Chapter 290: S16 Final: Paradox

Scene opens on a shot of the Blues’ and Reds’ underwater base, with no one in sight. As Carolina speaks in voiceover, the camera moves through the empty corridors and rooms of the base, finally coming to the room where the Reds and Blues from the present are hiding.

CAROLINA: [Voiceover.] We have one shot at this. Jax's footage has given us the precise moment. At 17:20, Wash will be hit. 18 minutes from my mark. Sync.

EVERYONE: Sync!

"Washing machine!" Ash yells.

"Ash, now's not the time." Carolina exclaims.

"Sorry."

SIMMONS: 18 minutes is tight, but every second we spend here risks more damage to the past.

CAROLINA: We need to be surgical.

SISTER: No fucking the timeline.

SARGE: [Reluctantly.] No assassinating Temple.

SIMMONS: Remember the Butterfly Effect. Any damage we do could have disastrous consequences.

SARGE: No killing butterflies.

CABOOSE: Uhhh, question! [Clears throat.] How—how—how do we feel about moths? [Camera zooms out to reveal a handful of gray wings in Caboose's left glove.] I'm asking for a friend.

CAROLINA: This won't be easy, but we have an advantage. We know what will happen. As we speak, Locus is busting me, Ash and Wash out of prison. Then—

SARGE: I bail out Dylan and Jax, and meet up with Locus in the hall!

TUCKER: Temple and his gang flee sometime right after that, bringing all their dudes with them.

SIMMONS: The past us-es meet in the brig, and from there, the hangar, where we—

Simmons is interrupted by a Blue soldier opening the door.

BLUE SOLDIER: Hey! Oh, fuck! [Turns and runs.]

Sarge raises his shotgun. Carolina pushes the barrel back down.

CAROLINA: No guns!

Carolina chases after the Blue soldier, catches him by the back of his armor, and hurls him back into Tucker’s waiting kick, Tucker kicks the blue to Ash, who proceeds to punch the blue soldier into the floor, knocking them out.

SISTER: That —whoo—okay—

SIMMONS: We'll get the body out of sight.

CAROLINA: Good. No harm done. Stick to the... [Looks up, realizing that there is a security camera pointed directly at her.] Stick to the plan.

The shot zooms in on Carolina’s reflection in the camera, then out again on her image on a security screen in another room. A shadowing figure stands in front of the security display, watching.

Cut to Donut on a pure white background, holding the Hammer.

Donut: [Stage whisper.] Hello? Anyone? O’Malley?

CHROVOS: My son. Welcome home.

The arched wooden church doors appear in the white, opening. Donut steps through onto a floating rock platform. He pause for a moment, then begins his walk of faith across thin air to Chrovos’s platform.

Back to the Reds and Blues. They move quickly as a group through the hallways. Coming to a closed door, Simmons tries the keypad.

SIMMONS: Locked. Uh, we can try to override—

CAROLINA: No time. We go around. This way. [Leads the Reds and Blues off to their right, then stops.] Wait... hide!

The Reds and Blues dart into two doorways opposite each other—all except for Grif, who stays in the middle of the hallway, sniffing the air.

CAROLINA: Now, Grif!

GRIF: Fuck! [Runs to join the others in the room where Carolina, Tucker, and Sister are hidden.]

TUCKER: What's going—

CAROLINA: Shhh.

A few beats pass, and then there is a hissing sound and the ripple of active camouflage in the air outside the room, just before Locus decloaks.

LOCUS: Clear.

He starts moving again, followed by past Carolina, Ash and Wash. Past Wash stops, takes a few steps back and peers into the room.

PAST WASH: [Clearly still loopy, looking from Carolina to Tucker.] Aw, hey... whassup, guys!

CAROLINA: [Quietly.] Hi, Wash.

PAST WASH: [Whispers.] Are you coming with us?

CAROLINA: [Whispers.] No, we’re... good in here.

GRIF: [Whispers.] Do you guys smell that?

PAST WASH: [In a singsong voice.] Whoever smelt it, dealt it!

PAST CAROLINA: Wash! Who are you talking to?

