Chapter 4: Chapter 4

 

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This story contains both plot and smut, situations only suitable for mature audiences.

 

Chapter 4– Shut Up Mind.

 

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Occlumency, or the magical art of shielding one's thoughts, is derived from the word occlude, or "to hide," though another text claims that the word is derived from the Latin occludere, which means "to shut up," and mens, which means "mind," effectively meaning shutting your mind up. Occlumency is the magical ability to close one's mind against Legilimency.

 

It is ancient, dating back to the Middle Ages. It can prevent a Legilimens from accessing or influencing one's thoughts and feelings. A wizard or witch who practises this art is known as an Occlumens, as opposed to a Legilimens, who practises the equally ancient form of Legilimency.

 

The most basic form of Occlumency entails clearing one's mind and leaving it completely blank and empty to prevent Legilimens from perceiving one's emotions and thoughts. Taking this type of Occlumency further entails suppressing the thoughts, feelings, and memories that would contradict whatever the Occlumens desired a Legilimens to believe. This creates a phoney layer of mentality that can completely mislead the person who employs Legilimency into believing that the fake layer is the legitimate one.

 

At the same time, the genuine counterpart lies deeper within. As a result, even if the person is lying, it is not apparent that Occlumency is being used. It takes a lot of willpower, just like resisting the Imperius Curse, and mental and emotional discipline. It is also one method of fighting the influence of Veritaserum, which is why the substance is not often used in court and is mainly used illegally and in conjunction with torture because it is most effective in those circumstances.

 

Occlumency, as a "magical defence of the mind against external penetration," is said to reduce the effectiveness of the Imperius Curse against an Occlumens, though this is unconfirmed. This is because the power required to use Occlumency is described as similar to that needed to resist the Imperius Curse.

 

However, a strong will is necessary to master this form of magic, so it is not taught in formal education. As a result, there are very few masters of the art, only among pureblooded families and exceptionally talented, powerful wizards; muggle-borns hardly ever learn of the existence of this form of magic and remain ignorant of the dangers to their minds.

 

This is what all my reading, of all the safe texts I could find, essentially boiled down to. Of course, I did not really pay much attention to the books teaching Legilimency, and I did find some more in-depth advanced forms of Legilimency. Still, I want to learn to crawl before I can run.

 

So I will focus on the most rudimentary and essential form of Oculemecy, which is clearing your mind. I have predominantly focused on this as I took particular attention to the excerpt which went on about suppressing thoughts, feelings and emotions, which I want to use at the moment to stop the Lockhart in me from rearing its head.

 

Reading through the exercises to help clear my mind, I do not get a lot to help me on my journey. It just says that you must purge yourself of all emotions. People who wear their hearts on their sleeves, cannot control their feelings, wallow in sad memories, and are easily provoked — in other words, weak people — have no chance against a skilled Legilimens who can penetrate your mind with absurd ease.

 

It is no surprise that Gilderoy only learned how to manipulate other people's minds and didn't learn to defend his own. He was simply too vainglorious and shallow to actually have the discipline to learn this form of magic; even though he had all he needed in his library, he still didn't do it even to hide his own crimes. I can feel his tendencies swaying me to put down the books and go do something more fun, but I resist the idiotic urge and buckle down to eviscerate all traces of the old Gilderoy Lockhart from my mind.

 

I remove my robes so that I am only wearing my underwear and then sit down on the soft carpet floor of my living room, sat down cross-legged like a monk, I move my hands and put them atop my knees. I close my eyes and make that meditation symbol with my hands and then breath in deep and then breath out, and I keep doing so afterwards, trying to just focus on my breathing and block everything out.

 

After all, the first step of Occulemency is just clearing out your mind and not thinking about anything, which is just basic meditation. As far as I am aware, the best position for meditation is this position. I am even willing to go further and do other peaceful, calm things like yoga, drinking tea, and whatever else I could do to make my mind my own.

 

I can't wait to be rid of this goddamn disgusting parasite in my head, or am I the para- Wait, shit, I am supposed to be meditating, blocking out stupid thoughts like this. Shaking my head as if somehow throwing away all the thoughts rummaging around my noggin, I take another deep breath and again try to focus on my breathing; I can already tell that this is going to take a lo-Fuck, I did it again. Think nothing, think nothing, think of nothing, don't think about thinking about thinking nothing, just fucking THINK ABOUT NOTHING!

 

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"Knock, knock, knock."

 

"Motherfucker, I was just fucking getting the hang of it. So who the hell is knocking at my goddamn door? Is this the fucking counterpart of Jehova's witnesses in the magical world? Hello, have you heard about our most graceful and decisive leader, the Dark Lord Voldermort?" The sound of knocking at my front door disrupts my current meditation session, and I quickly get up, not caring about my nearly nude form and stalk towards the door.

