Chapter 12: 12

6.4.22

The sound of music with a moderate beat, candles flickering in the dim light. Long shadows of well-maintained houseplants cast on the wall like a fine work of art. At a drinking party with such a good atmosphere, I was lonely as if I had come alone. I just took him out. 

“How do you live with this bastard, suffocating?” 

“It’s okay because I don’t have to see him when he go to work.” 

“I’m going crazy. It’s the first time I’ve seen someone say that to Jeong-Han face  ha ha ha.” Kyung-eon couldn’t stop his frivolous laughter.

Really… I just took him out. It was a drinking party with friends caught in the blink of an eye. When I left, I was so moved by Il-jo, who would be all alone in the corner of the room, so I asked Seung-jae and Kyung-eon for permission in advance, and that I was about to bring him out. 

I wanted to feed Il-Jo an expensive snack even if he ate a little bit with my unlucky friends, but what the heck. Kyeong-eon was crazy, and he liked Il-Jo too much. Even though he’s aware that Il-Jo just a middle school graduate and living as a part timer. Kyung-eon is one of the most snobbish people I know, and it’s strange.

“He’s nice and not bothersome.” 

“What?” 

“I like guys like that. Its not tiring being around him.” 

“I didn’t know.” 

Anyway, the atmosphere at the drinking party wasn’t as bad as I thought. Seungjae considers Il-Jo to be able to participate in the conversation from beginning to end, like a guy with a bit more manners than me, and Kyungeon finds it fun to crack me up with Il-Jo, so he even took him and sat him next to me. It was me, not the Il-Jo, who was left out on the spot and rummaged through snacks. 

And on that day, it is said that I was too drunk to focus on my own work and returned home with the support of Il-Jo. The reason I say it as if I heard it from others even though it’s my job… Because I completely cut off the memories that day. It was very rare, about once a year. And the next day, I woke up on the sofa instead of in bed. 

“What is this.” I got up with a frown on my face. It was hot, I had taken off my shirt. I fell asleep on the sofa with my upper body undressed. The quality of sleep is too poor. My whole body was numb. It was a huge blow to the workers who had to go to work today. 

I cast a suspicious glance at Il-Jo’s tightly closed door. Did that guy take it off? 

However, as I was getting ready to go to work with my heavy head because of the hangover, I couldn’t keep thinking about it any longer. 

I took a shower and put on my clothes. I was too tired to drive, so I took a taxi and somehow sat in the office before the hour, but two morning meetings were held in a row without a break. When people asked if I was sick, I couldn’t answer that it was a hangover, so I pretended to be sick and smiled weakly. 

What’s more, the team’s lunch menu that day was a Western set in the cafeteria. After the meal, topped with three dumplings, a dry hamburger steak, and a fried egg, it was like pouring oil on an empty stomach. 

Please I want to go home soon… As soon as I returned to my seat, pressing my bloated stomach with my hand, I witnessed an ominous sight where the manager was called to the managing director. And, unsurprisingly, the manager came with a heavy hand full of the new project that was directly instructed by the managing director. 

“It’s a bit sudden, but let’s work a little overtime from today!” The overtime work continued for four days from that day. The stupid office worker who couldn’t take care of his physical condition at the beginning of the week worked like a slave without any time to complain. On the subject of a regular employee, where have you been drinking since Monday? 

“Dangerous… If this is the case, I will be on my way to work on the weekend.” Deputy Yoo’s trembling voice meant a lot. 

Thanks to this, our team members ran with vigor. I worked day and night with the will to keep the weekend intact, and finally, on Friday evening, I was able to finish the report and get rid of the project safely. 

“We can’t go home like this! Let’s drink together!” Why? Even though I suffered because of alcohol, I also wanted to drink at that time. 

What is the reason for rushing home and pouring in alcohol when there is not enough time to lie down? I completely exhausted, I arrived at the house trembling. Fatigue and drunkenness together. As soon as I entered the front door, I ran into Il-Jo who was waiting for me in the living room. It’s kind of a creepy view. “Jeonghan-ah.” The name that came out of his mouth was very unfamiliar. I looked at the watch. It was already past midnight. 

“You weren’t asleep?” It was when I gave an insignificant answer and bowed to take off my shoes. Il-Jo, who was strangely desperate, came a little closer to me. “Do you have anything to say?” 

When he raised his head to ask, Il-Jo asked in a very nervous voice. “That day… do you not remember?” 

“Remember what?” 

“That day… .” 

“That day?” Il-Jo quickly nodded his head several times. “I won’t ask you anything else. Please tell me if you remember or not. I’m confused… .” 

I was suddenly tired of this topic that had no context at all. 