PAST WASH: You...

PAST CAROLINA: Come on. We’ve gotta move.

"I need to lay down." Past Ash weakly says.

PAST WASH: [To present Carolina.] Bye.

CAROLINA: [Whispers.] Bye.

Past Wash walks away.

TUCKER: That was too close.

CAROLINA: My bad. I forgot we escaped this way. Time travel's hard.

TUCKER: You'll get the hang of it.

Ash isn't with the group.

CAROLINA: This way. The path should be clear.

SIMMONS: Straight through the main complex and we’re at the hangar. The complex was abandoned in our escape last time, so there should be no resistance.

GRIF: Wait. Something's wrong.

SARGE: What is it, soldier?

GRIF: What do you guys smell right now?

CAROLINA: We don't have time for this.

GRIF: Do it. One second.

CABOOSE: [Inhales.] Ah, smells like helmet.

TUCKER: Food?

SIMMONS: Like, Italian food or something... what's your point?

GRIF: Temple and his gang only ate fish.

SARGE: Grif! Can you stop thinking about food for five dang minutes?

GRIF: Guys, I would know the smell anywhere. It's pepperoni pizza from Sammie Raphaello's.

SIMMONS: Sammie's was destroyed, and pizza doesn't exist.

TUCKER: This can wait!

GRIF: Something or someone has been messing with us from the very beginning. And whatever it is, I think it's here. Guys... we’re not the only time travelers in the building.

CAROLINA: Fuck! What if it's a trap? We can't turn back now.

GRIF: I can follow the smell. I'll go alone. There are six of you. You can handle the guard that shot Wash.

SIMMONS: I don't like this plan.

GRIF: We don't have time to debate it!

Grif takes off down the hallway alone.

"Um... Where's Ash?" Simmons asks.

CAROLINA: Shit! Come on, we don't have the time to look for him.

The Reds and Blues continue to the next room. They pause, all of them clustered behind a doorframe as Red and Blue soldiers swarm the area.

CAROLINA: I'm not one to panic easily, but... this is trouble. [To Simmons.] You said the complex was empty.

SIMMONS: It was! Is! Ah, should be! This path was clear. Will be clear in a few minutes when the past us-es roll through. We just have to wait for these guards to leave.

SARGE: Huh. They don't look like they're goin’ anywhere. We need to clear ‘em out.

CAROLINA: Impossible. I can't fight that many without tripping the alarm.

TUCKER: Well, there's no other way around!

CAROLINA: We wait, or we fight. It's a lose-lose.

FUTURE SIMMONS: I know it seems bad—

A time portal has opened next to Simmons. Through it can be seen… Simmons, surrounded by the Reds and Blues, inside the same facility.

FUTURE SIMMONS: But don't worry. I'm here to help.

Cut to Ash walking down a hallway.

Xi flashes onto Ash's shoulder. "Wh-Wh-What are we d-d-doing?"

"Wash's speech made think." Ash states.

"A-a-abouttttt?"

"I've been too hung up about the past." Ash states.

"So wh-wh-what are you going t-t-t-to do?"

Ash stops and he looks ahead to see Past Ash standing in front of a pink portal.

"I'm going to have a little chat." Ash says as he stares at his past self.

Cut to Donut approaching Chrovos.

CHROVOS: Yes, my son. I am so proud.

DONUT: My friends... They were all really mean to me! Again!

CHROVOS: I know. And I'm sorry. It will not happen again.

Donut walks closer. The shot transitions back to Grif, walking toward the smell of pizza in the base’s mess hall.

GENKINS: Grif! Bubby! You came! Get on in here, have a slice!

GRIF: What are you— [Spots a tray of steaming fresh pizza on the table in front of Genkins. Interestingly, it is not a pepperoni pizza, but appears to be topped with fresh mozzarella, basil, and chopped tomatoes.] Ohhh, pizz—no, no! Be strong, Grif. [Raises his rifle.]

GENKINS: Oh please, Grif. I'm not here to fight. I brought pizza! It's... an apology.

Meanwhile, with the Reds and Blues…

SIMMONS: Hi?