 

I have been working on clearing my mind for almost a week now, and I have just stayed within the apartment working on it. There is sufficient food in the kitchen, and so apart from eating, sleeping and taking care of myself, I have just been working on this for the past week. But then, just when I was getting somewhere with it, some arsehole began knocking at my front door.

 

"What do you want? I am busy." I swing the door fully open and let some of my annoyance out to the person knocking at my door. Standing there looking quite cowed was a portly, short, squat man with a pug-like face and a balding head hidden under a brown hat that was a mix between a witch's hat and a fedora.

 

He is currently trying his very best to disappear from my intense gaze; he was dressed in a ruddy old brown suit that was probably once a nicer shade though now it is a dull brown. In addition, he wears a creased white shirt with some stains peaking out here and there, along with a black bowtie and dirty brown dress shoes; the most important feature to notice about him, though, is the camera hanging around his neck.

 

"A-Ah, M-Mr Lockhart, sir. It is me; you did not show up to your regularly scheduled photoshoot, so I decided to come and see if you were alright; you have never missed one in the past. Witch Weekly was not happy; they had to pay the models for their time anyway, even the, uh, the ones that were given a higher paycheck to stick around and keep you company afterwards. So they want to reschedule as soon as possible so that they can get the photoshoot in the next edition, preferably before it releases this weekend. Can you possibly come tomorrow for the photoshoot, sir?" The man at my door, no, a name comes to my mind, Digby. D. Digworth, I don't know what the D stands for.

 

Anyway, the memories begin to inform me of all my past interactions with this man, and from that, I have been told that Digby used to be an old cameraman that used to work for the Daily Prophet before he was fired for some reason;. One day, the man saw Gilderoy at a book signing and begged to be his personal photographer, appealing to the vanity in Gilderoy.

 

He was given the position; over the last couple of years, he has taken various photos of Gilderoy and sold them, even making advertising and sponsorships for shops and even selling a calendar. Now the man basically handles all of Gilderoy's PR; he sets up photoshoots and deals to gain more money for Gilderoy.

 

"So, uh, when do you want to reschedule it for? Any time is possible; I can even have it arranged for tomorrow morning if that would suit you better; the faster we do this, the better, especially because you missed yesterday. They had to pay everyone for that day, so you will get paid less than you originally were; I accepted since we want to maintain a strong relationship with Witch Weekly as they are our primary source of income." Digworth speaks again, breaking me away from the memories flooding my mind, which I am grateful for.

 

Still, his words just remind me of a very crucial piece of information, Gilderoy Lockhart probably has a lot of responsibilities. A lot of PR responsibilities like book signings, unveilings and everything in between to perform, which I am definitely not going to be doing because, for starters, I don't have complete control of my own mind. So I won't be able to accurately recall any of the things I am supposed to be doing, and I won't be able to until I get into way more advanced Occlumency.

 

More importantly, I won't be able to properly gauge anyone I may come across while exploring the magical world. While I may get some information when I see them in the street, like just now with Digworth, there is no guarantee that the data is one hundred percent correct. For all I know, within my head is blackmail regarding Digworth, or I know a dark secret about him that would make me wary and know not to trust him with certain things. Still, it has not risen up in the memories I just got.

 

I would be appropriately screwed if such an occasion occurred, so I am staying in my house and not leaving until I have complete control of and access to the old Gilderoy's memories. But the world isn't just going to start ignoring me until I am ready to reenter it; most likely, people like this guy will begin chasing me down to talk to me, or my fans will get agitated by my absence and start a manhunt in search of me.

 

So I will likely have to develop a cover story to stay within my house as long as possible without being bothered. It has to have at least the limit of a year because I think that is how long it will take me to properly master Occlumency by focusing my all on it.

 

"Ah, yes, Digby. Cancel everything that I have to do for the foreseeable future, I will be going on a trip very soon, and you just caught me in the middle of packing for it. Adventure awaits, and I don't know when I will be back but worry not, the mighty Gilderoy Lockhart shall brave all evil in his way and return home in the future." That is a good enough excuse and maybe something that the original Gilderoy would say.

 

I made sure to dumb it down so that it would be believable to someone who has worked with Gidleroy for the past few years, and it should buy me quite a while. With this guy being my PR guy, he will surely go and inform anyone who needs me. And give me at least some time to work on my mental defences.

