Chapter 1: 1-Shitty life

Hi, my name is Felix Cattus... yeah, I know my name is the same as the cat from THE f*cking publicity. You can’t imagine how hard it was at school, I was the laughing stock of everyone but when I entered middle school, I snapped a month later, I became a problem student who often got into fights because of that. 

 

Slowly, I made it so that no one would laugh at me but that left me alone. Not that I didn’t have any friends but appearance can be deceitful, you can only know who are your ‘real’ friends in great hardships. As such I knew that I had only 3 ‘real’ friends but life is full of hardships... One of my friends Alicia, moved far away in another city and sadly, I never saw her again till today, a second friend, Jack, had cancer and died 6 months ago and the last of the 3, Lucas, I simply lost contact with him and don’t know what he became. 

 

When I was nearing the end of middle school, I had already made it so that I would be left alone, I played an act of a person that I wasn’t but that didn’t depress me! Afterall I was constantly depressed for something else; I was sure of it. So, when I finished middle school and entered high school I was still depressed and didn’t knew why but a single question plagued my mind. 

 

I never knew my mother, I lived with my damn father who I can almost swear doesn’t have a heart! You would want to know why I thought that no? Well, one day when I came back home, he was watching TV in his favourite couch with his phone in his right hand and the remote in his left, I think that I didn’t make that much noise as he didn’t react immediately to the sound of the door shutting. 

 

“YOU F*CKING B**CH OF A FREAK!! YOU WILL NEVER SEE HIM!” he shouted at his phone and hang up. “OH! Felix when did you came back?”. 

 

Just the thought that he tried to do as if nothing happened told me that he was trying to hide something from me so I tried to ask him,” I came back a while ago, who was with you on the phone? From what I heard just now you were talking about me? Was that who I think it was?” 

 

From the wall of questions that I asked I saw that he became frustrated about something and that made him so angry he just shouted," YOU! YOU’RE MY SON! YOU WILL NEVER SEE THAT FREAK OF A MOTHER YOU HAVE!”, he calmed down a little after shouting the same things for 5 minutes and said “you’re not a freak like her, that’s the only reason I kept you with me! At least you are ‘normal’”, he emphasised so much on the ‘normal’ that it gave me goosebumps. After punching me in the face he added “Go to your room, you’re not eating dinner today”. 

 

I just did what he asked holding my cheek with my hand as I feared what he would do if I didn’t. I didn't want to finish in the basement, not again. I starved all night long and couldn’t get myself to sleep till 4 in the morning. Fortunately I didn't have school the day after.

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