Vaudevillain

Chapter 559: I Mustache You A Question (7)


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I Mustache You A Question (7)

The captives walked forward, ushered inside by Dr. Zlo's minions. Before they reached the doors, men and women in black suits appeared, blocking the entrance. Dr. Zlo looked up to see more guards in black aiming weapons at him from the roof.

"Release the hostages or face the consequences," A guard said, their voice menacing.

"Now, hold on," Dr. Zlo complained. "I'm the villain here. I'm the one who makes demands."

The guards opened fire, and Dr. Zlo sighed as bullets pinged off an invisible shield in front of him.

"Nobody understands that there's a process to this," the villain complained. "Mabel, would you do something about our guards?"

"You got it, hon," Mabel said.

The woman walked forward, her steps soft on the red carpet. The guards turned, firing their handguns at the minion, only to see the bullets hit another invisible wall. With their weapons ineffective, the guards retreated back into the building.

"Now, it isn't nice of you to hit and run," Mabel said. "Why don't you come back out and tell Momma you're sorry."

The guards at the door stiffened, then made their way over to Mabel. The minion had them present their guns, which Cass then took and pocketed.

"Good to know people still have some decency," Dr. Zlo commented. "Now, inside, all of you."

With nothing left to stop them, the captive masses were shoved inside by the Jacques, Dr. Zlo following up last. When he entered, the villain turned the knob on his cane and aimed at the doors. His white adhesive foam sprayed out, covering every inch of the entrance.

"That should stop any pesky interlopers for a bit," the villain said.

While Dr. Zlo locked the doors, his minions ushered the captive reporters to their seats. Other minions spread out through the Palace, hunting the various guards still inside. Cass, Mabel, and Quartet all made their way to the theater's stage, where the Jacques had deposited the four captives.

Wyapp Eart struggled under the mash of ropes tying him down, while Rollie Thumbs sat patiently, as if at a press conference. Vurt Teynolds looked around in confusion while the last captive sat stock still under Mabel's control. Jacques surrounded the four, pulling out cases of makeup. Soon, a smoke cloud of beauty products covered the captives, falling away once the last Jacques left to reveal the four men now dressed to the nines.

Wyapp wore a Wild West lawman's outfit, complete with a cowboy hat. A bandana rested on his shoulders, though the man looked rather upset by it. Rollie wore his B's uniform, but all the dirt and grass stains were cleaned off, leaving the pristine uniform. Vurt now wore khakis and a single short-sleeve button-down, the top button left unbuttoned. Finally, the last captive wore the Rough Riders' cavalry outfit, a cowboy hat resting on his austere head.

The lights dimmed, and the captives all watched as two spotlights lit up with the sound of a drumroll.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" a booming voice exclaimed as the spotlights started to circle the room. "May I have your attention, please."

The captives all looked around wildly, wondering where the voice came from.

"It's the game of the century! The true contest of skill!"

The drumroll grew louder.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mustache You A Question!"

Suddenly, cheers and applause rang out, startling the hostages. The two spotlights converged, lighting Dr. Zlo as he walked down the center aisle.

"With your host, Dr. Zlo!"

More cheers and applause resounded as the villain waved to his captives. Once he got on stage, Dr. Zlo raised his hands to calm the crowd down. Once the cheers died, the villain turned to the four captives on stage.

"Welcome, contestants!" Dr. Zlo cheered. "Welcome to Mustache You A Question! Where we determine who in the world has the best mustache!"

More cheers and applause came from the audience.

"Settle down now," Dr. Zlo said to the crowd. "We don't want to scare our contestants away."

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Dr. Zlo walked over to a large screen the Jacques had pulled out, pressing the power button while giving the minions a look. The Jacques all lowered their heads in embarrassment at forgetting to turn the machine on. The television flickered to life, revealing the first question for the contestants.

"Our first question is for Wyapp!" Dr. Zlo said. "Who here would have the most to lose if they lost their mustache?"

"I don't play along with criminals," Wyapp said.

"A strange answer," Dr. Zlo said. "But I'm not part of this event, despite my own rather impeccable facial hair. That's a point off your score, Wyapp."

A loud buzzer shook the room, and a large red X appeared over Wyapp's chair.

"Remember, three strikes, and you lose!" Dr. Zlo said

"You never explained that!" Rollie said.

"Didn't I?" Dr. Zlo asked. When the contestants shook their heads, the villain shrugged, "Must've slipped my mind. On to our second question!"

The screen panned to the left.

"This question is for Vurt!" Dr. Zlo shouted. "Of the four of you here, who most deserves to keep their mustache?"

"I do," Vurt said.

"Explain your answer!" Dr. Zlo said. "You have thirty seconds. Go!"

"The others can all keep their careers without a mustache," Vurt said. "I'm too well known with it that if I don't have it, no one will hire me."

The buzzer sounded, and a red X appeared over the captive.

"Oh, too bad!" Dr. Zlo said. "The correct answer was Rollie. Because losing that mustache would be a crime of nature."

"Well, gee," Rollie said.

"Speak out of turn again, and I will shave you," Dr. Zlo threatened.

Rollie clamped his mouth shut and nodded.

"On to our next question!" Dr. Zlo said with a smile. The screen panned up, revealing Dr. Zlo's next question. "Oho, a question for Rollie this time. Which of your mustaches would win in a fight?"

"Oh, um," Rollie said, looking between the four captives. "Freddy's."

"Thirty seconds to explain," Dr. Zlo said.

"Well, you said he could take out a bear, which means he's manly. Anyone with that manly of character would have a manly mustache, so Freddy's would win."

The show was silent for a second while Dr. Zlo built the tension.

"Rollie, that answer is Absolutely correct!"

Three bell dings and a blast of confetti assaulted Rollie's ears.

"Great! What do I win?"

"Nothing!" Dr. Zlo said.

"Oh," said the baseball star.

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