Chapter 1: 1

Chapter 1 - I'll Give You All That “Remain” on Me

──────I've been looking for something for a long time.

Something that can make me obsessed.

Something that can make me feel hopeless.

Something I love so much that I'm willing to devote everything into it.

    “Hey, its Ren. What are you doing here?”

At the end of March, in the warm spring sun that made me sleepy, I went to a convenience store in my neighborhood. There were cherry blossom petals falling, and I was suddenly approached by someone whose face was familiar to me. His hair color is quite light, and it’s not his natural hair color. He is Tadokoro, who was in the same class as me last year. He was wearing a basketball team jersey, so my guess was he was on his way home from club activities.

When you live in the neighborhood around your school, this kind of thing will happen frequently.

    “Oh, I just want to buy ice cream. How about you?”

Just as Tadokoro was about to open his mouth, there was a familiar voice interrupting him.

    “Tadokoro~~! You are so slow... Ehh? Isn’t it Ren-kun!”

    “Nani-nani, is he a special guest star at our karaoke party later? I'm proud of you being able to invite Ren!”

    “No, I just happened to meet Ren.”

I recognized one boy and three girls who followed Tadokoro into the convenience store. Or to be more precise, it seems that they were a group of flashy guys from last year’s class.

    “You guys want to go to karaoke now?”

    “Yes. We're in the mood to get there today.”

    “Originally we wanted to do the holiday task together, but I didn't want to do it!”

    “Please say something to these idiots, Ren-kun. You should have finish it anyway, right~?”

    “...Well, yeah, it's already finish.”

    “What!? You played basketball with me yesterday! When did you do it!?”

Tadokoro says it's as if we are not living with the same time flow. And Maina, who seemed to be the most serious compared to the others, hit Tadokoro with her Pocari bottle. While the others had dyed their hair blatantly, Maina still put her colored hair in a bun to hide it well when she went to school... But no, she is still a gyaru, after all.

    “Well, the top 10 honor students in our grade are obviously different, right~! Unlike Tadokoro, even though they are both on the basketball team...”

    “No, I'm in the 'go-home' club.”

    “Yes, that's right, I just called him to help. Ren, he can do almost all sports, so he is very useful to all the sports clubs in the school. I will rely on you from now on!”

    “I laugh at how you already prepared to rely on him. Well, I don't care either. Oh, that’s right! Hey, Ren-kun, are you free now?”

...I have a bad feeling about this.

Don't tell me, she will ask me again to teach her while she pays for the karaoke. It's not that I don't want to, but I already have a plan today to eat the new ice cream I bought while basking under the sun.

    “Nah, I'm very busy now... I’d love to come along, but I have something to do after this.”

    “Suspicious. Okay, I'll take you now.”

    “Yoshh! You are in!”

    “Thank you~. Ren-kun, you must be a good singer.”

What's the matter with their unity!

I stared at Maina, who seemed to be able to compromise with, for help. But she shook her head with a smile.

Oh no... I felt like a calf in Dona Dona.

[TN: Okay, after the search I did, I found that Dona Dona was a song that depict a sad calf that are taken to be sold.]

    “Oh, anyway, I want to buy tickets for my favorite concert first. Can you all wait a minute?”

    “Okay. You really like that girl, don't you, Maina~”

    “What’s that? Gamer?”

    “No! Vtuber!! I've already shown it to Ren, right?”

Maina's big eyes turned towards me sharply.

This is bad, I don't remember it at all. There are too many things that Maina has pointed out and crammed into me and I feel overwhelmed by all of that.

    “...Someone who streaming using animated character?”

    “Ahh, mouu! That's not all! The best part is their interaction with the viewers! Oh gosh, Ren is so boring. Whatever I recommend, surely you won't be interested!”

    “That's because you're constantly forcing it on me.”

    “That's not it. It's because you don't like anything I recommend.”

    “That's right. I tried to get him to join the basketball club, but he didn't even have any interest at all.”

These casual words of the two made my heart bounce.

    “Vtuber are good, you know. Really. What's more, there are already many VTubers that you can watch...!”

    “Basketball is good too. It's just the spring camp that's a pain in the ass~. But it can exempt us from school’s assignment...”

Maina seemed very happy when she talked about the good points of the Vtuber, while everyone looked at her as if they didn't understand what she was talking about. Besides her, Tadokoro, although he complained about his club's training camp, it seems that he had a great time and posted a lot of photos of his activities on social media.

    “Well besides that, we also have an internal club tournament. So, we must keep practicing.”

    “The spring break feels short, doesn't it? Well, I'll be playing snowboarding from next week, so it's okay.”

    “Huh, snowboard!? You must take us too!”

    “That's right! I still haven't recovered from my heartbreak since Mirufy's graduation from ci×ci! Therefore, please be kind to me!”

    “Ah... That very cute center girl, right?”

    “Wait, she already graduated 6 months ago. Huh… I don't know whether I want to be nice to you or not.”

    “Maina, you meanie~!”

My friends started talking about their spring break plans.

I felt a strange feeling as if my mind had been filled with negativity that was inversely proportional to the excitement of their holiday plan.

For me..., I also──────.

    “What's the matter, Ren? You suddenly fell silent.”

    “No. It's nothing. I just think it's quite lively.”

Yes. That's how it is. I just feel like I'm missing something all the time.

Compared with the fulfilling daily life of my friends, my daily life will always be worth 80 points.

The lack of waves in my life makes me have no sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

I also looked over at my phone to take my mind off and noticed a missed call and LIME notification from 'Fuyu-nee'.

The time was exactly five minutes ago. The content of the message asked me if I could take a call now. Maybe this is an urgent matter because I usually don't receive sudden calls like this.

    “Oh, sorry. I really have something to do now, so I don't think I can go to karaoke.”

    “Ah, seriously?”

    “So, Ren, you lied earlier when you said there was something you had to do!!”

    “Haha... then… next time, okay!”

    “Ah, mouuu. I'm not motivated anymore if Ren is not coming!”

    “Me too!”

    “Yeah, I’m sorry.”

Tadokoro cling to me, and when I put my hands together to apologize, he reluctantly let go of me.

I was not happy at all to be hugged by a scumbag, so I was relieved when he finally let me go.

    “Well, whatever. I will take you again next time.”

    “Ah yes, I'll look forward to it!”

    “If I send you LIME, you have to reply to me within five seconds.”

    “That only applies to people who are dating.”

    “And isn't it just for a baka-couple?”

I waved my hand at Tadokoro who was busy joking with his friends, left the convenience store, and called Fuyu-nee back while rushing home.

    “Hello?”

    “Hello~. Long time no see, Ren-tan!”

    “Fuyu-nee...! Don't call me that, it's embrassing!!”

    “Eh? You used to be so cute, but you have changed a lot!”

Fuyuka Shirakaba aka Fuyu-nee, who chuckled on the phone, is a childhood friend of mine who is two years older than me.

Fuyu-nee has quite a calm personality and she took good care of me. My parents both works, so they are rarely at home. So, I've already taken her like my own older sister.

Although she has left her home and lived in Tokyo, she still comes back home several times a year, and we are still close enough to talk about trivia-things through LIME.

    “Right now, I'm on my way back from Tokyo because I suddenly got off work all day. And I'll be there soon. I want to see you now if you can.”

    “I was free just now, so it's okay... But it's kinda rare that you call me in advance.”

Although the city only has one shopping center, 'WAON', but the public transportation here is very convenient, and it only takes about 30 minutes to get here even from the capital city of Tokyo.

Maybe that's one of the reasons why Fuyu-nee, who's always sudden when she gets back here, rarely bothers to call me in advance.

    “Oh, do you already know it? Actually, I want to ask Ren for help.”

    “Wait, I have a bad feeling.”

