Chapter 121: Chapter 121: Miss You

Iris loved reading books, fiction and nonfiction. When the weight pressing on her became unbearable, she would retreat into the comfort of silence, immutable tranquillity, and impossible reality. She would sit in front of her cluttered desk, and, for a few moments, the piles of books, their printed words, and their abstract meanings, would become a wall between her and the exhausting elsewhere.

In here, she lost herself in the sea of contemplation. Waves washed over her tired heart. Whispers of responsibilities, echoing inside her mind, faded into flickers, submerged behind fireworks of imaginations.

Reading was happiness. It allowed her to forget her loneliness. Everything was for the present, the everchanging sensations, the awareness of self.

Now, she sat alone in a hall full of books and stories, flipping through pages of tales. Her eyes scanned the texts and grasped their meaning, but the mystification she yearned for did not manifest. Loneliness, instead of decreasing, increased.

The void in her heart widened with each page turned.

After she finished a book, she sat in silence, taking the emptiness in, then opened another. The wall between reality and her slowly crumbled, decayed by the numbing solitude. She who once took happiness in the world of silence, of nothing but the sense of self, found herself a stranger to what she once referred to as her comfort.

I used to love this? Iris flipped another page. Her reading speed got faster, but she could not understand anything. This is how I used to live, alone, thinking it was for the best?

Iris took a deep breath. Her agitation persisted. Why am I not like before? I promised myself to visit a library and read whatever I fancy. I’m doing it now, but why am I not satisfied?

How did I manage to do it back then? Why is it so much more excruciating now? What went wrong?

"Miss, why are you crying?" A slender woman in a green dress sat opposite Iris. "Reading should be a pleasant experience. You mustn't let sadness overcome you."

Iris raised her head and wiped her tears. Through the reflections of the other lady's eyes, Iris saw her reddened cheeks and melancholy. She closed the book, closed her eyes, and adjusted herself.

"Thank you, Miss,” Iris said. “I used to like reading alone. It made me forget about my troubles. When I contemplated their contents, I found myself distracted, relaxed. I won't deny that I was just running away, but it kept me going forwards."

"Is that not the goal of reading, to lose yourself in the world crafted by another person? You may call it running away, but I shall call it taking a rest."

"What would you do if you found out that, no matter how much you rested, you would always feel exhausted?"

"I would be devastated."

"How would you walk out of it?"

"I wouldn’t know, but I would try my best. Life is about the struggle between yourself and the world, right?" The lady placed her right hand on the book Iris was reading. "You're reading about the local myths? Do you like the past?"

"I want to learn more about the world, the happenstances, the reasons, everything." Iris smiled, but her eyes reddened. "They might help me understand why I'm like this and where to go from here."

"That's your answer, Miss."

My answer? Iris looked at her hands. Beneath their concealment was the bouncy, cute, bubbling slime. I am not human anymore. I have changed. But since when?

I still liked to read. Why is reading so painful now? When I imagine reading with them, I feel happy. If reading is not the answer, are they the answer? Have I been spoiled by the happiness they gave me?

Longing blossomed in her heart. A sea of sorrow overflowed out of her body through her eyes. They changed me. I'm addicted to their presence, their affection. Iris, why are you so unreasonable?

"You're crying again," the lady said. "But I hope, this time, it is the tear of understanding and not sorrow."

"Sometimes, I'm ashamed that I'm too fragile." Iris shook her head. "Miss, I'm sorry for disturbing your experience."

"Call me Jania," Jania said. "I'm an avid reader. I'm virtually a member of every library in here. What about you? My eyes tell me you're special."

"I'm Iris. You can think of me as a scholar. I recently came here to relax, and maybe I'll settle down if the opportunity arises."

"I know you're a foreigner!" Jania chuckled. "If you don't mind me asking, where did you come from? I have never been out of the kingdom before."

Iris nodded and narrated the false story she prepared with Ludmint. At first, she wanted to have her background as a scholar from the Central Continent, but it would be too difficult to answer how and why she came here. In the end, she let Ludmint fabricate a new story about a humble scholar who wandered around the Eastern Continent.

"I see." Jania nodded. "You must be quite wealthy to dress in such fine fabric. Even your perfume is of superb quality."

Iris blushed. She did not apply any perfume because her Monster Girl scent was already inviting. Maybe too inviting. "Please don't compliment me too much. I might melt."

"Please don't melt. You'll destroy the books!"

The two ladies laughed and chatted together, though in their low, soft voices as not to disturb others. Their topics were mundane, pure, enthusiastic, unlike the time inside the Puppeteer Legacy Ground or the Labyrinth of Love, where everything was dangerous, lewd, or both.

It was the monotony of life, which, seemingly tedious, was filled with colours without mistakes, excitements without worries.

"Iris, you're a Master-Tier Mage, right?" Jania said. "I've impolitely sneaked a glance at you. You've been slowing down your speed to match my pace."

"So, you noticed. Sorry, I thought it would be better that way."

