Chapter 15: 15

Xu Qin walked quickly through the corridor, took out her mobile phone and called her colleagues in the Infectious Diseases Department to report the situation: “There were four or five firefighters in the water. During the process of moving and sawing the car, some people may have received injuries. My colleague in the emergency department has already contacted the fire brigade. —Yes, okay, I’ll contact you if anything else comes up.”

She hung up the phone, and then wanted to notify Song Yan, but she didn’t have his number.

Sooner or later, he would be notified, no point being in a rush for this short period of time.

She planned to go to the observation room to see Xiao Dong first, but after passing a set of doors, she caught a glimpse of Song Yan inside. She thought she was mistaken, but when she looked back, it was really him— he sat on the edge of the bed and put on a clean t-shirt, then put on a coat afterwards.

Xu Qin pushed the door open and went in. Song Yan was putting his arms through his coat sleeves, and when he stretched out his arms, he probably pulled the wound on his back. He frowned and made a “hiss” in his throat.

Xu Qin quickly stepped forward to help, when a woman came out from behind the curtain by the bed. It was Li Meng who came to the hospital for a fire inspection last time, apparently to deliver clothes to Song Yan. She stepped forward and took the jacket collar from Song Yan’s hands, helped Song Yan put on his jacket, and then squatted beside his legs, carefully aligning the bottom of the jacket zipper, and zipping it up.

Xu Qin involuntarily stopped in her tracks. Song Yan sensed movement out of the corner of his eye, and looked sideways.

Xu Qin stood at the end of the bed, put her hands in her pockets, and looked at him calmly.

Only then did Li Meng realize that someone had come in, she immediately let go and walked to the side, wiping the corner of her eyes. When she turned around again, the rims of her eyes were still red, and she forced a smile at Xu Qin.

Song Yan looked at Xu Qin and asked, “What’s the matter?”

Seeing that his tone was not good, Li Meng pushed him lightly, and apologized to Xu Qin: “This is just the way he is, he has a bad temper, don’t take any offense doctor.”

A faint trace of politeness hung on Xu Qin’s face, and she said, “It’s okay.”

Song Yan didn’t bother to answer. He took out a cigarette case from his pocket and tapped it on the table, took out a cigarette, put it in his mouth, and was about to light it.

Xu Qin said: “No smoking in the hospital.”

Song Yan glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, turned the lighter in his hand, his rough thumb stroke the gear, but did not press it down.

Li Meng stepped forward and tugged the cigarette from his mouth: “Be obedient. Listen to the doctor.”

Song Yan lightly closed his lips, his eyes turned, and he gazed intently at Li Meng with a dangerous look.

The air was also a little tense.

Li Meng was thin-skinned, blushing all over the place. She was at a loss, she didn’t know what to do with the cigarette in her hand, whispered, “Smoke when you’re outside.”

Song Yan looked at her for a while, then suddenly relaxed, and smiled: “Whatever you say.” Then he put the lighter away.

Xu Qin stood in place, silent.

When facing such moments, her usual response was to remain silent, not run away, but to stand still and remain silent. Fortunately, she had been tired from working all day and her mind was numb. Even if there was some pain in her heart, she couldn’t feel it.

The other woman in the room was clearly enamoured.

Li Meng felt that Song Yan’s eyes were unpredictable a second ago, but the next second her cheeks were flushed by his words “whatever you say”, and couldn’t help but laugh. When she saw Xu Qin, she stopped laughing, politely asking: “Is the doctor here for something? Do you want to re-examine, take a look at his injuries?”

Xu Qin shook her head lightly: “Don’t need to right now, come back for a follow-up in four days.” After speaking, she handed Song Yan a list, “These medicines are for internal and external use.”

Li Meng automatically reached out to intercept it, took the list, and said to Song Yan, “I’ll go get the medicine.”

“Let’s go together.” Song Yan stood up and put away the belongings on the table by stuffing them into his pockets.

Xu Qin was not a fool, nor was she completely senseless. She could clearly perceive that he didn’t want to stay here any longer, and he didn’t want to be alone with her.

With this kind of awareness, you have to be prepared for it to sting.

The aisle was very narrow, Xu Qin didn’t get out of the way, and when Song Yan walked past her, he bumped into her shoulder.

Xu Qin shook slightly and said, “You stay, I have something to tell you.”

She turned back, and Song Yan also turned back: “So talk then.”