    “I won't wait. Actually, a friend of mine who is about the same age as Ren has left the idol group and will be transferring to your school this spring. You see, Ren's school has a performing arts major, so it will be easier for her to transfer there, right? But because she has been an idol since she was a child, she doesn't really understand daily life in general. So, I want you to help her adjust to her class.”

    “Huh!?”

If it was Tadokoro on the other end of the phone, I would have told him to stop pranking me.

But, surprisingly, Fuyu-nee is a member of the national idol group, cider×cider.

The active idol's words are so credible that there is no room for me to doubt her words.

Although cider×cider, or commonly also called ci×ci, only started with a small audition, four years after its debut, the group became so popular that everyone knew about it.

The songs created by their members, who were elected by voting, were so popular that they continued to hold the top spot on the Oricon charts because of their catchy lyrics and choreography.

Moreover, Fuyu-nee is a popular member who has been elected for a long time.

To be honest, I always thought she was a very beautiful girl. She became an idol after an audition in the winter of her first year of high school, and she was still active as an idol at the age of nineteen.

When she told me that she had passed the audition, I had already thought that she would be unreachable. But Fuyu-nee, who often returns here although not as often as before, has not changed at all.

Therefore, it is rare for Fuyu-ne to ask me for something even if I am the one who asked her to do it. Because I want to help her as much as possible. But...

    “Sorry, I can't.”

    “Ehh!? Why!?”

    “Think about it again. If I receive such a troublesome request, my high school life will be over in seconds!”

I've weighed which is heavier between my desire to reach my idol compared to the complexity of her request, and it's won by that complexity by a considerable margin. So, I'm already satisfied with Fuyu-nee only as my idol.

I don't know if the friend in question is a popular member, or just a trainee, but if I accept such a job, my peaceful high school life will obviously end no matter how I think about it.

There will be no such thing as freedom because idols will obviously grab people's attention.

    “It's so rude. I couldn't believe I had asked my important childhood friend for help but instead you said it was troublesome. You're going to make Onee-san cry! Ahhh, I didn't raise you to be such a cold person.”

    “I remember how I grew up, but I don't want to leave my quiet and peaceful life at school! If they find out that a man like me knows an idol, they will definitely beat me!”

    “Mouu. Why do you even look down on yourself! Ren is so cool, you know!”

    “Stop patronizing your childhood friend!”

This is why a childhood friend was stupid...

Well, it’s good to be praised, but it’s a different matter with this problem.

When I was about to make a statement that completely contained my feelings and asked her to understand with the disappointment of her childhood friend, Fuyu-nee instead continued to speak, as if to interrupt me.

    “Are you sure? If you accepted my request, I would buy you a camera that Ren wanted but couldn't afford it because it was expensive.”

    “Uh, really!?”

    “Seriously... Don't underestimate the salary of a popular idol.”

    “Well, I'm pretty sure you can afford it. But I am now a senior in high school. So, I'm not as naïve as I used to be easily baited with things like that...”

    “Anyway, just meet her first. Please. That alone is enough to help me.”

At this time, her voice sounded solemn.

Fuyu-nee looks really wants to rely on me.

Fuyu-nee who can do anything since she was a child.

The Fuyu-nee who has always helped me?

    “Okay. Then, if you just want me to meet her...”

I couldn't help but agree to her request, probably because I was glad that Fuyu-nee finally wanted to rely on me, not because of her promise to buy me a camera.

I felt like I had made a bad decision, but a faint warm feeling rose in my heart.

    “Thank you! Can you go right now? I'm heading there with that girl, so please get ready.”

    “From the beginning you must have assumed that I would want to meet her, right...”

    “That's because I trust you, Ren!”

Fuyu-nee said so and finally hung up her phone. She was really selfish this time.

    “...Huft.”

I sighed, then made sure the ice cream in my shopping bag was still frozen and went up the stairs. At the top of this staircase, there is a garden on a hill overlooking the city. And at this time, the cherry blossoms will soon be in full bloom.

I knew that I should have gone back and waited for Fuyu-nee as soon as possible, but I made an excuse in my mind that the ice cream would melt if I went straight home. So, from the beginning I planned to eat the ice cream there, and I continued to go up that staircase.

    “...It still looks beautiful this year.”

Not only with its pink color, but the cherry blossoms are also coated with other soft colors that cannot be described in simple words.

The huge cherry tree must have existed a long time ago, and the flowers are blooming again this year, covering the entire small garden.

The bright pink of cherry blossoms, blue sky, and white clouds. I made a rectangular shape with my index finger and thumb on both hands to seem to capture this amazing scene.

    “Yosh, it's done.”

My simple finger frame has been completed.

And then when I turn around──────.

    “.........”

For a moment, I lost my breath.

My body couldn't react as quickly as usual, and my shopping bag slipped from my hand.

Through the finger frame I made, a girl can be seen standing alone in front of a large cherry blossom tree.

Her cherry-red hair looked as bright as her eyes that looked beautiful like gems. A dazzling little face. Outgoing arms and legs. Porcelain-white skin. What an amazing appearance that will fit into any outfit.

 

She looked at me as if we were in a movie scene, and her shoulder-length hair fluttered gently as she brushed off the cherry blossom petals that had fallen on her head.

 

I was so fascinated by this beautiful and fragile sight that my body froze.

    “...Umm, what's up?”

She must have been suspicious of seeing my actions of making frames with my fingers while constantly looking at her.

Then she tilted her slender shoulders and her head.

    “Ahh, no... I mean... the view from here is very beautiful, right. This is my habit. When I see the beautiful scenery, I will do this.”

Regretting not being able to constantly look at the cherry blossoms and the beautiful girl, I also lowered my hand and picked up my shopping bag that had been dropped before.

    “I see, yeah. Miru is also sure that... Ah. It's nothing.”

She then looked down towards the city and muttered that it was indeed very beautiful.

Not knowing what to say in response to her words, which could be regarded as a monologue, I also looked in the same direction as she did to take my eyes away from her jade-green eyes that seemed to be constantly pulling me.

The spring breeze blowing gently into my hair felt very comfortable.

    “Do you like it?”

    “Eh”

    “The view from here.”

My heart!! This is so bad!! It was indeed a simple thing, but when a beautiful girl did it, it was as if there was such a destructive power!!

Aah, this is scary. She must have known that I was fascinated by her.

    “...I love it. It clears my mind.”

    “Fufu. I like it too.”

That cute gesture is so sneaky!! My HP was drastically reduced. [TN: HP or Hit Points or Life Points as in the game~.]

    “It feels good here. I'll go back to this place again later.”

As if imitating me, she made a frame with her fingers as well and enjoyed the view, the corners of her mouth also seemed to be raised.

She may not have done it on purpose, but these perfect gestures, word and actions of hers look like a girl in an anime.

However, it seems that this girl looks familiar to me──────?

    “... Do you live around here?”

    “Eh”

    “The person who introduced me to this place said that it is a local-hit place and there are almost no people around during the day on weekdays.”

    “Ahh, that's right. If my childhood friend hadn't told me about this, I wouldn't have noticed that there are beautiful cherry blossoms at the top of such a steep staircase like this.”

This is the place where Fuyu-nee took me when I was a child, while saying that she had made a big discovery.

    “...You, umm, did you move here recently?”

    “Yup. I will transfer to the high school here this spring. I'm just here waiting for someone to show me around.”

    “Well, I guess so.”

How could there be no rumors about such a beautiful girl if she had lived here for so long.

That's what I meant, but then frowned as if she was confused by what I had already said.

    “You guessed it?”

    “No. I just thought, you are so conspicuous because you look like a celebrity.”

    “Fufu. That's it, isn't it?”

She chuckled lightly when she said that.

I'm sure I've seen it somewhere before. I desperately tried to remember it, looking into all the corners of the memory in my head, and when I could almost remember it─────.

