Chapter 296: Self-Fulfilling Odyssey

GENKINS: (voiceover) Let's see now.

Genkins is in the Everwhen Vortex looking through various time periods of the Reds and Blues. He appears dissatisfied with everything he is seeing. It first stops on the Reds and Blues on Sidewinder

GENKINS: Hmmm, no.

It now shows Church with Sheila.

GENKINS: No.

It now shows Epsilon with Carolina.

GENKINS: (quickly) No,no,no,no!

Reds and Blues on Chorus under attack from the Space Pirates.

GENKINS: Too fast-

Epsilon-Tex beating up Epsilon Church with his old monitor body.

GENKINS: -too furious!

Ash is standing on a cliff side shooting down at reds andblues.

"To insane." Genkins says.

Donut getting crushed by Sister's Pelican.

GENKINS: Donut gets trapped under a heavy object. (reluctant grunt) Sure, why not. Actually just one more time.

Memory of Donut getting crushed plays again.

GENKINS: (laughter) Never gets old.

Genkins settles on travelling to this time. He once again possess the body of Church. He starts off standing next to Sheila.

GENKINS: Sheila, stay here, if anyone moves, shoot them.

Genkins walks off to the base. Meanwhile, Donut is hiding behind rocks spying on the blues with Sarge, waiting for his cue to get crushed. He is also anxiously waiting the arrival of Washington.

DONUT: Ugh, why the heck is Wash taking so long?

Donut sees Church, unaware of his possession by Genkins, going to the base.

DONUT: Welp, there's my cue to get trapped under Sister's Pelican! Lucky me!

Donut moves into positon while Sarge watches on.

SARGE: Donut, get back here. Wait for the ship!

DONUT: (quietly, quickly) Exhale on impact, Exhale on impact, Exhale on impact, Oh god I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Genkins, unaware the Donut behind him is actually the one from the present, turns around and throws a frag at Donut, landing at his feet.

GENKINS: Think fast!

DONUT: Grenade?!

Donut runs back narrowly avoiding the explosion.

GENKINS: Uh, my grenade slipped. Also my grenade pin. (to himself) And so by saving Donut..

The pelican crashes where the explosion was, missing Donut.

GENKINS: -I doom him. (laughter)

DONUT: (Stepping out from behind the Pelican) Holy Baloney!

GENKINS: Ugh, so unsatisfying. Wait, Sarge is waiting for reinforcements, Tucker just gave birth to Junior and Donut is meant to be crushed by the Pelican, so I'm in the right place, but I didn't make an alternate reality. WHERE IS MY ALTERNATE REALITY?

DONUT: What the.. There was never a grenade! But that means..

BOTH: YOU!

DONUT: I've got you now you fu-

A second Pelican suddenly crashes onto Donut as he began charging at Genkins. The Reds and the Blues, excluding Tucker who's still inside the base, rush to the crash site.

"Dibs on the second one!" Ash yells.

SARGE: Ah-ha! Here comes victory, two Pelicans! That's our reinforcement, announce our calvaries arrival Simmons.

SIMMONS: The collective noun for a group of Pelicans is a scoop.

SARGE: Ha, thank you Simmons! Blues, you've had your fun, now it's over! If it's all the same to you, I'd like to postpone your crushing defeat for a moment longer as I have prepared a short speech. Simmons! Like we practiced.

Simmons provides a beat using his mouth.

SARGE: Ahem, you are Blue and we are Red. Colors clash and clash we have, but colors mix too, I look back to our time here in the Gulch and wonder, what could have been achieved together and is it too late for a combined Red and Blue force built on trust, Co-operation dare I say? Mutual respect? The answer.. is yes of course! We will erase your siege, creeds and deeds from history and pile your nameless bodies into the earth. But I can see on occasion, that you are the tactically superior force, and though it is a grave sin in the eyes of Sarge, you have my, well not my Respect obviously but something similar. Grif, the bugle!

GRIF: (Reluctant sigh) Fine.

Grif makes bugle noises with his mouth alongside Simmons beat. Ash is snickering to himself. 

