Chapter 229: Out of the Frying Pan

Fade in to Armonia with a Suspension railway moving along its tracks.

ARMONIA, CAPITAL CITY OF CHORUS

Cut to General Doyle walking towards an intercom.

Doyle: (clears throat)

Three members of the Federal army are talking to each other when they hear Doyle over the intercom.

Doyle: Men, may I have your attention please?

Cut to Kimball speaking to the rebels over an intercom.

Kimball: Alright everyone, listen up. Today's the day.

The scene cuts back and forth between Doyle and Kimball, speaking to their respective armies.

Doyle: Today is the day we defend this once great city from those who wish to take it for themselves.

Kimball: You all know your roles. Squads will split up and surround the capital, then we sneak in and hit them from all sides.

Doyle: Once the enemy has entered the city, the exits will be sealed and any hope of retreat will be dashed.

Kimball: I won't lie to you, today maybe one of the worst days of your life. And for many of us, it's going to be the last. But we can't give up. We've come too far and lost too much to throw this all away.

Doyle: The New Republic believes they can end this war today. And they are correct. What they fail to realize is that the Federal Army of Chorus shall be the ones standing victorious after the smoke is clear.

Kimball: So remember the plan-

Doyle: -remember your training. And most of all-

Kimball: -remember what you're fighting for.

Cut to Bitters, Smith, Jensen, Axel, and Palomo.

"Yeah, we're totally dead." Bitters says and Smith hits him. "Ow!"

"Not the time." Smith says.

"Is there ever a good time?" Axel asks.

Cut back to Doyle, who sighs after the speech.

Locus: (off screen) Well said.

Doyle turns around to see Locus behind him.

Doyle: Oh my- (laughs) Locus, yes. Oh dear God man, you nearly gave me a heart attack.

Locus: Sir, I have some rather urgent news.

Doyle: Right. Well, spit it out then.

Locus: I have been informed that the New Republic has dispatched the mercenary to scout ahead for their forces.

Doyle: My word, first the news of their invasion and now this? Heh, you are just a wealth of information aren't you?

Locus: I'm leaving to track him down.

Locus walks away.

Doyle: Oh yes, yes. ... Wait, no, no, NO! Yo-yo-yo-you can't just leave! W-what about the ah- the impending battle? I need you here, by my side to ah- boost the moral of the troops!

Locus: Don't be concerned General. Once I've taken care of this issue, I'll return to take care of you.

Locus leaves.

Doyle: Oh right. Uh yes, YES! Ah- excellent thinking Locus. I can always count on you to get the job done!

Cut to the Blood Gulch Crew at the fueling station. Caboose presents Freckles' storage unit to Epsilon.

Caboose: Give it to me straight Church! Is Freckles gonna make it?

Epsilon: Your robot's fine, I just need a few more-

Epsilon disappears. Freckles' storage chip begins beeping.

Epsilon: Ah there we go!

Epsilon reappears.

Epsilon: Congrats, your pet has been debugged.

Caboose: (sighs out of relief) Oh God! (puts chip away) Now all we have to do is get him fixed.

Carolina: I can't believe you would just accept something from the enemy like that!

Washington: It was a lapse in judgement, it won't happen again.

Epsilon appears next to Carolina.

Epsilon: Yeah because next time we'll be dead! Come on Wash, you're supposed to be the smart one in the group.

"I thought I was the smart one in the group." Simmons says.

"I'm actually the smartest one here." Ash says.

"Shut it! You're insane."

"That too."

"Would you guys all shut up?" Tucker shouts. "This isn't helping!"

Epsilon: Oh yeah righ- since when have you manage to help around here?

Tucker: Hey, maybe you haven't noticed, but I've been kinda running this shit while you were gone.

Grif: Just out of curiosity, who ran stuff when he was here?

Epsilon: Well you ran straight into the ground Tucker, great job, you must be so proud.

Emily: Oookayy. Everyone's a liiittle tense right now.

Tucker: Well at least I tried!

Epsilon appears in front of Tucker

Epsilon: You!? What about me? You think I'm in a vacation this whole time?

Donut: Please! Stop fighting! Can't you see you're tearing this family apart?!

Everyone stares at Donut.

Epsilon: Right. This shits getting weird. I'm out. Hey if you need me I'll be thinking of a way to keep us alive for the next 24 hours.

Epsilon disappears.

Tucker: Good riddance.

Epsilon: (voice only) Hey I heard that! I'm still actually in the room dumbass!

Carolina: I'm gonna go check the perimeter.

Carolina leaves.

Washington: I'll do the same. Why don't you guys just take a breather.

Wash leaves.

Caboose: Hey! Bye Wash! Bye Carolina! Bye Church!

Tucker: Caboose aren't you even like the tiniest bit pissed off at Church?

Caboose: Ahhhhhhh Nope!

Tucker: Not even a little?

Caboose: Nah.

Tucker: At all?

Caboose: Yeah no. Not really.

