Chapter 333: South Park (6)

In Stan's home, bandaging and dealing with his wound took quite a long time from Feng Bujue. That was partly because the wound on his waist was far bigger than he expected and also because he was unable to remove his shirt inside the scenario. The skiing jacket that he had 'borrowed' from Jimbo's store could be removed but not the purple suit he was wearing. Therefore, he could only stitch the wound through the layer of his clothes, and that understandably affected his efficiency. Of course, there was another crucial factor. He was very unfamiliar with handiwork like sewing and patching…

By then, Sharon and Shelly had both calmed down, but Randy was still toying with the video camera.

"I've got the video camera. Got it turned on again." When Randy was activating that thing, he turned it to capture his own face and started the monologue to explain the situation. "Okay, this is Randy Marsh. I am shooting this video of myself. Twenty minutes ago, some huge creatures attacked our town. It is still chaos out the window."

As he said that, he turned the camera away from his face and aimed it at the window that looked out into the street. Through the window, one could see torn human carcasses and debris from vehicles that littered the streets. There were many underground fuel pipes that had exploded, but there was no one who had the time or the energy to deal with the fires that had erupted everywhere. And the living were either screaming as they ran for their lives or lying in a pool of their own blood, waiting to bleed out.

"I barely made it back to the house. Thankfully, this superhero, Beep, saved me."

Randy gave a few seconds of the shot to Brother Jue before turning the camera back onto himself.

"Sharon is here with me, and there is Shelly…" he explained as he showed the camera his wife and his daughter. As expected, in this most dangerous and desperate situation, he still maintained his shameless and crazy mannerism. He said something that did not belong in that atmosphere at all, "Wave to the camera, Shelly."

"Randy, would you put down that camera?" Sharon scolded her husband sternly. "We need to figure out what to do!"

Randy replied in a matter-of-fact and shameless manner, "I don't know what to do. I am so startled!"

"Why don't you put down that damn video camera and go and help that injured gentleman?" Sharon gave a rather logical and acceptable suggestion.

"You don't need to worry about me, Mrs. Marsh. I can handle this small injury on my own," Feng Bujue replied quickly. He did not want any kind of medical assistance from a character from South Park at all. He did not want any of them coming near him even if they were only intending to save him. In this world, even an actual trained medical professional could not be counted on to successfully save a person, much less an unreliable character like Randy Marsh. If anything, there were more than a handful of instances where the medical professionals had killed the people that they were tasked to rescue.

According to Feng Bujue's memory, there was this one time when Kenny was burned and sent to the hospital. The doctor cut open his chest and took away his heart before replacing it with a baked potato. There was this other time where Cartman went to the hospital to have his tonsils removed, but after the surgery ended, he was confirmed to have been infected with AIDS.

There were too many such examples, and most of the tragedies basically happened to Kenny. He had died so many times at Hell's Pass Hospital due to innumerable diseases. To conclude, getting the people of South Park to save him was more dangerous than asking them to kill him.

"Why don't we turn on the television to check the news? I will be better soon." Feng Bujue quickly changed the subject. Sharon thought that was a reasonable idea, so she rushed forward, out of the camera, and opened the television in the living room. Randy's camera also panned to aim at the television screen. Perhaps it was pure good luck, but even during such a huge tragedy, the signal at the TV station had not been broken, and the TV station had not stopped working. Once the power was turned on, the live image of the big tragedy flickered on screen.

"This is a shot of New York City where the giant guinea pigs have also attacked," the reporter said. "Reports of the attack are coming in from major cities all over the world…"

Randy gasped in shock. "Jesus, the thing is worldwide?"

The live footage of the news was a bit shaky. The cameraman appeared to be shooting the footage from the inside of a helicopter. From this bird's eyes view, it gave a clearer sight of the destruction suffered by the big city. Giant guinea pigs stomped all over the streets, and exploding fireworks and crumbling buildings could be seen everywhere. Some of the soldiers were forming quarantine lines and surrounding zones and unloaded their firepower on these giant creatures, but the giant guinea pigs did not seem affected by the shots at all.

"Look at that thing," Sharon said as she pointed at the giant guinea pig that was shown on the news footage. "Randy, what are we gonna do?"

