Chapter 30: Aftermath, Before Biology

At Red Base Grif is groaning.

"Grif, don't try to move too much. You've been through quite the ordeal." Sarge tells Grif.

Ash is laughing in the background. "It's alive! It's alive!"

Grif slowly looks around. "Oh, man. Where am I?"

Donut comes over. "Hush, now. Shhhh, shhh shhh shhh shhhhhh. It was really touch-and-go there for a while, good buddy. But I did it. I pulled you though."

"How long was I out?" Grif asks.

"Don't you worry." Sarge motions to Donut. "Nurse Donut here stayed by your side the whole time, stroking your hand and keepin' you company."

"My right hand?" Grif asks.

"Your left." Donut says.

"Not to self: Cut off left hand."

"Technically speaking, it's not really your left hand." Sarge explains.

"Say what?" Grif is confused.

Sarge continues to explain. "I had to replace certain body parts that were severely damaged when the tank ran you over. And a few that atrophied from a lifetime diet of HooHoos and bacon-flavored marshmallows."

"Wait, which body parts?"

"Well, let's see. We had to start with the shoulder, then we moved on down to the flank..." Sarge explains.

"Huh?" Grif is confused.

Donut motions to a picture of a cow meat chart."Yeah. we couldn't really find an anatomy book." 

"Made a left turn at the spare rib..."

Donut continues. " But we did find one of those pictures with the cow and dotted lines all over it."

"Then up and over the porterhouse..."

"I think it did the trick." Donut says.

"And of course the brisket..."

"Wait." Grif says."

"And the hocks. Oh, the hocks!"

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"Wait, where did you get the replacement parts?" Grif asks.

"Why, from our other subject, of course." Sarge explains. 

Everyone turns to Simmons.

"Subject, my cyborg ass." Simmons says.

"No way."

Simmons turns to Grif. "Yeah, I'm real happy about this myself, numbnuts."

"Yep, those too." Sarge says.

"Did I get your lips..." Grif asks.

"Prairie oysters..." Sarge says. "the gristle."

"Cause maybe then I'll finally figure out how to kiss Sarge's ass."

"And the ass." Sarge says.

Grif turns to Sarge. "What the hell."

"Saucy bits."

"What didn't I get?" Grif asks.

"We pretty much replaced all the internal organs and some of the more disgusting external ones." Sarge says. "Except for Simmons' spleen, which will be inflated and used for general recreations and esprit de corps."

"It's gonna be so much fun." Ash says.

"This doesn't seem physically possible." Grif says.

"Nonsense. Modern technology makes anything possible." Sarge says. "it was as easy as shake n' bake!" 

"And I helped!" Donut says.

Grif turns to Ash. "And how are you fine?"

"I'm just built different." Ash says. "While I have a six pack under this armor, you have a keg under yours."

"Other than some old weird looking scars on his arms and legs." Sarge explains. "He only had a few bruises and Scrapes. Truly a scientific wonder."

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