 

"Ah, a trip? B-But where are you going, Gilderoy? We have a lot of deals and agreements here that need to be fulfilled; if you leave now, we will lose a lot of ground with a lot of people. So please think about this, Gilderoy; you will lose much of your fame and standing if you do this." Digby obviously knows me quite well, or at least he knew the old Gilderoy Lockhart quite well because he knows exactly what to say to convince him otherwise and knows that Gilderoy cares about his fame and how he is perceived the most.

 

This means that Digby. D. Digworth is intensely familiar with Lockhart and will know if something is wrong, which means I will have to tell him a believable lie that he will believe, which means that I have to give him a lie about where I am going. It needs to be a situation that will bring me more fame, as that would be the only reason for Gilderoy to abandon all his PR events in Britain and risk his reputation.

 

"Hmm, ah, well, Digby, my friend. I have recently heard rumours in the cold streets and the darkest pubs about the existence of a voracious, never before seen magical monster, and being the powerful wizard that I am, I obviously had to investigate further. After many nights of prowling the streets, I eventually managed to find an individual with a first-hand account of the monster." I begin my lie.

 

"I have since learned that this wizard was a curse breaker who went on an expedition to Antarctica, a big chunk of ice the size of a continent to the north of Britain. While investigating a ruin and looking for treasures, he was attacked by a giant white monster that blended in with the surrounding snow and icy winds. Apparently, from what this wizard saw, the beast was a gigantic white-furred beast that stood on two legs but was more animal than man." I add some more substance to the story I am spinning.

 

"The wizard apparently barely escaped with his life, and the monster remains in those ruins within Antarctica. Furthermore, the wizard told me that there is a nearby town full of a tribe of people called Eskimos, and they are complete without magic and often get attacked by the monster. Hearing such things, I obviously have to go and track down this beast and prevent it from hurting those poor souls even more." That should be a good excuse for my future absence from the wizarding world until I have mastered Occlumency to the best possible degree.

 

I also aim to at least somewhat familiarise myself with other magic and spell, aiming to at least have the Hogwarts curriculum years 1 to 7 fully learnt. I chose Antarctica because there are no wizards or anything up there, as far as I am aware.

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It is a pretty isolated and barren place, so there will likely be no one around there to say I wasn't in Antarctica. There is also no evidence to say that there is no monster up there as it has never been adequately explored. I also bullshitted the story very quickly, and so the only monster I could think of on the spot that might possibly live in Antarctica is a yeti; for all I know, maybe they actually do exist.

 

"But Gilderoy, how do you know that you weren't just talking to some drunk down the pub which was just making up stories? Surely it would be better to just stay here and fulfil our parts in the deals and agreements we made instead of going off in a wild goose chase; we will lose all of our reputation and the brand we have built up. Please, Gilderoy, just think about it." I also panicked and talked about a curse breaker I tracked down who told me the story, but this guy does not actually exist.

 

There are absolutely no rumours whatsoever going around about a monster in Antarctica. Still, there is nothing I can do about the panicked lie I told now, I just have to stick to it and brave it out, but as long as I can get as much time as possible without people annoying me, then I am willing to tell whatever lies I need to.

 

"Who do you think I am, Digby? Do you have such little faith in me? I, of course, verified this information and made sure that I questioned the man when he was fully sober and aware of himself; I would not go on a spontaneous trip at the behest of a drunk in a pub. Now can we hurry this along? I still need to pack and prepare for my trip; I must leave soon." It is evident that this guy cares more about the money I make than my well-being because, for every galleon I make, some of it goes into his pocket, so of course, he doesn't want me to go on a trip where my income for the duration is basically zero.

 

But I honestly don't give a crap about this guy or what motivates him; I just want to get this guy out of here. So for him to cancel all my other responsibilities so that I could get back to my work of trying to meditate and develop my Occlumency, I made a subtle threat to him when I questioned his loyalty and trust in me. At the same time, admittedly, it would suck for him to lose my source of income for a while; it would be worse if I fired him and cut him off from my source of income for the rest of his life.

 

"I would never doubt you, sir; how can I doubt the great Gilderoy Lockhart. I will be excitedly awaiting your return, Mr Lockhart. Can I just ask, when exactly will you be coming back?" Getting the message, he begins to backtrack and start his brownnosing again, now knowing his position is in danger.

 

The newest priority for him is knowing when I will be back so that he can prepare and get things ready to start earning money again. Still, I am afraid that I will have to disappoint him as I don't actually know how long it will take me before I believe I am ready for the Wizarding World. Still, I know that I will be taking at least a year to focus on Occlumency and learning magic, though I am not about to tell Digby here that time frame as that would be disadvantageous.