Before Randy could construct a reply, there was another change. A loud explosion could be heard…

The wall that was right opposite Feng Bujue was blasted through. A furry head of a giant guinea pig poked through, and the face of this fuzzy creature was about twice the height of a normal adult. There was this sniffling 'wu wu' moaning that came from its nose, and it was right at that moment that Feng Bujue finished dealing with the wound on his body and managed to get his body to stop bleeding.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!" Randy started to scream.

"This way!" Feng Bujue had already stood up. He opened the door that was behind him and slanted his body to the side for Stan's family to walk through. "Quick! Run!"

The husband and wife did not waste time. They carried their daughter and ran out from the house. The M733 Commando that Feng Bujue was holding had already started to do its work. The focus of Brother Jue's aim was around the giant guinea pig's eyes. But clearly, the creature was designed to have no weakness whatsoever. It was immune to all sorts of weapons and nothing was able to stop its rampage as it continued to get close to its target.

"Tsk... It is really not afraid of any conventional weapon," Feng Bujue spat on the ground with annoyance. He also understood that he had to rely on tricks that 'did not belong to the world-building of this scenario' to resolve the dangerous situation that he was placed in. He was not too fast nor too slow. Brother Jue dropped his gun and darted forward. Then he activated the ultimate that he obtained in the previous scenario. "Northern Saint Flying Dragon Fist."

Since his Fighting mastery was level C, the success rate of activating a fighting skill for Brother Jue was as high as seventy-five percent. Combined with the buff from Alchemist's Determination that added an additional ten percent success rate to all activated active skills, there was no chance that the skill was not going to get unleashed. As eight hundred Stamina Points drained away, a ball of bright purple collected around Feng Bujue, and his two punches launched forward in almost palpable shadows.

The area below the chin of the giant guinea pig instantly appeared two small holes that were caused by the punches. This Flying Dragon Fist might look very similar to the far more common North Star Hundred Crack Fist or Hyakuretsu Ken, but in actuality, the two could not have been more different.

The specialty of Northern Star Fist was causing explosions at acupuncture points, and the skills from the school of Southern Saint Fist mainly focused on cutting and puncturing. The former corrupted the enemy from the inside while the latter took down their adversaries from the outside. Therefore, skills that might look similar were actually operating on completely different theories. The process of a Southern Saint Flying Fist had three steps to destroy a human-sized target. The first step disrupted the opponent's breathing, dispersing the Qi that surrounded the body. The second step increased the cutting force that was hidden the fist to amplify on the point of contact made on the opponent's body. The third step pushed out a lighting speed piercing finger to act as the ending step. After finishing this whole interconnecting series of steps, there would be many red cracks that appeared on the body of the target. These were the cutting wounds that would be joined together by that last piercing finger. Several seconds later, when the full power of the skill was unleashed, even if the opponent had a body made from steel, it would be beaten to a pulp.

But… the target before Feng Bujue was simply too physically large…

As effective as his attack was, and he did indeed manage to turn a piece of fur and the flesh underneath the giant guinea pig's chin into blurred flesh, the amount of damage was far from enough to be fatal. To humans, for example, this kind of wound was similar to having a chunk of one's chin accidentally shaved off by the razor. But the giant guinea pig felt the immense pain that came from the hit. It groaned and staggered back several steps. To be able to achieve an effect like that, Feng Bujue was already satisfied. He used this opportunity when the monster was pushed back out the wall to rush to the door. He stuffed the medical items back into his backpack and shoved his arms over the two straps. Then, he grabbed the guns and started to run for it.

…

Inside the office of the leader of the Department of Homeland Security, this department leader who was actually a monster was sitting behind an office table like nothing was out of the ordinary, as he listened to the reports that came from his group of soldiers and officers. The fact that he had brutally murdered Davis earlier had obviously not been exposed.

"More guinea pigs seem to be moving in from all directions." An official from the Department of Homeland Security in a suit pointed at the map that was laid out on the head's table. "We have checked on Wikipedia and found out that guinea pigs are from the Andes Mountains here…"

The head of the department had his fingers crossed in a steeple, and his elbows were placed on the table. He replied in a calm and collected demeanor. "What about the flute bands? Are they on their way to Guantanamo Bay?"

