Chapter 12: Trust Issues Are Hard to Overcome (2)

While swallowing her saliva, Naavah lowered her gaze. It was obvious to her that it was inevitable to be asked about the curse. Despite this, she still viewed the entire situation as intricate. Without any explanation prepared beforehand, her mind was filled with various thoughts. Can she trust Julian and share everything she knows with him? And what does she know? That, somehow, she was cursed so many years ago and has been forced to deal with its misfortune ever since. And what if she subtly avoided answering truthfully to his questions? Or maybe she can avoid part of the truth. Would that change the outcome?

Also, the temptation of pretending not to know anything was great. After all, she could easily save herself the trouble of sharing more of her past. Not to mention the hardness of telling Fyodor that he was lied to before they got married. Moreover, she could save her uncle’s face and herself from his wrath.

Furthermore, she recalled the requests discussed with Fyodor at their first meeting and remembered that loyalty was one of them. If she would not say the truth now, she may never do, and the values she guided herself through her entire life would mean nothing. Does she deserve this because of her fears? Were her fears greater than what she always stood up for?

Besides, why was she so fearful of telling Fyodor? Couldn’t she just tell him or pretend she didn’t know about the curse? But, then again, it didn’t seem to be genuine. Who would believe her if she said she had no idea about the curse? And why was she so reluctant to disappoint him? Fyodor was not someone important in her life yet, even though he was her official husband. She still didn’t love the man, and the chance of returning to her uncle’s mansion was still great.

Countless questions ran through her mind, causing her to rub her hands harder, to the point of scratching herself with her fingernails. And then, a trace of the truth hit her, and she understood her feelings. She was scared of being sent back to her uncle. Even back then, before meeting Fyodor for the first time, she agreed to be his wife, even though she didn’t want to marry, only to get out of that house. Hence, her desire to appeal to the Duke of Wintkrim. It was easier for her to nurture the thought of them falling in love at some point than to continue to live under her uncle’s ideology and rules.

Fyodor’s face and touch from the other night flashed through her mind, and she smiled slightly in front of the sorcerer. While she was selfish, he really tried to understand her, welcome her, and listen to her needs. He even accepted her childish behavior from their first night together and gave her another chance, while any other man would have beaten and forced her without hearing her out.

She looked at her scratched hands and caressed them, thinking of how it felt when Fyodor did it. Sure, the moment in which his feelings will change, or when his support will vanish, can’t be known at this point. However, his demeanor towards her was like a breath of fresh air. Before she even knew it, she found herself engrossed in a wonderful feeling she had never known before.

“It is really nice to have someone by your side,” she thought with a big smile. “Yes, I will tell Julian everything I know. It is right this way.”

“Or maybe you don’t know?” asked Julian, reluctant, slowly turning his head toward her and raising an eyebrow.

"It happened when the accident occurred. My parents had died, and I was young back then. I don’t remember anything that happened, but when some guards discovered the whole scene, I was barely alive, and they rushed me to the closest healer. That man was the first to notice that this birthmark on my thigh indicated a problem. Not a single relative, who has known me since I was a baby, remembered the sign," Naavah said, caressing her right leg.

The unfortunate accident occurred when she was too young to remember even her parents' faces, let alone what had actually happened. But that birth sign was everything Naavah was left with that let her still feel attached to her family. Of course, it was weird that every time she was doing a medical examination, the spell would always change its color to red whenever it reached that specific area, but she thought nothing of it. It was something that she wanted to keep there so she would always have something that could remind her of her biological parents. Of course, this was before she grew up and acknowledged the source of her poor health.

"It looks like an old curse that was cast on you and left a mark."

“The mark of a curse?” asked Naavah, bewildered and with a frown, not knowing what he was referring to.

“The butterfly on your thigh,” said Julian, pointing his index finger to her right thigh.

"Oh, I know it was a curse of some sort, but I didn’t know this birth sign was its mark. The healer that took care of me back then was hired by the Marquess of Paupplers. He thought that by doing this, the healer would better understand my condition and come up with a solution," said Naavah. After seeing Julian frowning, she added, "My uncle."

“Does Fyodor know about this?”

“No,” Naavah said, clutching her lavender-colored dress tighter. 

“Do you plan on telling him?”

Even though she made up her mind a few moments before, it was one more factor that bothered her greatly; why hadn't Dargan told him about it? What could he possibly know about Fyodor that influenced him not to tell? Was he afraid that once Fyodor knows about this, he won’t agree to the marriage? But he must have been sure that she would end up being examined again by the Duke’s sorcerer or healer. And so, why?

Despite her confusion and curiosity, she tried to let this go and be mindfully in the present. Either way, the right thing to do was to tell him by herself.

“Yes. My plan is to tell him as soon as possible. However, I don’t know how to.”

