Chapter 24: Am I… Broken?

[The royal Capital, Ronan POV, two Years ago, Start of the war.]

I took The Girls to the schoolhouse... And met the new Teacher there. Ayame. A Fellow Fox-kin. I feel strange around her... I don't understand... 

That night, Mother visited me in a dream... 

"Its fate, Boy. Its Meddling again. Sigh. I like Eina... But... Follow your heart, Kiddo..."

I woke with a start... What did she mean...

[One year later]

I Know what I'm feeling, and I feel like a Cad. Eina is Trapped in Sulea, Seperated from her daughters... And I'm On a secret Date with Ayame... I... I am drawn to her... And it hurts me.  I love Eina, I do... But... When I think of her, I used to feel Nothing but Overwhelming love, And now I just feel... Tolerance. The Affection is there, The Feelings however? Gone. That Unrelenting Force Pulling me toward her, the feeling that I couldn't live without her... all gone... And that Terrifies me. Will the day come that I hate her? Resent her? Will I wake up one day feeling nothing but cold? What I'm doing, I hate. I'm Two-timing her, And I hate myself for it... But I can't Stop... because that feeling of destiny, that I can't live without her? That's how I feel about Ayame now... Is something wrong with me?

[A week After The Rescue, Eina POV]

Its wrong. It's not the same. I was thrilled to see Ronan, and my girls, but... Ronan seems distant. The worst part is, I don't Mind it. When our relationship Began, Six years ago, until The war started, Everytime We saw each other it was a thrill... I wanted him by my side... but now? The thought of him, of what we did the night I returned, Disgusts me. Why? Why can't I love him anymore? I think I may be broken inside, Shattered beyond repair... I needed to speak with him...

"Ronan. Tell me... Do you still love me?"

"Of course I do, Eina."

I could see it in his eyes. He was truthful, but not completely.

"But?"

"But nothing. I love you. I... Oh who am I kidding. I DO love you, Eina, its just..."

"Not like you Did. Ronan... Its Faded. I look at you, and i dont see my Happy Bard, My Biggest fan... I see An Uncomfortable Fox-kin, Trying to pretend everything is Okay. So tell me... Who Has Taken your Heart?"

"I... Sigh... You're right. Theres someone else. I didn't intend for it to happen, And I feel terrible, but I can't Say no to her..."

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"Its Fine. Ronan, Its gone for me too... That Spark we had... I just feel..."

"Empty?"

"Yeah. Empty. And worse... I have gaps in my memory. The last I remember was saying goodbye to you and the girls... then Going Home to Sulea, To take care of The others... And prepare to come back here... Then the Occupation... Then its blank, until Ivan Died... And theres another gap... Next, I recall Blanc helping Bury Ivan... then Vague Recollections of Blanc helping me... until Auron Arrived... Then, I don't recall the return trip... Also... most of my childhood is gone. I can't even Recall Julia's original Face..."

"Eina... Why didn't you say this sooner?"

"Its my problem. That's why... I want you to be with The one you love... Even though its not me anymore... Sigh... I Did want to marry you, though... To keep my promise."

"Why can't we? You are a noble, Eina. Its normal for them to have multiple lovers in addition to a spouse... besides, Ayame Dosen't believe in marriage..."

"Ayame? The Schoolteacher? I see. So that's who it is. It's fine with me, if nobody objects. But talk to her about it first."

"I will. And Eina? I Do Love you. Never question that."

Ronan left... and I was alone.

"I know... But I Don't love you anymore... not like I did. Instead, I feel Deep longing For the Strong Arms of Blanc... To be held, and told it's going to be okay... I can't use skills anymore... I can't even Sing a lullaby anymore... I'm Broken. Deep inside, Something broke... Am I Wrong, Gods?"

A voice echoed in my head Then...

<Hearts change, Love Can Fade, But always Follow your Heart, And it will see you to happiness. Eina, Bring my Grandchild into the world, Then Do as you desire... no matter your Choice. And you Aren't Wrong... Something indeed Changed inside you... What, I do not know.>

"I see. Lady Inari. And Grandchild? Then that one night was enough to... sigh... I'll tell him tommorrow..."

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