“I can’t even remember what I can’t remember.” I gave him a short answer, but Il-Jo was still looking at me with a mysterious expression on his face. 

“Then why do you keep coming home late? You keep avoiding me… .” 

“I worked overtime for a project.” 

“Ah… .” 

“And I came before midnight every day. And you sleep early right.” 

When I say it, it’s hard to say, ‘Yeah. like that.’ and answered. The boy’s ears were dyed red.

“What is it?” I asked again, but this time from the side of him, I kept my mouth shut. He’s usually a boring guy, but today he’s especially look different. What’s even more frustrating is this situation in which I feel like I have to remember something and give an answer. 

It’s me who wants to ask why. As I was standing in the hallway without taking off my shoes yet, the scarlet sensor light went out. I lightly waved my hand and turned on the light again, and I saw the face of Il’Jo, who was standing in the dark living room with a view. The shadows on that depressed face were particularly impressive. The face of the perpetrator and the victim changed, as if the person in debt became me. Well, I didn’t say anything like that because I was shocked by my last words. 

As Il-Jo said he thought I was avoiding him, we didn’t even get to see each other properly all week. “But is it that urgent?” I sighed lightly and entered the house. “I’m a little tired.” I  pressed the heavy forehead with his fingers.

This week has been really hard. I suffered from heavy work that required concentration without being able to shake off his fatigue, and I was even drinking alcohol today when everything was finished. Besides, for the past few days, I’ve been busy just coming in and sleeping, with no time to get home to relax or take a leisurely soak in the bathtub. It was too much hard work for a human like me who wants to live a sloppy life… . I felt like a chimney, wanting to go inside and rest, but I got a little annoyed by the guy holding my ankle. 

“If you don’t have to talk right now… Can’t you tell me tomorrow?” Saying that, the moment Il-Jo passed, there was a faintly sweet scent. It didn’t smell like the usual body shower or shampoo. I stopped walking and turned to look at him. “Did you spray perfume?” Il-Jo quickly shook his head. But there was a laugh at the obvious behavior. I guess it’s because it’s cool to be stylish. 

“Dont do this so boldly. No matter what you do try and to seduce me.”

“… seduce.” 

“Let’s not do anything that might make each other awkward, I really mean it.” The reason my words are too thorny is because I am tired now. Living with Il-Jo wasn’t as bad as I thought. 

It’s me, I don’t need to change my lifestyle and I don’t need to be forced into consideration, so maybe it’s because nothing has changed from when I was living alone. And to go a little further, it’s not that annoying that he likes me.

But that’s only within the limits I tolerate. I don’t want to see the faces of people I despise in Il-Jo. 

“You don’t remember… .” Il-Jo patted his ear and muttered. 

“Yeah, I’m not. So you explain.” 

“ … .” However, Il-Jo who was usually quite good at saying things he didn’t ask, acted as if he had lost the courage he had just squeezed out of his words.

I endured his silence for about 5 seconds and then exploded. “Oh, I’m going to die of frustration. What the hell are you trying to say?” As soon as I threw the suitcase I was holding onto the sofa while screaming, Il-Jo was startled and spat out an apology like an answering machine. “I misunderstood again, sorry!” Then he ran into the room. 

“… oh, what?” With a little regret for raising my voice, I approached Il-Jo’s room. There was no sound of breathing through the closed door. It was on the contrary that I had put aside my tiredness and came to snoop through the closed door. 

“Hey, open the door.” And that moment. “Ah.” I just noticed what the scent was from him. At least at this moment. It wasn’t perfume. It was the hand cream that was rolling around the house. I got it as a gift from my ex-girlfriend, but because it smelled so strong, I didn’t use it anymore and threw it away.

‘Put on hand cream or something.’ 

‘I’m a man though.’ 

I pressed my hand against my tired eyes and blamed myself. “… Ha, I’m the only on who became the bad guy again. When did he  get that?” 

I picked up the bag I had thrown away earlier and went into the room. Because if you have a temper, there will be things you will regret. It is for this reason that I decided not to live according to my nature. After changing clothes, I knocked on Il-Jo’s door. “Hey, it’s me. Let’s talk.” 

“… .” 

“Il-Jo ya.” I knocked on the door again. No answer. 

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“Il-Jo ya.” 

When his name was called three or four more times, Il-Jo carefully opened the door from the inside. I saw the inside of the room that I had never been inside since he took the guest room. Along with the subtle reverberation of the hand cream that I had recognized earlier, there was a soft smell as if it had been well dried in the sun. 

“Why your room smell really good?” 

“… I don’t have a lot of clothes, so I have to do laundry well.” 

From those words, I got the feeling that Il-Jo  knew his plight and poverty very well. So, once in a while, I scratch the inside of a person like this. 