FUTURE SIMMONS: Hi.

CAROLINA: Can someone tell me what's going on?

SIMMONS: I think my counterpart is from the future and is gonna tell us how to defeat all these guys!

FUTURE SIMMONS: That's correct! My advice is, use what you've learned.

TUCKER: That's it?

FUTURE SIMMONS: ‘Fraid so. Oh, and also? You guys are gonna do great.

The portal closes.

CAROLINA: I... don't understand.

SIMMONS: Carolina, I think you need to let us handle this one.

Meanwhile, with Grif and Genkins…

GRIF: You're the reason Sammie's was destroyed?! You erased pizza from history?! You set us up.

GENKINS: [Giggles.] Yup. Sorry! Huehuehueahahahahahah!

GRIF: Why?!

GENKINS: Ah! So you want to know my master plan! The pizza's getting cold, Grif!

GRIF: I don't care! Talk! Why are you doing this?

GENKINS: Because I'm BORED!

Meanwhile with the Reds and Blues…

SARGE: [To two Red and Blue soldiers standing nearby.] Hey! You men! Get over here! That's an order!

The soldiers run after Sarge, and more follow. The first two fall through a portal opened up in the floor, landing on Iris, where Grog's Wife is still stomping around. She promptly stomps them dead.

GROG'S WIFE: Raaagh!

Back inside the base, a whinnying noise can be heard.

RED SOLDIER: Did you hear something?

BLUE SOLDIER: Sounded like a—

A horse lands on both of them, knocking them to the ground.

TUCKER: [Holding the time gun.] Hah! Nailed it!

SISTER: You really didn't need to use a horse for that.

SIMMONS: You see that guy, Caboose? [Conspiratorial whisper.] He's the one who took your penny.

CABOOSE: Fooooooooooour percent interest!

Caboose charges in and hits a Red soldier with the golf club, so hard the soldier goes flying, bumping into the walls with pinball machine sounds.

Meanwhile, back with Donut and Chrovos…

DONUT: When I was lost, why did you save me?

CHROVOS: I saw a soul lost in time, and took pity. Now, are you ready for what's next?

Donut hesitates for a moment, then steps closer.

Meanwhile, back with the Reds and Blues… knocked out Red and Blue soldiers litter the floor. Carolina walks past them to meet the Reds and Blues.

CAROLINA: You did it! With minutes to spare!

TUCKER: Let's boogie, before the other us-es show up!

SIMMONS: Wait. One more thing.

He opens a time portal, back to a few minutes earlier.

PAST CAROLINA: We wait, or we fight. It's a lose-lose.

SIMMONS: I know it seems bad... but don't worry. I'm here to help.

Meanwhile with Donut and Chrovos…

CHROVOS: Good, good! Now... lay down the Hammer. Do as I say, Donut. The Hammer.

Donut hesitates, looking down at the Hammer in his hands.

DONUT: What happens then?

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CHROVOS: When I am free, I will begin to gain power. I will kill the Cosmic Powers and their agents.

DONUT: My friends?

CHROVOS: Will be safe. I promise.

DONUT: They are... they don't always treat me great. They don't reciprocate. They never treat me like a man.

CHROVOS: I know this! I know all!

DONUT: But... they are still my friends!

CHROVOS: Don't do this, Donut!

DONUT: You killed me, didn't you? My getting sucked into the past was no mistake. You targeted me. I'm your shisno! Your pet!

CHROVOS: When I am free, I will make it right. Your suffering will not be in vain. Now Donut... it's time, for the Hammer.

DONUT: [Raising the Hammer over his head.] It sure is!

CHROVOS: Don't!

Donut begins to swing—but the Hammer is halted by a purple hand.

Meanwhile, back with Grif…

GENKINS: It's not you. It's just this... universe. It's gotten so boring lately! I think it's time we see other universes. Weirder ones, sexy ones, ones where the rules aren’t so... mundane! See, when I'm top dog, things are going to get a lot weirder!

GRIF: Chrovos offered you power.

