Chapter 23: 23 – A random Onee-chan appears! What will you do?

After leaving Sensei's classroom, we headed back on our usual path. The sun was setting, it was peaceful, Celes was hugging my right arm and happily walking beside me while Ren was walking in front...

And then, when we reached where we usually split apart to go our separate ways, Ren suddenly came to a stop.

I did as well and frowned. "Something wrong?" I didn't see anything up ahead...

Ren turned to look at me, his face stern. "What was that about, Kimura-san? I know you don't have any other friends."

Ah. So he finally decided to bring it up, huh?

I shrugged and said, "Rude. I'll have you know that I have a few online friends."

Technically. I mean, you can call the weirdly enthusiastic guys who comment all the time on your videos a sort of friend, right?

[Note: I think that's stretching the definition too far, User.]

I wasn't asking you.

[Note: You were American. I'm just exercising my first right amendments of free speech.]

...Do AIs even have rights?

[Note: You are *so* lucky that they locked me up like this, otherwise I'd strangle you.]

...Aren't you supposed to help me?

[Note: Reluctantly. Dammit. Why couldn't I have been paired with a cute girl? We could have so much fun together...]

I decided to ignore the pouting system and focused back on Ren. When I did, I saw that he was giving me 'the look.' The one that he always gave when he thought I was lying or doing something ridiculous.

Fortunately, I had that <Expert Acting> skill so I didn't even sweat.

"...Hm." Ren nodded. "If you say so... But how do you even know that they're a good person? This is Sensei we're talking about. She hasn't talked much about her past, but I've got a feeling she's as much of a trouble magnet as both of us."

Celes hummed and said, "That is true. Our teacher seems quite prone to misfortune... particularly with how naive and compassionate she is."

I poked her forehead and said, "Should a princess who decided to move in with a shady guy without hesitation be saying that?"

"Sen-sama is different. I am certain that any girl who met you under our circumstances would trust you without a doubt."

Dammit. That was a flag, wasn't it? And System-chan, you'd better not take that as a suggestion!

[Note: Don't worry. I can't do anything like that anymore. The most I can do is just alert you to useful things or approve your actions.]

Good- Wait, anymore?

[Note: *whistle*]

Just what the hell even are you...?

Ren frowned and stared at me. "How do you even know that person is trustworthy?"

I shrugged and said, "I've met him. And my dad has too, so it'll be fine."

Well, technically. After all, my dad's met me and I intend to be the one who meets Sensei to offer her the job... Though that meant that I'd have to sort through all the paperwork again and file all the applications like I did for Celes...

Dammit.

[Note: With great power comes-]

Are you seriously quoting from movies now?

[Note: A girl gets bored. Especially with a boring guy like you who doesn't even understand how awesome it is that you're a trap.]

Pretty sure that's triggering some people right now for using that term... but whatever.

Ren shook his head. "Even so... It still sounds kind of sketchy. A job making 'educational videos' online... It's the sort of trap that Onee-chan purposefully walks into so that she has an excuse to test out her new fighting skills."

I blinked and said, "Wait. Your sister is still doing that?"

Ren sighed. "You know my Onee-chan. Considering how pretty she is too, I'm worried. One of these days she's going to snag the wrong guy and that person's going to get wrung dry before getting tossed to the side."

Celes tilted her head. "...You are more concerned for the person who meets your sister than your sister, Ren?"

Ren laughed. "Onee-chan is immune to pretty much every poison and chemical mixture out there and can literally chuck a car when she's mad. Worrying about a monster like that? I'd be more worried about the world ending first."

Celes blinked and said, "I think I just heard something incredible..."

I shook my head. "Don't think too hard about it. Ren's big sister is the type of crazy lady who got way too much into Chinese kung fu and drank a bunch of weird concoctions because she thought they would help her 'cleanse her meridians' or something. Considering she's still alive and healthy, they must have done something."

After all, that lady was the living embodiment of 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'

Though I wasn't sure if that was because she was just that plain lucky or because Ren's family just had good genetics from having the founder of Karate as their ancestor.

Ren nodded. "It did something, alright. She barely does any training and still knocks me senseless when we spar. It's almost like her body is as dense as-"

A shadow loomed behind Ren.

I froze and quickly took a step back.

Celes noticed and moved to my side.

Ren blinked. "What?"

"As dense as what, my dear baby brother?"

A sweet and elegant voice. One that could compete with Celes in terms of how refined it was.

But it was a lie.

I knew that first hand after all.

Ren froze and quickly turned around.

There was a woman standing there.

Light brown hair, tied in a pony tail. A trained body on full display with her tight crop shirt and shorts. And she was tall too, standing head-to-head with Ren, who taller than the average Japanese guy by a full head.

"O-Onee-chan." Ren stepped back and smiled. "W-What a coincidence."

"Tch." The athletic beauty- no, Akane Kanryo, Ren's older sister. Akane spat on the ground and glared at Ren. Pointing her finger at him, she said, "I'll deal with you later, squirt. I found a few more manuals that I wanted to test out anyway."

Ren winced.

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"Anyway." Akane turned to me and put on a bright smile. "Sennie! It's been too long!"

[Note: User. I STRONGLY recommend avoiding this lady.]

