Chapter 44: I Like Your Colors

"Rinnie, will you forgive me if I succumbed to my… instincts?"

I gulped, barely blinking as his solemn eyes and low tone sounded serious. My breathing grew a bit heavy, pressing my lips into a thin line. 

"Like...?" 

His long and thick eyelashes fluttered. "Like... tainting you with a different color."

Silence. I looked at him, parting my lips, but my voice was gone. I knew what he meant by that, but why did he suddenly think of that after spending so much time with me? Did it have something to do with sleeping on the same bed?

"Will you forgive me?" he repeated the question with his brows arching.

"Well..." I averted my eyes and pondered about it quickly. "... maybe?"

"Don't." This time, my brows rose at his quick reply. "If I succumbed to my instincts and forced myself into you, no matter what reason, you shouldn't forgive me."

"Why?" 

"Because it's unforgivable, Rinnie." His eyes glinted once again as a shallow sigh slipped past his lips. "Just because some things are beyond your control doesn't mean you will passively let it go. I don't know how you were raised, nor I am judging your character, but getting angry, upset, and not being able to forgive immediately is normal."

I bit my inner lower lip while listening to his words. For me, it was akin to a riddle. I didn't understand it, but at the same time, I did. It wasn't like I was trying so hard not to get upset or angry. I just don't dwell on those emotions. 

Hugo sighed once again. "My men said, 'you are like a canvas painted with only light colors.' I like your colors, but it's alright if you want to add your own."

The space between my brows wrinkled as my eyes softened. "What if the color doesn't match?"

"Why won't it? Being your own person is never ugly." Hugo slowly bent his elbow and laid on his side, eyes still on me. "Also, I am biased. So, it doesn't matter if you paint in that canvass with just black or leave it pink. I am not good at art, but I will like it because it's your own work."

I rolled to my side and faced him squarely. "Are you saying I am not myself?"

"Do you know what you want in life?" he asked instead of answering me, making me bite my tongue. 

"Go outside."

"Other than that? What's driving you to survive?"

I pressed my lips together and gazed down, thinking about his question. What do I want in life? What was my drive to why I wanted to live? I never thought about that before. Initially, I wanted to survive solely because Mother told me to. 

"Bambi, when you figured out that damn vampire hates you, plus the idea he instilled before his death, did you feel angry?" he asked, and I raised my eyes back at him.

"No. I was sad."

"I know I told you not to dwell on the questions you will never get answers from, but before that, have you ever thought of finding the truth yourself?"

"No."

"Why?"

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I didn't answer immediately as I stared into his eyes. "Because if I dwell on it, I will live in that world." My voice was weak and soft, but it sounded strange loud, and clear. 

"If I think of revenge and finding the answers whether what Ashton said was true, or it had an explanation, I will live a sad life," I explained while staring into his eyes, stabilizing my breathing while thinking about my own argument. "My drive to survive right now is vague, as I only live day by day, wondering if it will be a good day or not. But even so, I don't want to lead a life where I only seek vengeance and seeking answers that might just reopen the wound I am still tending."

Hugo studied my face before he sighed. "Is that really what you want?"

"Mhm. Not because you or Mother told me to; that is what I want." I smiled weakly, knowing he was concerned that was why he brought this up. "Do you think it's cowardly?"

"I do." He nodded. "But that is because I am not in your shoes, nor did I ever walk around in it. The way I see it, you are simply running away from it. If I am in the same situation, I will surely burn them all alive and erase Everfell on the world's map. Only then I will get satisfied."

Hugo propped his temple against his knuckles, letting out another faint sigh before raising his hand to brush a few strands of my hair. "But we're different. For me, it is running away. But for you, it might just be simply walking away from all the bull."

His last remarks brought a slight smile to my face. I appreciated that even though we saw things differently, he still respected my own ways. 

"I like your colors too, Hugo," I admitted suddenly with the same smile. "If you are also a canvass, I think your colors are black and red."

"Aren't those too dark colors?"

"But it suits you." I shrugged while staring at him. "It's not bad. After all, behind those colors, the canvass will always be white. And that is an unchangeable fact."

Hugo fluttered his eyes, saying nothing. He just stared at me in silence, making me wonder what was on his mind. I could just ask him, and he would surely tell me. But, for reasons unknown, I didn't want to know. Not because I knew it would shock me, but because it makes me want to read him.

"Sleep now, Rinnie," he said and my eyes fell on his lips as he spoke gently. "It's getting late. We still have a long journey..."

Out of habit, I raised my finger and touched his lips, curious if they were just as soft as what they appeared. Although I already knew its texture as he kissed my neck before, it wasn't enough to fulfill my curiosity. As soon as my fingertip touched his lower lip, he stopped talking and grabbed my wrist. 

Before he could ask, I explained. "I was curious if they are just as soft as what they looked."

"Bambi, why do you always do this? First my jaw, now my lips. This frail seduction is dangerous. I told you I am weak." Although his grip around my wrist was gentle, his facial feature grew sharp. As I looked at him, I remembered he said he wanted to taint me with a different color. 

"Hugo, you said you want to taint me with a different color, right?" I asked, and I felt him stiffen. "But it's unforgivable if you did it."

"Uh, that is... corre..." the rest of his words drifted back to his throat as I lifted my head and planted my lips on him. It was brief; enough for me to feel how its texture felt different from my fingertips and lips. As I drew back, I noticed his wide, unblinking eyes, as if he had seen a ghost.

"I like your colors." I smiled, resting my head back on the pillow. "If I did it, you don't have to feel sorry, correct?"

"Uh,"

Surely, that surprised him, as he was just staring blankly. Once his eyes moved to me, I instinctively closed my eyes to sleep. I felt like if I didn't, I would regret it.

"Oy..." he poked my shoulder, but I didn't open my eyes. "Hey, don't sleep. That is unfair. I'm not yet done with you."

Hugo shook my shoulder lightly to wake me up, but I kept my eyes closed. His tone sounded like he was wrong, but I secretly giggled inside my head.

'My first kiss... isn't bad.'

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