Frowning, Julian straightened his back and looked down at Naavah. She is a pretty young lady, and he knows nothing about her. And obviously, she knows nothing about Fyodor as well. His lord respected honesty more than anything. If she tells him too late, his lord's opinion of her will change. Therefore, he will avoid telling her some private and relevant matters. This will worsen their relationship at some point. So, he tried to get used to his wisdom.

“What do you think about Fyodor, my lady?”

“Well, he is considerate of me and is honest about what he thinks. From what I had figured out, he's the same way with everyone who works here,” she said, blushing slightly.

“And so, why do you think he wanted to marry you?” asked Julian, visibly excited that she said what he wanted her to.

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“Because he was attracted to me, and I was straightforward at our first meeting?” she asked, slightly frowning.

"Yes, that is correct. Truthfulness is something very rare these days, and my lord encourages it. To him, it doesn’t matter if it’s about his servants or his family," said Julian, hoping that Naavah would get the allusion.

But his excitement vanished the moment he saw her pale. With frightened eyes, she lowered her gaze and pondered wheter to tell Julian about her fears or not regarding this matter. It was true that she wanted to tell Fyodor about it, to escape from the fearful thoughts that were going wild in her mind. But still, she was afraid. And fear balances much more than hope, no matter the situation. It is unfair, but ultimately, true. More so for Naavah, who was being raised in fear of being herself, of speaking her mind, and of behaving just as she wanted to.

Julian figured that she was afraid but still thought that he needed to advise her wisely. It was not something simple both for her to tell and for his lord to hear, even if it was right now or in the future. Curses are hard to lift, depending on the kind of magic used. And more so, they were hard to live with if they could not be lifted. And yes, some of them can never be lifted until the person who inflicted the curse dies. Fyodor told him a few weeks ago that his wife is very weak physically, but he thought it was just because she was born this way, because of genetics, and still pleaded for him to help her recover. Learning about the curse, he was now doubtful that he could change anything, but still, he wanted to try for the sake of his lord.

“Let us approach this carefully. How about your medical records from before?”

“I don’t have those. They remained in my uncle’s mansion. That healer has them.”

“Alright. Sometimes, when a curse was inflicted a long time ago, it could change shape, color, texture, or all of them. Do you know if something like this had occurred?”

Naavah shook her head and lowered her gaze in regret of not being able to help, even with this simple information.

Rubbing his forehead, Julian closed his eyes tightly. Of course, they couldn’t possibly know it. She was, after all, checked up by her uncle’s healer, who still has her records. He noted on a piece of paper to find a way to get those records and rose from his seat.

“Can you lift your dress’ skirt? I want to look properly at the birth sign,” he said, going to her side.

She did as told and accepted his touch. The medical examination is over, and his request may have been misinterpreted. However, the sorcerer wasn’t badly intended, and she thought this was necessary. Mainly because she wanted to ask him to try to lift the curse, maybe with her help as well.

“I had also tried a few potions when I was in the academy. I studied herbology.”

“This is good to know. When you have the time, note everything you have tried that you remember. From quantities to what herbs, where, results, whatever you can. It can be useful.”

After she nodded her head, Julian observed the sign again and touched it. He then inflicted his mana on it, but nothing changed. Normally, the sign would have glowed or would have modified its shape. Then, he tried to cast a simple spell on that sign, which would have made it change its color, but again nothing happened. The last thing to try was to write a spell on her skin and see how it would affect the sign. After he obtained Naavah’s acceptance to do so, he wrote a few lines in an old language on her right thigh. This was supposed to make any change possible. Even to make invisible words easy to the human eye. But nothing came out of it.

“Very strange,” he spoke out loud but more to himself than for Naavah to hear.

“Did you find something?” she asked, looking hopeful.

“Yes. Nothing is working.”

She barely restrained her laughter and placed the back of her hand on her mouth.

“Basically, the sign does not respond to anything. Hmm," he said, tapping his chin with his index finger. "Let me try to make a few potions for it. It could work this way, although this is working very rarely,” he continued, more intrigued.

He had never seen anything like it before, and it shocked him as much as it piqued his interest. Julian was not as older as other sorcerers, but he was experienced for his age. He worked harder than his peers and had great knowledge in all magical fields. More so, it was his duty as Fyodor’s personal sorcerer.

“Alright. Then, let us try this again soon, and after we get our answer, if it is working with potions or not, I will tell Fyodor whatever the answer may be. Right now, I think that if I tell him, it won’t do any good to no one. And I don’t want him to bother or worry more than is necessary. If this is something that can’t be resolved, then so be it. But I think I need to let him know this as well,” she said, looking straight into Julian’s eyes.

"Agree. I think that your judgment is fair. And I believe that you will tell him at the right time. Let’s meet next week on the same day but at night. The potions that I need for this work better in the dark," he said while noting something on a piece of paper. "Oh, and I recommend paying him a visit in his office. Although he is busy now, he will appreciate your presence," he continued, remembering the falling pile of documents from Fyodor’s desk.

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