Chapter 1: I didn’t plan to play in Ghost in the Shell!

“If they seem aggressive, beat them up first, if they are armed, destroy them.”

That’s what he told me before the mission started but even though I wanted to, I couldn’t follow his orders.

Running away from that place as fast as possible, I turn left and right irrationally through the empty alleys and the dark streets, although there is nothing behind.

Of course, they didn’t need me at all, they were there for him.

“Now I’ve fucking done it!” I sigh facing upward.

Shining brightly in the sky, the white crescent reveals a high wall, the dead end of my run.

Slowing down, panting, I lay my back to it and let myself fall on my butt.

What I thought were raindrops that curved down a coil of my hair was actually my own sweat.

Opening a button of my shirt to let the cold night’s air cool down my body, and exhaustion mixed with a bit of irony turn my panting into small laughter.

“I messed up so hard it’s actually hilarious,” I contemplate.

Remembering the events, I don’t think anyone could have fought and survive anyway. But even I knew that dying for that man was more important than saving my own life.

Indeed, my first mission as the Prince’s bodyguard has ended in immense failure.

 

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EPISODE 1: BODYGUARDS

 

“His Highness the Prince’s bodyguard, code name: DARIUS.”

“His Highness the Prince’s bodyguard, code name: ESMERALDA.”

“His Highness the Prince’s bodyguard, code name: ARTEMIS.”

“Ah, it’s my turn? Sorry, the last bodyguard, it is I, code name is DIANA.”

I feel so stupid now that all those serious people’s judging glares are on me, but all those ceremonies are beyond me. I couldn’t care less about sounding serious and trustful, I’m not here because I want to.

That being said, that Prince is way too scary.

First of all, he looks like he’s a 70-year-old devil with a cane, and that’s scary. Nobody would expect a Prince to be an old man, right?? I mean that word has a very young and knightly tone, and when I heard I would be in contact with the actual Prince, I didn’t expect him to look like the concierge or something.

What’s ALSO scary is that he looks like he’s about to smite my existence out of this world with his thunderous eyes, and that’s very scary.

Regarding the three other fellows in that room, they look average. The kind of people you’ll find in any book.

You have the big muscles.

The big brain.

And the big boobs.

As for me, I’m the big idiot.

We are all standing in the luxurious suite of a way too high budget hotel, a fair distance from each other, in front of the old man who seems pretty in shape, but while I am looking for a convincing escape plan from this skyscraper, the Prince actually murmurs something.

“ARTEMIS and DIANA…”, he says.

Well, yes, even I noticed this stupid thing. Artemis and Diana are basically the same goddess from Greek and Roman mythologies. Except that looking at her, uh no I’m nothing like this succubus.

“Yes...?” she inquires with an obnoxious voice.

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What?

Everybody is looking at her now. I can’t believe this imbecile thought the Prince was calling us and not just pointing out the fact we have the same signifying name.

Oh no, now I feel very insulted, this black leather idiot is an even bigger idiot than me, and in no world, I will let her and I be associated!

I don’t know how these guys got recruited, I basically got involved because my sister is indebted to the bone and sold me to this shady-looking high-risk high reward company a few years ago. The kind where you have to sign way too many insurances for it not to seem extremely unsafe.

I honestly thought it was some kind of weird fetish brothel with code names and bondage and at that point, I was ready to accept prostitution, but then they actually formed me into infiltration, hand and armed combat. Some weeks in, I still thought it was a very realistic form of sadomasochism training.

And then I followed the indications for my first mission, so here I am teaming up with folks I don’t know so we can be the Fantastic 4 for an old man, whom I’m not even sure is a real prince anymore!

God, I wish my name was a cool Russian one like ESMERALDA, I could play the Black Widow and smash people’s necks with my legs and wouldn’t that be hot and awesome? Wait, was it Russian? Whatever, now I’m stuck with DIANA and I really hope the whore who owns my alter ego’s name will get smite by the almighty old Prince’s glare, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, that Prince did not kill anyone with his eyes and my hopes for him disappeared in a few seconds.

He’s so old anyway, and why would he ask for people like us and not some powerful knights trained in a castle or something?

It should be mentioned that I never fought with anyone before my training, except that time in middle school when that girl called me a whore so I tore her hair up so violently that it bled a little. Uh, that was disgusting. She had a big hole on her head since then that she tried to hide with a new haircut but it was so ugly that she shaved it entirely. People actually went from mocking her to being nice because they thought she might have had cancer, and she received presents with “good recovery” on it, not that she hated it.

Wait, wait, wait, this geezer has been talking for a few minutes now and I didn’t listen at all! I can’t believe I got distracted by Chemotherapy, what a ridiculous way to miss on important events!

“-so if that’s the case, then you may as well leave now.”

What did he say? Should I ask him to repeat? I’d really like to know the conditions I need to fulfill to be able to leave now!!

“Excuse me, your Highness? I did not follow the last minute, please could you say it again?”

What the fuck?! It’s Boobies again, and damn what a helpless person she is. Not listening at a time like this is so ridiculous, and she dared ask the Prince to repeat.

“That’s fine, I only said that if you’re not ready to die, you may as well leave.”

“Oh yes, me! Me! I’m not ready to die, sir! May I leave?”

!

I knew that getting punched wasn’t the best feeling in the world, but did you know that an iron reinforced cane could hurt much more? Ah, I feel like my arm is broken. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.

The odd thing is that the girl next to me is hurt as well.

But she didn’t say anything, did she?

Maybe it’s the pain but I can’t recall which of the two of us said something so stupid as rudely.

I hate that old man now, why would he offer us to leave if he hit us in return?!

“DARIUS, STOP!” Someone shouts.

SCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

“If you break it too much, we won’t get the information!”

What the hell is going on? Why is there so much noise here? Wait who hit me?

What I thought was an iron reinforced cane actually was the iron reinforced arms of the very luxurious and expensive hotel’s room service robot.

This is ridiculous! The mission hasn’t even started that I got caught off guard by the modern evolution of a vacuum cleaner.

Now that I looked at it, said vacuum cleaner, which is around 1 meter and a half’s height, has clearly malicious intentions with its angry red alert eyes, that scream “I vowed to destroy humanity,” which makes me shiver even though it is currently being secured by Mr. DARIUS’ big muscles.

“It’s definitely controlled from a distance. That, or it has been pre-programmed before we came in.” adds Miss ESMERALDA, as if she has done that her whole life.

Well, good for you, smart ass, but for normal people like me we just entered the ‘what the hell’ zone. And when I woke up this morning, I didn’t plan to play in Ghost in the Shell!

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