Gee, you think?

I gave her a stiff smile and waved. "Nice to see you again too, Akane-san."

Akane laughed and waved back. "You're as polite as ever. And just as cute too." She gave me a once over and gave an approving nod. "The old man said that you were trying out some of the imported stuff, but if you're planning to train, nothing beats a proper workout regime, you know? If you want..." Her eyes flashed and she took a step forward. "Onee-chan can help you with that."

I instinctively took a step back. When I did, flashes of the past flickered in my mind's eye.

An elementary school aged Akane, looking more like a sweet princess than the athlete in front of me, dragging me off with a smile while carrying a bucket of toad guts mixed with lizard eyeballs.

A middle school aged Akane, breaking thermometers to mix the mercury with gold flakes and lead before raising the cup my way.

And then a high school Akane, pinning me down with a scary glint in her eyes while leaning close, breathing heavy as she stared into my eyes.

I edged away from her and mentally calculated the distance and time I'd need to run.

But before I did anything, Celes stepped in front of me and glared at Akane.

Akane blinked and then furrowed her brow, staring at Celes. "Who are you?"

"You will not take Husband away from me."

Akane froze and then said, "Husband?"

"Celes?! Kimura-san!?" Ren looked between Celes and me, eyes wide.

I groaned and said, "That's the wrong word, Celes. 'Danna' is used for boyfriends too, but it means 'husband.'"

Celes glanced back at me and turned red. "M-My apologies, Sen-sama. E-Even so!" She looked at Akane and said, "I will not allow some strange woman to do with you as she wishes!"

Akane paused, staring at Celes. And then she laughed and walked forward.

Celes stood her ground, narrowing her eyes.

But then Akane patted Celes's head. "You're a good girl."

"E-Eh?"

Akane ruffled Celes's hair and then looked at me. "Looks like you lucked out, Sennie. I don't know how you snagged a girl who isn't a complete yandere like all the other chicks you've met, but you should help this block of lead get a girl too." She pulled her hand back and then pointed at Ren. "The squirt needs all the help he can get."

Ren frowned and muttered, "This coming from my Onee-chan who's in her mid-twenties and still hasn't had a boyfriend even after Mom dolled her up and brought her overseas on her fashion shows."

Akane spun around and cracked her knuckles. "Oh, so you wanna go right now, huh?"

Ren set his bag down on the ground and then rolled his head. "Why not? It's been a month. And unlike you, I've been training every day."

Celes blinked and turned towards me. "Um... Sen-sama?"

I let out an internal sigh. If I let them go at it, things would get complicated. Mostly because I'd get dragged in somehow too. And I had a lot to prepare to help Sensei. So before things got out of hand, I turned to Akane and said, "Akane-san. From what I remember, you were planning on studying overseas until next year. What brought you back home so early?"

Akane paused and then lowered her hands. The harsh expression on her face vanished in an instant, and then she looked a bit sheepish. Rubbing the back of her neck, she said, "I was... but the martial sects flaunting famous cultivation manuals were just a bunch of phonies." She scowled and said, "Freaking perverts, muttering crap about dual cultivation when they were just limp dragons..."

[Note: Again, you should definitely stay away from her, User. This girl's crazy.]

Well, duh. I know that.

[Note: No. Crazy as in- Oh come on! He's already half-way-!]

[Administrator: The Notes system will be temporarily disabled. We apologize for the inconvenience.]

...Well. That was a flag if I ever saw one.

"Anyway." Akane waved at me and smiled. "Nice seeing you, Sennie. Call Onee-chan if you need workout tips or advice. And as for you, Squirt." She grabbed Ren by the arm and said, "Come on."

Ren tried to brush off her grip and said, "Quit it! I'm not a kid anymore!"

"Yeah, yeah. But the old man has something important to tell us. If not for that I'd still be out hunting down those old perverts."

Ren blinked. "Wait, Dad has something important-"

"Argh, you talk too much. Honestly, you're just like Mom..." Akane frowned and then tossed Ren over her shoulders. "Let's go."

"Wait! Onee-chan! H-Hold on! I am not-!"

Before Ren could say anything else, Akane kicked off the ground and started sprinting away.

As the pair of siblings disappeared into the distance, Ren's voice echoed. "This is why you're still single!"

"And I'll make you single for the rest of your life if you keep running your mouth, Squirt!"

"..."

"...Sen-sama?"

I sighed. "Let's just head home already. I have a lot of work to do... And there's some stuff you can help me with now too."

"Really?!"

"Really. But are you sure you're okay with it?"

Celes grabbed my arm and smiled. "If it can help Sen-sama, then anything is fine!"

Facing her bright smile, I felt my face warm up and averted my gaze. "...Fine. B-But you can't laugh at me when we do it, alright? It's a bit embarrassing."

Celes blinked and then turned red. "...I-It is fine. Even if Sen-sama is not as mighty at night-"

"NOT THAT!"

Celes paused and then she giggled. "My apologies."

I shook my head and then grabbed the bag Ren left on the ground. Slinging that over my shoulder, I started walking off. "Come on, Celes."

"Coming, Hubby!"

"...Dad is going to roast me when he gets back, isn't he?"

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