SARGE: Blues! Do not cry and pee your pants, I beg you! For you tried your best aaannnnd failed. And truely in war there is nothing more pathetic than that. In the battle to be the most upsettingly pathetic and lame, you have lain waste to my forces and I. Congratulations. Now, if I may direct your attention to get the heck out of here, we'll begin our move to Blue base. Which has always been better kept and has softer upholstery.

Grif and Simmons stop making music noises and let out various grunts of agreement.

DOC: Um, could this wait until Tucker's recovered from giving birth to an Alien?

SARGE: No!

The second Pelican that crushed Donut starts up again hovers off the ground.

SARGE: Hey, what's that?

SIMMONS: I think that's defeat sir, snatched from the jaws of victory.

"NO, MY SHIP!" Ash yells. 

As Sarge speaks, the Pelican flies over onto the over side of the first pelican and parks.

SARGE: Noooooooooooo! You're gonna get it Blues!

GRIF: Great. Great save.

A large purple crack flashes.

GENKINS: HA HA HA HA, wait, why did-

Washington and Carolina emerge from the second Pelican and approach the group.

GENKINS: No!

Donut groans in pain and stands back up as Wash and Carolina arrive to the group.

CABOOSE: Washington!

WASHINGTON: Hey buddy.

CABOOSE: Who's your friend? I like their armor.

WASHINGTON: That's Carolina.

GRIF: Oh Carolina! Hey old bu- buddy? Wait, where do I know you from?

SIMMONS: Oh, don't tell me, are you famous? I remember someone filming a movie about you-

CABOOSE: OH MY GOD IT'S BRUCE WILLIS.

GRIF: I don't think she's famous...

"Hi Carolina!" Ash says. "Wait, how do I know you?"

"Minne? You're alive?" Carolina asks in disbelief. 

Sister emerges from the first Pelican.

SISTER: Oh hey guys! Guys? Some guys I know? Wait, that's weird. Hi everyone. I'm gonna go..

SIMMONS: Hey, I know you too!

CABOOSE: Neil Armstrong, that is who you are.

SISTER: I'm Grif's sister. His wombre, like ombre but womb. Does-does that even make sense? I-I tell jokes when I'm panicking.

SARGE: Grif's sister?

SISTER: Yeah..

SARGE: And some ungodly third primary color? Made of Grif's DNA? (Aims Shotgun at Sister)

WASHINGTON: Wait Sarge-

DONUT: No-no-no-

GRIF: Sarge, you know her that's my sister.

SARGE: I do?

GRIF: Yeah. Wait, yeah do you?

CABOOSE: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH, I'm asleep, none of you are real.

"My brain really hurts." Ash says as he groans. "Now my shoulder hurts, just great!"

DONUT: Wash..

WASHINGTON: Donut, I didn't mean to take so long. I needed to find Carolina to-

DONUT: No, Wash you did it man. You brought us all together, Thanks!

WASHINGTON: Hey, it was your idea.

SARGE: I FEEL WEIRD!

WASHINGTON: You should go and wake them up though, Sarge seems upset.

SARGE: IT FEELS LIKE I'VE BEEN SARGE'D!

WASHINGTON: Go blow some minds.

DONUT: Sure, sure.

SARGE: Oh what have I been doing to people?

Donut goes and stands in the middle of the group.

DONUT: Okay guys, listen up! You've all know each other right?

SISTER: Uh yeah.

SIMMONS: Doy.

GENKINS: (desperately) No!

DONUT: (indicating to Wash) You all know this guy, right?

GRIF: Yeah, that's Wash.

"I feel slightly angry at him for no reason!" Ash says.

CABOOSE: Yes, hello Washington, how is your neck?

WASHINGTON: Fine, thank you Caboose.

GENKINS: (desperately) None of us know each other! They're lying!

WASHINGTON: (condescendingly) What ya' freaking out for Church?

DONUT: Carolina, you know these people?

CAROLINA: I'm not saying anything until someone tells me what's happening.

CABOOSE: I know you, hi Carolina.

DONUT: And where do you know Carolina from?

SARGE: Well there was.. Wait that's confusing, I know it from that one place but where did I.. I.. I can't remember how I-

"I know here from Project... Freelancer?" Ash questions himself. "But, I'm not a freelancer?"