Li Meng stood at the doorway and looked at the two strangely.

Xu Qin glanced at Li Meng, then looked at Song Yan, and said, “It’s better for us to talk about this alone.”

Li Meng smiled generously: “Then I’ll go get the medicine first.” She closed the door as she left, looking very at ease.

Song Yan took a step forward, leaned against the end of the hospital bed, lowered his head and turned his lighter: “Tell me, what’s the matter.”

Xu Qin didn’t beat around the bush: “The person you rescued in the river has an infectious disease.”

“What disease?”

“AIDS.”

The lighter in Song Yan’s hand paused, then after a while, started turning again, then after another while, stopped again. After going back and forth for a few rounds, he took out his cellphone and went next to the window to make a call.

Xu Qin said: “Your team has already been notified, the team members involved in the rescue are all on their way to the hospital, their wounds will be checked then.”

Song Yan put away the phone: “Okay.”

He frowned and stood silently for a while, no idea what he was thinking, he unconsciously took out the cigarette case from his pocket, took out a cigarette, stuffed it in his mouth, and lit it.

This time, Xu Qin didn’t stop him.

Xu Qin let each other digest for a while before asking, “Apart from your back, do you have any other skin injuries on your body?”

“No.” Song Yan was unusually calm.

Xu Qin recalled: “The car frame was always above the surface of the water, and there was no blood on it. After you were lacerated, did your back come into contact with water again, or with anything stained with blood?

“No.”

“If not, the probability of infection is very small.” Xu Qin breathed a sigh of relief.

“I know.” Song Yan exhaled a puff of smoke, and turned to look at her, “I should be fine.”

Across the blue-white smoke, there was a hint of ambiguity in his eyes, which passed in an instant.

Xu Qin: “You should be fine, but you don’t look very relaxed now—”

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“After the car was lifted, my team members brought him out, and I went ashore.” Song Yan lowered his head and bit his teeth lightly, “The team member who picked him up had frayed skin on his hands.”

Xu Qin was silent.

Song Yan took a deep puff of his cigarette and asked: “How is that little nurse?”

Xu Qin: “Her mood is very unstable.”

Song Yan nodded, noncommittal.

Xu Qin: “Whatever the case, come to our hospital’s Infectious Disease Department for a checkup in six weeks.”

“Okay.” Song Yan answered briefly.

“That’s everything.” Xu Qin turned and walked towards the door after speaking. Song Yan was also ready to leave, reaching out to the window sill, just about to put out the remaining half of the cigarette. Xu Qin paused and stood by the hospital bed, motionless.

Song Yan’s hand stopped in mid-air and turned to look at her white back.

Xu Qin finally couldn’t hold back and turned to face him: “That person just now was your girlfriend?”

Song Yan asked back, “Does that have anything to do with you?”

“Heh.” Xu Qin laughed lightly and said in a thin tone, “If you have a girlfriend, say ‘I have a girlfriend’ when you reject me, that’s enough. It was hypocritical to say a lot of insignificant things in the operating room and put all the blame on me.”

Song Yan looked at her in disbelief. After a while, he lowered his head and smiled. There was speechlessness, incomprehension, and anger in this smile, but in the end, everything disappeared, and there was only ridicule: “The problems between you and I, just talk only about you and I, what’s the point in pulling in others?”

Whether these words were protecting Li Meng or whether he was indifferent to the point of contempt, Xu Qin didn’t know. But this attitude was undoubtedly like a match igniting a flame. Xu Qin was so provoked that a trace of annoyance flashed in her eyes, she stared at him and broke everything down word by word: 

“Your problem with me is that I left you back then? You think I’m wrong, but I think you’re the one who’s wrong. We were only how old back then, we couldn’t support ourselves. Under those circumstances, could I betray my parents and run away with you? Can’t you be more mature?!”

Song Yan smiled: “You are mature, standing here and talking nonsense to me?”

Xu Qin’s lips twitched, warning: “Song Yan, don’t speak to me in such a tone.”

Song Yan felt that she was simply unreasonable, annoying and ridiculous: “What kind of tone do you want to hear? Call you darling to coax you? —You just fucking know how to be unreasonable in front of me, right?

Xu Qin: “You were the one who said to talk about the problems between the two of us. You were the one who said it. Can you talk about the matter as it stands now and not be so emotional?”

