Chapter 2: VOLUME 1 : CHAPTER – 1 : DID I DIE IN THE FIRST CHAPTER?

CHAPTER - 1

DID I DIE IN THE FIRST CHAPTER?

 

“SACHI KONDO”

“Present, mam!”, I struggled to stand from my seat at the end of the classroom, taking care not to hit the shelf above my head , and answered to the roll call.

Even the teacher had difficulty in pinpointing my location. One may conclude there could be an optical illusion at work or the seat was totally in another dimension. But to shed light on your ignorance, the feeling was simple, as if I was just invisible to other people.

My long dark black hair usually covered most of my face. I barely spoke in the class or participated in cultural activities. One would doubt my enthusiasm and blame me for my lack of interest, but you should not forget that these things are done in group and I was already considered an outcast, a nobody in everyone’s eyes. No one ever tried or bothered to establish relation with someone who always looked gloomy and had no care in world to look after their appearances. But this was actually the result of the isolation I faced from others because I transferred in this school during mid-term examination, just after I had lost both of my parents. Frustration and anger had overpowered all my other emotions and sadness had stripped me from the ability of making contact with anyone. My confidence stats were rolling with numbers in negative day after day.

I may have been sad in the starting but later I got used to this silent treatment. I would go to school in the morning and quietly sit in my chair and spent all my remaining time in the library and borrowed books every week. After all I was a premium member of my school library. At dismissal I boarded the bus and came home.

Even in the storehouse of my uncle’s home in which I lived, there was nothing special to do. I read books, light novels, manga and played video games all day long and after dinner I would go to sleep. Not to mention I also like to read historical, biography, journals, research works and sometimes even philosophy. For some it might have been a dream come true, but if you would have noticed from the above description then, most of the days of my life I didn’t spoke to anyone and sometimes I would forget or unable to recognize my own voice.

***

 

MORAL EDUCATION CLASS

“One of the duties of a good citizen is to develop a proper standing in society and strive for equality. Lending the weak a hand, abiding all the rules and regulation, taking care of your surrounding and forming good and healthy relationships with everyone is what will transform you into an ideal person. Whenever you find yourself in trouble you must always seek the help of people whom you believe in or respect the most. They can be your family member, friends or even me. Instead of leading a lonely life you should move forward and look outside the box to find your worth, understand other people and aim for things that truly makes you feel happy.”, with these words my moral education teacher closed her book and stared at everyone’s eyes in anticipation for something unique to happen.

The class bell rang and maybe the class representative Homura Kenta took the hint of the eager face of the supposedly esteemed person in class. He stood up and started clapping and the class followed giving our teacher a standing ovation. The teacher smiled at everyone and walked out of the class.

For some it would seem a touching scene, a class of students who had an unprecedented magnitude of admiration for their teacher and a teacher who was passionate to bestow every drop of their life experience to help her students.

“What a piece of crap!”

“True.”

“It was so boring.”

“I found those lines written at the end of our moral science book.”

What followed was burst of laughter at the small exchange of words between Kenma, Sakamoto, Akane and Ryuji.

It was all a set up. A rehearsed plan! A necessary evil of society, a way of survival… While the students earned the teacher’s favour (especially the class rep Kenta) and leniency in exam checking, the teacher gained respect points from students and increase in popularity status among other teachers and create a cool impression in front of principal to obtain an item called ‘bonus paycheck’ or a permanent effect of ‘increased payment’ or an abnormal status of ‘holiday’.

It was recess and we were allowed to either eat in class or cafeteria or play sports on school playground after taking permission from the sports committee. Some students wend outside with rackets in their hand to play badminton. Some form groups among them and started criticizing the teacher and made fun of her oratory skills. Seeing that there was nothing unusual I entered my own small imaginary chamber free from all unnecessary talks and outside intervention.

I took out a light novel from my bag and as I started turning its pages to find the bookmark.

‘I wondered what it means to be an ideal person. Maybe it could be a role model, superstar, and sports champion, academic or maybe even a HERO. Is being alone really a bad thing. It’s not that I am unhappy with my present condition. If I want one thing it could be for everything to become static. To spend time all alone and do everything I like. No one to stop me!’

 I believe that no one has the right to judge you if you want to remain isolated by choice and not forced into it. If being an ideal person obligates one to form false relationship with others just to meet the requirements and approval of society, then it is better for me to be alone than indulge in those nonsensical activities.

There was a sudden pause in my overflowing thoughts and a sheer pain and a feeling of fear filled my head. I looked up and focused my eyes in between the strands of hair which covered it and indentified three of my classmate. Sakura Kendo, Tama Donjo and Saki Honda, the three class delinquents, or rather devils who finds joy in making other people life a mess. Saki putting more strain in her hand started pulling my hair a lot harder as if to gain my attention, while the other two stood smiling.

I always wondered how I had wronged them, that they felt a moral obligation to make my life hell.

