Chapter 15: Entry 16 [In which I lie]

Resurrection Log: Ź̷̼͖ý̶̧̡̩̫͉͔͇̓̈́̋̎̽̌͐͛̈́̎̒́̐̍͠r̴̢͓̖̲͙̲̮͋̉̓̾͒̑͜͠ͅa̵̡̨̦͍͉̳͎͕̞͔̲̺̰̩̩̽͑̆̈̌́̏͝g̵̼͈̟̗͔͋́̈́̀͆̀̚ą̸̯̽̈́̑͒͑́ṙ̷͙̝̥͔̳̜̗͖̦͉͓͕͗̈́̇̇͂̐̍̒̍̔d̸͇̞̥͓̠̈́͒͋̌̐͝ ̶̨̧̛͔̲̻̖͚̠̣͔̻̰̫̒̇͐͜͠T̴̠͓͔̦̩̻̼̖̽͆̍͆̓̊̽̔̚͠ơ̷̶̵̸̸̸̡̛̛̬̖̰̦̦̮͚̗̞̻̻̞̻̙̘̘͈͈̭̲͙̪͍̭̭͉͚̤̅̾̽͋̀̑̋̆̍̉̇̉̈́̿͋͒̇̊̓̂̿̿̑̈́͆͑͌̂̌̑̆̉͘̚͜͜͝͝͝͝͠ţ̷̢̢̛͙̩͎̥͈̝̖̈̄͛̄͊̆̓̈́̊ͅͅȩ̸̠͍̱̖̺̣̖̄̉̔͜ņ̷̡͓̘̥̠̖̝̺͈̥͔̲͊k̴̛̯̫̪͑̽̔́̅͂̿̂͋̉̂̕͘͠y̵̟̟̰̪̻̼̖̌̽̇̓́̍̃͒̾̕̚͝͠r̵̢̨̠͉̼̲̲͛͒̂̽̄͐͌̏͘͘͝a̴̛̰̙̫͂͐̓̐ḿ̷̡̛̤͙͕̼̱̻͙̔͌̓̈̏͑̔̈́̓͘̚ą̸̧̧̯̺̫͈̞͎̻̤̫̂͐̐͘ņ̷̨̱̖̟͖͚̣̂͌͗̌̾̔́̕ ̶̨̨̲̘̭͚̣̝̞̲͔̦̽̾̏̄̒́̚͝K̷̖̻̘̣͐̽̀̅͛͜͜͜ṟ̴̛͇̺͈̲͉̤̰̰̥͉͓̜͑̈́͌̔̍̓́̕ą̷̼̄̾͊̓̽̾͊̈̒̍̍́̉̚͝l̸̨̞͇͈̖͔̘̜̱̦͈̊

Year 76,589 of the —Mother of Ruin—

M:6 D:16

Day 972 of Cycle 3

[transcribed memory/thoughtstream generated by Ṁ̵̢̘̭̬̙̘̦̳͓̺͈̪̒̂ǫ̵̨̛̠̫̻̐̋̓͗͗͗̏̎͂̿͌̕t̴̜̪͇͕͚́̓͐h̴̯͍̼̦̯̝̜̝̤͂͋͆͌͗͝ę̸͉͖͕̜̤̘͙͎͚̈́̏͒̒̄̏̃̋͘̕͘͜ȓ̸̢̨͍͉̱̮̞͔̋̇ ̴̡̛̱̳̘̠͎̫̩̪̦̠̦̣̀͒͛͊̚͠G̷̰̹̝͆̈͜į̸̧̟͙̰͖̳̯̈́̒͜͜g̶͉̗̹̻̟̰̞̭̠͉͙̈́͊̌̈̈̓̐̒̕ạ̵̧̧̘͖͔̟̝̳̅̇̂̂̅̓̇͛̓͋̊̏̇̕t̵̮̉͒̋̄̑̇̌̀̅͑̋͋r̶̻̟͗̋̀̆̿̃̔̄͒̎̊̈́̚o̵̪̦͇̫̾̋̊̾̋͗͗̊͊̄͜͠͝ḡ̵̛̰͎̇̐͒͋̊̀͝ẗ̶̡̮̠͈̗̗̃͛̈̊̾ḩ̴͍̖͖̥͈̻̪̖̤̰̥̣̋͌̚ř̵̝̤̩͈͎̤͎̯̤͔̝̬̖̓̏͐̀̿̊̂̈͋̕͝͝ĭ̴̡̡͙̺̪͕̻̺̥̫̭̜̺̳̃̂͊̓́̅̈́̎̀̽̀̚ͅṃ̵̨͇̺̪̤̄͜ȧ̵͓̟͖̞̩̤͙̩̖̠̝̣̔ź̶̡͇͍̝̳͚̱͖̳͖̬͓̋̂͜ ̸̢̺͚̍̎̈́̂͛̂̐͐̊̕̚͜͝͝Ȉ̵̢̹̜̞͆̃͗̅̈́̋͒̅͝Í̶̡͓͓̰̥̤̗̱̀͛́͆̒͋̂͠͝I̴̟̞̪̯͍̟̿̂̐̌͑̎̅̋͐͆̍́] [cont’d]

