What the -BLEEP- ?!?

Chapter 1: 001 Waking up in the dark


Background
Font
Font size
22px
Width
100%
LINE-HEIGHT
180%
Next Chapter →

Waking up in the dark, on the ground with a headache was nothing extraordinary for a twenty-plus homo sapiens male, neither was a total lack of recollection of how he got there. Maybe not extraordinary but nevertheless a surprise for Duncan as he felt the moist ground beneath his fingers, smelled a mixture of decaying vomit, wine, ale and other unidentifiable substances in the humid air.

Trying to get up from the ground made his headache worsen to such a degree that he quickly decided on five more minutes a practiced action he was well versed in every weekday when his alarm clock rang to wake him up for work.

Five minutes had long passed and the headache was still present.

“At least I don’t have to work today.” he thought as he considered his circumstances.

He was on sick leave due to a work-related accident of his ankle meeting the business end of a forklift next to an unmovable pallet. The pallet was luckily persuaded to move but not before the forklift did some serious damage to his ankle requiring a ride to the hospital and a cast. His medical bills and two months of pay were luckily covered after he signed a waiver that stated, he won’t sue his employer for unsafe work practices and falsely admitting it was his own recklessness that caused the accident. At least that was the gist of the lawyer mumbo jumbo he read and heard while groggy on painkillers.

After he was wheelchaired from the hospital, as per their policy of avoiding possible falls due to insurance costs, he got himself on a bus with his new crutches. Three stations later he was in his luxury 240 square feet (22 square meters) penthouse apartment in the attic of a six-story building with no elevator. It took him almost an hour to climb the stairs and throw himself onto his bed in exhaustion. For the last six weeks his small apartment with no windows was the only location he visited.

Since he was new in town, he didn’t have a social network built up yet so he had no reason to visit or someone visit him. He even had his groceries delivered so he would not have to walk down the staircase. All that being the case finding himself on the ground of a smelly place, was even more suspect than it would usually be.

“What the -BLEEP- is going on?” he asked himself as he rolled his most recent memories in his head.

“What the -BLEEP-?”

“-BLEEP-”

“-BLEEP-”

“Mother-BLEEP-!!!”

“Aaargh.”, he yelled at sharp pain in his head which made his previous quite painful headache seem like a breeze assaulted him suddenly.

As he woke up again a transparent blue window floated in front of his face.

[WARNING]
[Profanity will not be tolerated as per terms of service agreement.]

Duncan’s first thought was that he may have taken too many painkillers and he is hallucinating.

“-BLEEP-”

“Aaaargh!”

“Ah -BLEEP-”

“Aaaargh!”

“-BLEEP- you!!!”

“Mother-BLEEP-er”

“-BLEEP-er”

[WARNING]
[Profanity will not be tolerated as per terms of service agreement.]
[The level of repercussions insufficient. Raising level.]

After that announcement the pain from his head spread to all over his body as he spasmed like a breakdancing champion imitating a dying fish out of water.

As the current subsided, he was once again sprawled on the ground and breathing heavy. He wanted to curse once more in defiance but he was worried that this was not the last level of punishment.

The blue window was still in front of his vision where ever he turned his head but he soon noticed the familiar minimize and close icons in the top right corners.

“Interesting.” he said out loud as he focused on the X that marked the icon for close and as if it had understood his intention, it did.

You are reading story What the -BLEEP- ?!? at novel35.com

Below the warning window was another which said LOG.

He looked it over and the last two lines said,

[Developed Lightning resistance Level 1.]
[Developed Pain tolerance Level 3.]

The only other things were three lines.

[Developed Mental resistance Level 1.]
[Developed Pain tolerance Level 1.]
[Developed Pain tolerance Level 2.]

He sighed and almost mouthed of another BLEEPery. Closing the windows, he tried to orient himself in the dark. Reaching out he soon found a brick wall and followed it half crawling due to his broken ankle, to the right until he hit a dead end. Going around he started following the other side soon reaching a faint glow in the distance. As he dragged himself around the corner, he saw it was from a blue glowing fungus.

“Thank god this is a dream,” he smiled at the familiar blue fungus.

It was not familiar to him from real life but from a game he played. It was one of the basic alchemy ingredients he needed to familiarize himself with to pass that section.
He remembered the description just from the sheer number of times he saw it.

[Blue glowing Deathcap]

[It attracts insects and other pests with its blue glow and poisons them as they touch it. After they succumb to its poison it feeds on their decaying flesh. Burns your skin ten seconds after its touched. Used for insecticide for up to level 5 insects.]

He recalled the information instantly. How would he not, since the game was his only source of entertainment for the last five weeks of solitude.

He found it on a computer that was left behind by the previous tenant. A 486 DX from the nineties of the former millennium with 66 MegaHerz of cpu power which was laughable 25 years later. The game was probably bad even by the standards of the time it came out but it was the only one he had. It had multiple modes of play mostly using arrow buttons and the mouse. Rarely using text input for solving riddles.

It took Duncan 4 weeks to crack all modes of play with 100 % success but one.

Magic was being a pain in the ass as it required drawing accurate runes in limited time with an ancient mouse that still used a ball to track your hand movements. The inertia of the ball meant that you had to stop at the right time while the mouse came a stop with a tiny delay to hit a 100 % accuracy.

Finally, he cracked the ten basic spells with 100 % accuracy. Thinking back that was about the last thing he remembered.

[Do you want to continue?]

[YES][NO]

He always pressed NO since he wanted to finish everything at 100 %, but then he pressed YES with confidence.

[Do you agree to the Terms of service?]

[Bunch of lawyer MUMBO JUMBO]

[YES][NO]

Duncan clicked YES without thinking anything could happen since the computer was offline. Nothing really happened except that his doorbell rang after a minute of waiting. He yelled coming as he expected the delivery of groceries and picked up his crutches.

As he opened the door there was no one there until a mechanical face hugger attached itself to his face and he found himself here. His first thought was it was a prank until he could not pull it off and everything went dark.

Thinking about it more Duncan started to panic a bit.

“Nah. That was part of the dream,” he consoled himself.

Waking towards the fungus he reached out and touched it. Ten seconds soon passed and blisters started forming on his hand with terrific pain which made him kneel down.

“Mother-BLEEP-er! Oh -BLEEP-! Not -BLEEP-ing again! God -BLEEP- it! -BLEEP-.”

You can find story with these keywords: What the -BLEEP- ?!?, Read What the -BLEEP- ?!?, What the -BLEEP- ?!? novel, What the -BLEEP- ?!? book, What the -BLEEP- ?!? story, What the -BLEEP- ?!? full, What the -BLEEP- ?!? Latest Chapter


If you find any errors ( broken links, non-standard content, etc.. ), Please let us know < report chapter > so we can fix it as soon as possible.
Back To Top