Chapter 166: His Life Weighed Heavier Than Her Pain

Like cowards, Hugo and I fled the capital back to Belcoot. We didn't tell anyone we were leaving the capital as if he didn't have duties to fulfill. The capital was suffocating, leaving us both breathless. 

With our hands intertwined, I looked at him and smiled. He also smiled lovingly, holding my hand as if afraid the second he let go, I would leave him behind. 

"Shall we run?" I asked, glancing at the window of the carriage we rented out. "Is this what they call elope? We're already married, though."

"We should conserve our energy." He raised our hand to his lips, planting a peck on the back of my hand. "Toby will be shocked to see us back so early."

I giggled, imagining Toby's expression. "I bet he will." 

Hugo took a deep breath, resting my hand on his forehead. I smiled subtly. I had never seen him in distress. Hugo was the type of person who often face his problems head-on. So for him to suggest running away, I was certain he knew he wasn't ready to fight this dilemma. 

I understood him with all my heart. Right now, his real enemy was himself.

It was foolish to underestimate the red strings that bound werewolves to their destined mate. I knew that because I made sure that red thread was unbreakable. So werewolves wouldn't harm normal humans with their lust. 

I regretted making that decision after many years. 

"I love you, Hugh," came out a weak voice, watching him peek from his one eye. "I really do." 

He carefully cocked his head to me, raising his other hand to brush my cheek with his thumb. His eyes were full of affection with a touch of pain. 

"My heart only belongs to you, Rin. I mean it." His voice was sincere, smiling bitterly. "I'm sorry if you have to go through this because I... am a werewolf."

I shook my head as I held the hand caressing my face. "Don't apologize for something you don't have control over. If there's anyone who will, that should be me."

"Don't leave me again, Rinnie." This time, his voice was stern and his eyes glinted with determination. Even so, I couldn't help but feel he was more like begging me. 

"Don't leave again, just like last night. Just hold on to me as tight as you can, chain me if necessary." Hugo adjusted his position so that he was facing me squarely, holding my biceps. "Be as greedy as much as you want. Keep me by your side, no matter what... even if it kills me."

It hurts. My heart felt like it was being torn into pieces hearing those words.

Could I really be as greedy as much as I wanted to? Even if it killed him... could I truly hold on to him? Would I be able to choose myself over and over?

I only smiled and nodded that time. We didn't say it, but Hugo and I were aware our actions didn't put out the fire completely. We simply blanketed the fire, hoping it wouldn't spread.

But it did, eventually. 

Three weeks later, those words he kept on telling me repeatedly hovered over my head.

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To hold on to him, to never let him go, to chain him if possible, to keep him by my side even if it kills him. He didn't say he would hold on to me, that he wouldn't let me go, that he wouldn't chain me with him, or to keep me by his side no matter what. 

I knew he entrusted this relationship with my hands because he couldn't. Deep down, Hugo had always known this was something he had no control over. 

Sitting on the armchair beside the bed he was laying down, my eyes were fixed on him. Hugo suddenly collapsed this morning, running a fever. I couldn't touch him for too long, as his body was on fire. He was breaking out in sweats, catching up to his breathing. 

"Your Grace." Cuthbert, the head butler, called me from behind my chair. "I already sent the letter to the capital."

"Mhm."

I heard him exhale. "Your Grace, days ago, His Grace told me that if one day he collapses or tries to go somewhere, he wants us to restrain him. His wish is..."

"Cuthbert." I cut him off in a soft voice. "I would like to be alone with Hugh for now."

"But Your Grace --"

"Please." I looked back at him, expressionless. "If you still respect me as your Luna, leave us alone. I had decided. Hugh had suffered fighting for me, for this marriage. But I... can't let him die, Cuthbert. Do as you're told and tell Toby I apologize if he can't see his father just yet."

Cuthbert sported a complicated look as he hung his head low. "I'll tell the servants to bring you fresh water and cloth for His Grace."

That was what the head butler said before departing the room. Silence instantly enveloped the room as I set my eyes back on Hugo. His complexion was pale, showing how sick he was as if he was on a brink of death. 

"Hugh." I rose from my chair, sitting on the edge of the mattress. I placed my hand on his hand, unfazed by the heat scalding my palm. A weary smile and bitter eyes dominated my face, feeling sorry for him. 

"I tried, my love. I tried to be as greedy as possible. But alas... I love you."

If I didn't love Hugo, I wouldn't mind keeping him beside me at all costs. I wouldn't care if he drop dead loving me. But I loved him that his life was far more important than my pain. 

"The pain of the past... I can toss it aside. But this..." I squeezed his hand and smiled. "... I realize I will always choose you, Hugh. I can live with the pain as long as I know you're alive. But... I can't if you die fighting for me."

Our love was beautiful; his love was the purest form of love one could ever ask for. He was fighting for me until the end, but I couldn't. His love for me was poisoning him, killing him bit by bit. 

I slipped under the blanket, ignoring the heat he was exuding. I embraced him, placing my palm on his chest as it moved in and out heavily. I could feel his racing heart pounding against his chest. 

"I'm sorry for putting you in pain," I whispered, staring at his rear. "You will forget about me once you acknowledged your fate."

I moved up and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. I didn't move away. Tears pooled beneath my shut eyes as my body trembled. 

'Tonight... is the last night I will hold on to you.. Please be happy without me, for I will be happy for you.'

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