Tucker: How? He's being such an asshole!

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Simmons: I'm pretty sure Church has always been an asshole.

Grif: Yeah. Isn't that kind of his thing? Like Simmons is smart, Ash is the insane one, I'm good looking, you guys are the dumb one, the lazy one, and the mean one.

Tucker: But he doesn't even care about us.

Sarge: I don't know about that. He stopped that mercenary from cutting up Caboose. Missed opportunity if you ask me.

Tucker: Well, he abandoned us.

Donut: But didn't you guys do the same thing?

Tucker: Huh?

Grif: Uh, the rebels.

Tucker: Well, yeah. But there were more important things we had to do.

Simmons: I kinda feel like stopping the sale of illegal military equipment might have been more important than hanging out in a canyon.

Caboose walks up to Tucker.

Caboose: Okay Tucker, I'm gonna tell you this only because you respect my opinions so much.

Tucker: I actually don't listen to anything you say. Ever.

Grif: Classic lazy one.

Caboose: If you keep being mean to Church, Church will just keep being mean to you, and then everyone will be mean to everyone all the time and everything will be bad and no one will have fun.

Tucker: Is this- are you trying to give a motivational speech right now?

Donut: Shh! I want to see where he's going!

Caboose: I mean come on! Is this really what you want? You just- you just want to be angry and mean all the time? Because that is dumb! And you know what? You are dumb for thinking that!

Grif: Did Caboose just call someone dumb?

Sarge: Well that's calling the kettle blue.

Caboose: So Church left! And maybe some of us were sad! But you know what, that is okay! Because he was just trying to do something good! And he just made a mistake! And we all make mistakes sometimes.

Tucker: Wow! Caboose I-

Caboose: So shut up and get over it! ...Well, my work is done here.

Caboose walks away.

Tucker: You know, I really do fucking hate him.

"That was the best thing ever." Ash says.

Cut to Tucker watching Carolina scope out the perimeter. He approaches her.

Tucker: Hey, Carolina. Can uh,... you think I can talk to Church for a second?

Carolina: Oh, um sure. Epsilon? Church, get out here. Church!

Epsilon appears alongside his memories of Delta and Theta.

Theta: (whispering) Just say you're sorry.

Delta and Theta disappear.

Epsilon: Can't a guy have a little privacy around- (notices Tucker) oh.

Tucker: Hey.

Epsilon appears beside Tucker.

Epsilon: What do you want?

Tucker: So. I guess I've been kind of a dick since you got back.

Epsilon: Oh. Well yeah, I mean sure if you want to put it lightly! Heh!

Tucker stares at Epsilon.

Epsilon: Uhhh... I mean... I mean I guess I did... you know, leave you guys without saying anything. Which at the time seemed poetic and, heroic and all that, but... you know, I guess from a practical stand point I probably should have left a note.

Tucker: Yeah....

Epsilon: I'm just not used to you... actually... doing stuff, y'know? I mean, it's weird. Normally you guys just dick around and I have to do everything.

Tucker: Well... you don't have to do everything anymore.

Epsilon: Yeah, well... I guess it just takes getting use to.

Tucker: Y'know I, uh... think I saw some beer back at the gas station.

Epsilon: Hologram dude, still a hologram.

Tucker: Oh, right.

Epsilon: But thanks... you can have mine.

Carolina: (off screen) Seriously...?

Tucker and Epsilon look at Carolina.

Carolina: (confused) That's it...?! No "I'm sorry." Nothing...?!

Epsilon: Carolina. We're... dudes.

Tucker: Yeah, this is pretty much as emotional as we're gonna to get.

Epsilon: Yeah, you just witnessed like... an entire lifetimes' worth of male emotion in one minute.

Tucker: Huh... What was she expecting?

Epsilon: Beats me. Can you believe that I have to live with her?

Tucker: Dude, that sucks.

Epsilon: Tell me about it...

Tucker: Oh, wait, does that mean you get to see her naked?

Epsilon: Okay, man don't make- don't make it weird.

Wash walks up next to Carolina.

Carolina: Sooo... Are they good?

Washington: IIII... think, they're as good as they're gonna to get.

Carolina: About time.

Cut to Sarge standing behind the two.

Sarge: You're tellin' me.

Tucker, Epsilon, Carolina, and Wash notice the other Reds and Blues standing nearby.

Simmons: Now can we get back to the whole civil war thing please?

A harsh screeching sound activates through the group's radios.

Donut: Ow! My ears! My sensitive ears!

Felix: (over radio) Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking and boy, have I got some news for you.

Grif: (to Simmons) You just had to ask for it...

Epsilon: It's Felix. He's using the radios.

Tucker: (to Felix) Hey asshole! We're not interested in whatever bullshit you're selling!

Felix: (over radio) Oh, but Tucker... In a miraculous, one-time only deal, you've all been upgraded to first class on a one-way flight off, of Chorus. ... Are you interested now...?

Simmons: I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little interested.

Cut to black

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