Chapter 25: Chapter 23: Sayōnara watashi no ai

“Mari?”

 

Standing before Mari was Shinobu, her wounds had healed, and her eyes filled with life.

Her body was transparent, like an apparition or a hologram.  Mari knew that she wasn’t really there, but seeing her moving and talking was overwhelming.

 

“I don’t really know how to word this so apologies if it’s awkward, even so please listen Mari.”

 

“if you’re hearing this than I’m dead.” Mari muscled tense and though it pained her, she resolved herself to listen.

 

  “Forgive me for not telling you this sooner, but knowing that my time was limited, I wanted to enjoy the time I had left with you.”

 

“Master Seijuro… no just Seijuro is not what he pretends to be he’s charmed the sisterhood showering them with friendly affections while shrouding his true nature behind a mask of benevolence.”

 

                              “I’ve tried to turn a blind eye for the longest time, but I fear the corruption of nobility has infected the entire order.  I wish I hadn’t been such a coward.”

 

“You’re not.” Mari cried.

 

 

Mari wished to wrap her arms around Shinobu and tell her that none of this was her fault and that she was to blame, but her body felt paralyzed and regardless of how hard she tried, all she could was stay on her knees.

 

“Before you came into my life, I felt like I was going insane playing the role of a perfectly pure nun, always placing the needs of the world before my own.”

 

“However, that life never suited my personality, no I’m far to selfish to live such an altruistic existence and yet I did just that for 20 long years.”

                        

                          “I had resigned myself to this tedious fate but than I stumbled upon you in the forest and everything shifted.  It was small at first but grew larger and large with every passing day.”

 

                                “Spending all my time eating, cleaning, woodcutting and hunting with you made specks of colour appear in my colourless world.  And then you were my catalyst, I had already felt an attraction for you bloom around the time you saved me from that Darkthorn.”

 

“But than when I saw you pleasuring yourself on the floor without a care in the world it pricked something inside of me”  

 

 Shinobu’s voice trembled as tears spilled from her eyes, mirroring Mari’s melancholy wailing.

 

“My entire life I’ve lived to serve the needs of others however in that moment I yearned to act entirely for my benefit.”

 

 

Shinobu’s voice weighed heavily on Mari, knowing that she would never again get to hold Shinobu in her arms or talk with about childish aspirations for a future that would never come.

 

“I thought being with you gave my life meaning Mari but I was wrong my life had meaning all along you just helped me see it.”

 

Mari’s gritted her teeth as the sound of her pounding heartbeat filled her ears with anxiousness and dread she lowered her head, not having the courage to look into her lover’s eyes.  Mari hated herself for not having the strength to save her.

 

“In the last few days you’ve made me feel alive for the first time, you’ve given me everything, Mari.”

 

“You’re wrong, I stole everything from you.”

 

“I’d like to say I could pinpoint why I fell in love with you Mari but I fear there’s not a single reason but a myriad of little things, If you pressed me to say one it’d be that you where always yourself.”

 

 

“Growing up in the church, everyone was a patron of fake morals, pretending to be saints adhering to the strictest doctrine. Veiling themselves with immaculate white masks while their true faces rotted underneath.”

 

“I hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it.”

 

“But I had no hope or dreams, so I resolved myself to live in that eternal hell day after a wretched day like a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.”

“Then you..” her voice trembled.

 

                             “Loved me without a trace of shame or deceit you gave me hope and a dream to believe in. It might have just been two months, Mari, but you gave me enough happiness for a lifetime.”

 

“Shi.” Mari said through exasperated breaths.

 

“I love you, Mari.”

“I love you Shi.” Mari said, her voice breaking.

“You’re reckless and act on emotion so you’re probably a blubbering mess right now and that’s fine, but I need you to listen because what I’m about to say is the most important part.”

 

 “I want you to leave the village, get far away from Hyogo and follow your dreams, build a life yourself, grow old and die a proper death after you’ve done everything you want to.  Live a peaceful and happy life that’s what I want for you.”

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“I’m running out of Ballum but there’s one last thing, in the bottom draw in the cupboard of my room I’ve left a little something for you.”

 

“Well, I guess that’s everything, thank you, my Mari.”

 

Shinobu’s apparition broke apart into dozens of green butterflies that fluttered in every direction, filling the sky with their green hue.  Mari froze, unable to process everything that had just transpired,.

The mysterious man observed in a respectful silence.

“No stay please, I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.”

    

 “Shinobu!” Mari howled.

 

                           

 

 Memories danced before Mari’s eyes as she thought of the time they had to shared, the bliss of their temporary union juxtaposed with her tortured cries was enough to break Mari.

 

Mari stood up and walked to the tree where Shinobu was crucified the steel nails still coated in blood lay under the tree. Mari took the nail, pressing the point of it hard against her throat.

 

“Giving up already, are you?”

 

The mysterious man’s voice caught Mari off guard as she had forgotten about his existence entirely being absorbed by Shinobu’s message.

 

“What do you know about it?”

“About your pain, nothing at all but about my pain quite a lot.”

 

“I don’t want to live in a world without her, and I don’t need the words of some strange bastard. Don’t stop me.”

 

“I have no intention of stopping you, if you wish to plunge that rusted nail into your throat and kill yourself than be my guest, I just think it’s selfish.”

 

“Selfish, where the fuck do you get off saying that.”

 

The man stood up and strode towards Mari slapping her hard across the face a familiar sensation by this point Mari turned and punched the man but he caught her and held her by the wrist.

 

“Look at me.” the man shouted.

 

Mari raised her gaze to meet the man’s and where she had expected anger or scorn, she was met with a beaming face brimming with warmth.

 

“It’s obvious to me that this Shinobu meant more to you than I’ll ever know, and you for her. But it’s also clear that you didn’t listen to a word she said.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Her wish for you was to live a long, prosperous life in her stead.  It is the duty of the living to live on for those who no longer can.”

 

“Come, dry your tears by the fire it’s getting cold and we still have much to discuss

 

Mari dropped the nail as it fell to the ground with a soft thud. She wiped her soaking eyes and followed the man to the campfire.  He was roasting some god damn rabbits over the fire, but Mari wasn’t hungry..

 

“You need to eat something here.” The man gestured, moving a skewered rabbit towards her.

 

“I’m not hungry.”

 

Mari’s stomach growled at the prospect of food the hunger had hit her when she first awoke, but she was too consumed with Shinobu to give it any attention.  

 

“You haven’t eaten for a day or more eat or you’ll die, anyway.”

“You’ll need strength to survive in this world, you know.”

“Fine, I’ll eat just stop talking.”

Mari reluctantly swiped the skewer from his hand and took a giant bite out of the rabbit’s side it tasted foul to her but she sucked it down never the less.  The man was still smiling he seemed kind and genuine unlike that smug prick, still Mari wouldn’t be won over by minor acts of charity for she knew better than to trust people.

“Hey Mr Armless, what’s your name?”

“How rude.”

“Get over it and tell me your name already.”

“Very well, I am a penniless vagabond wondering Ascar seeking beauty in all of it’s many splendorous forms.”

“Just say your damn name already, you moron.”

 “Very well, if you insist I shall oblige.”

“My name is Yoshiki, pleasure.”

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