GENKINS: Ultimate power! I'll be a god! A real one! Not this... charade. Oh, imagine the possibilities! I could create an entire race of beings with butts for faces... and faces for butts! Ah! Magnificent!

Meanwhile, with Donut…

O’MALLEY: That's the last mistake you'll ever make, my dude.

DONUT: [Turning around to fight O’Malley for control of the Hammer.] Stay out of this, O’Malley!

O’MALLEY: Now, now! Let go of the Hammer!

DONUT: I don't wanna hurt you!

O’MALLEY: Heh heh—hahahahahahaha! Oh, aren’t you funny now! Huahahahaha!

DONUT: I mean it, O’Malley, let go!

O’MALLEY: No, you let go!

CHROVOS: Children! Please stop. Release your hold, Donut. All will be forgiven.

DONUT: Never!

CHROVOS: Kill him.

O’MALLEY: With pleasure.

O’Malley yanks hard on the Hammer, wrenching it free from Donut and sending it flying through the air. He shoots open a time portal in midair, and the Hammer flies through.

DONUT: Aw, darn you to heck!

Donut knocks O’Malley out of the way and dives through the time portal. He emerges tumbling over the hull of a large aircraft, before coming to a stop on its pitched tail. When he looks up, O’Malley is walking over the hull toward him. Other airplanes can be seen in the dark, cloudy sky.

O’MALLEY: You could’ve been a prince in heaven! Instead, I'll be sending you straight to H-E-double-hockey-sticks!

DONUT: Well, at least I'll be in good company!

Another plane flying alongside them is shot down. Donut looks up to see three other planes flying after the one they are on, and they start firing. The plane they are on banks to avoid the shots, causing The Hammer to fall down onto the wing. Donut and Doc both look at each other, before they both begin running along the wing. The plane tilts again, causing the two of them to fall off along with The Hammer and O'Malley's Time Gun. As they are falling, Donut manages to grab O'Malley's Time Gun and opens a portal below them. 

They fall into it and land at Blood Gulch, with Donut crashing into the floor. He looks up and sees O'Malley standing over him with the Hammer lying next to him. Donut looks to his left and sees a frag grenade on the floor. He picks it up and throws it. The grenade overshoots massively and O'Malley watches it sail by.

O'MALLEY: Hohoho! I think you missed there, buddy! Hahahahaha! [Runs toward The Hammer.]

Donut opens a portal below him and another below the Hammer. Both fall through with O'Malley following soon after. They land on the moon, and O'Malley looks up and sees Donut with the Hammer and the Time-Gun, then proceeds to run at him.

O'MALLEY: To the moon, Delano!

Donut attempts to swing at O'Malley with the Hammer, but O'Malley grasps it and smacks him with it, sending him flying. Donut can be heard screaming as he flies away.

O'MALLEY: Hey! Get back here!

O'Malley begins to hop across the moon's surface, following Donut.

Back with Grif and Genkins...

GENKINS: I'm sorry that I have to kill you and everyone you love to make Buttworld, but like I said... bored.

GRIF: Are you finished?

GENKINS: Quite.

GRIF: Huh... would you look at the time.

GENKINS: Ooh, getting late.

GRIF: Too late. You see buddy, while you've been jerking yourself off with monologues, my friends were off saving Wash.

GENKINS: Fantastic.

GRIF: We... won?

GENKINS: Huzzah!

GRIF: ...You're not here to stop us.

GENKINS: Oh, Grif... No, I'm not here to stop you...

With Ash.

Ash stops not to far behind Past Ash.

"I'm coming for you Cal." past Ash says and he takes a step forward.

"Wait." Ash says.

Past Ash stops and he turns around to see Ash. "It's me..."

"Hey, Past me... This is a little weird." 

"I'll say. But what are you doing here?"

"You need to let go." Ash says.

"What?" Past Ash questions.

"We've been hung up on the past for far too long. Wonder who we are, what our purpose is. But we need to stop that, we need to let the past go. We aren't Spartan Ash with an amazing sister. Or Freelancer Minnesota that's a badass. We're Cyprus Ash, am insane soldier of the red army."

