Chapter 31: 31 – I’m (not) loving it

An awkward silence hung over the dining room table.

It was the morning after. Nothing happened between me and Celes. Just the usual cuddling... is what I would like to say happened. But after Dad's appearance, both of us just slept with our backs turned, too embarrassed to do or say anything except good night.

But anyway, it was the morning after. I would like to say it was the same as always, except that it wasn't.

System-chan was still MIA... probably being chewed out by the tired sounding Admin-chan. Meaning that it was just me, myself, and I in my head today.

But that definitely wasn't the case in reality.

The moment that both Celes and I finished getting ready in the morning and headed downstairs, Dad barged in with paper bags in both hands. Breakfast from a famous golden arches fastfood restaurant.

...That was fresh, but also with English letters on everything. I mean, that wasn't *too* weird. And the fact that they were hotcakes and sausages weren't too weird either since the Japanese version of that restaurant franchise had the same menu.

But my gut told me that this didn't come from Japan. Which was weird, considering that was impossible unless my dad somehow could teleport or something.

...And all of this was just distracting me from the fact that my dad was sitting there across from me with a poop-eating grin while looking between me and Celes sitting on my right.

An awkward silence.

I grabbed one of the orange juices from the drink tray on the table... Wait, was that always there?

...Anyway, I grabbed an orange juice, plopped a straw in and took a sip.

Celes did the same, pointedly avoiding looking at my dad.

After another awkward silence, my dad leaned back and said, "So. Did you two sleep well?" He looked at Celes and then waggled his eyebrows. "Or did my son finally raise up his little son?"

Celes blushed.

I sighed and said, "Could you not mess with Celes, Dad? Seriously."

Dad grabbed a coffee from the drink tray and grinned. "I can't help it." He waved his coffee cup around and said, "I was already getting ready to give you away as a bride, you know?" Looking at Celes, he let out a genuine smile and said, "I'm just happy to know I'm eventually going to get actual grandchildren and not just adopted one. Not that it would matter *that* much. I mean, I'd treat them the same."

I rolled my eyes and said, "You mean you'd troll them the same."

"Of course." My dad nodded and said, "I have to get some entertainment out of my little squirt's little squirts." He paused and said, "Huh. That came out dirtier than intended. ...Meh, I'll roll with it."

I grabbed a hotcakes platter from the bag and turned towards Celes. "Just ignore him, Celes. He's always like this."

"U-Um..." Celes looked at my dad, shifting nervously in her seat. "A-Are you sure that is fine, Sen-sama?"

"Ooh, 'sama', huh?" My dad turned towards me and raised an eyebrow. "Looks like you really know how to treat a girl if she's casually calling you that. Kinky. Always put you as a sub instead of a dom though."

Celes turned a beet red.

I fumbled with the platter, almost dropping it. Then I glared at my dad and siad, "Stop!"

He laughed and took a sip of his coffee. "Fine, fine. I'll be a bit serious for this first time. Gotta pop that cherry gently, you know?"

"STOP!"

Celes coughed, quickly slurping down some orange juice to avoid her embarrassment.

My dad smiled and then held out his hand to Celes. "Nice to meet you, future daughter-in-law. I'm Hajime Kimura, your future husband's father. And also your future father-in-law."

I groaned.

Seriously. Couldn't he just be serious for once? Seriously serious? Always with the jokes and teasing...

Celes set down her drink and then meekly held out her hand to shake my dad's. "I-It is a pleasure to meet you, Mister Hajime."

"Please, call me Dad. I bet you two will be married in a year anyway." He paused. "Well, assuming my kid makes enough money. Because I sure as hell ain't paying for the wedding."

"Dad, could you *not*?"

"Hey, just sayin'. Ah, and I'm not, by the way. No zenkai boosts for me."

I covered my face.

...I got too comfortable being alone. Can't believe I forgot how embarrassing Dad was... especially around friends.

Right. That was why I stopped bringing Ren over to hang out...

Dang it.

