Chapter 1: Featherless

The sensation is mesmerizing. Swimming through a black canvas. Feeling as is I'm nothing yet also everything at the same time

I was left to my own thoughts in this never-ending  darkness. I thought about who I was or what I am  but the only thought I could conclude was that I, whatever I was, I used to be a living thing walking on two legs. With that thought I relaxed and let my mind wander through the nothingness. But as time passed I slowly became aware that I was severely lacking in any of the parts that would make me a living being. Fear began to crawl its way into my mind. Though I knew I was scared, what made my hypothetical heart sink in fear was simply that, the feeling of fear.

I could not feel my heart beating erratically, nor could I feel my lungs breathing at an unstable rhythm. I could not feel my palms and back being drenched in a cold sweat and neither could I feel my muscles twitching, tensing themselves to either run or fight.

I wanted to scream for help but no sound was ever made. I wanted to lash out at something, anything to calm this perpetual terror that continued to cycle through my mind and anchor down my sanity.

For what could have been eons, my consciousness ran through the list of anxiety, dread, paranoia and an unquenchable terror. Memories of what used to be racing through my mind, yet never settling in, gnawing at my nonexistent brain's rationality.

At some point in time I grew bored of these feelings that lacked any real bite. I let myself watch the void. I didn't ponder my situation anymore, there was nobody but myself to give answers to. I simply watched. Any previous senses I may have had no longer needed, finally feeling at peace, in the blank void.

In that peaceful state of mind, I felt my finger tap something hard yet brittle. A finger that I apparently had. Moments later, everything I thought I am was enwrapped in a soothing warmth. The comforting temperature seeped through legs and arms I didn't even realize I had. Through my shattered focus, I was showered in a mix of emotions. The ounce of fear and anxiety was overshadowed by expectation and utter joy. I was elated, knowing that I existed, that I was more than just a collection of thoughts floating through the universe.

In my newfound body, I began squirming in every direction punching and kicking through the viscose liquid I was incased in. The surface I previously grazed feeling more and more of my eagerness to get out. Through my exercise, I heard a muffled crack. With that I continued to show this cage my dominance, feeling more ecstatic with every crack I heard. Eventually, I could feel this feeble shell giving way and moments before landing the finishing blow I freeze.

'So that's who I am...'

In a migraine inducing flood of information, every question that I ever asked about my origins gets answered. Name, family, relationships, species, gender, hell even religion or lack there of. But most importantly the most relevant piece of memory is the fact that I'm supposedly a dead man.

'Don't remember ever speaking Jesus' name in reverence, but in hindsight I probably should have .'

Where was I? I could still feel my body, but focusing a bit more I could tell it wasn't really me. My current body was stubby and thick, with my arms and legs being nearly equal in length. Unless the knife that was pushed into my guts was enough to rearrange my bones, I doubted the heart in my chest was the same one my father gave me.

Although there were still many questions, I began to cry, or my best interpretation of it in a body that didn't seem too accustomed to shedding tears. I cried for my friends. I cried for my parents, who with all their shortcomings were irreplaceable. I wanted to tell them that it wasn't my fault, that I had no choice. But I knew it wasn't true and so in the end I cried in self-pity.

After finishing drowning in self-pity and wiping off invisible tears I refocused to the situation at hand. With no other options available to me, I steel my resolve and wind my stubby arm back a full... half a nail's length. Only now understanding that I've been balled up in the fetal position for who knows how long, my former cage feeling more like a tight blanket. With a few more twists and kicks, I break through the layer atop my head and spring out.

I flop down to the moist, damp earth feeling a liquid with the consistency of honey draping over my entire body. My eyes, unfocused and strained, trying to capture the dimly lit landscape of my surroundings. The only source of light being an indescribably small opening in the low ceiling above me. In the background, I could roughly make out the sound of water trickling down a slow creek.

I lift my weak limbs and continue to pad down the soft ground in front of me on all fours, unsure of where I'm going. As I move, I feel a weight on my upper and lower back dragging me down, feeling as if I have to lift a limp rhino with my torso. After covering a few centimeters of land, I drop down to take a well deserved rest, resulting in a loud crunch to echo throughout the small cave. Startled, I step back and decided to wait to see if my eyes would ever focus in on what's in front of me.