“Why don’t you have clothes? I bought you a lot.” 

“Why did you call me?” The tip of Il-Jo’s nose was red. But no matter how much I thought about it, I didn’t say anything stupid enough to make him cry. It’s frustrating to the point of going crazy. He tells me to just remember without giving any hints, and then he cries because he is sad by himself. 

Of course, we all know that love makes people irrational. But seeing it in front of my eyes, I am truly amazed. 

“Let’s write a contract.” 

“Suddenly, a contract… .” 

“You were going to write anyway, sit over there I will teach you how to write it.” Il-Jo followed me, looking at me like a really strange guy. 

I didn’t care and left the room with the contract form. Usually, when small debts arise between acquaintances, it is my favorite, and it was an abbreviated contract with blank spaces that had to be changed each time. 

“How are you going to repay the money? Have you thought about it?” 

“I’ll share.” Il-Jl bit his lips and answered. A tissue was thrown at the sound of a sneeze, and the tissue, which received air resistance, flew up and stuck to his face. Watching him blow his nose, he filled in the blanks in the contract. 

“I will pay it back in installments, which means that I have to determine the number of months to repay now. How many months?” 

Il-Jo immediately responded to my words. “6 months.” 

“You mean you’re leaving after six months?” It’s faster than I thought. I was about to write a period in the blank, but I stopped and asked.

“Can I collect the deposit by then?” “Well then, seven months… .” Il-Jo answered without confidence. 

“Yes. Then I will extend it by one month.” It seems that the half-year deadline was also a date that was made on a whim. I smiled and wrote 7 months. Of course, I don’t think he’ll be able to raise ten million won in seven months.

“If you want to change it, you can write an attached contract stating that it can be changed under the agreement of the two of you. Now sign here.” It felt strange to see the lyricist Lee Il-joo. It’s like it’s implicitly showing our relationship. While I was thinking like that in my mind, Il-Jo finished signing all the parts I pointed out. 

“You just have to share one copy like this. Anything else?” Il-Jo shook his head slyly. Now the business is over, but he didn’t go back to his room even with the paper I gave him in his hand. 

Is there something more to say? I wondered if the previous topic would continue, but Il-Jo was staring at the table with his head bowed without saying a word. I rummaged through the kitchen cupboards and refrigerator, giving him time to talk to me. But Il-Jo never opened his mouth again. Until I open the wine stopper openly, pour a glass of wine, and go into the bedroom. 

“Sleep first.” What the hell are you thinking about yourself? I lay down looking at the ceiling to sleep, but I couldn’t sleep easily. Even when I got home from work, I was feeling drowsy from the right amount of intoxication, so I thought I would just wash and go to bed as soon as I got home… Il-Jo disrupted the biorhythm. For now, I’ll have to track down what Il-Jo is trying to remember. The last drink before the project started was the last time I had a conversation with him. The day I met Seungjae and Kyungeon. ‘Oh, Monday is too far away… .’ The memory was vague. 

This is exactly what happens when you are so busy with work. It becomes a blank slate as if I had erased the leisure and continued human relationships I had originally enjoyed with an eraser. Sadly, short-term projects like sprints took a lot from me. Relaxation, memory, humanity. 

Monday’s drinking party I remember my friends who seemed to be blown away at the drinking party made quite a few useless noises. 

‘You’re working in Jeonghan’s company building? Will Jeonghan buy you some meal? This bastard makes a lot of money, but he didn’t eat at all for lunch and dinner. Did I tell you not to pretend you know? I knew it. it happened to me too Because I’m handsome, the female employees at the company might ask me for my number, so it seems like they put me in check… childish guy. You must not live like that.’ 

‘There, there is someone who will become the vice president next year. It’s Jeonghan’s father. The president is my grandfather. Because he has a weird personality. They told me that they promoted me, but then the parachute broke out, and if the rumors spread, it would be more difficult to adapt, so I endure as a regular employee. He said he was going to go up after taking the promotion exam.’ 

‘Even if the HR appraisal is a bakery, I’d be promoted, but it doesn’t really mean anything.’

And I cut them down to one word. ‘Hey, don’t say nonsense.’ If Il-Jo finds out, he will run away immediately. If he knows that there is a possibility that he will run into relatives he wants to avoid in his part-time job, he may quit right away. Il-Jo said he wanted to continue working part-time. ‘But the lyric girl, isn’t there a girl you’re dating these days? He’s not the kind of kid who’s been in a relationship for so long.’ ‘There is. by the way… .’

‘Wow, you traitorous bastard. Why aren’t you talking?’ At Kyung-eon’s words, Il-jo touched his ear as if he had said something meaningless. He looked worried that he might have made me uncomfortable. I didn’t pay much attention to what he said at the party, because I knew that he wasn’t trying to fuck me up, he was just a liar. 