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"Don't be. I'll reach the Master-Tier soon too. I may look dainty and small, but I'm already a full-fledged Mage!"

"Then, I hope you become a Master Mage soon. I'm sure, with your mindset, you would be an amazing Master Mage."

If Iris were a human, she would have advised Jania on a few key points. Unfortunately, she could not tell Jania to become a Monster Girl. Just the thought of having to corrupt the lovely Jania was too much.

"Everyone," Tundra, the librarian, said. "The sun is setting. Our library will be closing in an hour. Please finish up your reading or prepare to borrow them. Thank you for your patronage!"

Iris raised her head and closed the book. Today had been a fulfilling day for her. Though short, she had fun with Jania, whom she regarded as a kind of acquaintance, a friend, perhaps. She needed someone to talk to, especially when she found herself in a strange new place, far away from her old home.

It's going to be a while before I can see you all again. Iris sighed. I don't know if it was the right choice, but it is the only choice with hope, even if it was just a glimpse.

"Thanks for helping me through it, Miss Jania," Iris said. "Will you be coming here again? I want to repay you with a gift, compensation for your time today."

"That would be unnecessary, though appreciated." Jania waved her hands. "I help you because I want to talk to you. I'm the master of my choices. If I demanded compensation from you, that would mean my choice were not mine."

"Even after knowing such, I still wish to give you a little gift, as my appreciation." Iris giggled. "It'll be quite impolite to reject it now, won't it?"

Jania looked at Iris, whose eyes glowed mischievously. "Indeed. I can't continue to be stubborn. If I got you depressed again, my previous effort would have been in vain."

"I, too, don't want to bear such guilt. If I got depressed again, it would mean that I've failed you. I won't let that happen."

"Is that a promise?"

Iris paused for a moment. "It is a promise."

"Then I'll gladly accept that gift." Jania nodded. "Unfortunately, I can't be here too often. If you want to find me, it is better to go to the Prime Archive; tell them you're there to meet me, Jania, their VIP member."

"You're a famous person?" Iris chuckled dryly. "Can I have your autograph?"

"If I were famous, you would have recognised me. I'll give you my autograph when you find me at the Prime Archive. Here is not a good place. I don't have a nice pen with me."

"I was just joking, just joking."

"But I'm not!"

Iris and Jania got up and parted way. Before leaving, Iris borrowed a few books and carried them back to her place. She smiled at Tundra, who blushed and nodded rapidly. Though they hadn't chatted together, Iris knew her impression must have solidified in Tundra's mind. It would be helpful later.

Along the way, Iris increased her pace. The sun had already set. Darkness descended and cloaked, veiled, obscured, the black clouds and the firmament. The moon, hanging neatly atop the world, radiated chill breezes and wan light, painting the world in a bluish tone.

To others, the object of admiration would be the moon, the milky, glowing jewel of the night. However, to Iris, the glittering stars, the comets, and the flickering radiances were much more attractive than the grand yet lonely moon.

Flamira, even if I can't see you, I can still talk to you. Please be with them, so I can tell them how much I miss them. I hope they won't feel down. After all, I'm doing this for them. They will understand. They will.

At home, Iris found that Ludmint still hadn't left her room. Or she was in the underground lab. Iris didn't disturb her. She went inside her bedroom on the third floor. It was a humble, cosy bedroom, where everything was just right.

The soft bed, the thick curtain, the big pillow, the scented candles, all mixed into a whirlpool of serenity.

Still, Iris didn't sleep. She was tired, but she had to do this first. Her fatigue could wait.

Atop the dark sky, countless stars gleamed palely. They circled the world through some complex paths, governed by magical laws of nature, but Iris couldn't know about that. She only knew that she had to choose one, and she had to choose wisely.

The largest and brightest stars are out. Some powerful beings might use them. I have no idea if their magic can reach such height, but the Divine might also be monitoring them. I'll just get a medium-size one, a random one, and hope I choose it correctly.

Before committing, Iris morphed into Serinda and cast a destiny formation spell, but the scope of the sky was too big. All her casting failed. She felt that her luck had been dropping since she started going against the arrangement of Gulia and Lilith.

In the end, Iris picked a random one. She drew a complex magic formation around the room. It was the most difficult, most intensive array of symbols she had attempted to date. Even drawing a hundred consecutive destiny spell formation would still be easier.

After an hour of nothing but engraving symbols onto the floor, the walls, and the ceiling, Iris finally finished the preparation. She took a deep breath, commanded Faith in her heart, and channelled her holy energy into the formation. The formation glowed like an aurora. It detached from the physical world and transformed into a ray of light.

Guided by Iris, the light flowed out of the window and towards the chosen star. It bypassed distance, arriving at the star in an instant, then merged into it.

"Hear me, my most faithful believer," Iris whispered. Her eyes glowed in golden light. "I, Iris, your beloved Goddess, call for you."

With Hearts Connected Through the Stars, Iris transmitted her message to Flamira.

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