Chapter 13: Arc 2 Ch. 2: The Wicked Witch of the West Gate

After we failed to agree on a name for our ‘party,’ Alice found other ways to amuse herself on our short journey.

“Beryl, did I tell you how pretty you look in that dress?”

“Yes, thank you. I heard you the first twenty times.”

“I’m serious, I mean it!”

I really should have gotten some new clothes…

With the city gates at our backs, an endless open road stretched onward to the horizon. A gentle breeze spared me the wrath of the noontime sun, but the wind made me struggle to keep my long hair out of my face. Even though she was subjected to the same fate, somehow Alice found a way to make a game out of anything or just happily laugh in spite of it all. Wherever it came from, I might have been getting a bit envious of her blissfully reckless abandon.

Just a bit…

“Are you sure the witch’s place is really less than two hours by foot?” I asked after what felt like much longer.

“That’s what I heard,” Alice nodded. “Once the road meets the forest, we should… find it.”

Eventually we did meet the edge of the forest to our right, and shortly thereafter I spotted a shoulder-width dirt path cutting a rough line through the grass into the woods.

“Is this ‘it?’” I asked.

Alice frowned. “I don’t see a sign.”

“I’d be more worried if there was a sign,” I laughed. “Let’s take a look.”

Alice found another excuse to hold onto my hand as we made our way beneath the forest canopy. With too little information about our destination, I was getting somewhat nervous myself. I’d definitely expected us to arrive at some kind of a crude hovel or creepy witch’s shack with untold horrors waiting inside. However, against all odds the path eventually brought us to an astoundingly nice house that looked fit for a modest noble’s vacation home. Dark curtains blocked any attempt to peer through the windows, but the front door looked more inviting with a doormat that proudly declared, Welcome! Well, it might have been inviting if closer inspection hadn’t revealed suspiciously dark stains on the mat like…

Oh God, was that blood?

“Beryl, I have a bad feeling about this,” Alice said with a tighter grip on my hand.

I couldn’t chicken out now, not in front of her! “L-Look, the path wouldn’t be so well-traveled if this were really a death trap. It’ll be fine!” I hope…

With no better option, I knocked on the door with bated breath. One anxious minute ticked into the next with no response until I decided to just try the handle. Finding it unlocked, the door opened to a chaotic combination of a foyer, a kitchen, and a storeroom. A myriad of books and alchemical supplies were scattered over a series of countertops. Racks of herbs lined the walls, some bottled on shelves and some left hanging on their own. At the center of the room, a table bore a small stone statue of a horned, impish creature with two stubby wings. Something felt suspiciously intentional about the way that statue was facing directly toward us.

“Now I’m getting a bad feeling,” I admitted in a whisper. “Maybe we really…”

To my eternal bewilderment, I turned to find Alice bounding along the walls without a trace of fear, inspecting every rack like a kitten who just discovered catnip. I was about to tell her we should probably get the hell out of here when I heard a door behind me creak open.

A short, elderly woman burst into the room wielding a wooden staff that dwarfed her. At first glance, she instantly reminded me of the old lady I had died trying to save back on Earth—except the witch before me looked as if she had been the one hit by a truck. She stood at least a head shorter than me with a slightly hunched back and a heavily wrinkled face, her greying hair stained an earthy brown. All she was missing to complete the look was a long nose covered in warts.

Her wrinkles doubled as the witch narrowed her eyes at us like a hawk spotting its prey. “Intruders!” she hissed.

I swore I had a plan for this exact moment, but now I couldn’t remember it for the life of me. The words caught in my throat as I watched the witch waddle toward the table with her staff raised over her head.

“Raglius, what have I told you about sleeping on the job!” she croaked. Her staff slammed onto the table right next to the impish statue which suddenly jolted into life with a gravely squawk. “The next one will be on your head!”

Looks like her personality got hit by a truck, too.

“Lady Vexina! W-We have something incredible to offer that you won’t find from anyone else!” I tried.

The witch wheeled around to scrutinize me with her sharp, green eyes. Although she was dressed quite well herself, she made an especially sour face as she looked my dress up and down. “No, I won’t teach you the Charm spell,” she stated flatly. “No, I don’t care how much gold you offer.”