‘Isn’t Jeonghan popular?’ Seungjae noticed that Il-Jo was in trouble and tried to change the topic. ‘Yes, there are many.’ Il-Jo eagerly agreed. 

‘I like the people I work with, too. It’s cool, sometimes when we run into each other on the way to and from work, we see each other face to face… ? He said he took the system.’ I mean, did you mean that you talked about me with the staff you worked with? It was a strange feeling. ‘Hey, it’s not because it’s cool. Rumors have already spread around the company. It’s called management. If you really want to deceive, you should have changed your house.’ ‘I thought I liked him just because he was handsome… .’ 

Conversations in memory continued sporadically. Then the memory circuit suddenly jumped, and it suddenly changed to the background of the alleyway. The drinking party had just ended, and I was waiting for a substitute driver. On a street full of restaurants and shops, I saw a black dog waving its tail in front of a gomtang restaurant. Its short, inconspicuous tail was waving softly. 

The reason I went to the snowy dog… There was a leash around his neck, but no one was holding the end of it. where is the owner Is it a gomtang house? However, when the owner of the gomtang restaurant came out from inside, the black dog noticed and ran away. Then, this time, he wags his tail in front of a Chinese restaurant. The short tail waving hard was funny and cute. Was it a Chinese dog? However, as soon as the door to the Chinese restaurant opened, the dog ran back to the building next door. I think he lost his owner

“Il-Jo ya.” I smiled and beckoned to Il-Jo. The moment I took my hand out of my pocket, my body staggered, and Il-Jo rushed to support me. ‘I’m too drunk.’  

“It’s like you.”

“Why is that me?” 

“The tail is shortened, the owner is lost… It’s pathetic, it’s pathetic.” 

Il-Jo supported me while listening to my absurd words. Despite the difference in weight and height, the professional caregiver for 9 years was surprisingly strong for me, who was drunk. “Uh-huh, why are you fumbling?”

“When did I?” 

“Why do you keep putting your hands in your shirt?” When the ax’s eyes were opened, Il-Jo was greatly embarrassed and tried to lift his finger somehow while supporting me. 

The effort seemed ridiculous, so I chuckled. And again the memory jumped. “Ummm… .” When I opened my eyes, what I saw was the ceiling of the car body, and the night scenery of the city passing by quickly out the window. I was lying on someone’s leg. maybe it’s a coincidence The warmth of his thighs was good. If you wear thin clothes, your body temperature is high. I have some survivability. I smiled as I unconsciously rubbed my cheek against Il-Jo’s thigh. 

“It tickles… .” 

“Water… .” 

“Water? Do you want to drink water? Hang in there. Excuse me, how much longer will it take to arrive?” Saying that, Il-Jo gently caressed my cheek that rested on his leg. As if sorry for not being able to quench my thirst right away.

What was I thinking then? My mind became increasingly fuzzy. Fatigue that had been forgotten for a moment came over me. Across the border between reality and sleep, I felt a pleasant haze. Il-Jo pulled me out of the car again and supported me firmly. Two dots were punctured on the back of Il-Jo’s white neck and back looking down. The artificial white light of the street lamp poured down the exposed back. ‘You have a point. Il-Jo ya.’ 

‘Yes? I didn’t know… Oh!’ A small, very slightly raised dot over the skin. I could feel the unevenness so thin that it would be hard to feel it if I didn’t touch it delicately. 

What is questionable is how I touched the point, with one hand in my pocket and the other resting on Il-Jo’s shoulder. Well, sometimes people get drunk and have weird synesthesia.

It’s soft. 

“What? I, Jeonghan-ah. Do not be like this. I’m too drunk.”

I buried my lips to the nape of his neck, where the bones stand out, is also soft, but I wondered how softer it would be on the inside. 

I also touched his auricle, which he used to touch whenever he was shy. It was softer than I expected, and if I ripped it off with my teeth, it would hurt him helplessly. Weak skin. I like it. 

‘It’s warm… .’ 

‘Jeonghan? Jeonghan?’ The body temperature that touched the palm of his hand was warm enough to be proud. Something striking was caught in the palm of the middle of his rather strong chest. It wasn’t a mole, it was nipples softer than the skin. When I swiped my palms down, soft pink flesh came and crushed them under my hands. 

It was then that I remembered how I felt the touch of the dot on the back of his neck. I kissed the point of his mole that clearly visible under the streetlight. The surface of the skin clearly felt with the lips. 

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The sleep that had been gathering in me disappeared in an instant. I jumped out of my seat and got up. “Ah, Shit!” Cursing came out of the upbringing.

I really messed up.

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