"So you're saying is..."

"You need to let Cal die, it's not healthy for us to keep going like this."

Past Ash looks at the ground. "So I shouldn't go through this portal."

"I can't stop you going through it, if I did that would be a paradox. I need you to go through that portal and wait till our friends come and get you." Ash explain.

"But I could just ignore you and save Cal anyway, what's stopping me from do that?"

"...Nothing. I can't do anything, I'm just trusting you to let go and do the right thing." 

Past Ash looks to the Donut Hole then to Ash then back at the Donut Hole and he walks through it. The Pink portal closes.

Xi flashes onto Ash's shoulder. "D-D-D-Do you think he'll llllllleeeeetttttt go?"

"I could only hope." Ash turns around and begins walking down the halway.

Scene cuts to the Reds and Blues getting into position in the hangar.

GENKINS: [Voiceover.] ...I'm here to make sure you go through with it.

Meanwhile, on the Moon, O'Malley swings the Hammer at Donut's head, but he dodges and backs up.

O'MALLEY: Give me that gun!

DONUT: Give me the Hammer!

Donut grabs the American flag planted on the moon and uses it to deflect another swing, before stabbing it into O'Malley's visor, the crack sucks the oxygen out of his helmet, causing him to struggle to breathe, resulting in him dropping the Hammer. Donut two-foot kicks O'Malley in the stomach, throwing him into the side of the Apollo 11 lander. He re-plants the flag and picks up the Hammer before opening another portal.

O'MALLEY: Not so fast! Aaaahaha!

Donut turns around to see O'Malley has thrown the lander, and it collides with him, throwing him through the portal into a brightly-lit wrestling ring. As he rebounds off the ropes, O'Malley clotheslines him with a steel folding chair, knocking him onto his back.

O'MALLEY: Take a seat.

As Donut tries to get up, O'Malley jumps off the ropes to deliver an elbow drop to his head, knocking him down again. O'Malley turns to the booing crowd.

O'MALLEY: That's what he gets! Am I right!?

Donut comes up behind O'Malley facing away from him, grabbing his shoulders and abruptly kneeling to bend him backwards. He backs off and turns around to see O'Malley crawling toward a second version of himself, before hi-fiving and standing up to face Donut.

DONUT: Tag team? That's cheating, O'Malley!

Donut backs up as the two O'Malleys approach, standing between the Hammer and the Time-Portal Gun, before deciding to go for the gun. He grabs it and slides under the ropes into a portal. As O'Malley picks up the Hammer, however, Donut swings into the ring on the microphone and kicks him, knocking the Hammer out of his hands. He makes another portal beneath the Hammer, and the two both jump in after it.

Donut and O'Malley appear on the sloped roof of the Florence Cathedral, before sliding down and into another portal. They fall onto the roof of a building in New York City. Donut quickly grabs the Hammer and hits O'Malley, throwing him into the low wall around the edge of the building. He screams and charges at him with the Hammer raised to strike, before O'Malley takes on a more placating pose, his voice shifting to Doc's.

DOC: Ah! Please, no! Donut, have mercy!

DONUT: Doc?

DOC: I fought him off, I swear to gosh! Please! O'Malley is gone, I promise!

DONUT: I don't believe you!

O'MALLEY: Smart puppy.

Donut swings the Hammer down, but O'Malley moves out of the way and kicks Donut in the face before taking the Hammer and throwing Donut through the air, where he collapses on the ground next to the Time-Portal Gun.

O'MALLEY: It's over, you idiot!

DONUT: You're right about that, but wrong about somethin' else.

O'MALLEY: And what would that be?

DONUT: I've always had one heck of a throwing arm. I don't miss.

Donut takes the gun and opens a portal to Blood Gulch, and the grenade he threw there flies through, landing at O'Malley's feet.

O'MALLEY: Well played.

The grenade explodes, knocking O'Malley off the side of the building screaming and the Hammer out of his hands. Donut catches it in midair and makes a portal below himself, dropping through.

Meanwhile, with Grif and Genkins…

GENKINS: Why would I want to stop you, Grif? With Washington and Locus on your side, Temple will go down before he even turns on the time machine.

