I awoke with a start suddenly and bolted upright, with a panicked feeling in my gut. I grabbed my chest with a hand and frantically searched for the source.
Nothing…
Everyone was asleep, our large campfire dwindling down to crackling embers and a wisp of smoke. No sense of danger. Everything was quiet, as the nearly full moons shone overhead in the clear night sky.
I took some deep, calming breaths.
It’s okay, Amy. Everything is okay. Chad is on watch. Nothing is in the shadows.
Wait. Chad was on watch, right? Where was he?
I carefully got up, as not to disturb Ash or Dorian at my sides, and crept around the borders of the camp, looking for our Prince.
I found him on the edge of a nearby small lake, staring out into it, with the beautiful reflections of the moons trapped within. He was pacing along the shore, kicking at rocks with his boots.
“What am I to do Goddess? You spoke to her once. Why won’t you speak to me?”
Did I hear that right? Was he praying to the Goddess?
I stepped loudly on a twig to attract his attention from a distance. He whirled towards the noise and drew his sword but halted when he realized who it had been.
“Oh,” he said disgustedly as he sheathed his sword back in it’s scabbard, “It’s you.”
I kept approaching him as he looked away back at the lake. He was alone, and obviously deep in thought already. Now was as good a time as any to attempt to have some sort of a breakthrough like Ash and I had discussed shortly after leaving the capital.
“Yeah, it’s me.” I swallowed hard and attempted to be direct.
“You know, I remember a time when you used to call me my name.”
His reply was immediate, tone unwavering, “Fine, Amy.” He still wouldn’t face me. “Why are you awake? Don’t you have a full day of walking to do tomorrow? As if we needed more excuses to slow us down.”
I ignored his mean-spirited comment. I couldn’t back down. Starting this was so hard, and it was the first time he had addressed me directly since my transformation. I steeled myself and kept at it.
“You know what I mean. You know my name. Dorian and Ash still use it, why can’t you?”
He finally whirled to face me with a snarl, venom lacing every word, “Do I?! Do I know your name? Or anything about you? For all I know, everything about you up until we reached the temple was a lie!”
He turned back to face the lake, crossing his arms stubbornly and kicking another rock.
“At least Obarith revealed your treachery before I got too caught up in your nonsense.”
I held my breath for a moment and then decided to press, “If you actually believed that Chadwick, then why are you out here by yourself, praying to the Goddess, while staring into the reflection of the moons?”
He didn’t turn to face me again, but still glanced at me for a moment out of the corner of his eye.
“I heard you,” I continued. “You were hoping she would speak to you, the same way she spoke to me. Give you some guidance to whatever internal turmoil you are wrestling with.” I stepped into the shallows and moved in front of him so he would be forced to look at me. “It’s something you are struggling with that you don’t wish to share with the rest of us!”
“There is nothing to share!” He gritted his teeth, closed his eyes, and looked away in frustration.
“None of you could possibly understand what difficulties I am faced with. There is no point with sharing my burdens when they are too vast for the likes of you.”
Time to get desperate.
“What about Dorian? Or Julius or Kit? They are also the next in line of their Houses. Surely you can talk to them.”
He waved off my suggestion as if it was the dumbest thing he had heard since we had left the castle, still glancing anywhere but directly at me.
“They may have important paths ahead of them, and tasks all their own. But I’ve said it before: heavy is the head that wears the crown. They don’t have the pressures of running a kingdom some day on their heads. They don’t have the expectations of the king on their shoulders. Or a brother who wants what they have, purely due to the order of their birth.”
It was my turn to cross my arms in frustration. I stomped over, through the shallows, into his line of sight again, water splashing in my wake.
“First off, these excuses are bull and you know it.”
“How dare—”
I stomped my foot, “I’m not finished!”
I was starting to get flustered. He is so exhausting!
“For the love of the Goddess, Chad, we’re your friends! At least Dorian, Ash and I are!” I stammered out exasperatedly.
“I can tell there is a lot going on between you, Julius and Kit, but you should at least feel like you could talk to us!”
He stopped attempting to interrupt me, but still chose to look over my shoulder, out at the lake again, instead of meeting my eyes.
I went for broke, butterflies active in my stomach despite the late hour.
“What happened to you? Ever since we left Bronzemead, something changed. You became more irritable. You stopped treating us like, well, like your friends.”