I could not turn my eyes from the Starseer as I spoke. 

“Lore,” I said. “Please, tell me everything you know of this being.” 

“I…um…I know that she can look at places far away from here, see what’s happening there. I know that my father, he…he created her.” 

“Created her? How?”

“I don’t know. No one’s had a chance to tell me. Also he said she’s been less and less responsive lately. He thinks maybe she’s not well. But he says he thinks a human could learn to do what she does, with some help. He…he thinks I have the potential.” 

My insides constricted. 

“Lore, do you really wish to stay here, to never see Rin again?” 

“S-stay here? At the base? No! I love Rin…I just…I didn’t want to go back up just to be trapped in orbit, and I panicked. I just want to stay on the planet. So, so bad. And I thought it would be nice to see dad for a bit, thought maybe he could introduce me to some of his seafarer connections…”

“He has told your step-mother you want to stay here, and I believe he means to keep you here, regardless of your wishes. I have promised her I would do everything I could to bring you back safely. She has told me to convey to you that she pinkie swears that she will not make you leave the planet against your will. She only asks that you do not remain here. With him. She promises she will tell you all of the reasons why when you return.” 

Lore’s brows knotted together, gaze darting away from mine. 

“I know how he used me to trick you into coming here. That was wrong. I’m sorry he did that. And I’m sorry my mom—”

“Rin did not trick me,” I informed her. “And she knew he would do exactly as he has done. And yes, it was wrong. In addition to using you to get to me and lying to your step-mother, he has attempted to scan and sample my body against my will, and has injured me greatly in the process. I have had to incapacitate him and many others to defend myself. But it will all be over soon, and I will return with you to the surface. Only wait a moment. I must interface further with this being.” 

She sniffed. Looked worriedly between myself and the starry pillar for a moment.

“Wait…Incapacitate? Is my dad hurt?”

I considered answers and their possible consequences. There was a very strong chance that if she knew her father was injured, she would go to check on him. And if she saw just how injured he was, she may refuse to leave with me. I would take her anyway, but the experience would no doubt ruin any potential at peaceful coexistence between us in the future. 

And so I made the choice to lie. 

“No. I have removed his weapons and locked him in the cell he’d previously put me in. And I must request you stay with me here, as I fear he will use his Variation to influence you against your will should you go to him. Now, please, if you would give me a moment…I must interface further with this being before we depart.”

Lore stared at her feet, brushed another tear from her cheek. 

“Um…ok.”  

I returned my attention to the Starseer. 

{You are human,} I said. {But I have never seen one so Warped as you. How did this happen?}

The thing shuddered, a tremor that passed from its base to its branching crown and back again.

Memories presented themselves, one after another, before my consciousness.