    “I still haven't recovered from my heartbreak since Mirufy's graduation from 'ci×ci'!”

    “Ahh”

The words Tadokoro said at the convenience store also rang in my head.

That's it! Mirufy!!

That's why I kept feeling déjà vu at the sight of her, probably because Tadokoro had shown me her pictures every day.

How could I forget the face of a beautiful and very conspicuous girl?

I concluded that the only impression I had of Mirufy in my memory was her long, well-knotted hair, so I couldn’t immediately associate that girl with her.

    “Huh? Have I told Ren that I decided to stop by here first to see the cherry blossoms?”

Another girl came over. She has silver hair along her waist and big dark blue eyes.  Although her body is slim and slender, her body proportions are very good in some appropriate places, making her very suitable for being a model for gravure magazines. She wore a tight-fitting black one-piece dress that accentuated her appearance. She climbs the stairs with a gasp. She is a representation of a very beautiful older sister figure.

    “Fuyu-nee?”

She smiled and waved her hand at me.

    “Yes~. Ren, long time no see!”

The beautiful girl also looked at me with sparkling eyes that looked like they were full of star dust, and she opened her mouth as if she finally understood the situation.

    “Ah, so that's you.”

Then, she stretched out one of her hands to me.

    “Nice to meet you, Ren Kashiwagi! I'm Miru Kasumi. Maybe you remember me more as Mirufy.”

I felt a strange numbing sensation as if an electric current was flowing through my hand connected to her hand.

    “Please take care of me, huh?”

Miru Kasumi. She is the former center of the idol group cider×cider, who retired from showbiz half a year ago.

    “Miru Kasumi, the irreplaceable center of the Cider×Cider group. Born in Tokyo. She is 16 years old, and her blood type is AB. Her height is 153 cm. Entered the entertainment industry at the age of 3. Made her commercial debut at the age of 5 and was active as a child actress. At the age of 12, she was visited by an audition team on her way home from school, which led to her becoming a member of the second season of the idol group cider×cider. At the age of 13, she was elected the youngest member of the Cider×Cider in history, and at the age of 14, she played the role of center for the first time. Her father is the president of a clothing company, and her mother, Yuri Kasumi, is a former actress. Her nickname is Mirufy. Her favorite line is 'I like you very much'. Every song she performed as a center was always a hit and sold millions of copies. The average waiting time for her handshake session exceeded seven hours. However, at the peak of her popularity, after holding a successful solo concert at the Tokyo Dome, she declared that she graduated from the Cider×Cider and wanted to return to being a normal girl...”

I felt thirsty just by reading the whole sentence I found on the Internet about it. It was incredible, Mirufy.

    “Oh, it's amazing. I didn't know Sukipedia even wrote such a thing these days~. As expected of an online dictionary filled with 'Suki'. Ah, is there a page for Fuyuka-san too?”

    “Hey, don't look for it. It's not interesting.”

Fuyu-nee on the right, Mirufy on the left.

Hello, I'm Ren Kashiwagi, from a situation that would kill me if I was discovered by ci×ci fans all over the country.

This is not the time to joke.

 

After that, I went to Fuyu-nee's house, and heard the details from Fuyu-nee and Mirufy in the living room.

    “Mirufy, as you heard from me or you read on that site, has been an idol since she was a child, so she never went to school normally. But for the past six months after quitting being an idol, she tried very hard. “

    “Huh...”

    “She is smart, so she definitely can handle the lessons at school. But as for her general knowledge... you know, right?”

    “Mouu, Miru can do it anyway. Miru can almost be a normal girl. You think so too, right, Ren-kun?”

    “No, not at all.”

    “You're lying, right!?”

Her soft-wagged hair every time she spoke, her exaggerated reaction, and the change of expression on her face as if she was playing on a stage.

This may be an important skill for an idol. I can understand that, but it's amazing how it's so striking when applied into ordinary everyday life like this.

With only Mirufy's presence in the living room of Fuyu-nee's house, which should have not felt unfamiliar to me since childhood, has given me a great uncomfortable feeling. It was as if her beauty was preventing me from living my daily life.

It was as if the spotlights were just shining around Mirufy, as if the flowers were dancing in the air around her.

Before, I thought it was because of the background of the cherry blossoms in the park that made it look so beautiful, but it was not.

She herself is shining on her own.

No matter where she is, what she does, or even the way she tilts her head, she is very eye-catching for me.

    “Yes, that's it. But as the saying goes 'If you mix with red, you will become red', humans are adaptable creatures, right? So, for now, the most important thing is that she must take the transfer exam and be admitted to Shirotsuki High School. I thought Mirufy would be more suitable in a school that had an art major. Besides, Ren is also there, right.”

    “You've been counting on me from the beginning...”

    “Fufufu. Because as far as I know, Ren is the only person who can handle Mirufy's idol aura with a straight face. In fact, you can talk to her in the garden before without feeling nervous, right? Normally, people would be too nervous to be able to talk like that.”

That's because I've interacted with Fuyu-nee a lot since childhood, so I've developed a resistance to it, but that doesn't mean I don't feel nervous at all.

In other words, I will be used as a shield against her classmates, right?

    “Besides, I would feel safer if Ren, whom I already trusted, was near Mirufy. I want you to help her adjust to her class and help her to be as close to a normal girl as possible.”

Yosh, I'm going to turn it down.

I've decided.

I was so happy when Fuyu-nee asked for my help that I became a fool to make the decision to meet her.

This is impossible. This is beyond the scope of my ability to make a girl like this, who was born to be an idol, become a normal girl.

This is beyond my control, or rather, this is not a thing I could handle.

    “I'm very sorry, but I want to refuse this request of yours...”

When I rejected her with fear, Fuyu-nee showed her mobile phone with a smile.

    “...What is this?”

    “This is the screenshot of the camera Ren wants, it has been ordered♡.”

    “You said you were going to buy it for me just to meet her, right!?”

    “There is no such good deal in this world, Ren-kun.”

    “You're an active idol but aren't you very cunning!?”

    “Just say what you want.”

I never thought that Fuyu-nee would handle it this way...

    “After all, from the beginning you've been cheating when you just call her an idol friend but end up bringing in an ex-center.”

    “If I told you from the beginning that it was Mirufy, you wouldn't want to meet her, would you?”

    “Of course not!”

I'm grateful not to accept the deal over the phone.

But I can't pay it back now. I can borrow money from my parents, but I am afraid of what will happen later.

Should I just run away from this place.

As I desperately sought a way out, Mirufy, who was quietly listening to our conversation, tentatively opened her mouth.

    “Fuyuka-san. Can I just talk to Ren-kun alone for a while?”

    “It's okay, but... why?”

    “I want to persuade him myself. I have long been indebted to Fuyuka-san, and I don't think he will straightly accept it now.”

Apparently, she's wiser than I imagined.

    “It's true, I think that’s better. Are you okay too, Ren?”

When I nodded at her gaze, she quickly stood up and walked out towards the door.

    “In that case, I'll go to the next room. Call me when you guys are done talking.”

    “Okay.”

Mirufy looked worried for a moment when she heard that Fuyu-nee was about to move to another room, but when I told her that the walls were thin enough that Fuyu-nee could easily come if she screamed without bothering to call her, she immediately seemed relieved.

    “Ah. Now, you must think I am used to being alone with strangers, shaking hands and so on.”

How could she know.

Well, the culture of the ci×ci handshake session is well known.

When you buy the CD album, you'll get a handshake ticket that allows you to talk directly to the idol of your choice for a few seconds.

The most popular centers will talk and shake hands with thousands of strangers every day.

Mirufy looked at me with a sly smile, as if realizing her words were on point, and continued.

    “Actually, this is the first time in my life that I have been alone with a man like this.”

    “... Eh?”

    “Usually there will be security guards in the handshake session, and there are other members in the booth that are right next to me. I am very careful in my private life to avoid the scandals, so I have never been alone together with a man in any situation.”

