Chapter 147: The Talk About Parenting

(From Blue's Perspective)

"Get up."

"Hmm?" I mumbled in my sleep.

"It's lunchtime. You need to eat."

"Don't wanna..."

"Come on, get up now."

I felt a tongue licking my ear. It was ticklish. I quickly opened my eyes, only to find my husband looking at me. But his face was not as playful as always, rather it was quite serious.

My lower body hurt a bit, but it was not as much as usual times after we did it. I was still naked. I wrapped the blanket around me and tried to sit. 

"Be careful," he said.

I wanted to ask him a lot of things, but I could not bring myself to say a single thing. I watched him as he took the plate arranged for me and cut the meat into fine pieces. 

"Here, open your mouth," he said, nudging my lips with the piece of meat on the fork.

I opened my mouth and tasted the soft and slightly spicy texture of the meat. He cut the pieces in the right size just like I always liked. It seemed he was pretty observant.

"Is it okay?" he asked.

"Hmm, it's good," I said. Thankfully, my throat did not hurt anymore. And my words did not stutter. Though the effect of the medicine was supposed to be temporary, I was holding onto hope. 

None of us said anything for a while. He just fed me and I ate without a word. He said he had his lunch a while ago. But that was all we talked about.

"He was the former prime minister of Ataraxia," he said after a while.

"I know."

"You do?"

"Perita told me," I said. "And she also told me that why you sent evidence of him siding with Lacuna to Ataraxia."

"So, you know about it," he muttered. "But you don't know why I brought him here in a hurry, do you?"

"No," I shook my head. "Perita told me that you were planning on keeping an eye on him only, to see what he is up to or who he goes to."

"Yeah, that was the plan. But he did something that cannot be ignored."

'Did something that cannot be ignored? Why do I feel like it has something to do with me?'

"He tried to poison you several times," he said. 

"P-Poison me?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Though we haven't announced your pregnancy publicly yet, that pain in the ass found out somehow. And that's the reason, he tried to poison you. And I think he is still siding with Lacuna."

We were supposed to announce my pregnancy publicly, but because of my health, we could not do so. And now, we were planning to do so after coming back from the banquet if my health was still alright. 

"I could not just let this kind of thing slide," he muttered, gritting his teeth. "That fucking bastard... How dare he?!" 

So, he did it for me after all? But still, the way he killed him and then kicked his head away, it was scary. No matter what the reason was, it was actually pretty disturbing.

"It was scary?"

"Hmm...," I nodded slightly. 

"I am sorry you had to see it. I didn't want you to see that kind of thing this early. And besides, these days, you're more sensitive than usual," he said sulkily. "That's why I told the guards not to let you enter."

"You could have just told... me," I said. 

"I will from next time," he said. "It seems like you want to talk to me about something."

"Yeah, two things..."

"Tell me."

"First of all, I want to meet the knights."

"Okay, we will," he said. "It took a lot of time than I thought to interrogate him."

"And the second thing is, well, I heard about Princess Laetitia."

"Princess Laetitia?"

"Hmm... The princess of Lacuna," I said. "I heard that she is the one who had come here to convince you to marry her. I heard it's more like seducing."

"Are you mad?"

"Why would I be? I just said that I heard about it," I said. "It's my first time hearing about someone who loved my husband so much. And besides, she looks like a goddess, really beautiful."

"You're more beautiful," he said without hesitating.

'Ruby said the same thing.'

"And her eyes are very pretty as well."

"No, yours are prettier," he said without any hesitation again.

"Her skin looks very smooth as well."

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"Yours is smoother," he said. "That said, where did you even see her?"

"I saw her painting," I said. 

"Painting? Where?"

"That's not something you should ask. I live here, so it's likely of me to know and see a few things. It's hard to say something how, where."

"Are you sure you're not angry?"

"I don't have any reason to. First of all, we were not married back then. Secondly, you haven't done anything with her, rather you threw her out," I said. "That was pretty mean of you to do that to a princess."

"Who cares? She is shameless. After I rejected her so many times, why the hell would he cling to me? It's annoying and disgusting as fuck!"

"I see..."

"I love only you."

"I know. Me too," I said. 

"By the way, do you find anyone strange around you? Like their behavior?"

"Um... Not really?"

"Then tell me this. What do you think of people who only think well about you? I mean, not a single bad thought." 

"Is there someone like this?"

"I am," he said. "But it's not about me. Perhaps I am thinking too much. Don't worry about it. It's fine."

"If you say so..."

"We're leaving tomorrow. You will get some maids there as well. If you want to, we can take your personal maid with us."

"Ruby? She will be happy!" I said. "Then should I tell her that she should come with us?"

"What 'tell'? Order her," he said. "You're the queen. Everyone has to listen to you."

"But why would I force her if she doesn't want to?"

"Really? You're too warm-hearted, my wife," he muttered. 

After he was finished feeding me, he wiped my lips and made me drink a whole glass of water. 

"I wanted to make love to you more. We only did it twice," he said. "But you lost consciousness." 

"Ah, perhaps I was... tired."

"This pregnancy made you really tired. I don't understand why the hell do you have to bear this kind of consequence for another life."

"You mean the child?"

"Yes, that's what I mean! I mean, why do women have to give birth?"

"Then how will people get their offspring?"

"I don't need one."

"You don't, but it's the rule of the world. If there is no descendant, then one day, the whole population will die."

"Who cares?"

'I give up. This guy... I can't even make him understand...'

"Really? I hate it so much," he said as he rubbed his face on my chest. 

'Again, rubbing his face on my chest... Does he like it this much? He looks very cute though...'

"Don't say 'hate'," I said. 

"It's not like you want to be a mother as well. Besides, you are very young. Why don't you just let me..."

"No," I said bluntly. "We talked about this."

"Why are you so persistent on keeping it? I don't understand..."

I could not help but get angry again. Whenever he said this kind of thing, I hated it. Why did he have to be so insensitive about some things? 

"Of course, you don't understand. Or, you wouldn't talk like this," I said.

"Having kids is a hassle," he said. "Parents can't even take care of them. Then why have them? Your parents couldn't take care of you. They abused you, physically and mentally. Do you think it's okay? Can't you see what they have done to you? You haven't gotten over it yet. Not that I expect you to. It's impossible to get over something like this so soon."

"You mean that we won't be good parents?"

"I don't doubt that you will be a good mother. But I am talking about me," he said. "I won't be a good parent. You see, I feel not even a single attachment to it. How do you expect me to even care for it?"

'It's not like I expect anything from you. I just believe that you won't mistreat the child. At least, if I say so, you will try to love it.'

"What exactly are you worried about?" I asked. "I don't think you're actually worrying about yourself not being a good parent. I think it's something else. If you don't tell me clearly, how will I know?"

He sighed. "It's about my parents."

[Please support this work if you like it and also let me remind ya all again that it has entered the competition 'My Werewolf Lover & I'. And I have been thinking about saying this... Some people find it pretty weird that I wrote from both lead's perspective and sometimes, I even add a side character's perspective. It's actually so the readers can understand the characters from the depth like their thinking, contradicting to themselves and so on.. It's not like I don't like the other style and I am also planning on trying writing from the third person's perspective. Anyway, enjoy!]

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