Chapter 49: Calm Before the Storm

"Ok so let me get this straight." Simmons starts. "They were talking to the bomb."

Ash turns to Simmons. "See, I'm not the only one who does it."

Simmons looks at Ash. "Shut up, you're still crazy."

Grif speaks up. "Dude I don't even know. They mentioned something about candles and a bubble bath. And they were playing a kind of new age CD. Like a Yanni fan club meeting."

"That makes no sense at all." Sarge says. 

"Did you want to translate for us pinky-pants?" Sarge asks.

"My guess is that they're trying to get the bomb to do something for them." Donut explains.

"And all of that sweet talk and candles would work on a bomb?" Simmons asks.

"It would work on me."

"Don't you see what they're trying to do?" Sarge asks.

"No, isn't that the point of this conversation?" Grif asks Sarge.

Sarge turns to Grif. "The Blues are obviously trying to coax the bomb into rearming. They're about to launch an attack. On us!"

"Why would they do that?" Grif asks.

"Because they're blues!" Sarge shouts. "Somebody get this kid the manual."

"I left mine back at Blood Gulch." Ash says.

"Oh, I hate the blues." Simmons says.

"That's the spirit Simmons." Sarge compliments. 

Back at the beach

O'Malley Manically laughs.

"And now the hour is at hand. It is time my robot minions." O'Malley says.

Doc then speaks. "He means robot minones. Where is your cultural sensitivity?"

O'Malley speaks. "Oh, shut up! At least we will seize our destiny!"

Doc speaks. "Do we really need to seize destiny? Can't we just invite it to our online circle of friends?"

O'Malley speaks. "Quiet you fool! And quit sending me those invites. They're repulsive. Prepare for battle! We will break upon their fortress like an evil wind!"

"Ew." Doc says.

O'Malley continues. "Crushing our opponents with lightning speed. Attack!!!"

"Charge" The robot minions says as they begin to walk towards the fortress.

"You there hurry along." O'Malley orders. "And you in the back." He's not happy with how slow the robots are.

O'Malley looks at Lopez. "Lopez can't you speed them up?"

"This isn't what I asked for!" O'Malley yells.

"You said you wanted a day of victory.'

O'Malley sighs as he watches a robot straggler.

"Charge!" The robot minion says.

With the Blues

"So we cool here?" Church asks.

"I think were finally calmed down." Tucker states.

Caboose speaks up. "Yes We are all better now. We are not mad. And we are diffidently not thinking about exploding at all anymore."

"Hey, are you talking about me?" Andy the bomb asks.

"What? No. Course not." Church states. "We just want to make sure were all happy and were not upset in any way what so ever."

"Don't say we. You really mean me!" Andy says. "I mean you, which in this case is me."

"No no no. Uh, we're uh, talking about Tex." Church says.

"Excuse me?!" Tex asks Church.

Church turns to Tex and whispers. "Hey, you wanna die in an explosion? Play along." He turns to Andy. "Yea um, I don't know if you noticed but she's uh, she's kind of a bitch. Isn't that right Tex?" He turns to her.

"Church." Tex growls.

"I don't know." Andy says.

"Come on, Tex." Church whispers.

"Yes, we're talking about me." Tex says. 

You are reading story The Weapons Guy at novel35.com

"Sounds like you're patronizing." Andy says to her.

"No really it's me. I'm a bitch."

Church chuckles. "Keep going."

"And I need to be calmed down all the time." Tex stares.

"Or what happens?" Church asks.

"Or else I get so mad that I kill people on my own team." She says as she looks at Church.

"I see your point."

Caboose speaks up. "Tell him about the moodiness. And the crankiness."

Tucker speaks up. "Also mention how you like to punch people in the head while they sleep."

"That was you?!" Caboose yells. "I thought the tooth fairy was mad at me."

"Wow, she sounds like a real handful." Andy says.

"Alright listen here you little newb firecracker." Tex gets angry. 

"Woah woah woah woah!" Church yells. "See what we mean Andy, volatile." 

Tex looks at Church. "I am so going to remember this Church."

Caboose then whispers to Church. "You should sleep with your pillow on top...your head...tonight."

"Yes, that's very funny." Caboose says. "Make all the threats you want. As long as everyone is calm and peaceful and there is nothing to make us excited. I don't care."

Explosions happen outside the base.

O'Malley laughs. "Attack my robot minions."

"I could  almost feel that coming right as I finished the sentence." church says.

Which the Reds.

"What the hell was that!?" Sarge yells.

"It sounded like a huge explosion!" Simmons yells.

"I LIKE EXPLOSIONS!" Ash yells.

"Sham-Dilly-Lace." Sarge says. "That means that the blues have re-armed the bomb."

"Wait they rearmed it and it exploded." Grif says. "Isn't that good for us?"

"Grif, don't interrupt me while I'm leading in a battle situation." Sarge says.

Grif looks past Sarge then back to him. "Were in battle?"

"Course we are!" Sarge yells. "Now get ready for your orders! Donut!"

"Yes, sir." Donut's ready.

"Scream like a woman."

"Can do." Donut starts to run around while screaming like a Woman.

Sarge turns to Grif. "Grif."

"What?" Grif asks.

"Prepare to sacrifice yourself for a nearby superior officer." Sarge states.

"I don't think I have been trained on that." Grif stats.

"Ash!" Sarge yells.

"Yes, sir." Ash is ready.

"Make this situation seem more battle-like, while also making me look like a good leader! Sarge orders.

Ash shoots a few fusion cells behind Sarge and they explode and he begins to throws grenades in random directions.

"Simmons, kiss ass at will." Sarge says.

"You're both an excellent leader and handsome man sir." Simmons kiss'ass.

"Excellent work, Simmons. Incoming."

Grif and Sarge duck as a rocket flies over head and explodes. Donut runs by them screaming.

"Grif, you're up." Sarge says.

"Permission to assist Donut sir." Grif asks.

An explosion goes off and Ash yells.

"Permission Denied." Sarge states. "Continue with Operation: MeatShield."

Ash lands on the ground next to them and gets back up. "I'm fine!"

Sarge continues. "Remember; just because your bones are broken doesn't mean you don't stop bullets from hitting me. Now get out there!"

"Good call, sir." Simmons says as another explosion goes off.

"You're on your way to a medal Simmons." Sarge says. "In fact medals all the way around. Purple heart for Grif. Pink heart for Donut. Red shoulder for Ash. And a brown nose for Simmons."

Another explosion goes off.

Donut yells in a high pitched voice. "I'm too young to die! I'm too pretty to die! I haven't even seen Banished yet."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

07-01-2022

You can find story with these keywords: The Weapons Guy, Read The Weapons Guy, The Weapons Guy novel, The Weapons Guy book, The Weapons Guy story, The Weapons Guy full, The Weapons Guy Latest Chapter