The other people in the office looked at each other before one of them said, "Sir, we believe we have a bigger problem right now than the flute bands…"

"Have they been loaded onto…" The head of the Department of Homeland Security cut his people off rudely by banging his hands harshly on the table, shouting, "...the boats or not?"

"No, sir," the man replied. "We have diverted all the resources away from the flute bands to deal with the guinea pigs."

"That was an order!" The Head of the Department slammed his fists on his table and stood up in anger. "The flute bands were to be put on the boats to Guantanamo last night!"

He used his thumb to point at himself and shouted at the top of his lungs, "I am still in charge here! I want those flute bands on the boat to Guantanamo!"

After a short silence, a soldier used a very normal tone to reply, "Yes, sir."

Then his voice slowly broke down and dwindled, "But I don't see why you have to yell at people."

Like a kid who was bullied, tears broke through his eyes as he turned around to leave like a child who had been reprimanded and asked to leave the room…

…

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While the bunch of idiots and people with touchy feelings at the Department of Homeland Security were sent running in circles by the boss, the plane that the boys took had already landed at a certain spot somewhere in Peru. It was an empty piece of land that was adjacent to the jungle. Other than the five students, there were only two other members on the plane.

A pilot sporting a small and smart moustache and a tall second pilot.

At that moment, these two were squatting before a large electronic device that appeared to be a communicative device. The moustache held the phone in his grasp and kept asking for a reply, but there was no response from the other line. They had already waited for more than half an hour, but the truck that was supposed to arrive to fetch them had not arrived.

"Micheal, Harrison, anybody. Nothing. All sat communication is down, and there is no answer in RCU. Whatever is going on out there, it must be huge." The moustache seemed to have given up. He put down the phone and spoke to the tall guy next to him.

The four main characters were standing not far away from them. When they heard that, Stan walked over to say, "Alright… Just let me get this straight… The head of Homeland Security ordered you to fly us, five kids, to Peru but had you land way up in the Andes so that other government people could meet us and then somehow tell us how to go to the capital of Peru, way over in Lima, and take down their government."

After waiting for a few seconds, the small moustache replied, "Yes, that was the order."

Kyle looked at these two adults who could not have been any dumber if they tried. "And that makes sense to you?"

"Nope, not at all," the small moustache replied instantly.

The taller one added, "Actual, the whole rounding up of the flute bands did not make sense… to any of us either."

When he said that, the pointing fingers from both of his hands were making this circle in the air, and he was sounding like a child who was admitting the mistake that he had made.

Stan opened both of his arms to ask, "None of what that Homeland Security guy does make any sense, so could you just fly us home please?"

The small moustache tried to explain. "Er… you don't understand. The plan was to have a refueling truck meet us here. We do not have enough gas to fly anywhere."

"Oh, that's awesome." Craig, who looked down on his luck and sat quite a distance away, chose this time to give this sparkling commentary. Needless to say, it was dripping with sarcasm.

"So, we need to find another way out of here?" Kyle asked probingly.

The small moustache shrugged. "It is starting to look that way, yeah."

Ten minutes later, the pilots from the Department of Homeland Security with no weapons led the five kids into the jungle. Craig, who walked at the back of the pack, continued his tirade of mockery with a face devoid of expression. "This is fun. Let's walk for miles through a spooky jungle. It just keeps getting better and better."

Cartman turned back to say, "You know, we are getting pretty sick of your attitude, Craig."

Kenny concurred, "Yeah."

Cartman added, "Nobody likes hanging out with people who complain all the time."

"Look at that, no lights on, nothing. It's like humans have never been to this part of Peru," one of the officers commented.

"Hey… look at that!" The taller officer suddenly saw something and yelled for attention. The group looked at where he was pointing. Before them, on the ground, there were all these mounds of rubble and soil there were piled high. The mounds were roughly circular in shape and had a diameter of at least six to seven meters. The centers of the mounds were hollow. The mounds looked like… the trace of something that was left behind when some large creatures crawled out from the ground.

