Present day
It is really a long day. A very dangerous night.
I got promoted for killing the number three public enemy of the state, but I had no idea who the fuck he was. And how I killed him, though.
I was rewarded a billion USD, but all of it went into the pockets of the STF to pay the reparation that I committed against the government's employees. According to that fucking female receptionist, it should be enough to shut the mouth of the politicians and prevent me to get exposed in front of the international community.
Not only that, the other portion went to the bank to pay off 10% of my debt.
Shut their mouths with my power? Commit atrocities against criminals by ignoring their human rights, destroying public property, and exposing a lot of conspiracy of the secret societies internationally. Plus, date the eldest daughter of the Chancellor of the United Realm, have a secret relationship with the current boss of the STF - Freedom Branch, or having a forbidden love as a teacher with the other daughters of the 4 powerful families of this country? Such a scandal that I never even did. These accusations are false!
Yeah, who would even do such a stupid action? It's only the handsome and overpowered human being.
However, the whole company is accusing me of doing so. Bruh, I am innocent. Innocent!
Gentlemen, we all know that it is always a dream of a man to form a relationship with the opposite sex or form a harem with beautiful girls to show off, lol. Buy an expensive car and live luxuriously in your own mansion. However, that's all only applicable to people who were born into rich families.
It is only going to work for the luckiest person in the world.
'Who would even want to date the daughter of the dictator, the fuckin' sadistic boss, or corrupt families, lol? Thankfully, I am not desperate and already accept the truth, that I, Holmer Aldona, will die single and a virgin. Oh, it is the wrong question. It should be, who would even date an average-looking guy like me? Aah, Holmer, there is no one, but average-looking girls who would like you, I guess.' I close my eyes and a dropping of tears comes out of them.
As I am looking at the sky outside the window, I receive a message from the Group Chat of NGSB.
I pick it up from the table and open it.
It is stated that our president of NGSB (No Girlfriend Since Birth) got married.
"Blasphemy, Lorenzo, you fuckin' traitor!" the veins on my forehead appeared. I grip the handle of my phone tightly.
Every member congratulates him, but not me.
As the Vice President of the NGSB, we vow to stay single until death.
But why is every one of them happily accepting it like it is nothing? This is suspicious.
Lorenzo sends us a picture of his partner.
At first, I hesitate because it is a dangerous article for singles. It might get me to kill myself because of jealousy.
Die to the traitor! Die, traitor!
I click the photo and my eyes open wide in shock.
'Man... You unlucky bastard. Did you marry a woman like her? That's a fuckin' bitch!'
My body trembles full of sadness. Someone calls a medic immediately. Man down, I repeat man down!
I cover my mouth out of pity. I cannot stand how unfortunate this son of a bitch is.
What kind of girl did my friend marry? Well, it is just the beautiful rich daughter of a billionaire in Manila.
She's a tomboy, but this dense bastard is trying to stay friends with her, but her goal is more than friends. However, we're standing on her way to reach it.
Well, what can you do? We're his best buddies. Five of us are eternally bound with bromance!
Single for life! But his virginity got stolen, I believe.
'This woman finally succeeded after twenty years of waiting. S-s-s-scary!' I shiver. 'If I type a wrong message, I might die by her own hands. Jeez, man. What the fuck did she see on you, president? Fuck, did you sacrifice your life just for our sake? Aah, shit. Now, I do remember it. When we got kidnapped, she gave a him a choice, bros or her. But this bastard makes a mistake. Once he reaches thirty-six years of age, he will consider marrying her, so we will live as single leisurely. Bruh!'
Our president sacrifices his life, for us! You're not a traitor, you're a hero, President!
I just type a comment below the photo, 'Condolence to his virginity. RIP, fallen soldier. I don't know how did it happen, but thank you. Congratulations!'
Every member follows my example.
Then, Lorenzo sends us an emoji of a beer, a knife, an eggplant, and now a baby face.
"Beer? Knife? Eggplant... A baby emoji? Baby? Oh, fuck! "
I cover my mouth again in surprise. I twitch my eyes in fear.
"President~, I will never forget your sacrifice. So, she... she set you up... President, thanks for sacrificing your life," I cry for the death of my comrade at the hands of a yandere.
You unlucky lucky bastard!
His life is way better than mine. But his story is worst than everyone else.
The rest of my friends mocked him, and they proudly presented to us that they were married to a normal woman, but little did they know, they were all yandere too!
I almost got killed by every single one of them. Why? Because they were jealous of our bromance! But these sons of a bitch are so dense and stupid! No wonder their wives chose to never even bother to send each of us a letter of invitation.
Now, it is over. The organization is falling apart.
'Bros before hoes are our motto!' our quote. But they fail. It is the biggest failure than the No Nut November!
And now, I am only the person left. They have a family now.
Unlike them, I have none.
I accidentally bumped my car into a civilian who turned out to be one of the top 10 robbers in the criminal industry earlier. I lost my car as insurance in the process to cover it up.
I always pray to God that these incidents or accidents won't ever happen to me again. But God looks like having fun ruining my life every day!
'No, God is merciful. God is merciful. We're unlucky man, but he's omnipotent,' I nod to agree with myself.
I put my phone into my pocket and sighed. Married life? I don't even have a love life, lol.
'Lovelife, huh,' my lips downturn.
The qualified men who will achieve it are the Sigmas or Alphas in the comics, light novels, and anime series.
Everything is always in order like the protagonist of such a trope.
Single, sigma, bullied victim, and a dense protagonist. They always have a harem on standby. Girls fall in love because they save their lives, lol. Generic, and boring, but readers, like me, love it.
I want to experience the same thing, but I ain't blessed with luck. I am still talentless nobody.