 

"I do not know when I will be back, Digworth; after all, no man can put a time frame on an adventure. But I estimate I will most definitely be back before a year has passed, I wouldn't be surprised to be back in less than a month due to my magical prowess, but that depends on the power of this magical arctic beast. Now good day Digby. D. Digworth, I shall see you upon my glorious return." I finish the conversation, not having any more time to spend on this idiocy.

 

"A-ah, but-" I slam the door closed in his face and feel the intense urge to dust my hands which I ignore, knowing that it is just Gilderoy's flair for dramatics wanting to play up. But, unfortunately, I can't afford to give them any slack in the fear that that will open up the door to allow more of Gilderoy to start coming through, which I definitely don't want. So I walk back into my apartment, still hearing that pudgy man knocking relentlessly on my door, trying to gain an audience with me again.

 

I contemplate going to the bedroom to continue my meditation and Occlumency training. Still, I ignore that in favour of sitting back in my living room spot. If anything listening to this guy pounding on my front door while trying to clear my head will only help improve my Occlumency, either that or I am just going to get a big headache.

 

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My hand hovers dangerously close to the fire in my fireplace in the library, all the while I have the Wizarding Wireless Network on the radio, which is currently playing the "Witching Hour", hosted by the famous singing sorceress Celestina Warbeck whose voice is flowing through the radio and by far the most annoying of all the things currently happening in the library is the massive portrait of Gilderoy Lockhart that is constantly jabbering on and on bragging about himself and his features.

 

All in all, due to the intense heat pushing against my hand, the melodious singing coming through the radio and the incessant words escaping from the painting, this should be one of the most uncomfortable and irritating moments in existence, and yet I remain absolutely calm, and my hand remains absurdly steady over the roaring fire. Of course, I did feel all sorts of emotions from all the activity around me, but they are being pushed out of my mind because I am clearing it of all I am feeling and suppressing all the emotions rising inside me.

 

It has been three months since I first woke up as Gilderoy Lockhart and set out on my journey to learn Occlumency to the best of my ability. After focusing all of my being on it for the entire three months, I have finally reached a level that I am satisfied with; I put myself in the most uncomfortable and distracting environment I had available. However, I was still able to use my Occlumency to completely calm my mind, and even with the intense heat practically roasting my hand, I was able to push out all of my feelings and thoughts to remain calm.

 

During these three months, all I have done is focus on my Occlumency and completely blocked out everything else, which includes the annoying and persistent Digby. D. Digworth, who has relentlessly, without fail everyday knocked on my front door for about ten minutes every day, I honestly don't know why he had done it because I did tell him I would be gone from anywhere from a month to over a year. Still, the next day after my conversation with him, he knocked on my front door, but I ignored it and used the racket he made to help me advance my Occlumency.

 

I wouldn't say that my Occlumency is the very best. I have no doubt that people like Severus Snape and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore have much better Occlumency than me, which can stand up against the Dark Lord Voldemort. However, I would probably not be able to uphold it when under torture like they would be able to. Still, all that means is that I will have to do my very best to remain out of their clutches and become powerful enough that they won't be able to capture me to torture me.

 

Either way, none of that matters as now my Occlumency is advanced enough that I can suppress all of the remnants left in my mind by the old Gilderoy Lockhart, which means my mind and my actions are now all my own, but that is still not good enough for me, to function in this new world that I have found myself in I need all the information locked within this mind. Still, I can not allow myself to be influenced by the memories.

 

Withdrawing my hand from above the fire, I placed my hands on my knees, got up to my feet, and released my Occlumency. While my hand was a bit hot, and I wanted to itch it, I was more annoyed by the surrounding sounds. So I switch off the radio and then walk towards the massive talking magical portrait.

 

I don't pay any attention to what it says and just speak the inane password. "Gilderoy Lockhart is the most brilliant wizard in all the land; his blonde wavy hair glistens in the sun, and his straight white teeth shine even in the dark; his brilliance is as if a rainbow that has been given physical form and his elegance is that of royalty, but by far his best feature is his boundless talent at magic which surpasses that of even Dumbledore himself."

 

The bookshelf swings open, and I walk inside with only one goal in my mind, locating the book that I want on the shelf. I take a deep breath, push my Occlumency into full force, and completely clear my mind. Then, feeling nothing, I walk forward and go to pick up the black leather-bound book that used its dark magic on me three months earlier and affected my mind in a corrupting way; my fingers touch lightly to the book's spine, and I wait for a second.

 

Nothing happens, so I fully grasp the book and pull it out of the shelf so that I can pull out all of its sordid little secrets and use them to my own benefit. This book is the key to my future.

 

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