    “That's amazing.”

    “Fufu. That's why I'm so nervous now.”

Mirufy then covered her slightly colored cheeks with both hands.

Ehh... what a cute, cunning creature this is?

My heart started to beat wildly.

If I don't have resistance to idols, I will definitely lose all my mind.

    “......Okay, then.”

    “Ah. You may be the first person who doesn't turn black and red with this situation.”

    “Huh?”

    “Ahaha. I didn't lie about it. I've talked to people in handshake sessions and such, and no one is as calm as you. Oh, this is the first time I have spoken like this! I'm so happy because everything is new for me today.”

Mirufy said that while smiling like a flower that had bloomed, looking very happy.

At the same time, I also realized.

This person is very dangerous, right.

She must have had some kind of work that made people go crazy in her previous life.

    “Oh, anyway...”

As I have said many times before, it's not that I don't remember the kindness of Fuyu-nee who has always paid attention to me first so that I refused her request. But because of the complexity of her request.

However, the fact that she said that and still wanted to talk to me alone definitely shows that she is fully aware of the situation.

    “...Well. Why do you want to be a normal girl when you know that you're not normal?”

    “Because I want to be normal. I want to go to school normally. Is there any other reason?”

Mirufy smiled with her perfect idol smile that was different from before.

Her smile looked so attractive and beautiful that it could be said to be almost inhumane, yet it looked a little cold because I had seen her other smiles before.

    “On the other hand, do you have any good reason why you really want it?”

    “No. From the beginning, I didn't have a good reason for that.”

When she expressed it with these words, I instantly felt empty.

Because although this girl in front of me is about the same age as me, she has already achieved what she wants to do, and what's more, she already has something she wants from now on.

She was very different from me, who tried many things but could never get into anything, could never master anything, and could never feel a passion for anything like Tadokoro or Maina.

It’s not that I don't like learning. I'm not bad at exercising either. But when asked if I want to keep doing it, I'll shake my head. Nothing feels real to me.

I tried to do what my friends recommended, but in the end I would fall behind. No matter what I do, nothing can fill my heart. I, Ren Kashiwagi, have long been looking for the last piece of that puzzle.

    “That's why I'm looking for it. Something real that won't make me feel bored.”

Hearing my words, Mirufy opened her mouth with a perfect smile on her face, just like she did before.

    “Hee. You look like you're trying to do something right.”

    “......Huh.”

Before I could fully understand the meaning of her words, Mirufy opened her mouth.

    “Sorry for asking for something that doesn't make sense. It's okay if you don't want to accept it.”

    “...Huh?”

    “Oh, is that surprising? It was Fuyuka-san who advised me to ask you for help. I agreed to do it because I owed her a favor, but in fact I didn't expect much to get help from you. Look, you feel confused with yourself too, right?”

Mirufy said that and stuck out her tongue.

Did she want to be alone with me with the intention of bringing everything to this conclusion in the first place. The only reason she didn't show this kind of act before was for the sake of Fuyu-nee who had tried hard to help her.

The reason why she strengthened her idol attitude compared to before was probably because she realized that I was nervous about her Mirufy persona. And she used that to try to get rid of me by saying that I wasn't a proper partner to help her.

    “I'll tell Fuyuka-san right. Well, if you want, I will be happy if you can be friends with me at school!”

After saying that, she also smiled at me with her deliberate cute gesture.

I couldn't help but feel a bruise in my heart. But...

I don't know why it seems that I can't leave her alone?

 

    “So, I was rejected. I heard that Ren-kun is going to be busy with things~.”

What the hell was that! You made it sound like it was 100% my fault!

    “...Ren?”

    “No, umm, that...”

I couldn't find a good reason, so I closed my mouth, and then Mirufy cheerfully opened her mouth.

    “Mouu! Fuyuka-san, you worry too much! It is impossible for Miru, who has already made millions of people enamored with me until now, to be unable to charm my 40 classmates too!”

    “......Well. I get it. Maybe I am indeed a little too worried.”

    “That's right~. Miru is already 17 years old too now!”

    “Yes, that's right!”

    “Ren, shut up.”

    “Ah, yes.”

When I agreed to her words, I was reprimanded. Isn't she just rude to me?

    “Okay then, Miru, you can go home and get your luggage!”

After that, we disbanded. Then we got up from our seats and headed to the front door.

Mirufy said she had already moved around here, so Fuyu-nee would take her home. By the way, my house is only 2 houses away from here.

    “Sorry for the interruption!”

Mirufy went out first, and I was going to put on my shoes. But then Fuyu-ne approached me from behind.

    “Ren, you forgot something.”

    “? Thank you.”

I looked into the plastic bag she handed over and wondered if I was carrying something.

    “Ah! The ice cream is melting!”

That's right. I met Mirufy and Fuyu-nee on the way home from the convenience store and came here directly. I still watched it until halfway through, but it seemed that I had completely lost my memory because of the shock from Mirufy.

I'm willing to leave the house just for this, but what am I doing now?

When I sighed because of the bad luck I had experienced, Fuyu-nee muttered, 'That ice cream'.

    “That mille-feuille ice cream is very rare, isn't it?”

    “Right, right? That's a new product from Six Eleven. Each layer has a different flavor, and it's very popular on social media now.”

    “Oh, is it true? Do you know where the nickname 'Mirufy' came from?”

    “How can the talk about this new ice cream product turn into a discussion about that nickname?”

    “I don't know. Don't idols have their own nicknames? Fuyu-chan used to try hard to think about it too, right?”

I still remember when Fuyu-nee was very puzzled to determine her nickname at the time of her debut. By the way, she seems to be comfortable with the nickname 'Fuyu-chan' now.

    “Whoa, don't talk about me! Oh yes, Mirufy's nickname comes from her first name, 'Miru' and from the results of a magazine survey where she said that she likes mille-feuille. But I don't think that’s all the reason for it.”

Fuyu-nee took a deep breath and continued.

    “She is, you know, really feels like a mille-feuille. I have been with her for quite a while now, but she has always had a strong idol aura, as if she is multi-layered, and you can't see her true colors.”

    “............”

    “That's why I've always been worried about it. I wonder if she can adjust to ‘normal’ and if she will get hurt without her knowing it.”

So, she said that she was always worried because it seemed to have seen those sign from her.

    “Hey, Ren. I won't ask you again to help Mirufy directly, but if something does happen, can you tell me via LIME? Please, I don't want to regret it anymore...!”

She didn't want to regret it 'again'?

I nodded without saying anything and couldn't ask her back, though I was curious about what she had just said.

    “Alright. I'll do it for the camera you've bought for me.”

After I said that, Fuyu-nee looked very relieved and smiled then thanked me.

 

    “Mille-feuille, huh?”

After getting home, I quickly searched the Internet for it, and found that the word 'mille' means 'thousand' and the word 'feuille' means 'leaf' and the name 'mille-feuille' indicates the number of layers it represents.

What's more, it says that there are normally 2,187 layers on the mille-feuille.

After taking a shower. When I put the fork in a mille-feuille ice cream that had melted, but had been re-frozen, it felt the strength of the fork breaking the layers.

After another thought, maybe it is indeed more appropriate to eat it at home.

    “...It's hard to eat it.”

──────If I peel off the mille-feuille layers one by one, the balance between the taste of the pie and the custard will not be right.

Then a sentence came to my mind, a sentence I don't usually care about, but this time it was imprinted in my memory.

 

*** 

 

The new semester has arrived. Somehow, I managed to see the announcement of my class placement in the crowd of people who were in front of the bulletine board. And when I shuffledly walked into my classroom, I was suddenly slapped in the back at the entrance.

    “Morning! Uh~~! Could it be that you are in the same class as me again this year, Ren!?”