CABOOSE: Oh the-the future! That's where I know you from! Man that was driving me crazy, that was really good, you were really good in that.

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SISTER: Whoa, WHOA.

DONUT: But how can you know someone from the future Caboose? Carolina, where do you know these people from?

CAROLINA: Places I've never been. Right? Am I.. dreaming?

DONUT: And who would you say is missing from here?

CAROLINA: ..Lopez and Tucker.

DONUT: Who are they?

CAROLINA: I.. I don't know. I-I mean-

DONUT: How can you know their names?

GENKINS: (desperately) She doesn't! This is all a Red trick!

WASHINGTON: (condescendingly) You don't sound like yourself Church, you got a frog in your throat?

GENKINS: Nggggghhhh!

"Hey, Ash." Wash says and Ash turns to him. "Who's this."

Xi flashes onto Wash's shoulder. "Hello, Ash."

"Oh, hey, Xi." Ash greets cheerfully. "Wait, who are you? And who's... Cal... My sister." Ash groans. "My brain hurts."

DONUT: And Carolina, riddle me this-

WASHINGTON: -Donut.

DONUT: Sorry, got caught up. (to himself) okay Donut here goes, hard mode no sexual innuendo. (to everyone) Guys, this is the past. You're trapped reliving your lives, you can fix this if you realize this isn't really happening. The last real thing that happened was your attempt to save Wash from getting hurt, and my friends, I'm sorry to say it made everything go… Penis. DAMMIT! Guys, you gotta answer yourselves this question, how can you all know each other, but not know each other?

All the Reds and Blues, save Doc, flash indicating Donut's success. Sister and Simmons scream in surprise.

GRIF: Holy Shit.

CAROLINA: Oh my god, we-guys.. did we break the universe?

SIMMONS: Everything went white.

Ash runs off behind a rock and pukes.

SISTER: The fuck am I doing back at Blood Gulch?

GRIF: Am I dead? Am I in Hell?

Ash walks back over. "I feel like shit." Ash laughs. "I want to blow something up!"

CABOOSE: Guys, yes-you see we are in the past, see, I worked it all out a minute ago if you just take a second to collect your thoughts, I will be happy to explain everything to you.

"When did Caboose get so smart?" Ash asks.

"I've always been really smart." Caboose says to Ash. "You've just never noticed."

SARGE: My god damn Gynecomastia is back, Tender nips-

CAROLINA: Wash, you're here! Are you okay? I'm so sorry I feel like the worst fucking person in the whole world.

WASHINGTON: Carolina I-

CAROLINA: -I should've told you that you were injured I know that now, I was just trying to protect you but that was stupid you don't need protecting and I was just so worried about you and I didn't want to upset you but it sent you away-

WASHINGTON: -Carolina stop.

CAROLINA: What? But-

WASHINGTON: I don't care about my injury, forget about that.

CAROLINA: I don't understand.

WASHINGTON: You've-Your life Carolina, you've survived things that would've broken me. Broken anyone. Do you even know how far you've come? Carolina, you are so cool. I am so proud of you, I'm always gonna be your friend.

CAROLINA: Really? And.. and your okay? You're not hurt?

WASHINGTON: I'm okay. We're okay.

GENKINS: Alright. Gloves are off, Shisno.

CAROLINA: Who's that?

WASHINGTON: That's…ugh. Genkins possessing Church.

GRIF: Hey! That guy ruined Pizza!

DONUT: -and time and space.

GRIF: Yeah, that too! But mostly Pizza.

GENKINS: If you think you're upset now, wait till you hear what I did to Huggins!

GRIF: ..What?

GENKINS: Sheila, be a dear and kill everyone.

CABOOSE: Excuse me.

GENKINS: what?

CABOOSE: Uh, you're not Church.

GENKINS: And?

CABOOSE: Can you put his body down please?

GENKINS: Hm, the halfwit. Out of my way now, or else I-

CABOOSE: Ah yes, sorry, I should explain. You see I-I killed Church and um I kept his helmet-

SARGE: -Badass!