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Jonathan’s smiling face, he and a woman—the Starseer’s past self, I took it—embracing. I did not see her face, as the memories were from her perspective. But I saw them do things that mated humans do—not just the woman and Jonathan, but Rin, as well. The three of them laughing in bed together. The three of them on the Mr. Astley, playing with a baby. And then just her and Jonathan, speaking passionately of potential, grasping her hand. 

“This Variation can become so much more than what it is. We can push it further. I’ve found a way. You could change everything. For our whole species. You could save us.”  

I witnessed flash after flash of such speeches, needling, negotiating. Felt as the man’s charisma and passion wore away at her. Felt it as she gave in. Felt the first injection bite through her skin. The tenth. The hundredth. Felt her fear when the physical changes began, drastically. Sudden, unstoppable. 

Felt as her mind opened to the universe more fully than her consciousness could comprehend or cope with. 

I stood in silence for some time after the images ceased. 

{There may be a way to undo it. To change you back. If you can only tolerate this existence long enough for your people to find it. Your daughter—}

{No. Kill me. I cannot bear this…for another hour.}

In the pause between her words, she flooded my mind with her sorrow, her agony, betrayal and entrapment. Her impotent rage. Her unwillingness to be an object, a tool for the achievements of others’ ends any longer.

{Very well,} I said at last. {Is there anything else you would have me know, that you would have your people know, before I release you?} 

{Tell them about earth, the parasites. Tell them what I showed you. There is nothing else. I do not know all. I look where I am told, and I see what I see.}

{And your daughter? Is there anything you would have me tell /her?}

{No. She thinks I died a long time ago. The only thing I want more than death is for her to continue believing that.}

{I see, I will do as you ask of me in a moment, then.}

I turned my eyes to the fledgling. 

“This being is suffering immensely,” I told her. “And has asked me to destroy it. If this will disturb you, please look away and cover your ears.” 

Lore’s wide-eyed gaze went wider still, and though I’d expected some argument, she merely nodded. As if this made some deep sense to her. She turned away. 

Bringing forward one of my undamaged tentacles, I filled it with blood and tensed my muscles until it became a rigid spike. Despite her outer appearance, the Starseer still possessed largely human organs. Raising the tentacle pike high over my head to poise it just so, I struck—plunging it through her flesh. Driving it into the pulsing muscle of her heart. 

The massive body shuddered and convulsed around my tentacle. 

And then it stopped. 

As we left the chamber, I did something I had seen humans do, and placed my hand lightly to Lore’s shoulder. Whether this was of any comfort to her, I could not tell. I wished it would comfort me. I longed to return to where I had left Jonathan. To be absolutely sure that I had killed him. But with Lore in tow, I was forced to resist. In navigating our way back to the docking chamber, I ushered her into the marine vessel by which I had come. 

“Er, are you going to be able to pilot this thing by yourself?” she wondered, looking around as she followed me into the control room. “Or do you need me to help?” 

“This is a primitive vessel. I acquired the information necessary to utilize it prior to my arrival. Piloting it will be a simple task.” 

“Oh,” she replied.  

She was silent for much of the journey back. Rin had initially worried about my navigating my return to the rendezvous point, but of course, I had no difficulty with that…just as I’d assured her I wouldn’t. I recalled the way as clearly as I recall everything else I pay attention to. 

We emerged onto the dock of the barren island to find Rin and the rest already standing out in the cold air waiting for us. The captain went to Lore first. She cringed back, but relaxed a bit as Rin—her expression was furious—wrapped both of her arms about the fledgling and constricted them so hard that at first I thought she meant to punish her. Then, releasing Lore, the captain pointed her eyes at me. There was a look in them which I have since learned to describe as blazing. I do not know how to tell you what this means, only that if you perceived it, and know anything of fire, I believe it would make sense to you. 

She strode up to me, and at first I thought that she was angry with me, too. But then I caught something in her scent, something which seemed to contradict that notion. She threw herself into my arms, both of hers circling around my waist as my tentacles came forward to curl about her too. 

“Thank you, Zyr,” she breathed into the tattered remains of my uniform, her fingers pressing into my back, under and between my tentacles. Working at the muscles as she squeezed me. “Thank you so much.” 

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