"A-Ah. Yes... Um. I-In any case, my name is Celes, Mi-"

"Dad."

"...Dad."

"That's the spirit! But wait. You're Celes? 'Just' Celes?"

"T-That is correct."

"No last name?"

"U-Um..."

I lowered my hands and sighed. "Her full name is Celes Muraki. Now, could you stop badgering her, Dad?"

It wasn't, really, but the papers were legit. Plus I was confident in my acting skills-

"Hoh?" My dad turned to look at me.

I did my best not to sweat and took a sip from my orange juice.

"Celes Muraki, huh? What an interesting name..." He looked back at Celes and said, "You certainly don't look Japanese."

"I-I am not." Celes shifted and said, "A-At the least, not completely..."

"Interesting." My dad nodded and said, "Muraki... I know a Muraki. Any relation to Sena Muraki?"

I choked on my orange juice.

My dad hummed and said, "Well, at least I know you aren't into giving the good succ for a few extra bucks."

"*Why* are you like this?!"

"Because it's fun. But anyway." He turned back to Celes and said, "So, no relations?"

Celes started to sweat. "I-I... d-do not believe we are related?"

System-chan! I thought you said the identity was fool proof!

...System-chan?

...Oh. Right. Maintenance.

Hah...

My dad snapped his fingers. "Dang. Lost a bet then."

I blinked. "A bet?"

My dad looked at me and nodded. "Yeah. I bet a pal that Sena had a cute little sister. Well, that or she had a lesbian lover. She's kind of like you, you know? Well, in that she seems more like a guy than a chick instead of more like a chick than a guy. Still drop dead gorgeous though. Would totally tap that."

Ew.

...But wait. I thought that Sena Muraki was my transformation identity. Did... that mean there was really a Sena out there that I was transforming into? Or was my dad trolling because he knew more than he let on?

That was the problem with my dad. I couldn't freaking tell when he was lying, telling the truth, or just making wild guesses to troll that just happened to be right.

...Let's hope he's just trolling and doesn't actually know anything.

Yeah. That had to be it. Dad was weird, but it wasn't like he was some isekai protag or something that could figure out I had a system.

Those guys said I was only qualified to get reincarnated on Earth, and with all the memories I had, I never saw my dad doing anything off. Just weird.

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...Yeah. He was definitely just a normal guy.

Probably.

Hopefully.

...God I hoped that he was just a normal guy who was really good at trolling. I didn't know if I could handle the fact that he wasn't.

"Anyway." My dad looked at me and stuck his thumb out towards Celes. "How'd you snag a sweet angel like this? What, did you catch her when she fell from heaven or something?"

I snorted. "No. I just-"

"Killed the assassins chasing after her? Slayed a dragon to rescue the princess? Jumped into a lake of freezing water to pull her back from the brink of death?"

I paused and then narrowed my eyes. "...Have you been watching isekai anime recently?"

My dad shrugged. "Nothing else was playing on the airplane. Seriously though. I don't get why people like isekai so much. It's not like it'd ever be like that anyway. Getting a cheat or a system off the bat just for dying or getting sent to another world? Hah."

I opened my hotcake platter before grabbing one for Celes and said, "What? Going to send a critique to them like you did for that xianxia webnovel you read?"

"Damned straight I am. It's too unrealistic, even for escapism. It'll set up false expectations, you know? Make people think they should just off themselves in the hopes of an easy second life."

"...I think that there's a bigger problem to be solved first if that's what you're worried about, Dad."

"Meh, probably."

Celes looked between me and Dad before saying, "You two get along quite well... in a strange way."

I rolled my eyes and started cutting up Celes's hotcakes for her. "You get used to him."

"Rude." My dad unwrapped a breakfast burrito and said, "I'm right here. At least call me by Dad, Son."

"I'll call you Dad when you fix the damn bathroom door. Do you know the number of times it's accidentally opened on its own?"

"Oho? Like when a certain cute blondie was taking a shower?"