He finally flashed his eyes in my direction for a moment.
“I’ve learned that I can’t be bothered with such petty attachments, as you have now seen.” He gestured at my body.
He sighed, as if something finally gave way.
“I thought I had a destiny to fulfill. One I’ve held onto since I was 16. One that I clung to with every fiber of my being, because it was something Father despised. Something he couldn’t control, nor was it a grand scheme that he put in place for me!” He stabbed at his chest at this, and then gestured to the night sky above.
“I saw the shooting star all those months ago, and the sign I had been waiting years for finally arrived. And what happened?” He threw his arms up in disgust, “You. You happened.”
He finally looked down at the shallow water. My eyes followed his and I saw he was taking in our reflections.
My reflection.
He sighed in resolution.
“You asked me what changed? Everything did. And yet nothing. Even after meeting the Goddess’ star, I’m still a prisoner in my father’s gilded cage, no decisions to call my own.”
His resolve finally broke with that admission. He looked sad for the first time since we started talking, the same look on his face now as when he thought he was alone. Bracing myself, I moved to close the gap between us, and he backed away defensively.
It caught me off guard, but I decided to poke a little at this new defensive nature.
I smirked a little as I spoke, “Really? You’re doing that now? Are you afraid you might transform into a hideous toad if you touched me?”
He hesitated with his response before he managed to stammer out, “… not a toad, no.”
He was legitimately afraid of me! It was actually kind of cute. I giggled and took another step, and again he retreated.
“Stop that.”
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Another step. Another retreat.
I grinned and playfully asked him, “Stop what?”
I took another step, and he grabbed the hilt of his sword, but did not draw it. He was attempting to intimidate me, his mouth drawn in a serious line.
“I mean it.”
Curiously, a coy smile on my lips, I asked, “Are you scared of me, Prince Chadwick?” I clasped my hands behind my back and leaned forward.
His face still serious, he jabbed, “I don’t know what you are. You could be anything. Anything except my destiny.”
I sighed, “For once, I agree with your father. You are too hung up on this destiny thing.”
His mouth dropped open for a moment like he was readying a vicious retort, but then it shut, and his shoulders slumped, his arms limp at his sides.
I started pacing in the waters in front of him, “I mean I get it now that you have added some perspective on it. The Goddess’ prophecy of the shooting star was something that separated you from your father. Your whole life up until that moment had been completely planned out. I was an unknown. I was something exciting.”
I spun back to look at him. “So, what happened? I think I was plenty exciting for you when we first met!”
He frowned, “Which time? When had you slapped me for no reason? When you almost got yourself killed facing a horde of undead? When you appeared to become a deity yourself in the ruins of a temple, to a Goddess I’m not supposed to believe in? I could go on!”
I smiled, feeling some confidence. We were making progress.
“You just proved my point. How many of those things had ever happened to you in your life? Had you ever been told ‘no’? Or have someone, other than Duncan, man handle you in a fist fight and shove your face in some dirt? Or beat you in a rigged sword fight in your favor in front of an entire town?”
And finally, it hit me, and I gasped in shock! How had I not put two and two together before now? Forget Julius being bad at math, I was downright flunking.
“I was everything you wanted. Everything you had hoped for. Your dreams and the prophesy started being more than a ludicrous fantasy by some old witches! Your destiny started to take shape…”
His face softened as I put words to his feelings from the last few months.
I flushed and looked at our reflections again, “And then Obarith did what he did, and took it all away.”
He nodded solemnly and we stood there in silence. Time seemed to stop, the only indication of it passing were the ripples of the water across our reflections.
Finally, his voice broke, and time started again.
“I don’t know what to do.” He admitted. “You are no longer the star I swore to follow.” He gestured at my reflection this time, instead of my actual body. “Obarith saw to that. And I can’t defy my father again. Not about this. Not without good cause.”
I could hear the desperation in his voice, “I want to believe the Goddess is finally doing something about the rot in our world, but every time I give myself over to faith, something happens and my belief in her is shattered again.”
His eyes were starting to look wet, “She fails me.”
I stepped closer to him again, only this time he didn’t back away. I reached up and stroked his cheek. When my fingertips grazed his face, he slowly moved his hand to hold mine in place. He leaned his face into my open palm and closed his eyes.
