Chapter 21: Last Words

The Warthog's machine gun is very slowly aiming its way towards Sarge as it fires. Simmons, Donut and Grif are trying to figure out a way to stop it.

"Okay, we've gotta do something here, guys." Simmons says.

Donut turns to Grif. "I got dibs on Sarge's armor!"

"Grif." Sarge starts. "If you see Lopez, tell him I forgive him. Tell him... he was like a son to me."

"I thought Simmons was like a son to you." Grif questions. 

"No offense, Simmons. Lopez and I just... understood each other better."

"Understood?" Simmons asks. "He refused to speak English!"

"Yeah, and he ran away the first chance he got." Grif says.

"And now he's trying to kill you with a remote control jeep."

"Ahhh, what a little rascal." Sarge says.

The Warthog beeps and the machine gun stops firing. "Signal lost.

"Wow, that was a close one." Grif says. "Are you okay, Sarge?"

"Ah, horse puckey, I'm fine. Although, I do have to admit maybe a little bit disappointed."

Ash, with his armor still covered in black soot, walks over. "Woo, what did I miss."

"Private, Ash. You nearly missed me dying!" Sarge yells at Ash. "Don't let it happened again!"

"Yes, sir." Ash says with confusion. 

"You know, I felt like I could have taken him."

"Taken who?" Grif asks. "The machine gun?"

"Oh, he was a worthy opponent to be sure. But right at the end there, he was beginning to show signs of weakness. Cracks in the armor, if you will."

"What? You can't fight a machine gun."

"Yeah, Sarge." Donut says. "I know you're tough and all, but it is kinda hard to beat up hundreds of armor-piercing bullets using only your face."

"And yet," Sarge begins. "He surrendered."

Doc finally speaks up. "Guys, guys, it's okay. I've seen this before. Sarge just lived through a very traumatic ordeal. We all have ways of coping with the stress."

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"Oh yeah? How do you deal with it?" Grif asks.

"Oh, I have my own system that works pretty well for me." It's silent for a few seconds. "By the way, the driver's seat of the jeep is gonna need a thorough cleaning."

"Eww." Ash says as he takes a few steps back from the jeep.

Simmons speaks up. "Hey, Doc. Although I'm sure Sarge enjoys having his spine pulverized into dust, maybe you should go ahead and back up the Warthog."

"Oh, right. Sorry." Doc accidentally drives forward into Sarge.

"Oh, hot buttered lug nuts!" Sarge yells.

"Oooh, geez, I'm really sorry. I-I just was in the wrong gear, let me just..." Doc drives forward again and Sarge yells again. 

"Geez! There goes my last kidney! I was saving that once for a special occasion."

Doc looks to Simmons, Grif and Ash. "Third time's the charm?"

"I don't think so, Poindexter." Simmons says. "Outta the jeep, now!"

"I'm really sorry, guys. I was only trying to help. Really!"

"Oh, is that all?" Grif asks. "I, for one, was totally confused. I thought you were savagely trying to kill our sergeant by ramming him over and over with a 6,000 pound steel death machine. Now that we know that you're just trying to help, by all means, please continue."

Doc looks at Sarge then back at the three. "Really?"

"Get out!" Simmons, Ash and Grif say together.

.

.

.

.

Simmons, Grif, Ash and Doc are at Blue base and they see Tucker Crouching down to Church's crotch area. 

"Hey, Blues, we're here to-" Simmons starts. "What the hell are you guys doing?!"

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06-28-2022

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