    “Oh~! Maina is also placed in class 3, huh!”

What I saw was someone in a shirt that the top two buttons unbuttoned, and a light purple cardigan wrapped around her waist.

Her panda hair, which barely hides the hair color inside, looks very conspicuous.

    “I don't know anyone here yet, so it's a relief that it turns out that there is Maina too.”

    “Well... For me, I really have a lot of acquaintances here. But I'm glad you're here too, Ren. I missed my group of five before.”

The members of the group were the people I met at the convenience store during the spring break.

After saying that, Maina smiled and took my arm. Then pulled me towards her.

    “Whoa!”

It made me lose my balance and leaning against Maina's chest, I tilted my head.

    “Besides, it will definitely be fun with Ren here, right?”

    “...I'm so glad you said that.”

    “Hehe. It's just a lip service.”

    “Don't just call it lip service as you like.”

I've learned over the past year that it's the embarrassed side that's going to lose in a situation like this.

As I fanned my head to cool it down, and Maina flapped her hands as if imitating me.

    “No... This is not what I used to do like that girl.”

    “......Eh”

    “It's nothing. You know...”

    “You two are over there, sit down quickly. The class will start soon.”

    “Ah, sorry.”

    “Okay, okay~.”

A cold voice reprimanded us from behind, so I said 'See you' to Maina and sat down.

The person who reprimanded us was Kotono Kuon, who was famous as an exemplary schoolgirl. Last year, our class was different, so I never even saw her, but it seems that we are in the same class this year.

Looking at my phone, it turned out that there were still five minutes before class started. Exemplary students always act five minutes early.

Then Maina murmured, “I'm alone here among the five of us! I'm so lonely!” while replying to a LIME message from the noisy Tadokoro. I also spent time looking at my phone in a daze when the teacher finally arrived, and class started.

I must do the annual self-introductions as usual, but I'm still not used to this.

    “My name is Maina Asamiya! I'm in an athletic club, and my hobbies are nail art, karaoke, and video games. I really like to chat, so please don't hesitate to talk to me.”

Simply put, I am indeed not good at this. Yes, self-introduction.

Maina often refers to me as an all-rounder, but for me, I still won't get used to this, and I don't know what to say either.

When I thought of this, my turn just came suddenly.

You are reading story Tonari no Seki no Moto Idol wa, Ore no Produce ga nai to Ikite Ikenai at novel35.com

    “Umm, I'm Ren Kashiwagi. I'm a member of the 'go-home' club, but I often help with sports clubs. Umm... yes, I hope to cooperate with you guys this year!”

I returned to my seat after doubting my choice of words.

At times like these, the faint thing that was on my mind became stronger and I wanted something that I could do more than usual.

I thought it would be much easier for me to introduce myself if this last piece of the puzzle in my life could be found by me.

    “My name is Kotono Kuon. Greetings to all of you.”

Well, some of them are as simple as this, so maybe I think too much.

However, I am a little looking forward to this year's self-introduction.

Because today is the day when Miru Kasumi moved to go to school here.

I've heard from Fuyu-nee that Mirufy was placed in class 3.

So, when I saw my name was in class 3 on the bulletin board, my heartbeat felt like it stopped for a moment.

Since there are eight classes in one batch, I obviously didn't expect to be in the same class as her, right?

Soon, Mirufy will come to this class.

Her name was not written on the bulletin board, as if to avoid chaos, but the empty seat at the back of the classroom was proof that she would be here.

In fact, my classmates also looked at the empty seat.

After listening to the uninteresting self-introduction for a while, the teacher finally began to talk about the fact that a new student would join this class.

Later, the class was in an uproar when they heard that the transfer student was a former celebrity, and the teacher looked very worried as she looked in the direction where Kasumi should be.

    “In that case, let's go in.”

    “...Huh, that's Mirufy, right!?”

    “Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!?”

    “Awesome!! How can it be!?”

Seeing Miru Kasumi brilliantly entering the classroom, the cheering and screaming voices of the students resounded throughout the room.

Even during this kind of situation, she smiled as if this was the thing she used to face on daily basis. When I met her a few days ago, her idol persona seemed to have not disappeared at all. So, I wondered what kind of self-introduction she was going to do.

I looked at her jade green eyes and prayed, hoping that everything went well so that Fuyu-nee could feel relieved and for the safety of myself too.

    “Then, Kasumi-san, please introduce yourself.”

    “Okay!”

She started talking with a big smile on her face as she tossed her silky, cherry-red hair.

    “Everyone! Can you guys see Miru──────?”

    “““We can see you!!”““

At that time, I knew it was over.

This is not good. This is by no means 'normal'.

    “Greetings to everyone. I'm Miru Kasumi, aka Mirufy. I just transferred to this school this year!”

“Mouu! You're too worried Fuyuka-san!” , Isn't that what you told her?

Where does that confidence come from?

No, is it possible that it's my fault for not realizing that 'normal self-introduction' for Mirufy and 'normal self-introduction' for me were different!?

...No, of course not. Because I wouldn't have thought that the difference would be so far.

    “My hobbies are singing and dancing. I just graduated from the idol group, so there are many things I don't know, but I am already looking forward to being able to cooperate with you guys from now on!”

After ending with a perfect wink, the classroom instantly turned into a meeting place for fans.

Students from other classes who saw the commotion in our class peeked through the window, and I could see the people rushing to run away from the direction of the corridor.

    “I hope we can talk a lot in the future!”

Even during this commotion, Mirufy still looked at us with a smile and a laugh.

Okay. It’s done. Thanks for your hard work.

I have never been so grateful for my decision to refuse her request after what happened today.

It's more than just complicated. If I get involved, this will be a big tragedy for me.

If it happens to be revealed that I know Fuyu-nee through her, it will definitely be the end for me. If that happens, I won't have time to talk about what I can do afterwards.

    >(Ren): Fuyu-nee. Mirufy had just finished introducing herself just now.

Quote Unquoute.

I sent the message to Fuyu-nee and let out a long sigh.

It’s clear that she will get into a lot of trouble in the future. But since she is such a popular person, even if she is different from the word ‘normal’, I thought she should be able to adjust herself to this class.

So, I decided not to interfere──────at least until this mess subsides.

 

A week has passed since her introduction.

Miru Kasumi slowly began to seclude herself.

The first thing that happened after her previous introduction, because of the rumors, the audience from the next class also came to crowd our class, so the class was cancelled to calm the commotion.

This school has an arts major, so they have a good social network management system. Despite this, there was even an announcement throughout the school that other students should not post Mirufy's name on social networking sites, and cause chaos in the school.

And again, that's what we expect from a former top idol,

    “I'm so happy that you came to see Miru, but I don't want you to make trouble in class.”

However, as soon as they approached her, the behavior of the student became strange, and many other students fainted with nervousness.

When the classmates sitting nearby began to experience obvious signs of trouble, such as not being able to concentrate in class because of her gaze, they were forced to move from their seats.

Eventually they decided to force Mirufy to sit in the back seat at the corner of the class because students from other classes would peek at her if she sat at the desk close to the corridor. In addition, a class meeting was held to discuss countermeasures against those fans who would peek or take photos of her secretly. And Mirufy voluntarily decided to wear old-school sunglasses. It's not easy to have such a beautiful face.

What's more,

    “Mirufy is really alive.”

    “Isn't she a hundred times more beautiful when seen in person?”

Words like, 'I'm so envious that you're in the same class as her' flew around, and Tadokoro even cursed me for that too... but that’s all there is to it. No one really wants to talk to her. They just admired her from afar and gossiped about her.

At first, I wondered about this situation, but I soon realized it.

She really lives in a different world than us.

Mirufy seems to have tried her best to communicate with them, but the people she talked to were so fascinated by her every move that it was difficult for her to continue the conversation.