I blushed uncontrollably and could feel my heart pounding in my chest. This conversation had already forced me way outside my comfort zone. I hadn’t even realized I was going to reach up to touch him until I was already doing it.
He just stood there, his cheek warming with my touch. “So, do you see? I can’t share these concerns with others. They won’t understand, only judge. I must move forward on the path paved for me. Unceasing.”
He looked so strong in the glow of the moonlight. His posture had strengthened with the resolve in his last statement. His face was determined, and yet at the same time, was more vulnerable than I had ever seen him.
I attempted to say something reassuring, to let him know I was still here for him, regardless of my form now.
“I know this task is important, Chadwick. This is the type of mission we set out to undertake when we left Bronzemead in the first place. One that the Goddess wants me to see through.”
I smiled softly at him, “Now don’t you see? Amy or Amelia, right now it doesn’t matter. The Goddess and her star are here with you.”
He opened his eyes, and the reflection of the moons cast his Chaddington blue eyes in an enchanted hue. I felt a warmth rising in my cheeks. My brain was screaming at me to run, my heart pounding in my chest, now for a completely different reason. But my feet weren’t listening. I was lost in his gaze.
“Thank you, Amelia.”
And with that, he leaned down and touched his soft lips to mine in a gentle kiss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I couldn’t look anyone in the face the next day. Chad continued to ride at the head with Duncan, so I at least was able to avoid awkward moments with him. Ash could tell something was amiss and poked at me a little bit, but I just pulled my hoodie over my head and closed the drawstrings. I had already done this enough around the boys that they had understood it as the universal sign for “go away.”
And so, I sat on my horse, my head wrapped in my security blanket, pondering the events of last night. My emotions had been all over the place throughout the day, varying between embarrassment and confusion.
Nothing had been said between us after the kiss. After he had surprised me with it, I hadn’t even had time to process it before it had ended. However, I’d had plenty of time to dwell on it after he had left me to continue his watch of the camp. I didn’t even remember making my own way back afterwards. I knew I had stood in shallows a while longer, my fingers hung on my lips, gazing into the lake waters, and wishing it hadn’t been over so quickly. My face was hot, and all my emotions were on overdrive. I remembered splashing water in my face to try and reset everything.
The next thing I knew, I had already been lying back in my bed sack. I didn’t sleep, and yet I had blinked, and it was morning. What did it mean? Had it meant anything? It had been like a shock of electricity was shared between us in that briefest instant. That was my first kiss, and it was to a boy that elicited confusing and mixed emotions from me on his best days!
I shook my head, trying to think rationally. No, it was nothing special. It couldn’t have been! We had both finally had the courage to break down some walls and had just been raw with emotions. That was it! It was just a kiss, something spur of the moment! Chad was still the same frustrating and annoying man-child I had always known.
But then why did my heart flutter whenever my thoughts wandered back to the lake?
I heard a snapping sound in my direction and drew back my hoodie.
Chad had been mere inches from my face snapping at it to get my attention.
I squeaked in surprise and tried not to immediately retreat back into my hood.
Chad noticed my shock, and his face started to turn a light shade of pink. He glanced away from me and muttered, “Duncan says your rest is over. Time to get back on foot.”
I vigorously nodded, as I wished I was anywhere else. He immediately prodded his horse along to move back to the head of the column, leaving me again as he had last night.
With a head full of questions.
As I got off my horse, Ash couldn’t help himself anymore.
“Okay, spill it. Your face has been flustered nearly all day. Something happened, and I couldn’t put it together until just now.” He eyed me suspiciously, “You and Chadwick did something…”
I started waving my arms at him frantically, “I don’t know what you are talking about! Nothing happened! We just talked!”
Ash rolled his eyes. “Come on, you’re acting the same way you always do when Dorian hits you with one of his dumb lines. What did Chadwick do this time?”
I started fidgeting and tapping my fore fingers together. “He didn’t do anything. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and decided to talk to him alone, while he was on watch, and everyone was asleep.” I finally got the courage to smile and looked up at him, “I think we really made some headway.”
Ash still had his eyebrow raised, “Alright if you say so. Just be careful, okay? I don’t want to see you getting yourself hurt around him.”
We had fallen behind the pace of the group while we had talked. Ash stirred his horse into a little faster trot, and I began to jog along.
Believe me, getting hurt isn’t the emotion I’m concerned with right now.
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