Once I found that all the screws that attached the desk to my chair were loose and on the verge of their falling. Someday I would find ants crawling out of my lunchbox which I prepared for myself in the morning. Sometimes I got scolded from my teacher because of the missing homework notebook from the staffroom. Or someone would spray a jet of cold water on my head in toilet or spread some kind of jelly on my seat. And recently the pair of sports shoes missing from my school locker was probably one of their adventurous and thrilling exploits too.

“Did you take my shoes?” I looked down on the floor waiting for a reply.

“And what if I did? Are you going to complain? Anyway you don’t need them. Right! You never attend physical education classes, do you?” Sakura shouted at me and with her eyes signaled Tama.

It was true. I always took my leave from physical education classes because for the first part my body was weak and could not endure all the vigorous exercise which our new sports teacher made us practice. As for the sports I was the slowest runner in the entire class or maybe in the entire school. Even the team activities were traumatic because all the teammates would ignore me or otherwise kept their distance. If I screwed up then they would shout at me. So at the end I had to withdraw.

“What, are you reading even during recess time?” Tama snatched my book and shuffled through the pages, as if looking for my hidden notes and uncover my dirty little secrets (by the way I had none).

“Did you know your new shoes were a perfect fit. It was better than eating dust in a loner’s locker, don’t you think girls.” The three of them started giggling.

“Hey, we need some money to buy lunch so why don’t you lend us some. Haven’t you heard teacher told that good students should help each other.” Saki jumped straight to the point as always.

“Sorry…. But I can’t now. If I give you what I have at present then I won’t have any cash to spend on lunch till the next week.” words barely came out of my mouth.

“How could you refuse? Don’t you see by helping us maybe your pathetic loner life could change? We will be your friends if you keep lending us money.” Saki started pulling my hairs harder as if she wanted it to snap in two.

‘Friends with these freaks. Bullies who enjoy stealing, making fun of elders and indulge in gambling after school. Well its million times better to remain a loner than to accept their absurd offer.’ Anyone would have felt the same way I did. Frustration and anger had already crossed the red line but even a small show of these feelings on my face would make matters worse and so I held back. Even if I let my steam off, at the end I would be beaten to pulp by them after school. The weak will always be trampled and ostracized by the strong. There was no denying this fact in the current situation.

“Ahhh…., no… I won’t be able to lend you any… Sorry!” I tried my best to pull back my hair but my strength was no match for the female brawler of our class. There was no doubt I was THE WEAKEST ONE.

“Wahh…. There is a cute face under that unscrupulous bush of hairs. Since you are trying to hide it anyway, maybe giving you a scar on your pretty face won’t hurt much.” Sakura put her left hand in her side pocket of her skirt as if she was about to take out a knife and start slashing and waving around it like no one’s business.

I almost started crying; tear rolled out through my eyes and stained the wooden desk. Tama eyes shone brighter than ever and she quickly tore some pages from my novel and held them in her hand in front of me. “Sachi, please don’t cry. You see girls, how kind I am to my fellow classmates. Take it slowly the fun has just begun.” All three of them started hooting and laughing much louder than before attracting every one’s unwanted attention, a gathering of oblivious spectators who were trying their best in pretending they haven’t seen anything.

“Are you sure you don’t want to hand over the money…. Just because you have got a pretty face you think you can deny us. Are you looking down on us? Do you fantasize yourself a queen and consider everyone here beneath you. Why don’t you speak anything?” Saki hands now moved to my collar and lifted me from my seat.

Her strength was herculean. There was no denying it. But one should not forget that a fragile girl was being choked in between her hands.

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“Stop this at an instant otherwise I have to report it to the class teacher.” Homura shouted at the three of them.

“You are no fun class rep.!” Saki threw me in my seat as if I was an empty can, destined to be squeezed and tossed in the garbage.

“I don’t think Sachi has a problem here. See she isn’t even fighting back or complaining. It’s a small exchange of greeting between classmates. Girls let’s leave. Sachi I am sure we will have a nice talk soon and will be able to sort things out and strengthen our bonds.” Then Tama slowly approached my ears as if to deliver a secret love message.

“Your cooperation in future will be greatly appreciated and if you value your well-being then make sure this commotion ends here.” Tama slowly whispered in my ears, but her words left me with a sensation of being pricked by hot and cold needles. The three girls slowly walked outside through the door as if nothing had happened. The only thing that remained was silence, after Saki banged on teacher’s desk before leaving and the ghastly scene of disarrayed chairs and benches which stood in their path.

“And this is ladies, how you maintain order at school.” Homura spoke as if to vanquish the eeriness that lurked in the silence.

“Wow, Homura you are so cool.” 

“Class rep is the best.”

“Sachi should be thankful to Homura for stepping in.”

The room was filled with praises made by the girls - Sayaka, Akane and Satomi that surrounded Homura. It was the clear perfect picture of bees buzzing around a sunflower.

‘Thankful to him for what?’ I thought to myself.

