.

Doc: Are you talking about the regular Epsilon, or the Epsilon who's just a floating head and visits you when you're alone.

Washington: I'm not crazy. And it was just the eye that was floating around, not a whole head.

Doc: Yes Wash, because the whole head is what makes it crazy.

Cut to the Freelancer facility where the Reds and Blues are seen standing over Tex's body on the floor

Church: I'm waking her up.

Sarge: No way buddy. You must have missed the smashfest we just went through. I ain't repeating that.

Church: Hey, we made a deal: I unlock you, you have to help me with her.

Grif: Hey, now hold on a second.

"She better not hit me." Ash says.

Simmons: This affects the entire group. I say we put it to a vote. All those in favor of waking her up and letting her kill us, say Aye.

Church: Aye. Caboose?

Caboose: Present.

Church: No, we're not doing that. Just say aye.

Caboose: You. Oops I mean me!

Church: No; Aye.

Caboose: Church.

Church: Just say Aye.

Caboose: Oh, I get it, right, sorry. My left eye or my right eye?

Church: He votes yes.

Caboose: I would also like it noted I was present.

Sarge: Okay. And everyone in favor of not doing that thing and leaving her asleep and not getting killed by the person we're not going to wake up because nobody is that stupid, say Nay.

Simmons: That was like a, quadruple negative.

Sarge: Just vote.

Simmons: Nay?

"Nay." Ash says.

Grif: I didn't even understand the question, so I'm just gonna say Blueberry.

Church: Fuck it, veto, she comes out. So Sheila, is there any way to turn her, only you know, partway back on?

You are reading story The Weapons Guy at novel35.com

F.I.L.S.S: No, I am sorry. I can either leave her in lock, or take her out of lock. There is no in between.

Tucker: So she's either completely asleep, or full-on bitch. Sounds like my ex-wife.

Caboose: You were married?

Tucker: Haw-ha- gross, I hope not.

Church: Well, we have to do something.

Grif: Why do people always say that; we have to do something? We don't have to do anything. Let's just let sleeping maniacs lie.

Church: Here, let me try this.

Church leaves his body to become Ghost Church again, and enters Tex (bow chicka bow wow). Cut to her lockdown environment, where Church is oddly still blue.

Church: Tex? Tex, hello? Can you hear me?

Tex: Of course I can hear you. What do you want?

Church: What do you mean 'what do I want?' The guys just wanna make sure you're not gonna, you know, beat the living shit out of them if we wake you up.

Tex: Aww, what're they gonna do, cry?

Church: What's wrong with you? And why did you go nuts when we woke you up?

Tex: Last time I was in a place like this, I was trying to get out as fast as I could.

Church: Yeah, I remember.

Tex: They just got in my way. It's not my fault they can't fight.

Church: Okay so is that, 'I won't beat the living shit out of them any more?'

Tex: We'll see.

Church: I guess that'll have to do.

Tex: But, I am, gonna deck that one with the sword for making that stupid ex-wife crack.

Church: Alright, that seems fair. So, we're, cool?

Tex: Well, I'm cool.

Church: Nice to have you back Tex. Always a pleasure.

Tex: Hey, I didn't ask to come back. Apparently somebody decided they couldn't live without me.

Church: I thought you would be happy, you know, being alive is typically better than being dead.

Tex: Yeah. Everybody always seems to know what's best for Tex.

Church: So this is it, you're just going to be abrasive right outta the gate? Not even a thank you?

Tex: Oh I see, we're gonna make this about you for a change. How refreshing.

Church: Alright. I'm gonna go now. Nice talking to ya.

Tex: Hyeah, see ya.

Church returns to the real world

Tucker: What did she say?

Church: Okay, I think we got it all worked out.

Grif: She cool?

Church: As cool as she ever was.

Grif: That does not inspire confidence in me.

Church: Wake her up Sheila.

F.I.L.S.S: Affirmative.

Simmons: Back up, back up.

F.I.L.S.S: Ending Recovery mode, all units.

Tex gets up

Tex: Uh!

Church: Uh, how're you feeling?

Tex runs over and punches Tucker in the front of his face

Tucker: Ow!

Tex: Better now.

Tucker: What the fuck?

Church: Oh right. I forgot to mention one thing.