What? “I… didn’t ask?”

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“And keep it that way!” Vexina snapped, pointing with her staff toward the door. “Now off you go. Shoo, shoo!”

“Wait, just hear us out!” I pled. “I know you have your issues with the capital and believe us—so do we. Don’t you want to ‘stick it to the man,’ just one more time?”

A wry smile crept up her face. “How bold of you. That’s a good guess,” she said in a voice that dashed any hopes I still had left, “but not good enough. Why, if I had a copper for every time I heard that one, I could buy the whole damned… Bloody hell, don’t touch that!”

At last noticing Alice inspecting one of the herb racks a bit too closely for her comfort, the witch raged toward her as fast as she could, which amusingly was not very.

“You have such a beautiful collection of murkthistle!” Alice said with blissful ignorance. “Even freshly picked liverwart, too! And is that a bottle of unobtaicea? Wow, I’ve only seen that in books!”

Vexina stopped in her tracks, her storm subsiding as she bashfully scratched a cheek. “Well. You certainly have a good eye. It’s not often I get to see one so young show such aptitude for the natural arts.”

This could work! “Yeah, that’s… really impressive!” I added. “Maybe you could show us how to—”

“But don’t think that means anything!” the witch snapped, her temper flaring right back up. “Another two foolhardy whelps come to beg for an apprenticeship no doubt, and I didn’t get to enjoy hearing you scream for your lives like the others. You hear that, you useless runt?” She jabbed a finger at the gargoyle-thing, which was now floating beside her and hanging its head like a scolded puppy.

This witch…! “Do you really have nothing better to do out here than pull shitty pranks on visitors!?” I shouted. “You don’t even know anything about us! What do you have against taking on an apprentice or two for a damn trade?”

A chill ran down my spine while the witch looked me over once more with surprising calm, as if she were just seeing me for the first time. “You’re the one who came through the Gate yesterday,” she thought aloud.

Not this again… “And if I was?” I retorted.

“Yes, you do remind me of her!” Vexina said, continuing before I could ask the obvious. “Just like the last girl I took under my wing. Ah, that Outworlder was a rare one with more than a scrap of impatient ambition like the usual rabble I get crawling to me. Generously endowed with fire in her eyes and a habit of breaking out into spontaneous monologues, yet never once succumbing to failure. I was almost sad to see her leave when she thought she could take on the world after only a few weeks.”

My heart sank while I took a moment to process that. “So, where is she now?” I finally asked.

“The girl felt obligated to prove her worth and took a guild’s bounty on a mountain troll. All by herself!” The witch stepped toward me with a wicked, toothy grin, which was probably one of the most horrifying expressions she could make. “I hear they never did find all her bones.”

“Oh,” I said awkwardly. “That’s…”

“Hilarious, yes,” she continued. “I hadn’t laughed that hard in decades.”

I yelped as I felt something wrap itself around my arm. I looked to see Alice hugging my side, brimming with determination.

“I won’t let that happen to Beryl!” she said defiantly.

“Please do,” the witch cackled. “In fact, I encourage it!”

Ugh… My first thought was that once again I wanted to get the hell out of here as soon as possible. This wicked witch was clearly a whirlwind of bad news, if not an outright disaster waiting to happen. My second thought was… actually, I started having trouble thinking with Alice still clutching me like this.

“Okay, we should really leave now while we can,” I whispered to her.

“Beryl,” Alice whispered back, “I think she likes you! This is the ‘perfect chance for us,’ right?”

“What! Where the hell did you get that idea?! And this is nothing like that time with—”

“Enough with the whispering!” the witch groaned. “Please, why don’t you two girls just make yourselves at home and we can have a nice chat.”

This time she managed a friendly gesture toward the table. Before I could point out the distinct lack of available seating, a ring of symbols lit up around part of Vexina’s staff, and three elegant dining chairs made out of shimmering light materialized in front of us.

Satisfied, the witch gave me a smug grin. “Tea and cookies?” she offered.

Oh God…

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