Chapter 41: Unproductive Day

"... Is this love?"

I smiled, squeezing his large hand lightly. Hugo's palm was rough, and I could feel his calluses and minor bumps. Yet, they were gentle and warm and big. Maybe my hand was just small, so his hand looked big, but it didn't matter. 

The difference between our hands strangely fits each other, though. It was strange, but not that I disliked it.

"Ahem!" Hugo cleared his throat as he carefully wrap his fingers around mine, glancing at our hands. "So, are we real lovers now or what?"

Right... Hugo believed we were already lovers because of the courtship. But I made up a lie about these 'trial lovers'. I didn't know if such a thing existed, but he bought it. So, in his mind, we were trial lovers before deciding to be real lovers. 

"I don't know?" I shrugged, being completely honest with him before looking ahead. "I told you, I don't know Love. So, you have to tell me what you want to do since compare to me, you're a genius."

My brows raised as I cast him a side-eye, catching him nod his head. The corner of my lips curled up into a smile, biting my inner lower lip as the thought of exploring love slightly thrilled me.

"Right... I am a genius," he admitted, which wasn't surprising at this point. "Should we mate now?" 

This time, I looked at him and tilted my head. "Mating is when we create children, right?"

"Yes."

"Do you even know how to make children? Because I don't." I blinked twice, staring at him curiously. "And I'm not prepared to become a mother. What if my children bite me?"

"Bambi, I am inexperienced but that doesn't mean I don't know the basics!" he asserted with a nod. "But well, I'm not ready to have children too."

I stared at him in silence. He was thinking too deeply about our current relationship. Honestly, just weeks ago, I told myself I'd make him give up. But the more I spent time with him, I was the one who gave up that idea. Hugo's attention towards me never faltered, and he was never inconsistent. 

Also, he was nothing but kind to me. This time, I knew this consideration and kindness were genuine. Seeing someone like him who was akin to a devil do a good deed was strangely nice to see too. 

Hugo held our hands up, staring at it with his lips closed. "Hmm. This is the first time you held my hand first on your own."

"Do you think it's weird?"

"No." The corner of his lips stretched into a smirk as he pulled my hand closed to his chest. "Can I have your hand?" 

"Like... do you want to slice it and make it an heirloom?" 

"Can I?" my nose scrunched up as his brows rose, but then chuckled upon seeing my dismal expression. "Kidding. I want you in one piece."

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I pressed my lips into a thin line as he guided my hand to his face and sniffed the back of my hand. "It smells good." And then pressed the back of my hand against his lean jaw.

How strange, I thought. Maybe I was, indeed, a simpleton to like these simple things in life. I smiled and let him rub his cheek on the back of my hand. 

'This person had forced himself into my heart, but...' I trailed off as my eyes softened while staring at him. '... I don't dislike it. Actually, I'm starting to like it.'

I don't think I love Hugo, but he was important to me for sure. His happiness was something I also wanted as well. The lovers from across the street were already gone, but I kept my eyes on the passer-by. Just yesterday, we were traveling on a rocky path, but today, we were just sitting on a bench in peace.

'Surely, every day is different.' I smiled at the thought, taking a deep breath as I was enjoying this unproductive day. 'Today's weather is wonderful too.'

I glanced at Hugo when I felt his gaze. He just smiled slightly, sprawling his other arm, and brushed my cheek with his thumb. 

"You're the best." I grinned and chuckled at his remarks. "So pretty."

Hugo guided my hand across his shoulder while he slid down a bit so I could reach him. He cocked his head to me, batting his eyes while still holding my hand. He was always the type to like physical interaction, so I was somehow used to this. Although having my arm across his shoulder was something I never thought he'd want. Did he want to feel protected?

"You said you want to make me feel love, right?" he asked, and I nodded. "Don't you think that is reverse? Don't you want to feel loved?"

I shook my head, gazing down at him. "I already love myself and treasure myself, so I have enough to give. Also, I always receive from you. I don't have money, so..."

"My Bambi, are you proposing this because you feel indebted?" his brows rose, a little displeased at this assumption. 

"Not entirely," I corrected, knocking my forehead against his head. "I am saying, I want to meet Love in you. I want him to wear your face and by doing it your way, can that only happen. I think loving someone fits me more instead of asking to be loved."

"Bambi, that is dangerous." His response made me tilt my head. "Just a wild, just in case situation. What will happen to you if you give me your all but my heart suddenly changed?"

His question made me think for a second before I smiled. "Does it matter?"

"Of course, not that I plan to. But this worries me."

"I'll move on, obviously." I nodded, as that had always been a little easy for me to do, peeling my eyes away from him. "I won't regret it, though. Loving someone even when they will end up hurting me."

My voice grew quiet as I smiled weakly. No matter how Ashton betrayed me or the question mark of the love my parents left me, I never once regretted loving them genuinely. By opening up my heart to my savior, I wasn't foolish to think that this would last forever.

But until then, I wanted to believe in this thing called love and family. So, it wasn't completely a selfless act since I had my motive to prove that Love, although had many faces, I would see its real face one day. 

'I hope he looks like you,' I whispered internally, setting my eyes back to him.. 'My gut feeling tells me it is, Hugo.'

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