…

Feng Bujue rushed out from the house. From the light blips on the radar, the three had not run too far away so he quickly moved to try to catch up to them. He just jogged a few steps when he heard a low growl coming from behind him. The giant monster that was injured by Flying Dragon Fist earlier had trampled over the whole building and had run onto the street. Feng Bujue turned back to look and saw that the bloody wounds under the guinea pig's chin were starting to heal and recover, and the rate of recovery was very fast. It was visible to Feng Bujue's bare eyes; the fur was growing back to cover up the wound.

"Damn… it can heal on its own." Feng Bujue considered all the options in his mind. He believed that he would have to use the skill Descent of the War Demon to be able to kill such a large guinea pig with one hit, but… what would killing one of these creatures accomplish? There were millions of these 'furry death lords', and they were everywhere. Killing a hundred of them would not have changed the situation, much less just murdering one. It was because of that the system would give a quest where the main objective was 'to survive until the tragedy was over'.

"I am not a main character from South Park. I will die too easily if I am not careful around these monsters…" As Feng Bujue ran ahead, he mumbled to himself. "Speaking of which… during such a tragedy, where are the super best friends? Now is not the time for them to play hide and seek!"

Wu!

There was another strange voice. A white fluffy giant guinea pig pushed down a building from the next street, and the building crumbled to block Feng Bujue's path.

"Ah! Ah! My arm!" There was a pedestrian dangling from this giant monster's mouth. The guinea pig was biting the man's arm, and fresh blood had dried half of his body red, but his arm had not been completely removed. This meant that his entire body was swinging in the air, following the movement of the giant guinea pig. Seeing this pedestrian who was kicking around and yelling non-stop for help, without skipping a beat, Feng Bujue very kindly raised his rifle and unloaded a sweep of bullets around the guinea pig's face, ending the man's life…

While he fired, Feng Bujue strafed to the side. He circled around the back of the guinea pig. Using the width of the street and his own speed, he managed to walk around the monster. From that position, he could see the family of three running toward safety in the distance.

Sharon was holding her daughter's hand, running at the front, while Randy followed close behind, holding the video camera. Even when he was literally running for his life, he did not forget about this duty. He was still continuing with his explanatory monologue. "Okay, we are running now. Ha… ha… ha… Sharon and Shelly are running there. Wave to the camera, Shelly!"

As Shelly kept up her face, she turned back to curse at her father.

Bang!

Following the sound of an explosion, another guinea pig with brown and yellow stripes burst onto the street and crawled toward Randy and his family. The three were in a clear panic. Compelled by urgency, they all crawled into one of the buses that was parked by the side of the road. The bus had obviously been abandoned, and the door was left open.

Once Feng Bujue saw them run into the vehicle, he had a sinking feeling in his heart. He cursed under his breath. "What the f*ck… They have the intelligence of characters who would die first in a horror film. Running into the bus is no different from getting yourself trapped!"

At this point, it was already way past the point where Feng Bujue would abandon them and run away on his own. He had already sacrificed so much. If he gave up the quest now and ran back to the shopping mall alone, he would not be able to live it down.

"I will complete this side quest no matter what today! If I die in the process, so be it!" Feng Bujue roared as he charged at the bus, but to his surprise, as he first took his first step, another gray guinea pig crawled out from the fork in the road. Joining its partner with the yellow and brown stripes, they crawled together toward the bus. The two giant monsters were like two cats circling a trapped rat. They clawed at the sides of the bus, bounced against it, and scratched at it until the bus was mangled beyond recognition, and the windows were practically all broken.

At that moment, something incredibly surprising occurred before Feng Bujue's eyes.

Randy ran out from the bus.

He ran and ran until he was about five meters away from the bus. He then aimed the camera at the two monsters who were crawling all over the bus, while his mouth was busy narrating. "This is the footage from outside the bus, oh yes!"

And then he raced back and crawled up the steps into the bus again…

This is a running gag in South Park. The many various government organizations rely on this unreliable internet source to conduct their investigations.The Super Best Friends is a superhero organization composed of the leading figures of all the world's leading religions (and Seaman). The group is an obvious parody of the Superfriends cartoon series, a youth oriented interpretation of DC Comics' Justice League of America. They first appeared in the episode 'Super Best Friends'.

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