Even when someone can already talk normally with her, there will be a former fan of hers that interrupts, telling the person that it will annoy her. In addition, Mirufy's presence in class makes the lesson session difficult because students from other classes who come to see her interfere with it.

No matter how many people around her tried to warn it, there was still nothing they could do because Mirufy kept attracting the attention of everyone around her from one side to the other.

They no longer know how to clean up this mess. Even during the school ceremony where the students were supposed to be silent, the people who were next to the Idol would try to talk to her openly and the situation would get out of hand.

Her unique behavior was originally only regarded as ‘cute’ no matter what she did, but the problems caused by the people around her gradually accumulated.

In this situation, Mirufy seems to start being overwhelmed, little by little but surely.

I feel that this is a bad situation, but I don't know how to help her. Finally, after school, while cleaning up the class together, I asked Maina casually about her opinion of Mirufy.

    “Ah, Kasumi-chan? I'm sure she's not a bad girl. But I don't know why, it seems that she is incompatible with an ordinary life?”

    “It's true. I remember that the other day, the members of your group were upset with her. You guys are asking her why she didn't pay attention to her own fans that disturbing the class, right.”

    “Mm... But when I asked about it, she said it was normal for her and didn’t even feel that noisy. She is indeed not a bad person, but I don't know. We tried to talk to her as much as possible so she could get used to us, but I still don't really understand the gap between us.”

It seems that their perception has indeed been different from the beginning.

I wondered how to respond to Fuyu-nee's 'How is Mirufy?' question, I was really struggling to figure out how to answer it, and then Maina continued.

    “But don't boys often talk about it? They said it's better if she stays being an idol.”

    “Tadokoro and the others seem to agree with that. They don't want to know the story behind it.”

    “Ugh, they really are selfish. Well, even though I also didn’t know what happen behind the scenes of the things I like.”

Maina said disdainfully and went back to clean up the classroom.

I took my broom and went to the corridor to get a dustpan because it was time to collect the garbage we had cleaned up, and then I ran into Mirufy who had a troubled expression on her face.

    “............”

However, she didn't talk to me and went straight to the handwashing area.

I wanted to know how she was doing, so I followed her and found her in trouble with a twisted wet cloth in her hand.

After making sure that there was no one around, I pretended to wash my hands and stood beside her.

    “What are you doing?”

    “Hoo? Isn't it Ren-kun who refused to be Miru's companion? ...Sorry, just kidding.”

Mirufy looked at me with a dazed expression, then chuckled lightly and raised the cloth in her hand.

    “Ah, I try to wring out this cloth. I just found out that I had to squeeze the water dry before I take it back to the class.”

After that, she took out her mobile phone and showed her screen with a twinkle in her eyes.

    “Look, look. I can already clean it with a washcloth, and next I should be able to squeeze this washcloth dry! Isn't that amazing? There is so much room for me to grow, you will be surprised later.”

    “That washcloth is not squeezed at all.”

    “I'll master it, right away!”

Oh God, this ex-top idol, how long have you been disconnected from normal daily life.

    “...How about I do it for you?”

I have to offer it. This combination of idol and washcloth is too weird to be seen.

Besides, I also thought that she would be tired from doing something she was not used to.

    “Why? Although it's so fun?”

Mirufy said innocently and tilted her head.

    “It's so much fun, I've learned a lot of things. Even Miru-chan's 'normal notebook' is already half full.”

She put the washcloth on the edge, washed her hands, then put her hands in her pockets and stretched out a small notebook.

    “What is this…”

    “This is the ‘normal’ notebook. I have written down a lot of things I have learned! You can look if you want.”

I obeyed her words and opened the book, and from the first page, there were some crazy things written on it.

Keep your voice down! The school is not a martial arts training hall! You're not an idol anymore, so don't respond to all your fans! Don't be too quick to call others with a nickname! You can do it when you are already familiar with them!

The content almost shocked me, but the eraser mark, which seemed that the content has been corrected many times, and the suggestions added on the list looked so serious that I was speechless.

This is what she wrote in class during that time, which she sometimes did with a serious expression on her face.

Then I flipped through the notebook and found the last page,

Not all of them are commonly called by first names! Take a good look at your fans!

Written with a red pen.

    “This is from Maina-chan... I mean Asamiya-san and the others taught me this. I've been in private learning equivalent to elementary school and junior high school, so I was able to graduate through that path. But it's the first time for me to be in a classroom learning normally, so they are very helpful.”

    “...I see.”

    “Mm. Miru is slowly getting used to it, you know? Recently, Asamiya-san even asked me for advice on love. She asked me to teach her how to lose weight when I was an idol to win someone's heart, so I'm working on that right now.”

    “That sounds good.”

    “Fufufu~. Because I usually bother her, I must go all out to help her. I will do my best!”

Looks like my fear that Mirufy might give up is not proven to be true.

In her own way, she always seemed to be looking forward and trying step by step.

How could she be so serious?

How could she be so passionate about her goals and focused on working hard?

How could she still smile even in such a situation?

I'm so jealous of her.

I was fascinated, and it was as if I was faced with the fact that I could never be like that.

    “...Well then, good luck.”

    “Mn! Thank you!”

After I returned to the classroom, I sent LIME to Fuyu-ne, saying 'Mirufy is doing her best'.

 

Four days later, something really happened.

    “Huh, just because you are an ex-idol, you can say whatever you want!?”

When I entered the classroom after break, I heard this, so I hurriedly turned my head in the direction of the sound.

There was Maina, who looked very angry, and Mirufy, who looked down and seemed unable to escape after being blocked by Maina.

    “...What happened?”

I approached a few classmates I had known for the past few days and asked what was going on, then they made an awkward face and muttered, 'Ahhh...'.

    “So Maina, she seemed to have confessed to the person she liked but was rejected because he didn't think Maina was his type. So, she sought advice from Mirufy, who is known to be popular with boys.”

The classmate who explained the situation to me then stopped talking and glanced at Mirufy.

    “...I heard that Mirufy was too eager to give advice on muscle training, diet, and all sorts of stuff.”

    “That's right. And Maina was upset that she didn't ask for that much advice, but I think the way Mirufy said it was also wrong. Maina has made great efforts in her own way, but if she is told that her efforts are not enough and she should have tried even harder, well... you know, right?”

    “Mirufy is indeed not a bad person, but she is insensitive. People around Maina always say that she is already cute, so she doesn't seem to need too serious advice.”

    “Ahh, I see. Thank you, I understand now.”

In other words, she just asked to be comforted indirectly, but Mirufy took her words for as it is and tried to give her best advice with her idol standards.

No ordinary high school student does muscle exercises or serious sugar restrictions just because they are on a diet. If anything, it's just a handful of people who are very aware of it.

When becoming an idol, such an effort will definitely get praise such as “wow, that's amazing”, because that's what an idol expects. But the story is different if “Miru Kasumi” expects the same effort in her classmates.

However, I know for sure that Mirufy obviously didn't mean to offend her.

I saw with my own eyes how she smiled happily when someone asked her for help for the first time, and how seriously she thought about her plan for it.

Since Maina didn't know that it was not surprising that she regarded it as sarcasm.

Mirufy looked up and opened her mouth in confusion.

    “Mm, sorry I don't understand. But I just want to help you, I didn't mean to...”

    “Then you can just comfort me more. But you always say as if it's all my fault, right!?”

    “I didn't mean it like that, I just know that you can try to be even prettier.”

    “I told you that you seem to be mocking me, isn't it!? I mean, I don't want a very beautiful person like you to say such things to me!”

    “But I just want to make a serious suggestion...”

    “That's why I said what you did was wrong...!”

Maina screamed, and the girls in her group also reprimanded her and protected her.

    “Stop, Maina! Calm down.”

    “You know, it wasn't just Mirufy's fault. Maina has already tried her best in her own way, so I hope Mirufy can pay more attention to that.”