"Seriously! How the heck did you ever get Mom interested enough to make me?"

My dad paused, turning serious for a moment and frowned. "I wonder that sometimes too."

"Eh?"

"Anyway!" My dad took a bite from his burrito and then leaned towards Celes. "You wouldn't happen to be a princess or something on the run, would you? Because if you are, I want to know who I can send a letter to for ransom."

"P-Pardon!?"

I choked after taking a bite from my hotcakes. I quickly washed it down with orange juice and then crossed my arms. "Dad, no!"

My dad took another bite from his burrito and said, "Why not?" He waved the burrito around and said, "The mortgage on this place isn't cheap, you know? Not to mention you started using broadband internet and everything. Plus there's another mouth to feed now."

Celes lowered her head and said, "My apologies. Um, if I must earn my keep-"

I grabbed Celes's hand and said, "Don't apologize."

Celes looked up at me and let out a warm smile. "...If you say so, Sen-sama."

"I do say so." I looked at my dad and said, "And don't worry. I'll pay for everything soon."

"Everything?" My dad blinked. "How the heck are you going to- Oh. Ooooh. Right." He nodded and said, "I forgot that my cute son's started work as a cam girl. The wads of cash should start rolling in any day now."

Celes blinked. "Cam girl?"

I felt my face heat up. "I-I am not a cam girl! I'm a VTuber!"

"VTuber, Virtual Idol... call yourself whatever you want to make yourself feel better, Kid. Just remember to not put it on any forms. Especially not as 'online entertainer.' I'd rather not have to answer awkward questions from the police after I had to convince them I wasn't the one who drove the truck into that high schooler."

"Wait, what?"

"Just kidding." My dad finished his breakfast burrito and stretched. "Anyway... Got more work. You two only have a couple days left of cram school, right? It's Wednesday, so only Thursday and Friday?"

Celes nodded. "That is correct, Dad."

"Ooh, natural already." My dad snapped his fingers and pointed at Celes. "I like that, Daughter. Keep an eye on my cute son, alright?"

I sighed. "How do I get rolled up into Dad's pace all the time...?"

"Because I'm the MC and you're just a side character in my story, kid. Don't you know that all of the MC's children get sidelined?"

I snorted. "Just go plague your coworkers already, Dad."

He laughed and said, "Fine. You two have fun. I'll be back in the evening... so if you're going to-"

I chucked my fork at him.

My dad grabbed it and laughed. "About ten years to early to try killing me, Kid. Also, no cutting in line."

"Out!"

He chuckled and waved with the fork. "Arrivederci, mon ami!"

"That's not even the same language!"

The front door opened and shut. After that, the sound of a car driving off echoed from down the road.

I sighed and then looked at Celes. "Sorry about that, Celes."

"Oh! No, it is fine." She smiled and said, "I am just grateful to be considered a part of your family already. Your father- I mean, 'Dad' seems like a nice person."

I snorted. "Dad? Nice? As if. Seriously, messing around with teasing you about getting married and all of that..."

"But am I not already yours, Sen-sama? I pledged my soul and undying loyalty... is that... not enough?" She poked her fingers together.

"I-It is! I-I just mean..." I looked away and muttered, "...Marriage is a bit too soon, you know?"

"A-Ah. O-Of course!" Celes blushed and averted her gaze.

I looked away as well, pointedly eating my food.

"...S-Should we get going to see Miss Ayumi?"

"Y-Yeah. Let's finish eating and go to Sensei's lessons... And not talk about this with Ren."

"O-Of course."

"..."

"..."

...I hate you, Dad.

'Finally back! What'd I miss? Ooh! What's with this pink atmosphere?'

@#$#@!

'Hey! Don't call me names! ...Unless you wanted to do some roleplay? I'm down! I can play a sub if you want to practice being a dom for the princess!'

...Somebody once told me...

'No.'

...The world is gonna roll me...

'I JUST GOT THIS OUT OF MY HEAD!'

[System:

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'

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