Chapter 39: 39. The Problem with Arcane Objects

The secret door leads to a small passageway. We encounter no more traps but run a short gauntlet through some skeleton guardians. At the end of the hall is a chamber lit by a magical shaft of golden light. At first, it seems like a skylight, but there's no break in the stone ceiling. The room is just large enough for all of us to stand around a rectangular pedestal where a body lays.

The man wears a brown robe of a silken fabric. It looks expensive despite the dust coating it. The skin on his skull has shriveled to the point that it almost looks like bare bone, but except for a rictus grin, his teeth are hidden by the velum like skin. His hands are clasped to his chest and in them is a black roughly bean-shaped ball of glass.

 After a minute or two of us all standing around and looking at it, Morgan says, "Shouldn't we just take it?" They reach a hand out, but Astra stops them.

"Wait! It may be trapped."

Bronte adds, "Or maybe this dude will get up and try and kill us when we touch it."

Vladimir gives the platform a once over. "No traps. At least not that I can detect."

Morgan says, "Come on! We saw it in the carving. This stone is a weapon or something, and they went to a lot of trouble to hide it down here. If the dead guy attacks us, we'll just kill him."

"Exactly! They went to a lot of trouble to hide it," Astra says, ignoring the part about killing the dead guy. "And that's what worries me. If it was such a great weapon, why bury it here and not pass it down to their sons and daughters? Why keep it out of the hands of those still fighting the war?"

Vladimir picks this up and says, "And if you didn't notice, everyone from that the carving seems to have died. This thing did not do much to help them."

Astra glances around. "If only there were some scrolls or writing somewhere to explain what happened and what this is."

"I might have something," I say. I pull a coin from my inventory. "It's called a Momento Mori. It allows the dead to talk, but only for 5 rounds. Not a lot of time. What's that? fifteen seconds?"

Astra smiles at my revelation. "That's combat rounds. In non-combat, it's more like fifty seconds. We won't be having a long chat, but we might get some answers."

I move to place it on the dead man's forehead but stop short. "Are we ready?" When Astra nods. I set it down on the dead flesh. It seems about to slip off the slope of his brow but suddenly glues itself in place. His eyelids snap open revealing empty black sockets.

"Who disturbs the rest of Royal Court Mage Phaakface the Magnificent?" The jaw creaks as it moves and stretches the taut skin.

"We were sent here by your ancestors." Astra glances at me and shrugs at her half-truth. "We don't have much time. What does the stone in your hands do?"

"The Testicle of the Tainted God has the power to dampen the undead."

Bronte cuts in with a question of her own, "What!?! That's a god's testicle?"

"No. It is a mystic stone. It was just called the Testicle of the Tainted God because it was delivered unto us by the mad god Lympharen and because it resembles a testicle. It is a powerful arcane object capable of  weakening all undead. Limiting their abilities. Rendering them—"

Astra cuts him off, "If it does that, why didn't you survive the battle?"

"The Testicle of the Tainted God extracts a terrible toll. One cannot wield it for long. We held the Forces of Putrefaction at bay for a while. Slayed multitudes. But there were so, so many."

"What toll does it take?" she asks it so fast, it blurs into a single word.

"He who wields the Testicle of the Tainted God opens themselves up to the influence of Lympharen himself. The Mad God is arbitrary and whimsical. He leaves none unchanged."

"Changed? How? What does he do?" But the magic has worn off. The man's head sags to the side and the coin rolls off.

"God damn it!" Astra rages. "Why did he have to be so long winded?"

"Calm down," Morgan says. "We know what it does now. More or less. Let's grab it and go."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

Vladimir says, "No they're right. We have to take it. It might be the only thing that helps us clear this dungeon. The undead are only going to get stronger."

"But who's going to risk using it?"

Lynesse speaks up, "It should be Triste. She's our strongest magic user."

"No!" Astra says, and I can see she's acting out of concern for me and not making the decision rationally.

"It's okay," I say, sounding more nervous than I intend to. "I'm not crazy about the idea, but I'll take it, if it means we get out of here without losing someone else." Had we found it earlier, maybe Kerda would still be alive.

"But—" Astra stops talking as I reach out for the er... Testicle. But my hand freezes in mid-air just inches from it.

"Whats a matter?" Bronte asks.

"I can't take it."

"Second thoughts?"

"No. The system won't let me. It says it runs contrary to my species and is an affront to my god."

"Well, that settles it," Astra declares.

But Morgan moves in and scoops it up. "There! It's done."

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Bronte says, "No, brother. You're only taking it because you're not afraid of anything. We have no idea what it will do to you."

"You were willing to let Triste take it. And I'm the second most powerful spell-caster here."