Maina then glared at Mirufy who felt confused and depressed because she didn't know what was wrong with all of this.

    “If you can just be an idol, go back to that world.”

She didn't know that Mirufy had already suffered so much. She has no right at all to be angry.

    “Mirufy won't understand. I believe you will never understand my feelings. If that's the case, I hope you won't have to come all the way to this world.”

Still, is this indeed the right thing to do.

I have nothing to do with this matter. And I refused to cooperate because it would obviously be troublesome.

    “That's right. If only you could just be an idol!!”

She was very excited about what she wanted to do, she was very serious about it, she tried it all, she worked so hard to be what she wanted to be, and this was the result of all that.

Mirufy's actions may seem a little insensitive, but that's not the truth.

How can I prove that this is the result of her serious efforts in her own way?

I clenched my fists. That's funny, right.

I'm sure I'm the only one who can see Mirufy's true feelings right now.

    “I'm sorry.”

I knew she really wanted to be normal. I knew that she had already tried very hard to be a normal girl.

    “I don't know, so sorry...”

I saw her laugh as she felt she had started to get close to normal, as if she was having fun, though it must have been very difficult for her.

I can't express it in the right words, but I do.

If this is all the result of her earnest efforts, even if the method is wrong.

    “That’s, not true.”

    “......Eh?”

I found myself grabbing Mirufy's hand, pulling her with me, and running out of the classroom.

    “...............”

Then, in an instant, I ran up the stairs to the roof. The roof was closed, so there were no other students here.

    “I'm sure no one will come here.”

After letting go of her hand and sitting on the top step, Mirufy finally opened her mouth while standing.

    “…Wh-What are you doing.”

    “Huh… I don't know though.”

If I have to say it, I just didn't want Mirufy to be there anymore.

That's it.

    “Why are you helping me?”

...Did I, try to help her.

──────I think that’s not it. It's hard to say, but it's for my own sake.

I just can't bear to see it all. I don't know why.

Looking at my silent self, Mirufy sat next to me and slowly opened her mouth.

    “...I'm suck, isn't it. I thought I could do things more skillfully. I think being a normal girl is harder than I imagined.”

    “............”

    “I've been an idol for a long time, and I've never really made a mistake. And... In the end I'm going to bother you too, I’m suck.”

Mirufy covered her face with her hands and stomped her feet onto the stairs with a bang.

Then, unable to hold herself anymore, she made a voice in a frustrated tone from her throat and tried to take a breath afterwards.

    “Ahh, mouu, why...”

Smashed to pieces. And finally, it cracked.

'Mirufy' that has been carefully coated.

    “... I don't know! I don't know what to do...”

Mirufy said this in such a low voice that no one could hear her, and then she groaned as if she was trying to spit out something.

Her stammering words showed her confusion, and I stared at her for a long time, not knowing what to do.

    “...Aah! Yosh!”

Then Mirufy, after letting out a big sigh, looked up excitedly.

I couldn't turn my face away, and my eyes met her eyes, which didn't even look moist.

    “...You think I'm going to cry, right? I'm not going to cry like this. I have no right to cry.”

She stuck out her tongue like she was joking.

I'm sure she's layering herself again now.

Such layers to protect herself.

    “What you mean, you don't deserve to cry? You guys just quarreled because you were too serious about it, so you two are victims.”

    “No, no. This time, it was me who put less effort into it. In the end, it's all about results.”

She tied together her words in frustration, and then.

She slapped her cheek fiercely and stood up.

    “I won't fail again next time!!”

Mirufy said this as a warning to herself, then she smiled and started to go down the stairs.

    “I will apologize properly in class tomorrow, so I will go home today. I can't go on like this. I must think about what I will say tomorrow. I want to make friends with everyone in the class.”

Mirufy looked back at me and said these words with a big smile on her face.

I couldn't help to grab her arm.

    “............”

    “What is it?”

    “There's no next time. It's over, my goodness.”

My voice just came out of thin air. I can't stop it.

I don't know what is right or wrong or who is to blame, but I want to blame her because she is so stubborn.

Memories of the past go in and out of my memory.

Yes, I’ll give up. If it were me, I'd give up here already.

    “...Why are you trying so hard? It's not normal to smile and say you want to be friends with someone who says all those things to you.”

It was really messed up. I wonder if the words I muttered in my mouth reached her.

    “It’s true, right? I'm not normal.”

She turned around and looked back at me.

Mirufy continued to speak with a wry smile that I couldn't imagine from her previous look.

    “But therefore, I need to be normal. I have caused a lot of trouble to others, and I am sure to do so if I don't change at all.”

    “...But isn't it very painful for you.”

“This is not a world where the people that got hurt will always be saved, right? Just because I'm hurt doesn't mean I can be forgiven. I'm going to change. I really need to change.”

Then, she sighed.

    “If I hadn't been hurt, I'd never get anything.”

She peeled off the layers, as if in her battle mode.

The words she said sounded like a blow to something inside me.

I let go of her arm subconsciously. My whole body felt a pain that I couldn't understand, as if I had been stabbed with a knife from the inside.

    “............”

Mirufy was stunned but kept talking to me.

    “I'm going home, but you must go back to class and tell them that you just can't bear to watch it. Otherwise, I'm sure they'll think you're on my side... I'm sorry it bothered you, right. Thank you.”

She raised one corner of her mouth sarcastically at me.

    “...Haha, I see.”

Yes, I was the kind of person who would worry about such a thing, I thought to myself.

People can't change easily, even more so when they want to pursue their goals without knowing why.

After all, she doesn't need a half-hearted ally like me.

I'm the one who can't stand up for myself.

 

After Mirufy left. I moved my feet and went down the stairs.

But no matter how hard she tried, I believe she had already reached her limit.

I can't stay silent on Fuyu-nee any longer.

I stopped and opened my LIME.

    >(Ren): Fuyu-nee, you know? Mirufy...

    “...This is not right.”

    >(Ren): What happened to Mirufy in the past?

I typed messages, deleted them then rewrote them again and again.

    >(Ren): If it continues this way, to be normal...

Tackticktacktick… how to stay in the safe zone.

What am I doing.

    “...I really am suck, huh.”

It sucks. Really. That's why I'll never like myself.

I put my phone in my pocket and ran over as fast as possible.

I opened the door of the classroom quickly and headed to my classmates, who were still discussing whether they could understand the situation that had happened.

    “Ahh, Ren, welcome back!”

    “Hey, what did you mean just now!?”

    “How's Mirufyy? I feel sorry for her, but it's just...”

I don't care what you think anymore.

    “Why did you make it seem like only Mirufy was wrong? You're the one who asked for advice and didn't even thank her.”

    “.......Huh!?”

I'm not going to stop now. That's what I've decided.

    “Ren-kun, are you on her side!?”

    “No, no, no. It may be our fault. We are just urging her to...”

    “What are we arguing about here! Ren, you didn't mean it, right?”

Maina said that to try to defend me, but I slowly shook my head.

    “I really mean it. I think it's weird to just criticize her and not even try to know the truth.”

That's right. Even though she is an ex-idol, she is still a girl who is about the same age as us.

She's not a different being, she just has a greater motivation to work hard than we do.

    “Well, I'm the same too.”

I want to think of her as a different being. That way I won't have to get hurt.

    “If I hadn't been hurt, I'd never get anything.”

I think I have heard Mirufu's voice in my ears.

That's right. If I didn’t get hurt, I would have sucked for the rest of my life.

    “I will help Kasumi to be normal.”

To make my classmate, 'Miru Kasumi', become normal, and no longer a former idol Mirufy.

I'm drawn to those eyes that seem to see everyone but don’t reflect anyone.

I want to be reflected in those eyes.

She must have something that I don't have.

    “Are you sure!? If you do that, Ren will be shunned by the others...”