“I deserve all the fucking hell I’ve suffered.” Song Yan’s eyes turned cold, “As far as the matter is concerned, then tell me, from my point of view, why should I reconcile with you? Xu Qin, back then you fucking kicked me like I was a dog! You said— ” Suddenly there was no follow-up, and his anger dissipated abruptly, like a collapsed castle in the air. “—Oh,” he couldn’t go on, all kinds of anger swept away in a moment, leaving only absurdity and comicality.

He pursed the corners of his mouth emotionlessly, thinking that standing here at this moment talking about the past was extremely preposterous.

“It’s boring to tell you these things.” He lit a second cigarette and said in a mocking tone, “You can only see yourself. It’s a waste of breath to say anything to you.”

Xu Qin sneered: “Then what exactly do you want? You want me to cry and admit I was wrong, and tell you how much I regretted my decision?”

Song Yan: “No need, you’ve never regretted it.”

Xu Qin: “Yes, I haven’t regretted it. If we were to repeat the past I would still only have this choice. If it were you, wouldn’t you have—”

“Your choice back then isn’t important,” Song Yan interrupted suddenly, “It’s meaningless to say those things.” He looked directly into her eyes and asked, “What is your choice now?”

Xu Qin was stunned, speechless.

The two looked at each other taciturn and silent, their eyes straight and forceful.

Suddenly, Song Yan smiled absurdly: “I knew it.”

“I vented my emotions for ages, but none of them got to the point.”

He leaned against the window sill, glanced out the window, and said, “Telling me about maturity, but you are childishly naive to no end. Now it’s a good chance for us to be acquaintances who nod at each other when we meet, why must you cross the line to pick at things? Huh? You haven’t thought through anything clearly, but was anxious to get to the bottom of things and tear up old wounds. In that case, let it rot there, no need to nod at each other next time we meet.”

Xu Qin’s face turned pale, Song Yan’s eyes moved from the window to the room, looked at her for a while, and said,

“You told me these just because you wanted me to understand your difficulties. Okay, I understand. But understanding doesn’t mean reconciliation. If we reconcile, next time a similar problem arises, you will still make a similar choice without any regrets. Xu Qin, I’m pushing thirty, not old but not very young anymore either. Some wounds, when I was young I took a hit, I was fine, and recovered quickly, but if it happens again at this age, it will be fatal.” 

Song Yan pressed the cigarette on the window sill and crushed it,

“There is no right or wrong in matters of the heart; you say you are right, I agree; but, you are right, the path you chose, you can bear it yourself.”

Xu Qin stood on the spot, motionless, so stiff that she would shatter if touched.

Song Yan turned around and walked out.

When they passed each other, Xu Qin still refused to let go, and asked softly: “Do you still hate me?”

“No.” Song Yan said, “I don’t hate you, but I don’t want to have anything to do with you either.”

How come it sounded like being hated was better. Would rather it be like that compared to now, with no hate and no love, so indifferent that nothing can be grasped.

Xu Qin thought that this moment was the most painful moment in her heart, but the next second, Song Yan, who had walked to the door, stopped. His back faced her, hand grabbed the door handle, and stood there for ten seconds before saying: “I was also at fault.”

“I can’t give you many of the things that you want. I’m sorry that I don’t have the ability.”

Song Yan left.

Xu Qin stood in the same spot with her hands in her pockets, her fingers clenched ruthlessly pinching her palms, but her expression seemed distracted, her eyes unfocused. She had difficulty breathing, opened her mouth slightly, and tried to take a breath of air with her trembling lips, only to find that her chest was in pain, like she had broken a rib.

She stood for a long time before regaining her strength, and looked back at the cigarette butt on the windowsill. She walked over, took out a tissue from her pocket, wrapped the cigarette butt, and threw it into the trash.

She left the observation room, passed the lobby, and saw that Li Meng was waiting by the door with the medicine in hand. Song Yan walked towards her, Li Meng greeted him with a smile, and the two left together.

Xu Qin kept looking at his back, wondering if he would turn back. But he didn’t.

Xu Qin walked to the cleaning room, turned on the faucet, and rubbed her hands vigorously, over and over again, until they turned red and then turned pale.

She didn’t feel pain in her hands, but there was an itching feeling on her face. She raised her hand to touch it, it was warm tears.

Not like the crocodile tears that were shed in the Di family courtyard last time.

These kinds of tears, she couldn’t control.

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