CABOOSE: -and-and when he died, and he died a lot, I-I'd sit with him and feel...um...not better, but um...it's complicated. You see, when someone dies, my brain likes to hurt me with memories and I don't know why.

GENKINS: Do you have a point?

CABOOSE: After Epsilon went away, holding the helmet helped me think, cause it hurts to look at. Does that make sense? It hurt me so that I didn't have to. Grief, grief is weird but these days I like to feel better and you're making me sad (aggressively) SO PLEASE PUT HIS BODY DOWN.

GENKINS: Hmmmmmm, no.

CABOOSE: (aggressively) Put. It. Down.

GENKINS: Or what?

Caboose charges at Genkins and starts beating him up, Genkins yells out in pain.

CABOOSE: ARRRRRGGGGGH, GIVE ME BACK CHURCH!

Caboose beats Genkins into the ground and keeps pounding him while he's on the floor. Genkins ejects from Church, causing Church to scream out instead. Caboose keeps screaming while pummelling Church's body.

CHURCH: Agh! Caboose, What the hell, man? Stop hitting me! Caboose, cut it out, seriously!

"I AM URINATING INSIDE MY SUIT RIGHT NOW!!" Caboose Yells. "ARGH I'M STILL PEEING!!"

Delta and Xi materializes next to Washington.

DELTA: Alpha detected, Er-Error.

Delta shuts down

"C-chu- Alph- Epsilon- Hgn." Xi groans and shuts down.

Another large purple crack flashes.

WASHINGTON: Shit, paradox, right.

"I'M SORRY I'M FREAKED OUT NOW!!" Caboose yells.

CAROLINA: What.. just happened? And where's Tucker?

DONUT: I think today he's giving birth to an Alien.

WASHINGTON: Ohhhhhhh.

CAROLINA: What?

DONUT: Hey, Doc?

Past Doc, unlike the others, was never restored to his present self due to his death, leaving his past self utterly confused.

DOC: Donut, man, I-I'm so confused what is going on?

DONUT: It's easier if I don't explain. (whispers to Wash and Carolina) Doc is dead.

Both: Ohhhhhhhhhh.

DONUT: I had to kill him. (To Doc) Hey Doc, buddy can you go revive Tucker.

SISTER: Dibs. Tucker needs to be debriefed.

GRIF: Yeah.. Wait, what?

"I feel like she means something else." Ash says.

SISTER: Doc, follow my lead.

DOC: Uh, o-okay?

SISTER: This is gonna be so fucking fun.

The two head inside of Blue base to care for Tucker.

SARGE: I'm as stumped as a headless quadriplegic.

GRIF: This seems weird, right? Back me up Simmons.

SIMMONS: I neither understand nor like it.

"Ash?" Grif asks.

"Everything I do is weird." Ash says.

WASHINGTON: We'll explain everything.. or should I say Donut will. He's good at it.

GRIF: Before we start, do you know what Genkins meant about Huggins?

SARGE: It sounded like he killed her-

DONUT: uh no man sorry no idea.

GRIF: Nuts.

Scene flashes back to Huggins encounter with Genkins. Text appears on the screen citing "Starseeds. Some time ago."

HUGGINS: The Reds and Blues are going back in time again, I have to tell Atlus it's urgent.

GENKINS: Well now, that is news.

HUGGINS: So, can I go?

GENKINS: Not quite, after all you must be punished.

HUGGINS: Punished, for what.

Genkins fires his Plasma Beam gun, which opens a Black Hole sucking Huggins in.

HUGGINS: What? (screaming) NO!

Inside the Black Hole, Huggins falls through a seemingly endless black void while she keeps screaming.

HUGGINS: No, no, no, no! Not a black hole! This is where my parents died! Oh god, I'm gonna die! You're-You're going to be ok, sing a little song! (singing timidly) Light is information and cannot be destroyed, Light is information and cannot be destroyed, I am information and cannot be destroyed, (sigh) I don't want to die.

After falling for a while, Huggins arrive in front of a giant red sun-like planetoid.

HUGGINS: Oh uh, that's something.

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10-17-2022

2364 words

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