With time passing, I notice my body was saturated. As if I'm trying to sleep after an afternoon spent at an all you can eat buffet. My bloated insides aside, my eyes began to zero in on the mass of brown and black in front of me. As my vision sharpens, I can begin to make out shapes that look like spikey legs and large eyes. When my eyes finish doing their thing, I stare at the mass of legs and heads in complete disgust.

'What kind of sick fuck would do this! I'd rather be dead than have to look into this literal pile of beady little eyes!'

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In front of me was a cocktail of the finest bugs and insects the world has to offer. Eyes that could spring to life at any moment and mandibles that could crush a tiger. A plethora of legs ranging from thin as a hair to thick as a log. While the mere presence of these corpses, not to mention the smell, made me want to back away, what caught my eye was how the body parts were arranged. All the mandibles, legs, antenna, eyes and translucent wings were tossed to the sides leaving the thorax, heads and abdomens in the middle, each with a long slash running along the side. Big enough to be able to easily pry it open, but small enough to not let the insides spill out.

In my confusion, I feel what I can only assume to be a bug's legs prickle my behind. I turn as quickly as possible to rightfully punish the inanimate object with the nerves to annoy me only to once again feel my alleged butt slide along the pile of dead bits, this time feeling it through its entire length. Quickly waddling to the shimmering light, I place my backside to the pale glow and turn my surprisingly flexible neck to stare at my butt.

With a stupefied look I slowly and carefully observe the long, black tail stuck to my lower back. After acknowledging its existence, I awkwardly curl in the prehensile tail for a closer look. A sleek, matte black tail covered in a soft leathery material. Running along the top are small and flimsy rounded spikes ending at the tip of the tail that is finished off with a fanned out stretchable material. The fan like structure at the end of the tail angled in with sharp, zig zagged edges.

'I can't really tell, but its almost three quarters of my body length... I really hope this doesn't give me back pain in my later years...'

I quickly diagnosed that yes, this isn't my body nor am I even human. The writing was on the wall, in full caps, I had been reborn. Born as a lizard or amphibian of some sorts. A sense of unease from trying to comfortably swallow my current situation is washed out to figure out what I really am.

Understanding where the dragged weight was coming from, I try to flex my shoulders to see what my upper back was hiding. I could feel a small mass of protruded flash coming out of my back. Still, the unknown mass wasn't visible even with my excellent neck radius. I decided to roll over to the nearby creek. Apparently, being aware of my tail completely throws off any semblance of balance I managed to build up, so I was left with the next best thing.

At the edge of the running water, I take hesitant steps to lift myself up to look at my face and body first. I already ran my stubby arms down my oddly smooth abdomen until I was met with my rough sides and back, plastered with the same black, leathery texture as my tail. I take a deep breath through my slit shape nostrils that I picked earlier and look down at my reflection.

'Blank'

It was the word that came to mind as I looked at my featureless face. A deep black angled slate from forehead to snout. Two narrow eye slits filled with pupilless shining white balls. A lipless mouth wrapping from cheek to cheek. From the upper sides of my head were two hard protrusions poking out a few millimeters into the air.

Not having much to look at, I give myself a twirl, looking intently at my body's features. From tail to mouth and from back to belly, I'm completely black. Those same rounded spikes falling from the crane of my neck down my spine. With the exception of a small area at my belly, my entire body is wrapped in the same material as my tail.

Having enough of checking myself out, I focus on those fleshy back protrusions. Unlike the rest of my body, these masses are in an almost pinkish color. They are clearly meant to be wings but seem atrophied and disproportionately smaller than the rest of me. Flexible, springy and I can slightly fold them in yet seem too plain and stiff to flap in the air.

'To give me wings I can't use. Maybe I'm just too young?'

Though I was not the most knowledgeable when is comes to reptiles, I was almost certain a species such as I didn't exist in our day and age.

'Here I am, a full grown man but not really, controlling this flesh puppet. Surely time travel or jumping to some other reality isn't too out of pocket right? Haha'

I back away from the stream and slowly make my way to the shattered eggshell. I climb inside while holding a larger shell piece over my head and curl back up. With my legs tucked in, head resting on them with my arms above, I close my eyelids. While the warm droplets stream down my face, I softly chuckle to myself.

'So I can cry.'