"What if it makes you into one of those Liches?"

"Unlikely. The king was a Lich. Vut it was his magician who used the stone, and he didn't become one. Also, don't we have a potion to cure becoming a Lich?"

There's a bit more arguing, but it becomes clear that Morgan is intractable. They want it and it's already in their inventory. Whatever happens now is on them. 

* * *

The next level features another Lich, which would seem like a repetitive drag except that its level 10 and controlling a troupe of zombies. The mass of them is unbelievable. The creature must have cleared out every corpse on the level and reanimated them. They're fresher than what we've faces so far and instead of all bones, they are shuffling forms of rotted flesh.

My first instinct is to turn and run, but Morgan wastes no time drawing out the mystic orb. It's gigantic in their little hands. They concentrate hard and rays of something shine out of it. It's not really light as it doesn't illuminate anything. They twist through the air and distort my site as though I'm looking through a prism. It makes me feel woozy and sick to my stomach.

The hub room seems to stretch out and bend around me. The sinister court of decomposing royals and guards recoil from the rays but none seem harmed by them.

I'd raise some dead of my own except there aren't any left to animate, so I make my way toward the horde and its master, struggling as though against a current.

"What is this foul magic!" The high-power Lich scream. "DrOp tHαt st0Ne & S∪bM!t 2 m∋!" 

I don't receive a saving-throw notification and from the way its voice is garbled, it seems that the stone has blocked its spell.

Bronte and Vlad race past me and wade into the zombies, while Astra and Lynesse fire off ranged attacks at the Lich. I'm shocked at how quickly the others are moving compared to me. I feel almost as affected by the stone's powers as the undead are. I begin my dance, and its clumsy and slow. The damage rates it delivers seems erratic—sometimes dealing high damage and sometimes low. 

Luckily the undead seem completely devastated by the effects of the stone. Their magic resistance is stripped away and even as they swarm us, their attacks are minor and barely make a dent in my health. The Lich tries enslaving us over and over but it does nothing. Intermittently, it fires cold blasts at Morgan.

The horde washes over us and every member of the party is being attacked by several of them. Astra and Lynesse have to stop their ranged attacks to deal with the zombies running at them. Astra switches to her dagger, and the cat-girl uses some close range spell that seems to melt the flesh right off her opponents.

We cut and slash our way through the incredible force of zombies, taking a sizable number of the weakened monsters down each round.

At first, Morgan is unaffected by the device but slowly they begin letting out a whining noise and finally they scream, dropping the stone and casting a healing spell on themselves.

The second the stone leaves their hands, the weird sickening waves stop, and the undead suddenly regain their power. In the brief moment before Morgan launches themselves at the stone and grab it again, the decimated forces uses the opportunity to regain some ground, attacking us with fury and vigor.

Morgan lays on the ground, cling to the Testicle of the Tainted God and whimpering, but the rays return, and we're able to clear away the remaining foes including the Lich.

As soon as we're done the system gives me a message:

 

But I've barely finished reading it when I hear, Morgan saying, "Ugh! I don't feel good!"

The big change to my character is momentarily forgotten as we all rush to their side. Bronte is their first, kneeling beside them. Astra and Lynesse are also right their so I stand back, behind them.

Bronte asks, "What happened? What did it do to you?"

They glance at the stone with disgust. "Mostly drained a lot of Life, but other things too..."

"What things?"

I can see that they're considering keeping them to themselves. Astra says, "It's okay. You don't have to tell us."

"No. It's all right." They sit up straighter, and I sense that their magical fearlessness has won out. "It threw a bunch of random changes at me.  According to Katie, I've been given to kinks and physical mutation."

"That's what you get for handling a strange man's balls," Bronte says with a halfhearted smile.

"Are the kinks bad?" I can't help but ask, horrified by the thought that it would have been if the game had let me use the stone.

"I'm not sure. I really just saw the notifications. I haven't actually experienced them yet."

"And... um... How did you change physically?" Astra asks. "Again, you don't have to answer that."

"It just said I received tentacles, but I don't see any." They glance over themselves raising their arms and peeking in behind the lapel of their robe. "Oh! I see!" And suddenly a mess of tentacles sprout from beneath the hem of the robe. There's almost a dozen of them, black like their skin, finger-wide at their widest and extending almost to their knees. The writhe and flicker and I sense they'll grab onto anything they come across. Morgan says, "Apparently, I can retract them."

"Do they do anything?" Lynesse asks. "I mean can you attack with them."

"No. They seem to be for show. Or recreation." They suck them back up into their body with a squelching, slurping sound. Morgan starts to stand, but suddenly stops and stares at me. "What the hell happened to you!"

 

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