Maina looked at me worriedly.

Friends are important. Of course, they are important, but there is something more important than that.

I smiled and said a few words.

    “What if I like it?”

I stopped playing sports and everything else when I couldn't do it well.

I stopped before I failed, and before I got hurt.

I realized that's why I was always in the middle of the way.

In other words, I have escaped from the thought that I can do everything well.

I wanted to change, but somehow, somewhere along the way I thought that I couldn't.

I've probably given up, thinking that I'd rather stay like this than to get hurt and feel lost.

But when I saw Kasumi, I couldn't say that anymore.

──────From now on, I want to change!

    “Then I'll see you tomorrow.”

I took my bag and left the classroom. Although my chest was pounding, it was strange that my steps felt light.

I immediately ran to the shoebox, checked it to make sure that Kasumi's shoes were not there anymore, and then ran out.

I have some ideas about the possibility of where she is right now.

 

    “Um, you know!!”

Under the cherry trees that had been in full bloom, at the top of that staircase.

    “Yes, I'll do it!”

She stood there, and along with the falling cherry blossoms, she looked confused, just like when I first met her.

    “...What do you mean?”

    “So, I will help Kasumi to be a normal girl from tomorrow. My relationship with other is over!”

    “Huhh!?”

Kasumi's eyes enlarged and her mouth gaped.

    “Why did you do that? You have nothing to do with this!”

    “That's why I'm trying to get involved.”

Because if I don't, I might run away again.

    “I told you before, I have never found anything I like. I thought I would be bored because I couldn't get excited about anything, but in the end, I gave up.”

There's really no limit to giving up, but before I know it, I've already drawn the boundary line myself, and if I can't reach it, I'll stop wanting it. I laughed at how I fool myself by thinking that I was already satisfied with my own now.

    “I drew a line at the point where I would get hurt if I went further. Maybe I didn't participate in the club's activities just because I was afraid of training too hard and knowing the limit of my ability.”

I've been fooling around all my life, by continuing to get enough with just 80 points.

I don't feel less, but I feel like I'm missing the last part of the puzzle in my life.

I hate it. Just looking from the outside as Kasumi struggled to stay on her own feet.

I'm frustrated and fed up with that. I was the one trying to pretend it didn't happen.

    “So, I just want to be like Kasumi before.”

I admire it. I'm interested in her. To the point that I couldn't help it.

    “...Don't make strange decisions by yourself. You're just forcing yourself, right?”

    “Ahh, indeed! Because I want to be friends with you.”

I said it out loud and, I'm sure.

That's right. I want to be friends with Kasumi.

Kasumi is cool, shiny, and has the power to never give up once she makes up her mind.

    “...What do you mean? Did Fuyuka-san ask you to do it again?”

    “This is 100% my own wish.”

    “Liar! Ahh, mouu. I don't want to bother you. Do you understand?”

    “I know but...”

    “You lied. You don't know anything about Miru's feelings at all!”

    “That's why I asked you to tell me!!”

    “It's okay if you don't understand! No one can understand my pain anyway! I don't want you to understand!! I don't want you to feel sorry for me!”

It's so messed up.

Kasumi's face, which had a good expression before, turned into a frustrated expression, and then she walked down the stairs and started running.

    “Ah, hey! Don't run!”

    “No!! Don't follow me!!”

    “Wait, that road...”

Kasumi ran across from the school.

However, there was a broken railway crossing on that side.

Also, the train crossing alarm already ringing.

It seems that she is trying to pass that train crossing to escape from me, but unlike in the city, this road is dangerous because the train will pass as soon as the alarm goes off.

Most of the locals know this, but Kasumi is unlikely to know it.

    “Watch out!”

    “Let me go!!”

    “It's dangerous!”

I caught her just in time and pulled her arm, then she lost her balance and fell on top of me.

Two seconds later, a train rumbled past us.

    “..........!!”

Trains in the countryside have a long crossing time due to their slow speed.

Kasumi quickly got up on her own, but she couldn't escape and had to stand between me and that railway crossing.

But this is an opportunity I'll never miss again.

I put all my strength into my stomach and took a breath as quickly as possible. And then...

    “I TOLD YOU I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!”

    “...Eh?”

    “THERE IS NO WAY THAT I, AN ORDINARY PERSON, CAN UNDERSTAND THE FEELINGS OF THE FORMER TOP IDOL!!! DON'T BE AN IDIOT!!!”

    “......Are you crazy?”

    “YOU ALREADY SAID YOU WON'T GET IT UNLESS YOU GET HURT! SO, DON'T TRY TO RUN AWAY FROM ME! YOU SAID YOU WON'T FAIL, BUT YOU HAVE ALREADY FAILED!”

    “.......S-SHUT UP!”

Perhaps because of being surprised by my loud voice, Kasumi also yelled and looked at me fiercely.

A layer peels off. Yes, I want to see this expression on her face.

    “I love railway crossings. When it's this noisy, no matter how much I scream, my screams will be muffled, right? It's a huge stress-relief.”

There is still some time before the train passes completely.

    “So, if you have something to vent, why don't you try it too?”

It's my old way of relieving stress because of my habit of running away.

Kasumi looked like she was trying to hold something back, and then opened her mouth slowly.

    “...YOU MUST BE JOKING!! YOU ASKED ME FOR ADVICE BUT YOU THINK IT'S TOO HARSH! IF YOU REALLY LIKE HIM, AT LEAST YOU CAN DO THAT!! OR FOR THE BETTER, JUST DO IT RIGHT AWAY!!!”

Oh, she's a mess.

    “Hahaha!”

    “RETURN THE TIME I'VE SPENT THINKING ABOUT THE DIET PLAN!!!”

    “Yosh, that's good! Keep doing it!”

    “YOU SAID I WAS POPULAR BECAUSE I WAS CUTE, IT WAS MY OWN EFFORTS THAT MADE ME SO CUTE! IF YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING, YOU WON'T GET LOVED EASILY!!”

    “Wow, that's the best...!”

That's right. The fact that Kasumi is so cute is due to her own efforts, and why she can be so stoic is the result of her attitude of having seriously faced her fans as an idol.

It's not that it's wrong. It's just that they do have a different way of life.

    “.........What a relief.”

After that, the train passed completely.

Kasumi said so and fell to the ground with a smile full of tears on her face.

    “I don't have a choice, so I’m sorry.”

Then, she muttered as if something had fallen.

    “Miru really wants to be a normal girl. I can't explain it in detail now, but if I don't, I will hurt the others.”

Why are you trying so hard to face everything yourself.

It would be a lie if I said I didn't care, but for now, does that mean I can expect her to tell me someday.

    “That's why I refrained from bothering you, but now, after I show you this much, you should be prepared for it. It's your own fault, right?”

    “I have already made up my mind when I chase you!”

    “...I see. You're the first person to try to get close this far with Miru, so I believe you. But... I don't want to be helped one-sidely.”

Kasumi took a breath, and then.

    “I'll give you, what's remaining in Miru Kasumi's life. If it were me, who was so blinded by the world around me that I became abnormal, I might be able to help you find something that you are obsessed with, even if your whole life seems very boring.”

With a serious expression on her face, she said this and stretched out her hand to me.

    “And for that, make me a normal girl.”

    “............”

Then I received her hand.

She looked at me fiercely, and sure enough, her eyes were not moist at all.

    “Yosh, there will be no betrayal between us.”

    “Of course! That's why we made an alliance together. I won't let you run away even if you get hurt, okay? I’ll make sure you can achieve your goal to the end.”

    “That's what I want to say.”

I'm looking for something real.

Something that can make me obsessed.

And Kasumi searches for the normal thing she's already left behind.

    “Nice to work with you, Ren-kun!”

Finally our eyes met each other.

Our search for the real thing has just begun.

 

 

TL & ED: Retallia

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