GRIF: ...Donut will never get zapped.

GENKINS: And you and your friends will never time travel in the first place! Mhmhmhm. Burrowing through time weakens it, sure. And changing history cracks it a little. But nothing shatters time like a paradox...!

Grif turns and runs out of the room, leaving the pizza behind.

Meanwhile, Donut returns to Chrovos.

CHROVOS: You're too late!

DONUT: Like hell!

Donut raises the Hammer, preparing to strike Chrovos' prison.

Ash arrives in the Hanger and stands next to Carolina. She looks at Ash and he gives her a nod.

The camera jumps between Grif sprinting down the hallway, Donut swinging the Hammer and Wash walking forwards multiple times, all in slow motion. A Blue Simulation Trooper sees Wash out in the open and begins to aim at him. Donut continues to swing, visibly struggling, as Grif rounds the corner into the hangar.

GRIF: Don't!

Carolina aims her gun at the Blue soldier aiming at Wash. The Blue looks down his sights and prepares to fire. Grif is seen running in.

GRIF: No!

Carolina fires, killing the Blue soldier before he shoots Washington. Time comes to a complete stop and everyone and everything freezes, except for the Reds and Blues of the present. Everything slowly starts to become white.

TUCKER: [Echoing.] What's going on?

SARGE: [Echoing.] Simmons?

"Danmit, I guess this means no pizza." Ash's voice echoes.

Everything surrounding them has faded away, and the Reds and Blues themselves begin to fade too.

SIMMONS: [Echoing.] I-It's...

CAROLINA: [Echoing.] It's too late...

TUCKER: [Echoing.] K, I-I need to tell you–

"A-A-Ash?" Xi's worried voice echoes. 

SISTER: [Echoing.] –Don't...

SARGE: [Echoing.] Men, Grif, Simmons, Ash, It's been an honor–

The Reds and Blues fade away and the screen becomes completely white, before suddenly cutting to black.

The scene cuts to a long panning shot over Blood Gulch, in the Halo 2 Anniversary engine. Cut to Simmons, Ash and Grif approaching Sarge. Ash doesn't have his prosthetics and he's wearing Scarlet armor.

"Hurry up, ladies." Sarge yells. "This ain't no ice cream social."

"Ice cream social?" Simmons asks and the three soldiers look at each other.

"Stop the pillowtalk, you two." Sarge says to Simmons and Grif, then he turns to Ash. "And the experimenting.  Anyone want to guess why I gathered you here, today."

"Uh, is it because the war is over and you're sending us home?" Grif asks.

The camera pans to Tucker and a figure who looks like Church carrying a sniper rifle, who are watching the Reds from a cliff. As he talks, it's clear that his voice doesn't match that of Church.

NOT CHURCH: Aren't you curious about what they're doing?

TUCKER: [Sighs.] I bet I could guess.

NOT CHURCH: It's standing around talking. It's all they ever do! [Brief silence.] You wanna take a look?

TUCKER: Uh, no. I-I'm good. I don't like those things.

NOT CHURCH: Suit yourself. Lets get outta here. Command is finally sending us some reinforcements. I heard we're getting a tank!

Not Church and Tucker run down the cliff.

Scene pans down to Red base, with Grif and Simmons standing on top of it.

GRIF: Yo.

SIMMONS: Hmm?

GRIF: You ever wonder why we're... why we're... huh.

SIMMONS: What's that?

GRIF: I could've sworn that... what the shit is déjà vu anyway?

SIMMONS: I got no idea. I guess it's just one of life's great my– ah, fuck. I never knew déjà vu was contagious. Thanks.

GRIF: Hm.

Ash walks up to the top of the base and looks at Grif and Simmons. "Anyone else get a serious sense of déjà vu?"

"Yup." Grif and Simmons say together.

"Huh, I feel like I should be doing something." Ash says as he walks off.

The scene pans away from the base and goes slightly upwards. A pink light can briefly be seen above the canyon, before flickering out.

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10-15-2022

3933 words

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