He only made the matter from bad to worst instead of completely resolving it. Making me look like a helpless kid in front of the whole class and earning praise of everyone just to quench his thirst of fame and popularity.

Truth is no one cared about me. Not a single person stood from their seat to confirm my condition and reassure me. Complaining the teacher was useless, since they won’t take action quickly but leave with a warning. Which only welcomed more trouble and beating from them.

Bell rang and everyone settled in their seats, while I picked up my book in shreds, from the floor and dusted it. Soon the teacher came and classroom continued as usual as I quietly vanished from the corner of the room from other’s eyes as if nothing out of the ordinary had transpired.

***

 

THE TIME OF DOOM

The last bell of the school rang.

Everyone stood from their chair and said in unison.”Thank you teacher.”

I put all the books in my school bag and when the class was empty I hurried out of the door to the school gate and boarded the old school bus which had a painted school emblem on both sides and name of the school painted in blue. As I stepped into the bus I saw the bus driver holding his head in both hands and a face filled with fatigue and eyes demanding ‘sleep’. It was clearly a sign of acute headache. While everyone was seated in front in groups and chattering various incidents that occurred in classroom and things they did during their summer vacation. Yes they were gossiping about me, even when they knew I was nearby. It didn’t bother them in the least. I quietly covered my face with my left hand and took my seat at the back. It was the longest seat available in the bus but I was still sitting alone.

After the teacher in charge counted the number of children till twenty, she signaled the bus driver to move. There was no response. She yelled again.

“Yes. Yesss.” The driver responded as if he was already taking a nap. The bus started moving and took off at full speed in no time. Mr. Driver had been working as a driver for school for more than ten years and so no one paid any heed to his health condition. Just when I thought I will be able to meet my best friend Elly after reaching my home without running into any more trouble. Three of my classmates rose up from their seat and came and sat beside me.

They were Sakura, Tama and Saki, while everyone in the bus understood what was going to happen, they came to the conclusion that it was wise to remain ignorant. While Tama rolled her hand around my neck, which gave me the feeling of a snake trying to circle around me. Sakura as usual took of my bag while it got stuck in one of my shoulder. I tried to resist but to no avail. I was just too weak!

“Just hand it over and we may not hurt you.” Sakura said while she struggled to remove the bag which got interlocked along my shoulder.

If only I was stronger and more confident in myself. If only I had more self-esteem and not a self-deprecating personality. If only I had more faith in my own talents. If only I was more determined towards achieving my ambitions and not wish for mere dreams and ideals to come true. Then maybe this would not have happened. Maybe I could have stopped them.

I felt so helpless and pathetic. There was no one I could call for help or turn an eye to seek aid from a friend or family member. It was the same as always. It was the feeling of being abandoned. I always have been alone and neglected. There was no place for me in this world to begin with. No place where I was needed. No place where I could find peace and love. If only I could make a re-start. If only I had tried a little harder to make a change. Life had been very unpleasant and unfair to me. It hurts a lot!

 I wanted to give up and run away. If only I could find myself again at the start line. Then I promise I will never give up before I achieve my goals and stand my own ground until I have seen them to its end. I would never give up or lose again the sight of what is precious and dear to me and protect it with my life till the very end. I won’t hold back or make petty excuses for myself ever again or give up until I can say ‘I did it.’ If only there was a new BEGINNING. 

“Ahhh…. No. Why don’t you all just leave me alone?” I stood from my seat but lost balance and tumbled into the corner.

I was shocked!!

It was not the pain of falling or the surprise that everyone including the teacher ignored me and had already accepted my doomed fate. From the side window I could see a huge oil truck breaking its way through the traffic and heading in our direction. For some reason our bus seemed to be unstable and was running above the speed limit even in the presence of several speed breakers.

As I was collecting my thoughts and ignored the glares of the three delinquents, I started feeling my body lighter for some reason. The metal body of the bus started shaking and making weird cracking noises like a mad man. Just then there was a sudden decent and the feeling of flying in the air was overtaken by the feeling of getting smashed into the floor. Most of the student fell from their seat including the delinquents, serves them right, I guess.

I wonder how the marbles felt when I once dropped a box filled with them on the floor. The feeling was mutual. Some students started picking up their fallen goods; some heralded their abuses to the driver, while the teacher went to the driver seat to check on his condition. She was dumbfounded and at the same time horrified to find him unconscious. His head was covered in blood. Was the bus driver playing a dirty joke?

 But things were not over yet, the main event that brought the dooms day upon us was just about to take place.   

A loud horn rang like a death bell in everyone’s ear and next was the feeling of numbness that wrapped my body. Somehow the inside surrounding of the bus went silent, but the noise of the horn from the oil truck approaching us could still be heard more louder than ever and the chatter of far away people who stopped along the pavement to watch the horrendous scenario that was about to take place was easily heard and deciphered by us.

Everyone’s eyes were fixated at the centre of the huge frame of the front mirror. The impending doom was clear as day but no one could scream or run. There was no escape but……

BOOM…………..

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