I look at the clock above the shelf. It is already 00:34 a.m. Receiving a promotion is troublesome. But I have to follow the system of living in this country's quality of life.
'Man, I envy the characters of the slice-of-life series. They have a slow life, but they are living leisurely in their own universe.' I sigh.
All introverts regardless of their gender want a happy married life. They'll pick the best for their lives.
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'However, I am still single, though,' I sigh again.
By the way, I am currently in the room of my roommate. Her name is Lixue whatever her surname is.
She's a graduating campus university student at Lycean of United Realm University.
Tonight, I am in a difficult spot. A high-risk position.
Why do you think? Well, the answer is here. The owner of this room a beautiful platinum-haired woman is currently sleeping on my lower body. It's the beautiful woman, Lixue. Sleeping on my fuckin' lap!
Every man dreams to sleep in a woman's lap, but the opposite is happening in my life. Fuck my life.
'Man, how much trust does this girl have in me?' I question inside my head.
"Man, this is bad. Really bad. But be grateful that I am a gentleman. Phew, I'm glad you're in a relationship with someone and you're younger than me. I might already fall into the devil's temptation, miss," I pet her head and smile at her wryly.
She has a deadpan eye, and an emotionless facade, but when she's sleeping, she's looked like a beautiful angel in my mind. No, more like a Goddess of Love.
As I observe her closely, she's really captivating my heart a bit. I know it is wrong to look at the face of a girl who is in a relationship. But it can't be helped. She's really pretty.
But man, I should stop hoping for something ridiculous. I shouldn't think that I have a chance. I am too old to become her lover.
'Pull yourself, man. She's a teenager. Outstanding beauty. She has a fiance, Holmer. A fiance. You're not a bad person who will take advantage of her kindness. Resist the temptation. Forgive me for I have sinned, God,' I bite my lower lips to control my emotion.
I almost lay a hand on an innocent woman.
'Don't worry, gentlemen. I am still a pure and poor virgin middle age man. I won't touch her,' I promise.
But my words backfire on me. She subconsciously grabs my hand and put it around her neck like a cat fooling around with its toy.
'Bruh, Ms. Lixue wake up. That's not your lover's hand. Don't use it as a body pillow. That's not your fiance's hand!' I cry out loud.
This type of situation might lead to a poor and inexperienced introvert falling in love. However, my heart was already broken into pieces because of what happened during my high school days.
Studying is the most important thing that I prioritize. Lovelife is the least I want to experience. But I was a bit immature and a happy-go-lucky stupid child at the time.
I had a crush, but it was a one-sided love. I tried my best to impress her. I even gave her my life just to be noticed.
But everything that I did for her was futile.
She chose the bad boy of the class, and after a few years, they got married.
I lost interest in her life, but I later discovered they got divorced because her husband had an affair with her best friend, lol.
Hilarious? Yes, served her right! Ahem, I meant I feel bad about her.
Then, during my college days, I got slapped in the face by my new crush. She called me a 'Creep and ugly'. I shouldn't assume I had a chance, though. Yeah, at that time my emotion gradually evolved to be colorless.
I finally snapped back to reality.
'I am no handsome. I am talentless nobody. Yeah, I deserve to stay single for life,' I accepted my fate.
I just decided to read the bible, Quran, and Buddhist scriptures on the internet to gain enlightenment, lol.
Most of them fall in love with sharp-eyed boys that resembled their idols in K-pop or Europeans. Or bad boy looking men who could provide their everyday needs.
Plus, they mostly followed the trend to choose good-looking guys like in Holywood, too.
However, not all of women are too dumb to get absorbed in it. Some of them dated their best friend or childhood friend regardless of their face.
Childhood friends, best friends? Good for them. But I have a small problem here.
I have no friends!
'Fuck my life,' I cry again.
Man, I wish to get married someday, lol.
I want to experience a love life too! Woman of my life, please come to me! Come to me!
However, God will never permit it. I guess my only role on this planet is to become a single man for the rest of my life.
'Keep dreaming until you succeed. But it is only applicable to successful men, lol.'
I pat a hand on the head of the sleeping beauty. She's smiling happily whenever I rub it.
It's already very late. I have to go back to my place. She's really tired.
Ms. Lixue will turn into a successful wife for her fiance. What a lucky bastard!
'I'm sorry for doing this, okay? But it is inappropriate for a beautiful angel to sleep on the carpet,' I pick her head up, slowly move my lap away, and put my other hand on her butt to carry her. Then, I walk slowly to her room.
'Wow, she's really light. Why is her weight slowly decreasing too much? I guess, she's preparing for her married life. Man, what a lucky bastard,' my lips upturned upon saying it inside my head.
I slowly place her body on the bed. Then, I cover her with a blanket.
Her cleavage is slowly showing up because of her untied button, but I feign no interest.
I am going to move out, but a poster on her pillow catches my interest.
My lower body kneels on one knee, I slowly pick up a strand of her ponytailed hair, pull it up, and then, remove it from the poster.
'What kind of genre is this? Hmm, what kind of script is this? Jojo reference?' I tilt my head out of curiosity.
"I wish you are mine. But God... will never permit it. You're... already with someone else," I read the line of the male model in the poster. But I stumble on her teddy bear, so I inadvertently overlap my lips on her forehead with my both hands holding still.
Then, I stand up quickly and apologize deeply for what happened quietly.
I excuse myself and close the door slowly. Then, I left her place and return to my personal home.
As I close it, I lean my back and slowly slide my body onto the door. My face turns blue after what happened earlier.
'Fuck, I screw up,' I cover my eyes and grit my teeth angrily. My cheeks are turning red from neck to ear.
"Die, virgin. Die," I feel embarrassed.
I am still an adult. I accidentally touch her. I am glad there is the hair covering her forehead.
It is more embarrassing than what happened to me five years ago in California.
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